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Woman Asks If It’d Be A Jerk Move To Miss Her Brother’s 40th Birthday Because They Banned Her “Aggressive” German Shepherd From Their House
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Woman Asks If It’d Be A Jerk Move To Miss Her Brother’s 40th Birthday Because They Banned Her “Aggressive” German Shepherd From Their House

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Big dogs, small dogs, old ones, yappy ones – we love them regardless; however, no matter how confusing it might seem, it just so happens that some people might not be quite as fond of your fluffy family member.

Take this Redditor’s sister-in-law, for instance! The last time the author of the post and her 3-year-old German shepherd visited, the woman stepped on her tail, which prompted “Lou” to bark pretty loudly. The incident earned the doggo a reputation as an “aggressive dog” and even led to her being banned from their house.

More info: Reddit | Nicole Wilde | Sherri Regalbuto

This woman’s dog suffers from separation anxiety and can’t be left alone for long

Image credits: Людмила Шалимова (not the actual image)

She was set to attend her brother’s 40th birthday party, but due to a tail-stepping incident with her SIL, “Lou” was banned from their home

Image credits: Arthur Tseng (not the actual image)

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Image source: u/loutheshepherd

WIBTA for not attending my brother’s birthday party because I can’t bring my dog?” – this web user took to one of Reddit’s most judgmental communities, asking its members if she’s indeed a jerk for choosing to skip her brother’s 40th birthday party because his wife banned her ‘aggressive’ German shepherd from their property. The post managed to garner nearly 12K upvotes as well as 3.2K comments discussing the situation.

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Every person who owns a pet or has owned one before knows that once you home one, it automatically becomes a full-on family member. Hamsters, turtles, guinea pigs, rabbits, budgies, goldfish, cats, dogs – whatever it is, it’s bound to win a special place in your heart!

But those who have never experienced such a thing might find it hard to find a logical explanation for certain actions; some folks are just not on the same wavelength and can’t comprehend how an animal can be, for instance, treated equally to a member of the household. However, the explanation is pretty simple: for most, a pet is a companion, emotional support, and so much more.

Hence, it is our duty as pet owners to make sure that our four-legged (or however-many-legged) friends live as long and as happily as possible – and, as a matter of fact, the author of today’s story was doing just that!

The first so-called red flag of the situation is that the sister-in-law decided to ban the poor dog from her property without taking some time to reflect; though, I think most of you will agree that the matter is pretty straightforward and certainly didn’t deserve this particular outcome.

I mean, how else would you expect a dog to react when you step on its tail?

The OP handled the rest like a champ! She provided her brother with various options as she knew that she needed to keep her priorities straight and focus on healing “Lou.” Nothing appealed to her sibling, so instead, she decided to stay at home and take him out to dinner the next weekend. Seems like a logical solution, right? Well, for some intricate reason, it wasn’t good enough for the sister-in-law.

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The OP tried to negotiate with her sibling so she could still attend the gathering

Image credits: K Zoltan (not the actual image)

To get a more professional outlook on the matter, Bored Panda decided to reach out to a couple of dog behavior specialists: Nicole Wilde, a canine behavior specialist with over 30 years of experience and the author of 12 books on canine behavior, and Sherri Regalbuto, who has been working with dogs in many different aspects for over 45 years!

First things first, we asked our experts about separation anxiety in dogs: “Separation anxiety is an emotional state that occurs when a dog becomes distraught either because of being separated from a particular person or persons, or because he does not want to be left alone (I think of the latter as isolation distress). There can be a variety of causes. Genetics can play a part, as some individual dogs are more predisposed to anxiety and insecurity.”

“Although there is a lack of hard scientific evidence, it has even been theorized that some breeds are more predisposed to this issue. But more commonly, a dog may have lost his initial home or even been adopted into different homes, resulting in an excessive attachment to the owners and a fear of being left again,” Nicole explained.

Sherri also offered her insight: “Separation anxiety is a common issue in dogs, more so in second-hand dogs. This is something that I try to share with anyone wanting to adopt or rescue; just a heads-up of the possibility. Separation anxiety can come in many forms and range from very mild to severe and possibly dangerous. Over the years I have dealt with many cases; the worst one being a dog that broke and jumped out of glass windows. That was a scary one.”

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BP then pondered how one should deal with it, to which Nicole responded: “First, make sure the dog’s basic needs are being met. Good nutrition and adequate exercise and mental stimulation will provide a solid foundation. Behavior protocols should be implemented. Although my book ‘Don’t Leave Me: Step-by-Step Help for Your Dog’s Separation Anxiety’ goes into detail, the basic idea is that planned absences are carried out carefully and gradually, so that the dog is never left alone longer than he can handle, and he learns to be alone without feeling anxious.”

“Other things that can help are leaving the dog with a long-lasting, tempting chew item, playing calming music, and more, which can contribute to solving the problem, although those things are not likely to do so on their own. In extreme cases where the dog is in danger of injuring himself, medication may be warranted until the issue can be resolved.”

However, nothing came out of it and she decided to prioritize “Lou’s” well-being and skip the party

Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual image)

Sherri then provided helpful suggestions on how to prevent separation issues in your pet: “When you acquire a dog, whether it be a new puppy or an adult, you must begin the leaving process. Of course, with a new adult dog, you want to hang around for a bit so that they get used to their new home, etc. But as soon as they are comfortable, go out. Start with short outings and do it often. If you have nowhere to go, just go out and do something.”

