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It’s Time For The Best Parenting Tweets Of The Month, And Here Are 50 That Might Crack You Up
With all of its ups and downs, twists and loop-de-loops, raising kids is one of the most fun challenges that you’ll ever face in life. (Well, that and getting your cat to let it pet you when you want to.) But let’s get real here—being responsible for another tiny human being, let alone several, can be utterly exhausting.
The good news is that no matter how grim things might seem, no parent is truly alone. If you ever need to share your troubles, ask for a bit of support, and have a good laugh, social media can really help you out. Our team here at Bored Panda has collected some of the funniest parenting tweets from March to share with you. They are beyond relatable! Check them out below and remember to upvote your fave ones while you’re scrolling.
Bored Panda reached out to parenting blogger Samantha Scroggin, from Walking Outside in Slippers, who kindly shared some advice on what can help parents avoid feeling overwhelmed, gave some tips on meal ideas for the kids, and shed some light on how to stand out on Twitter among all the other great parents. Read on for our full interview with her.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Flying Bacon 2 years ago
Nephews, and nieces always act better than your kids, and cousins are always SO nice - unlike your siblings.
Trainingfortheballetpotteh🇺🇦 2 years ago
This! My brother is the most annoying thing in the world, but my baby cousins are always so sweet!
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Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
I see this. I'm also the father of 3. My favourite wags his tail and is overjoyed and excited when I come home. He eats whatever I give him, and never complains about anything.
Fish Fingers 2 years ago
1st post, at it immediately says that kids are awful to have in your life. Can't wait to see what's coming...
We genuinely believe that Twitter is full to the brim with awesome parents. However, it can be a bit challenging to grab everyone's attention when there's so much friendly competition going on. We were interested to get blogger Samantha's take on how to stand out on the platform.
"Twitter has been a tricky animal lately with all the changes, but in my experience, success with Twitter comes from relatable, real-life parenting observations that other people will be able to relate to," the founder of the Walking Outside in Slippers parenting blog shared with Bored Panda.
"If something ridiculous happens, tweet about it. If your kid says something funny that you can't believe they said, share that word for word on Twitter. And then, find similar content creators and retweet the heck out of them. Twitter is a very 'scratch my back and I'll scratch yours' place," she encouraged people to be active and engage with others on the social media site (emphasis on the 'social' part).
RELATED:
#2
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
I almost killed the cute dog in a book I was writing but then I went "wait, what? No."
Percabeth Forever (she/her) 2 years ago
Good, you fixed your HUGE mistake(dogs are awesome)
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RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
If it's a Disney movie, the parents will die in the first 15 minutes
Olive Harper 2 years ago
Where the RedFern Grows, such a great book, but the ending is so sad!
Zane Lumagrowl 2 years ago
We read that book in my 6th grade english class and when we got to the ending, half the class was crying! Made me never trust another dog novel ever again
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That One Kid 2 years ago
HE IS NOT WRONG: Where the Red Fern Grows and Old Yeller for me, to great books. But, i probably already spoilt it😅
WildHoneyPie 2 years ago
Looking at you, Where The RedFern Grows. My husband and I listened to it on a trip one-time (his first time and my third or so). We bawled all the way home...
#3
3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago
I tried to do 147 minus 56 on paper the other day…stared at it for a full minute and then pulled out my calculator, I’m only 30 but I’ve forgotten how to subtract or do any kind of division 😅 I’m really good at adding though
Load More Replies... Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
He'll be good at anything he does. That is thinking outdise of the box. Clever kid.
Nikole 2 years ago
Yes, 11 3/4… the fraction is the remainder over the divider
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Trophy Husband 2 years ago (edited)
Eh, until high school I don't believe in homework, so I tell them that I won't do it for them because I'm lazy, but if their teachers are too lazy to teach them then I'll give them as much help as I feel like and they (the teachers) can't complain.
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
I hate making typos - outside, not outdise - I need some lessons from this kid.
ShadowStalker36 2 years ago
i forgot remainders were a thing in math and tried to decimal value it
The Pew Research center recently found that the vast majority of Americans find parenting enjoyable and rewarding. There is a big ‘but’ here, however. A whopping 41% of US parents say that parenting is tiring. Meanwhile, 29% think that parenting is stressful “all or most of the time.”
More moms than dads feel this way, which could be a reflection of whom the burden of raising children still falls mostly to, even in this day and age.
Meanwhile, blogger Samantha had some awesome tips and tricks to share with us that could help new parents deal with stress if they're feeling entirely overwhelmed by this whole raising kids thing. Laughter and taking things a smidge less seriously, as it turns out, are wonderful antidotes for tension.
"I think stopping to laugh at the crazy parts of parenthood is a great stress reliever. Sure, being a parent can be overwhelming. But it can also be pretty hilarious," the parenting blogger told Bored Panda.
"Joke about it with other parents. Laugh with your kids. They're people too, if sometimes annoying miniature versions. Don't take everything so seriously all the time if you can help it. And keep your focus on the main goal: raising humans who care."
#4
PGB 2 years ago
Dread nothing. Encourage her. That is the sign of a brilliant, discerning mind. She should never feel she needs to dumb down to the level of the rest of us!
Phyzzi 2 years ago
The good news is that, if Twitter still exists when their child is old enough to join, they will probably be amart enough to avoid it anyway.
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Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
If i hung over the top of a building, I wonder what she would me? A grotesque might actually be a compliment.
AngelWingsYT 2 years ago
TIL: soo Quasimodos friends are grotesques not gargoyles Fascinating n smart kid....they will do well on twitter
RosenCranzLives 2 years ago
I do the same thing. Almost verbatim. I'm 60 and I've been doing it for decades.
