50 Tweets By Women That Made The Whole Internet Laugh Out Loud

🤣🤣🤣

Oh, I'm laughing so hard.

I just always press whatever number the "I want to pay" option is and it will immediately take me to a human and then I break it to them that I'm not trying to pay, I'm trying to complain so please transfer me to customer service.

Hahaha. Yes.

love the name :D and a good hack to not fall again

I really thought there was something wrong with my new washing machine. The 30 minute programme is actually a 40 minute programme. Just, why? And why do I forget this fact from one day to the next?

The thing is, they are addictive to those who don't need them, not those prescribed. It's crazy how many hoops you have to jump through, when addicts are just getting them on the street anyway. I don't know anyone with ADHD who would give up their meds for cash, since they are the only things that make them feel 'normal'.

ooooh, i understand that too deeply :/

I saw one with my own eyes a couple of weeks ago for the very first time. They really have a just because you can, doesn't mean you should vibe. They can't be sold here in the UK as they are too heavy and don't meet crash protection standards.

We all have our purpose in life.

God forbid a girl has hobbies

NGL That would make me laugh

Yeeeeees! Cold nights, warm and cozy blankets and PJ's. Summer nights are too damn hot

Ace

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"Now, Mr Spiggott, you, a one-legged man, are applying for the role of Tarzan.... A role traditionally associated with a two-legged artiste.... A role for which two legs would seem to be the minimum requirement. "

And then suing your advertisers because them choosing to not advertise next to white supremacist propaganda infringes on your...free speech...to get paid...by them...???

For God's sakes woman, it was you from the future who invented the time machine, did betting on all the correct results she knew, and wanted to win money in the past so that you could have fun!

Gnome Chomsky disagrees.

True!

Upvote for pianny ❤

I'm early and park in the same spot for years. When I have a new car people are astonished when they see me. 'I thought you had a day off.' Sometimes I'm late and that spot is taken. When I walk in a college saw me 'oh, I thought you had a day off, sorry'. I've never claimed that spot.. humans are creatures of habit.

They do?

Yeah, why though? A fridge is a very normal appliance to have in your home.... edit: in US and Canada appliances are usually not hidden. The dishwasher, fridge and stove are all very much visible except in the wealthiest of homes

If you eat tuna OUT OF A CAN, IN YOUR BED, then I agree with the cats.

"Have you recently sustained a head injury?"

"The largest glass of wine you have, please" would be at the top of my list, or 'where's the best place to have a nap?'

Ace

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Every time I look around.

We took our preschool kids to the museum to see dinosaurs. We had drumsticks for lunch. My favorite little boy was eating and exclaimed "there's bones in here... dinosaurs have bones"! We thought we were witnessing the creation of a vegetarian until he dove back in announcing "I'm a carnivore!!"

Queen in the North!

😂😂😂

You're so fake 🤣🤣🤣

If anything could persuade me to marry, it's this gorgeous dress! Edit: and the right person, of course. Forgot that bit for a second.

Burrito stuffed with pizza toppings

Bahahaha I feel this! When my social battery runs out it’s time to just follow my friend around like a shadow for the rest of the party

WHERE CAN I GET MYSELF SOME S'MOREOS.

Maybe just don't put it up so tight?

Romantic interview, I'm using that. lol

Mine is a bit dramatic. It used to send me alerts saying it was stuck on a cliff and then I would find it dangling over the edge of the stairs

Lol

Just a thought.... that's when you pop a small rodent in your mouth, chew it like gum for the blood, and spit out the leftovers into a napkin. Just sayin....

There can be a lot of cheese but there can never be too much cheese

That is exactly the kind of feedback one needs when ordering tapas. How little are these little plates?!?! It varies! Who knows! How many DO I NEED??!!!!?

WHAT kind of BBQ costs that much?!

Single, double or king size?

Waiter IRL ‘ sorry we don’t actually have watering cans at this restaurant’ In the waiters head ‘why the fùçķ would we have a watering can at work’ (we generally water plants at work with a beer jug 😂).

I dream about work. Shouldn’t that count toward my workweek?

What

Obviously

Chappel Roan, for anyone who didn't get it ^^

No, no. When you’re 60 and pass for 50, you will thank younger you. Just get the good stuff and keep your face out of the sun, even with sunblock.

Damn Boolean search confusion!

Ouuuuuch!

Worse is when you see a cat that runs away in terror when you just wanted to pet them or even give them treats.

It is the highest praise.

Mum being the term for Mom outside of the US and Canada, I'm assuming that the football mentioned here is called soccer in the US and Canada.

Lotekguy

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Try "what color is the sun on your home planet?". They might not get the point, but I feel better.

I heard Van Halen in the grocery store the other day Sigh

Not to mention depression, I understand this register, I almost proposed a man once just because he said "please excuse me" after barely shoving me at the supermarket. His voice, but his voice!

Well, there are precedents for inspiration....

coincidence ?

I can literally activate my memory of that sound.

They know the rules. They ignore the rules.

Tru dat.

Okay...that username is epic lol

At least you stopped at "bless you" I usually say "bless you my child, for you have sneezed" and get really strange looks!

The only stop light in the village. True story.

Wish I could do that.