“Make your exit and your arrival a nonissue, no big deal. When you are at home, don’t hover. Don’t be a cling-on owner. Owners who can never be away from their dogs create a whole bucket full of problems, separation anxiety being one of them. By overindulging your own need to be with your dog 24/7, you are handicapping your dog. You may think that you are doing a good thing, but just imagine how your dog feels. They are used to you smothering them with attention each and every second of the day. When you leave there is a huge vacuum (a space not filled or occupied; emptiness; void) that your dog cannot deal with.”

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Last but certainly not least, Nicole offered some commentary on the Reddit post: “Regarding the story with the GSD and the brother’s party, I don’t understand why this dog is being labeled as aggressive. It sounds as though she barked as a reaction to the pain of having her tail stepped on, which is absolutely normal and acceptable.”

“The fact that she did NOT lash out and bite tells me that this is NOT an aggressive dog. It sounds as though the owner tried to make arrangements for her dog to stay home and couldn’t, and went so far as to offer a few different options for bringing her along so she could attend. It sounds like the other parties are being unreasonable. I’m on her side on this one.”

Now that we’ve got some credible feedback on how serious separation anxiety is, what is your take on the story? Do you think the author was right to prioritize her dog?

Fellow online community members shared their thoughts and opinions on the situation

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katehaslam avatar
SkyBlueandBlack
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP's SIL is using the dog as an excuse. She's blowing up OP's phone now because she's trying to goad OP into losing her temper and say something that will cause other family members, ideally OP's brother/her husband, to turn on her.

sonja_6 avatar
Sonja
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd have said no AHs here if not for the ridiculous demand of not having the dog even in the neighborhood and the harassment and belittling after OP kindly declined the invitation. Everyone gets to decide if they want dogs on their property. But no one has the right to decide about pets outside of that. On the other hand, an invitation is not a court summon. If you can't tolerate other people's family members, and a pet is a family member, then you don't get to mope if they decline an invitation. Just as much as it is one person's right to deny a dog entry to their property it's another person's right to decline an invitation for any reason. But OP didn't even decline. They tried everything to respect the reasonable boundary of no dogs on the property. That's why they're not TA. But the SIL is TA not for setting a boundary, but for clearly upping the demands to ridiculous levels just to get their will and give no compromise whatsoever. Even trying to police a space that's not theirs.

stephyg1980 avatar
Ms.GB
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly...SIL doesn't own the sidewalk. Anyone with a leashed dog can walk through that neighborhood, sounds like she just doesn't want SIL there or she's completely entitled and unreasonable. She wouldn't even let her drop of a gift with the dog in her car!

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ngregory avatar
N Miller
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of the options involved *leaving the dog in the car*. Exactly how would this be a problem "being on the property"? The dog isn't going to be able to bite any one, or mess up the garden. Yes, the dog may bark. But, hey SIL, barking is not aggression! And I'm saying this as someone who very much prefers cats to dogs having had negative experiences with dogs as a child (including an actually aggressive dog). SIL is a huge AH. Brother is a semi-AH for not accepting the "dog stays in the car" option. OP needs to ensure the previous year's progress needs to continue at pace to ensure the dog can get to the point of being left for more than an hour.

stephyg1980 avatar
Ms.GB
Community Member
11 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree, I don't even see how trading off walking the dog around the neighborhood isn't a reasonable compromise? Does SIL police everyone that walks a dog in her neighborhood on public property? None of her neighbors have dogs that have ever barked or what? SIL is completely unreasonable in this situation.

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katehaslam avatar
SkyBlueandBlack
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OP's SIL is using the dog as an excuse. She's blowing up OP's phone now because she's trying to goad OP into losing her temper and say something that will cause other family members, ideally OP's brother/her husband, to turn on her.

sonja_6 avatar
Sonja
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd have said no AHs here if not for the ridiculous demand of not having the dog even in the neighborhood and the harassment and belittling after OP kindly declined the invitation. Everyone gets to decide if they want dogs on their property. But no one has the right to decide about pets outside of that. On the other hand, an invitation is not a court summon. If you can't tolerate other people's family members, and a pet is a family member, then you don't get to mope if they decline an invitation. Just as much as it is one person's right to deny a dog entry to their property it's another person's right to decline an invitation for any reason. But OP didn't even decline. They tried everything to respect the reasonable boundary of no dogs on the property. That's why they're not TA. But the SIL is TA not for setting a boundary, but for clearly upping the demands to ridiculous levels just to get their will and give no compromise whatsoever. Even trying to police a space that's not theirs.

stephyg1980 avatar
Ms.GB
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly...SIL doesn't own the sidewalk. Anyone with a leashed dog can walk through that neighborhood, sounds like she just doesn't want SIL there or she's completely entitled and unreasonable. She wouldn't even let her drop of a gift with the dog in her car!

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ngregory avatar
N Miller
Community Member
11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One of the options involved *leaving the dog in the car*. Exactly how would this be a problem "being on the property"? The dog isn't going to be able to bite any one, or mess up the garden. Yes, the dog may bark. But, hey SIL, barking is not aggression! And I'm saying this as someone who very much prefers cats to dogs having had negative experiences with dogs as a child (including an actually aggressive dog). SIL is a huge AH. Brother is a semi-AH for not accepting the "dog stays in the car" option. OP needs to ensure the previous year's progress needs to continue at pace to ensure the dog can get to the point of being left for more than an hour.

stephyg1980 avatar
Ms.GB
Community Member
11 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree, I don't even see how trading off walking the dog around the neighborhood isn't a reasonable compromise? Does SIL police everyone that walks a dog in her neighborhood on public property? None of her neighbors have dogs that have ever barked or what? SIL is completely unreasonable in this situation.

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