Jonathan Kilpatrick 2 years ago
"It's hard to not act like a know-it-all, when you do, in fact, know it all" -Jimmy Neutron
#5
CouchChihuahua 2 years ago
I love books more than i love most things. Apart from dogs and cats ofc
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Dawn Marie 2 years ago
FOSTER that love, I love that you all are reading library books!! I was a 1st grade teacher for 25 years in the public school system. Nothing prepares a child more for success in life than learning to read and having a love of reading. Even math is easier if you read well. I am overjoyed that you folks are on the right track!!
cerinamroth 2 years ago
My daughter says: "Good morning, beautiful trees - thank you for your service!" to her favourite two oak trees on the way to nursery in the mornings :)
Bookworm 2 years ago
I have a part-time job reshelving at the local library, and one day as I was working, I overheard a woman with a toddler tell the librarian who was checking them out, "This is an improvement over last time. The first time he cried because he had to let go of the books. Now he knows he gets them back."
#6
Talitha Jansen 2 years ago
Maybe teach the older that she shouldn't dislike an animal just because of someone's allergy. It's not the animal's fault
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
What is it people say. Each of your children has their own personality. Perfect example here. Loving child, and possible serial killer.
Trophy Husband 2 years ago
At least it wasn't when I grow up I'll get the cat so mom will stay away...
Things do improve as children grow, though. Parents who have children aged 5 or older are less likely to feel overwhelmed and stressed out.
Meanwhile, 43% of respondents said that they’re trying to raise their kids in a similar way as they were raised. However, an almost equal number (44%) noted that they’re doing things differently than their own parents.
#7
BLONDTROBL 2 years ago
I love Bluey. Watched it with my sister's grands. I'd LOVE some of my own! Added bonus, I could spoil them rotten and get back at my kids.
Markus Holstein 2 years ago
Careful! My grandparents did that to me. I turned into a chubby kid and have never been able to shed that weight ever since
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Mickysixxx 2 years ago
Didn't people complain about Bluey because it was making American kids talk like Aussies? Haha one for the good guys! Our Australian kids have been talking like little Americans for years lol
Firefly 2 years ago
Between Bluey and Peppa Pig, my American kid asks the size of things in meters, asks where we are going on holiday, and many other things, like "ready, steady, go". And she also says Oh biscuits!
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Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
Maybe that's why my wife is putting on so many black and white classics and won't let me watch any Tarintino or Scorsese movies. I'm getting fed up with Cary Grant and Fred Astaire.
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
I've always been partial to Gene Kelly over Fred Astaire. Cary Grant movies do nothing for me.
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RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
I love Bluey though. That show is so good, and wholesome. Bandit is my role model as a father.
Anikulapo 2 years ago
That baxtard makes me look bad and I don’t like it.
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Nice Beast Ludo 2 years ago
This reminds me of yesterday and the creepiest creeper EVER ... I walked in liquor store to buy soda. Sat in car and watched a cute couple walk out and then the liquor store owner slip out the closing door so creepily and quietly no one noticed him following under a foot behind... then he just watched the girls a*s walk away like it was the only thing in the world and slipped back into the liquor store when they were out of sight. The whole time I'm going "Ew ew ew EW EW EW!" Then my 10 year old daughter pops up behind me and goes "mommy he did that to you too."
Snorkeldorf 2 years ago (edited)
I was taking my mom to the local branch of the bank, up a side street. There was a car pulling out of a driveway with a dog in the back, who looked right at us. The driver continued to back out of the driveway without looking and I laid on my horn. My mom said "that idiot never even looked." I said, "well, the dog saw us, why didn't he say something?". Mom laughed for the next five minutes.
Oliver Kettle 2 years ago
"Edward...Daddy..Hurting"(If you know, you know and were traumatized)
#9
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
I do the same thing, but I don't need to go to a museum. I just open the door and see the neighbours kids.
pink_panda 2 years ago
My neighbor kids are super cute but tbh that's my favorite way to see kids! From a distance.
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Gardener of Weeden 2 years ago
I see a child in a grocery store, having a melt down. I give a sympathetic nod to the parent who is trying to not lose their sht. Then walk away laughing about NOT MY KID!!! Glad I survived those years. ( BUT!!!! the hugs and sweet times more than made up for the troubles)
One problem that quite a few parents run into is what to make their kids for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Bored Panda was curious about how Samantha's family approaches this challenge. She noted that a good idea is to not overcomplicate everything too much. Not every meal has to be an elaborate extravaganza worthy of a Michelin star.
"I recently discovered that my kids love breakfast smoothies. Smoothies are a quick and easy way to get nutrients into kids on the go," the founder of Walking Outside in Slippers shared.
"Other easy foods I've found are frozen waffles (made fresh and frozen from the weekend or the boxed kind), fruit, frozen breakfast sandwiches, cereal, and yogurt," Samantha said.
"Keep it easy, and use what works for your kids. Also, little surprises are great like the occasional mound of whipped cream on a waffle," she revealed to Bored Panda.
#10
Trophy Husband 2 years ago
I just don't answer and eventually most people get the hint. My wife still calls me, but even my kids are used to texting!
#11
Amy T 2 years ago
While your comment is wonderful, the serious side of me wants to say that they probably didn't have time to check the bitty bird parts.
Load More Replies... TailsFangirl03 2 years ago
That beautiful child is a caller of birds. She shall be one with the birds.
#12
Betta Fish 2 years ago
Bacon with air? Nah man! I like mine in a GIANT VACUUM
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Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
Ketchup and apple-sauce? Sounds like a Gordon Ramsey programme. 'School cafe nightmares'
Mickysixxx 2 years ago (edited)
How much meals that require sauce are you eating at school? Man we got ripped off on school luches in Australia (vegimite and cheese sandwich, Apple, a couple of biscuits and a popper) I want roast pork and apple sauce best we ever got was a lunch order from the tuckshop and it was a pie or pizza single
We don’t want to be too cheesy, but good parents are everyday superheroes. They might have bags underneath their eyes and carry around dirty diapers instead of wearing fancy capes, but they’re responsible for shaping their children into the generations of the future.
Much like teachers, they often don’t get enough praise even though what they’re doing every single day is literally molding the world of tomorrow. And even though the vast majority of the people using the internet will always be strangers to us, through social media, we can take a peek into their daily lives, and the fun struggles they deal with every day.
The reality is that being a grown-up means strictly prioritizing your time by what you value the most. Like it or not, you will not have the time and energy to do absolutely everything, exactly the way that you’d love to. It’s a perfectionist’s worst nightmare!
So being an adult and a parent becomes focused on learning how to balance your work, family life, personal hobbies, chores, and (that little but nonetheless important thing called) socializing with others.
#13
Jessica N 2 years ago
After my daughter was born we had some rough times, hubby was still in college, so we utilized food banks for a minute. After Easter there must have been a HUGE donation to our bank of Cadbury eggs...they offered a whole case to each recipient. Obviously I accepted! 100+ eggs in a few weeks... 20 years later I still can't eat them lol but definitely appreciated at the time
Trophy Husband 2 years ago
PSA: I found out this year and Walmart sells 16 of these for $13 in a giant plastic egg. Related Warning: don't hold me responsible if your kids insist on keeping the giant eggs as toys and they clutter your house!
Becca Kuehn 2 years ago
We say facehole in our family. 😆 I go into my son's room every night to tell him good night in a silly way. I say "Close your eyes, close your facehole and go to sleep. Good night, I love you See you in the morning" Then he says it back to me. My Granny said that to me when I was a little girl. It's always said in a silly voice. If I don't say that to him in the right order, he gets upset with me. I love being able to do silly things like that with him because it makes him smile. (My son's a 37 year old adult who has Down Syndrome)
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bottomless.abyss.of.bordem 2 years ago
You are blameless if, and only if, they were the caramel-filled.
Agnes Jekyll 2 years ago
12--of the full-sized ones? I love those things but even I couldn't get past 8.
SarahBee 2 years ago
When my daughter was little, she would swallow gum, so I never let her have any. One time other kids were being given gum, and she begged for a piece. We hadn't tried for a while, so I said OK, with a reminder to not swallow it. Ten minutes later, I noticed she wasn't chewing her gum anymore. Her answer when I asked where it was: "It fell down my throat."
Becca Kuehn 2 years ago
She didn't swallow it, Mom. It fell down her throat. 😅
Load More Replies... Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
How do you eat 'Hers'? - Is that just the advert in Britain? - How do you eat yours?
Peppy 2 years ago (edited)
Bite off top, scoop out creamy inside, pop whole remaining egg in mouth and let it melt. How bout you?
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HardieBoysMama 2 years ago
I can't count how many times I've told my kids to enjoy being a kid and don't try to grow up too fast. Adulting sucks.
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Tracilyn Hayes 2 years ago
When I was a kid I was excited that as an adult I'd get to go to work meetings, grownup me that spends way too much of my day in meetings would like to punch kid me in the face.
April Pickett 2 years ago
I don't think I ever wanted to be in charge of dinner every night unless it was liver being served.
Justin Rogers 2 years ago
Nothing wrong with liking to cook or take responsibility and contribute to your family
#15
Mickysixxx 2 years ago
Well technically they didn't pick you but they do get to pick their partner and maybe they base that choice on the partners mother being lovely
If you focus on just your career, your spouse and children will miss you. If you identify yourself as a parent and only a parent, you might start feeling frustrated when all of your other passions in life are left to collect dust. It’s up to you to maintain that delicate balance between all the things you value, every single day.
#16
sky 2 years ago
my dad always says go ask your mom and when i ask her she says go ask your dad, and im like dad told me to ask you
Load More Replies... Mickysixxx 2 years ago
I get this all the time not only with my own kids but with the students at work the old "mum said no let's ask dad" trick
Trophy Husband 2 years ago
My kids do this, but they can't blame me unless they tell me that mom said no before I say yes. So they still get in trouble. Will, except replace ipad with tablet because I'm not rich and I know how to use technology, so ours are Android.
Great Aunt Kate 2 years ago
Soooo old. Mum said yes if you say yes and vice versa. Worked for me for a while.
Gardener of Weeden 2 years ago
Son tried that ONCE... LOL Parents... this is why communication is important... they will plot AGAINST you.
Becca Kuehn 2 years ago
All of our children have tried that at least once. Luckily my husband and I are great communicaters especially when it's about our children.
Load More Replies... Becca Kuehn 2 years ago
Those little angels are sweet and smart. They just need a better meeting place to make their plans. 😅
censorshipsucks 2 years ago (edited)
It's the opposite with mine. I'm like do your reading then you can look at yelling americans on youtube. Whereas their mom sits there gawking at c**p on youtube with them.
#17
BLONDTROBL 2 years ago
My daughter was a little jealous of her new baby brother, so to get my attention, she'd become a contortionist, twist her body around and say: look at me mom. Look what I can do! Wow! You'll do great in the circus.
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
Come on dad, I have to do my morning exercises. Get down here now and do what I do. You need to lose a few.
#18
Lou Cam 2 years ago
I did a a lot of research before getting a tortoise and let me tell you I was vastly unprepared. They're such picky eaters and the wrong levels of moisture in their substrate or amount of D3 in their bulbs can lead them to sickness and death. It's like they're born with a death wish and you have to spend all your time and money diverting them to life. No wonder tortoise mother's lay so many eggs and yet many species are endangered in the wild.
Moezzzz 2 years ago
A friend of mine has two (along with a big a*s skink named Blu, a snake, two bearded dragons, a salamander and two dogs), and I got to take care of them when she had an out of state meeting. I freaking LOVED them! They were only about two years old and still small, but had such big personalities. Even Blu, the the skink, was absolutely a chonker and would eat from these special tweezers and it was amazing to watch. They all had separate enclosures (well, except the tortoises, they were together), with heated lights, heated rocks, temp and moisture gauges, special foods and snacks (it was hilarious watching the salamander eat it's "smoothies"). She's now in veterinary school, having finished her undergrad. She's so incredibly smart (she was only like 22 and was one of the highest selling insurance agents in our company, but still went to college part time). I know this girl will do great things for animals!
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Be glad im not a waffle 2 years ago
Have a friend who really wanted a hamster, so she got my entire class to stand at the front of the room and yell "GET ____ A HAMSTER!!!" to aid in her case. She now owns a hamster.
Jenn C 2 years ago
Just remember that the tortoise will probably still be around when she is old enough to retire.
Sans Serif 2 years ago
Based on: " It's like they're born with a death wish and you have to spend all your time and money diverting them to life.", you have to wonder how that occurs?
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Upstaged75 2 years ago
A kid I was tutoring did this exact thing to convince her parents to get her a cat. She was only 7 so I helped her create her presentation. The family now has 2 cats. :)
But no matter how capable, optimistic, and energetic you are, every person has their limits. It’s natural. It’s human. You might get frustrated having to pick up your kids’ Legos, scattered all over the first floor of your house, twice a day. Or you might finally have had enough of washing a towering pile of dishes after cooking dinner, right after a long day at the office.
#19
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
Grand parent: Here's some candy, an iPad, and 200 kilos of cocaine. Once you're done with that, I'll take you back to daddy's house.
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censorshipsucks 2 years ago
This is my go-to. Eventually if they are bored enough they will.
Load More Replies... Mickysixxx 2 years ago
My kid used to watch those YouTube families and think that's how life is. I'm like that jokers entire job is to play hide and seek all day long with his kids go clean ya room if your bored we are not doing "challenges" or shopping sprees at the toy shop
Bobby 2 years ago
Right? I love you dear, but my entire existence is not dedicated to your entertainment
Load More Replies... Katrina Gibson 2 years ago
Yessss! But when I'm desperate I ask for them to help with something I broke... clothes and toys. Then they always help to pick up the mess I made by accidentally breaking the house.
SkekVi 2 years ago
'go clean something' you're teaching them to associate cleaning with punishment and setting them up to be miserable adults. Literally everyone I know was punished with cleaning and so now that they're adults they don't clean their home and that causes a LOT of health issues! stop doing this!
Bobby 2 years ago
I've found that toy rotation helps with this. At least the younger ones. Instead of having all they're toys they get like a quarter of them and the rest are in the garage. Every couple months pack up one box and swap it for another. The kids didn't like it at first but now they play with their non computer toys way more. Bonus fewer toys I end up stuck putting away
#20
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
Beautiful song. When my two sons were very young, instead of reading stories at bedtime, I would sing songs to them and play the guitar. They are both top graded guitarists today and credit me for it.. Children do follow by example. I'm so proud of them.
3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago
My grade 4 teacher (2001) did that every day instead of story time. Because of her, I still know all the words to old songs like Crocodile Rock and Brown Eyed Girl. And I learned a lot about music because she emphasized it. LOVE me some story time but I also LOVE music and it was amazing!
Load More Replies... Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
I've long since retired, my son has moved away - I called him up just the other day. "I'd like to see you if you don't mind", he said "I'd love to, Dad, if I could find the time." And as I hung up the phone then it came to me - he'd grown up just like me...
#21
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
OH YES!!! Me talking to 8 year old: Honey, I saw you throw that wrapper behind the couch cushion. Pick it up and put it in the trash. 8yo: DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE! Me: obviously, now put it in the trash
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
For the third time today I'll write, 'When I was young, I wanted to be a grown up - idiot.'
That’s why good, constant communication between both parents is so essential. One of the worst things that you can do is let all of that resentment build up inside of you, eating away at your relationship.
Instead, keep talking things out. If you think the burden to do all the household falls on you, your spouse needs to know that. If you need some support and time to be alone, ask them for help.
#22
BLONDTROBL 2 years ago
What my son said: haircuts hurt mommy. What I said: no they don't, buddy. I look at my son's ear and realized I nipped it, and it's bleeding. After crying profusely, I promised to never cut his hair again. His Barber is great 👍
Trophy Husband 2 years ago
Don't let my wife find out this works. She hates cutting my hair, but we an introvert I see it as an implied part of our wedding vows! Until COVID I didn't know she could. I'm not saying that makes COVID worth it, just that there is a silver lining...
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Kelly Wallace 2 years ago
I taught myself to swallow pills super young just so I wouldn't need to take the liquid meds anymore.
Alice Teasdale 2 years ago
What you should have said: This medicine is "Grape Flavoured Bubblegum" flavoured
Nikole 2 years ago
Am I the only person who hated the bubble gum flavor of liquid medicines? Grape is/was soooo much better.
Dogcat vet (retired) 2 years ago
Grape ftw: even as an adult why should I drink toxic tasting chemicals when I can have grape?
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BLONDTROBL 2 years ago
My then 4 year old announced that when he grew up he was going to be a paleontologist and comedian. Me: those dinosaur guys are so funny.
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
My 6 year old told me yesterday that she was going to be a YouTuber, Singer, and Astronaut. My brain thinks (well I'm glad she has astronaut to fall back on)
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Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
Most kids are doing their work-experience for this job - well into their teens.
EmbersAreOut 2 years ago
i mean- i wanted to be a princess, just so that i can control people. now i just want to fly jets lol
Whitney Clark 2 years ago
If what I'm taught is accurate, 1. no she wouldn't, and 2. that's not even an option.
#24
Max Fox 2 years ago
In Hebrew, "Dai" means "enough", and is often shouted at kids in public. Israeli families get strange looks when travelling.
Max Fox 2 years ago
In Russian, "Dai" means "give". Nothing like a young innocent child toddling over to you, looking at the toy in your hand and saying "DIE!"
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TheElderNom 2 years ago
When my niece was three she was on the swings happily yelling: Hit me, mom, hit me! Hit harder!" She meant push, but that day for some reason she refused to agree that push was the right word. Thankfully only happened that one time.
Rylee Evergreen 2 years ago
Awww! Mine was mama, but I'll forever be proud that my little brother's was my name
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Mecha_Phed 2 years ago
I used to say "die die" instead of "bye bye" to nasty customers who were leaving the shop I used to work at, no one ever noticed. Aaah good old times
It doesn’t necessarily need to be your partner who lends a helping hand if you happen to be single or if you’re both incredibly busy: you can always reach out to family members, friends, and even coworkers if you need a temporary babysitter.
Meanwhile, you can pamper yourself, dip your toes back into your beloved hobbies, refocus on exercise, and do all the little things that remind you of how truly wonderful life is when you're not tired all the time. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness.
#25
CurlyCucumber 2 years ago
Yeah,and mine remembers what he needs to take to school tomorrow: a special paper or bunch of glitter or a ruler.
James Frail 2 years ago
It's South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut. You all know that's what it is.
#26
Jelena Putinja 2 years ago
why ? that is good to know especially if your kid has long hare - to check for them and notice lice on time before they become huge pain in the a** for all of the family
GoldfishCrackers 2 years ago
Yeah, I don’t get this one either. If there are lice going around at school people should know. Is that like a constant at some schools or what? It’s not around here. Like you all hear when it does actually come up.
Trophy Husband 2 years ago
Why can't schools have an email list that only includes really important things. If there's a COVID case in the class, or lice, or a threat to the school, then I want to know that minute. If the PTA wants money, the teacher needs more tissues, or there will be a field trip, then just send home a form and dont bother me!
#27
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
Not sure how 5 hours could be nearly 25% of a year, so I did the math. 21000 secs = 350mins = 5.83 hrs = 0.24305 days. Then it made sense. For reference, if you consider a year to be roughly 365.25 days (leap years), then 1 year is 8766 hours and 21000 seconds is 0.000665069587041yrs
Load More Replies... Dawn Marie 2 years ago
Yes, I did the math. I would love 6 hours and 23 minutes of alone time!!
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
Your math is a bit off, but upvoting you for the sentiment. 21K seconds = 5 hours and 50 minutes. 6 hours 23 minutes would be 22,980 seconds.
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RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
lol, yes. My youngest always adds an "and 1" at the end of these things. "Dad, I want another ten thousand and one minutes of play time"
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Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
That's not a problem. Put him on the naughty step. He gets what he wants, and so do you.
Family is important. But you’re not doing anyone any favors if you’re chronically exhausted, grumpy, and falling apart. Remember the basics like eating well, getting plenty of movement, getting enough sleep, and hydrating. You have to take care of yourself, too, not just your children.
#28
Lene 2 years ago
My oldest daughter who is 5 years old has already planned to marry her "boyfriend". She knows the church and she said that instead of ppl tossing rice she wants soap bubbles. And then, recently, she informed us that she'll have 35 kids when she grows up. To which our younger daughter, who just turned 4, said "oh! I want 78 kids when I grow up!" So I looked at my bf and said "I hope that most of those many grandchildren will be adopted from all over the world, then." My bf goes into a state of shock when we talk about how many grand kids we can expect to have eventually. Lol
Load More Replies... Isaac Harvey 2 years ago
A 5-year nonstop crossfit training regime, but still crossfit, I suppose.
#29
Colin 2 years ago
Yep. The real baby is in the bog being fed food from the sidhe.
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Fish Fingers 2 years ago
God this post is miserable, it's like an ad for how awful and s****y kids are and how they absolutely ruin everything good in your life. Out.
#30
RafCo (he/him/ele) 2 years ago
That's what my 6 year old does, except it's pizza shop. Can I have a pepperoni? No we're all out. What about cheese? Nope. So now I just order ridiculous things. I'd like a hippopotamus pizza with olives and rocket ships please. Daaaaad you can't get that on a pizza
LuckyL 2 years ago
Mine doesn't even need a restaurant. I just ask her name and she answers "no". (for real)
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ScarletRos 2 years ago
When I was a kid and played restaurant with my younger sister I would always be the chef and I would make her eat disgusting combinations of foods.
Which of these parenting tweets did you relate to the most, dear Pandas? What are the most bizarre or funny things that happened in your family recently? What do you do whenever you’re feeling a tad overwhelmed with the chaos at home? We’d love to hear what you think, so swing by the comment section and share a few anecdotes.
Meanwhile, when you're done enjoying this list, consider taking a look at our earlier features about the top parenting tweets from before: February, January, and December.
#31
Spannermonkey 2 years ago
Failure to learn from the mistakes of others is a common human trait.
#32
Kindlovinghumble 2 years ago
I constantly had people asking if my twins are boys/girls (which I understood bc they were so little) I'd then say "ones a boy, one's a girl" but THEN they'd ask "are they identical?" Almost EVERY. TIME. 🤦♀️
Erla Zwingle 2 years ago
I have a fraternal twin sister. When we were small, adults who met us for the first time would sometimes stare at us and then ask: "You're not identical, are you?" The intonation was of a question, not a statement. They were seeking confirmation of what their astonished eyes were telling them. I'm sorry now that we never said "Yes, we are."
Biofish23 2 years ago
It means nosy people asking if the twins were conceived with medical assistance such as IVF, since that has a higher chance of multiples.
Load More Replies... Cuppa tea? 2 years ago
No, I assembled them myself from group of children I lured into my secret basement scientific laboratory.
#33
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
Me -Do you look like I do at the minute? Son - No Daddy. Me- Then your'e not sick. Get ready for school.
#34
Trillian 2 years ago
Na. The bigger rocks live next to the front door and the smaller ones in my daughter's jacket pocket until they kill the washing machine.
Betta Fish 2 years ago
Or hidden around the house so they destroy your vacuum
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David 2 years ago
MOOD. My youngest grandson: (Comes in from outside, hands me crushed grey gravel rocks from my gravel driveway that look like EVERY OTHER ROCK in the driveway) "Here" Me: "Oh, what's this?" Grandson: "I'm collecting the pretty ones for you". Me: (NOT a dream crushing A-hole) "Well thank you. That's very kind" Grandson: "I'm going to go get you more!" I kept them for a long time because sometimes they come back to ask but they moved to another state bout 3 years ago so I think I'm safe.
Elizabeth West 2 years ago
You start wondering why your bag is so heavy, and then pull out rocks and matchbox cars and.....
Tamra 2 years ago
...and a spare pair of socks, a pine cone, half a bottle of juice. Honestly, I felt like a Sherpa some days. 😂
Load More Replies... Gardener of Weeden 2 years ago
For some it does not stop. My adult Son just showed me a rock he saw and had to pick up. And I have a plain, river rock that for some reason, has been important to me for 40 yrs "We dance to the beat of a different drummer."
bears. beets. battlestar galactica. 2 years ago
my 71 year old mom and i (45) still collect rocks. more we do it with my 4 year old niece, so it is more justifiable!! i put them in my flower pots and planters with seashells, marbles, glass etc
Load More Replies... Trophy Husband 2 years ago
There's always one every night that makes me laugh out loud while I'm putting kids to bed!
Upstaged75 2 years ago
And in your pockets. And their pockets - which you won't realize until after you've run them through the wash.
Knitting Panda 2 years ago
Had boys, and yes, I did have rock collections when they were little.
Evelien Stijger Martens 1 year ago
Have some artists and the house will be filled with them for ever.
Sarah Howard 2 years ago
Thank you Jesus, it's not just mine.. I got a call in kindergarten that he was "rocking" the principal/vice-principal's cars in the parking lot.🤦🏼♀️ 14yo now but still bringing them home by the pocketfuls. I told him his graduation gift was going to necessarily be to go to the county barn and have a load of gravel/rocks returned to the school parking lot! 🤷🏼♀️
#35
PurpleUnicorn 2 years ago
Always loved a nicely dressed man, I have no idea how I ended up with one who doesn't own even one suit!
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#36
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
It's a real life learner. All bankers cheat. Mine's told me my mortgage payments would never go past £1000 a month for at least 10 years. 3 Years later, and I'm paying £1600
I just work here 2 years ago
No, she sounds like a real banker! Might have a career going on there.
#37
Allison O'Brien 2 years ago
HE GETS IT! but what you are actually supposed to do is cut off blocks of parmesan and eat it without any pasta at all!
Evelien Stijger Martens 1 year ago
My youngest son eats curry with something, not the India sauce, but a red one with spices. Every day.
Jennifer Norton 2 years ago
that's my youngest. She will actually ask if she can just have the parmesan cheese for dinner.
#38
Becca Kuehn 2 years ago
Sometimes my body doesn't allow me to do things that I don't want to do either.
fair_weather_rose 2 years ago
Well I was cleaning my room, but then I found a kaleidoscope and obviously had to spend 3 hours looking at various things through it. And then I found a stack of old birthday cards and had to check them all for money. And then there was this little bag of beads, so I decided to sort them by color...
#39
Widdershins66 2 years ago
I was 17 when a small child's mum said "watch out, mind the lady!" 360 head spin... no "lady". 🤷♀️
Load More Replies... Snorkeldorf 2 years ago
Visited my daughter in Chicago. Noticed that a man in the apartment across the street was out by the curb several times a day smoking. Asked her if there was no smoking in the apartments and she said no, you had to be X number of feet from the building and she asked why I wanted to know. Told her that I had noticed a gentleman about my age outside several times a day with a cigarette. Her reply? "Oh.....the old guy?" It never ends.
#40
WhydoIneedaname 2 years ago
You remind me of how much I miss my own feathered dinos...
Load More Replies... Trophy Husband 2 years ago
This is fake because every parent knows that you can't tell NOOOO when they say something like this or it will never go away. My nephew said dump like dumb and truck like f**k, and when he was 3 his mom was out talking to the neighbors when a dump truck drove by and he yelled "come back dumb f**k!" at the top of his lungs. His mom had to give shushing sounds to the neighbors so they didn't make a big deal out of it.
RandomFrog(He/They️️) 2 years ago
My siblings once walked in the living room while me and my dad were watching bo burnham’s inside, and they became obsessed with the songs, despite how they might not be the most appropriate. So ofc we go to grandmas house and my brother goes, ‘hey grandma check out this song!’ And plays welcome to the internet on Alexa. Luckily I turned it off before it got too bad lmao. For context my grandparents are very Christian and would simply perish at that song.
#41
Sinead Keating 2 years ago
When my kid cries for a silly reason, I interrupt after 5 seconds and say my turn now and cry for 5 then tell them it's their turn now. Then with a shocked face they try and cry with me counting to 5. Two advantages, 1. they don't remember why they are crying and 2. they are learning to count to 5...boom!
peithecelt 2 years ago
It drove my kid crazy, but I told them I don't speak whine.. and if they were whining, I just couldn't understand them... They stopped whining... (Note: complaining and expressing frustration with a situation was fine, whining was not)
Bobby 2 years ago
I get it. I understand when they whine that the crayon tip broke. I choose to stop understanding it when they are still crying about it 20 minutes after I sharpened it
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#42
Caroline Kimber 2 years ago
And when they blow birthday candles out, they just basically spit on the cake.
ILoveMySon 2 years ago (edited)
I concur as I nurse myself back to health after playing with my 9yo neighbor for a few hours. It was worth it as my son is 21 and out of state.
Load More Replies... 3 Owls In A Coat 2 years ago
That whole wide-eyed wide-mouthed tongue-out cough that some very young kids do 😷 adorable and terrifying
Heather Talma 2 years ago
My sister told her 3yo to cover her mouth when she coughs so the 3yo proceeded to put her hand over her mouth in such a way that no air could escape and continue coughing.
#43
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
My wife tells me to stand up for myself as well, so yesterday i told her - DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO !!!. But, will you stand up for me?
#44
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
I ran a marathon once, (well tried to). 15 yo stood at 1 mile after the start, loudly playing "Eye of the tiger" screaming my name. I gave up after 5 miles. He was there again, playing Kate Bush song, 'Don't give up'. I just thought, "F** this. I'm going for a big Mac, then to the pub for a pint of Guinness. Best pint I ever had.
#45
Feathered Dinosaur 2 years ago
Oh God I did this. Toddler screaming at the top of her lungs being carried through the whole airport in a mad dash. They lost our buggy in transit
Shawn Willison 2 years ago
I did it too stewardess's checked me for a pending heart attack all through the first half of the flight
#46
#47
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
I just tell the kids that they can deal with the teacher's anger and I do not care. They did this like 1-2x and now they remember what they must do. I don't remember for them.
Jack 2 years ago
Yep! I promise them life will go on tomorrow and they get to find out it’s true. My kids each got “one day of me fixing their issue” each school year in elementary. They had to decide if this would be the ONE day, and they rarely used it.
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#48
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
It's ok on Paddy's day, no better day. All Americans have Irish ancestory - at least that's what they say when I meet them over here. Get a big green clover leaf and a Claddagh symbol underneath. Google Cladagh - My wife and I got them as wedding rings. Different, but beautiful.
bears. beets. battlestar galactica. 2 years ago
norman reedus says something to this effect in Boondock Saints. "it's st paddy's day; everyone is irish!" then all hell breaks loose !
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Becca Kuehn 2 years ago
Love that the Mom says this to her daughter and the young girl's self esteem! I wish all parents would tell their children positive messages like this on a regular basis.
A Fox Eating Waffles 2 years ago
"You look pretty today" "I know" "Aren't you going to say thank you?" "Why would I?" "Well, i gave you a compliment" "That was not a compliment, that was a fact. You stated a fact."
TailsFangirl03 2 years ago
Me: I'm a horrible burden who doesn't deserve life. Also me: those are all facts. Also also me: Sleep is for the weak.
Procrastinating.... 2 years ago
Everything OK? Have a hug and some love x (from someone else who finds sleep elusive..unless it's 2 in the afternoon)
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#51
Oliver Kettle 2 years ago
Jokes on you, I don't have any friends!(Cries profusely)
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Argle Bargle 2 years ago
Sing along to all the Eminem songs and Metallica that they have just discovered. They will never play them in your presence again. And exclaim, 'Yay, we get to have a swearing party" and join in when they start dropping the f-bomb to try and shock you.
Argle Bargle 2 years ago
My teenager has now moved on to Elton John and Queen to get away from all the rappers I sing along to. I'm pretending not to know these singers, but inside I'm doing a happy dance and just trying to be chill about it
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#54
Kindlovinghumble 2 years ago
I REALLY feel this. Every night my daughter has so much homework from all of her AP classes. Thank the Lord for google, Mathway and Brainly
Lynn Morello 2 years ago
Homework and Maths were my favourite subjects. Weird, I know, I have been told that my whole life.
#56
#57
#58
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
Never assume anything about food when it comes to kids, especially toddlers. Love my nephew but man is that kid picky and particular about food.
Lynn Morello 2 years ago
That's when you turn to your child and say, "Woah, U know what, wouldn't it be great to make like a Pizza Bagle or Bagle Pizza." rename it something that he comes up with Like Bizza or Pagle and encourage the hell out of it all. Then let him watch and help you in the kitchen. When it is ready, proudly announce that Kiddo has created a new dish, The Bizza Pagle. Just make sure that DAD eats it also Yuuummmmy. Reverse Psychology works so well when it works on kids.
#59
#60
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
When I was a teenager I went bowling with two guys and my sister. Sister and I lost miserably, and afterwards I said "that was great fun, let's do it again!" and the two guys stared at me like I was insane and one said "but you LOST". He couldn't seem to grasp the fact that I was okay with losing.
bears. beets. battlestar galactica. 2 years ago
competitive people tend to dislike when you don't care about winning. sometimes they get really mad and i just have to laugh because mom always told me it's not about winning- it's about having fun!
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Strings 2 years ago
Knew a woman who cured all her kids of this. Oldest pulled the "I need newspaper clippings for this class today" as he was getting his breakfast. She ran him out to the car, and drove around the neighborhood, looking for delivered papers. Found one, told her son to go grab it: as he was doing so, she slammed the door, blared the horn, and drove off. As of the last time I spoke to her, NONE of her kids pull last minute stuff anymore
#63
FetCement 2 years ago
Totinos cut into small pieces and eaten with toothpicks or small forks—the peak of class and deliciousness.
bears. beets. battlestar galactica. 2 years ago
also prevents the skin on the roof of your mouth from burning off!
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#65
#66
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
If you have more than one toddler at the same time, success is when you leave home not forgetting to put your own shoes on.
Lynn Morello 2 years ago
Get them into the car, take their shoes and sock with you. Put their shoes and socks on as they are getting out of the car, get them engaged in how to fasten shoes.
#67
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
I limited their sugar intake as well, but with each year, (no - week) my Redbull and coffee intake quadrupled.
Lynn Morello 2 years ago
Medical specialists frequently change the list of good and bad foods. I remember my Aunty on one of their visits, She threw out a whole bag of Potatoes into the bin shrieking, they're green, they will kill you. She didn't like it much when dad threatened to kill her if she didn't leave his spuds alone. Funnily enough she didn't visit again for months after that.
#68
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
Sadly you can't. Even worse, there is absolutely no preparation for what's to come for you. Good luck with that.
Argle Bargle 2 years ago
And your kids still think you're amazing. Write a journal, take photos, take videos while it's there!
#69
#72
#73
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
Nothing to do with self-confidence. In all households, parents play second fiddle.
#74
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
Oh the pleasure of youth. During an 8 hour sleep, (if I'm lucky), I visit the toilet to pee at least half a dozen times.
Anikulapo 2 years ago (edited)
Sometimes, when I’ve been to the bathroom for the 7th time, I get to thinking that the time has come for this old man to step outside of the igloo on a cold night, and stop being a burden on the clan.
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Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 2 years ago
It's a taste/texture thing. I too prefer the circles of processed meat. More salt lol
#76
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
So true ! Been there. Now they just come and go but clear the fridge before they go.
#77
Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 2 years ago
What'll really blow her mind is when you tell her how they used to make dentures.....
#78
#79
Lynn Morello 2 years ago
Until the I-Pad goes into the dishwasher and the Mobile phone into the bathtub.
#80
#81
bottomless.abyss.of.bordem 2 years ago
Kid's still gotta eat before school....How about 120 half Cheerios?
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
Tell him to think of 120 ways to make your life easier. Tell them to his teacher and she'll be very impressed.
#83
#84
#85
BLONDTROBL 2 years ago
My twin nephew's announced to their mom that they fooled her all summer, and just got wet in the shower.
Marie BellaDonna 2 years ago
That reminds me. It's getting late. And I still have to force my 14 y/o to take a shower, before he has to go to bed. 😑😂
Alyssa Phillips 2 years ago
I look forward to this day. 5 year old uses a bottle a week unless we portion into travel bottles.
#86
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
Sorry - teens are not fun. You love them to bits, but they are not fun.
Lynn Morello 2 years ago
Teens ARE fun, they keep you guessing, they keep you on your toes, they always come straight to the point and they always ask questions like, 'Why do you hate me so much. - Why don't you ever let me do my thing. - Why can't I ever do anything without you butting your noses in" Aaaaaaand so much more.
Load More Replies... #87
Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 2 years ago (edited)
*nutritionist *Sports medicine specialist. Both of these are valid careers, and pay pretty well if in the right areas. 🙂
#88
Immortal Jellyfish 2 years ago
Single person without kids: I did neither because I can't afford trips on one income but my stove will last 400 years.
bears. beets. battlestar galactica. 2 years ago
idk why someone downvoted you! i aspire to a new stove !
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#89
#91
#92
Kraneia The Dancing Dryad 2 years ago
My sister does this every night. Puts on 20/20 or some other true crime type show, and is asleep in about 10 minutes in.
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
Oh yes - been there. Took me three years to watch one movie in it's entirity when my kids were under 10.
#93
Vanessa Richardson 2 years ago
My daughter is 9 now, and what started out as “chicken nugget” has evolved over the years to include “baby chicken,” “nugget,” “nuggy” and—mostly all the time now—“nugg.” Lol
Ace Girl 2 years ago
Aw, I love it! I have something similar but with bunnies. "bunny bun" "bun bun" "bunny butt"
Load More Replies... #94
Luke T 2 years ago
"When the child will not be moved via conventional methods, try the unconventional. Wagons, scooters, or teleportation may be viable options."
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Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
Who needs parenting books? Just tie him up some place safe - come back in one hour and from then on, he'll never want to be out of your sight again, no matter what mode of transport is involved.
#95
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
Isn't 'Did I wake you?' the most stupid question to ask a woken person !
#96
Gardener of Weeden 2 years ago
Son: Your gym is focused on old people... Me: no it's not, the music is great..... oh c**p.
#99
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
When they were younger, to make life easier for my wife and me, my sons only fought with each other twice a week. Tuesday till Thursday and Saturday till Monday.
#100
#102
Bored Trash Panda 2 years ago
That's why i let my kid sleep in if i wake up before him. It's so nice to drink my first cup of coffee without having to have a 10 minute conversation about dinosaurs first.
#104
#106
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
Don't forget chocgolate cakge; oh and pudding 😋
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Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
Oh yes therapist, I do - It comes in pint glasses and is called Guinness.
#108
Gwen LeMay 2 years ago
Ummmm I am so flippin old, I started babysitting when I was 9 made 50 cents for an overnight with a 3 week old baby, thought I was going to grow up and be wealthy. Haha ya no!
Robert D 2 years ago
Is the going rate 120 a night? I feel old. I made like 25 or 30. Wait...are you sure you're hiring a baby sitter?
Crazy Cookie 2 years ago
Yeah. I’m a babysitter at the moment and the most I’ve charged is $50 ($10 an hour)
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#112
#113
Natty Tempest 2 years ago
"sorry boss. I don't want to work to get money..." life hack: after the weight of financial suicide this causes, your back and knees will be so damaged you can get disability payments!
#114
kay s. 2 years ago
a few years ago, i told my son he could cut himself a piece of brownie from the pan that had cooled enough. when i went to put it away some time later, i noticed he had cut right in the middle of the pan bc "i don't like the edges." i may have failed at this parenting thing :-D
#115
#117
#118
Isa's left eye 2 years ago
I feel sorry for your kid(s). Way to invalidate their emotions. Maybe it's not a big deal to you, but it is to them, and acting like this to their face will make them quickly stop confiding in you.
#119
Seamus Crumley 2 years ago
What is Spring Break? In Ireland, we call it everyday of ther year.
PrettyJoyBird 2 years ago
Facts. Plus coming home in evenings then getting 45 mins in bathroom alone with door closed. What the actual....F!
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Queenie G 2 years ago
On a trip with my 5 year old sons and my mom (nana) To keep the boys occupied, Nana tells the boys to look for kangaroos. I tell her not to do that, the boys know that kangaroos are not indigenous to Montana. Laughing she says the boys don't even know what indigenous means and then proceeds to ask them. One of the boys answered, "That means there ain't no kangaroos around here."
Queenie G 2 years ago
On a trip with my 5 year old sons and my mom (nana) To keep the boys occupied, Nana tells the boys to look for kangaroos. I tell her not to do that, the boys know that kangaroos are not indigenous to Montana. Laughing she says the boys don't even know what indigenous means and then proceeds to ask them. One of the boys answered, "That means there ain't no kangaroos around here."
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