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With 2017 rapidly coming to an end, we thought we'd update our hilarious list celebrating the funniest parenting tweets of the year. From moms getting accused of being horrible parents because they won't let them play with a chainsaw, to dads who try to solve all of their parenting problems with cookies, the funny collection of tweets compiled by Bored Panda is sure to resonate with sleep-deprived moms and long-suffering dads everywhere. Don't forget to vote for your favorite!
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#3
John Louis 8 years ago
remember as you kids hysterically run and play like maniacs, they are not burning energy, they are building it up.
#8
Mike Irwin 8 years ago
More importantly: can _you_ remember (without checking Google Calendar!) :)
#10
#15
Evgeniya Khon 8 years ago
Some people don't even have a thing they can look forward to, so you're lucky:))
#25
Kathy Trites 8 years ago
Once my then 3yr old nephew convinced a gymnasium seat block he lost his chipmunk while his dad was coaching hs basketball. It was imaginary.
#26
JillVille Child Care 8 years ago
Party Muffins.... Pupcakes.... all the cool names the little kids come up with!
#27
Ariana Jager 8 years ago
It's about the time. 7:00 is late for parents. Kids gotta go to bed soon after and strangers can't always put kids to bed effectively.
#28
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
There 's something even more frightening: a silent home when you have kids. It can only means that something terrible is on.
#30
#31
DeAnna Anderson 8 years ago
I love how we are expected to know how to do all this new math and english stuff that they are teaching the kids these days. Nothing like how we were taught.
#33
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
Lately I came up with a new strategy with my 4 yo: "if I have to say it once again, I take a playmobil". I line up my little hostages on a top shelf he can't reach. The first time I had to punish 12 playmobils for an afternoon, after two weeks I have around 4 playmobils on the self every days (I dentify his favourit ones to target them first) but I'm beguinning to have success with the "threat" only ;p
#36
Marcia J. Downing 8 years ago
Or told Monday morning that they have to bring cookies that day!!!
#38
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
My man exactly... and then Disney bought Starwars licence and now he's buying action figurines for our son. Right, for our son ;p
#42
Chelle Belle 8 years ago
my boyfriend does not have any kids, I have an 11 year old. every time he poops he has to immediately shower afterwards, turning a regular one hour man poop into a hour and a half.. i'm like, if we ever have a kid together, you are gonna have to get over doing that. you'll be lucky if you get the bathroom to yourself for five minutes.
#46
Elizabeth Mitchell 8 years ago
Or explain awkward story lines, like......why Prince Charming kissed a dead corpse, why Jack was seeing giant bean stalks, why Alice was tripping out, who created Neverland, how three bears managed to talk, and why a girl broke into their house.......
#50
Kenny Kulbiski 8 years ago
I had to do some repair work in an elementary band room once. In August. They were already practicing their Christmas program. Why that teacher didn't pursue a career in panhandling defies understanding.
#54
#56
Marnee DeRider 8 years ago
You know, it was just a dumb TV thing with kids talking about their parents coming to "all their games" or "never comes to watch me play" that started this off. Before that, it wasn't a thing, to my knowledge. Maybe watching the big game(s) at the end of the season was important, but I couldn't have cared less about my parents watching me play soccer for most of the season when I was in grade school. I think they just dropped me off. Parents demand too much of themselves based on fake TV parents.
#58
Misterscooter 8 years ago
And be there half an hour before for warmups, gotta leave house at 6:15, feed them and get them dressed by 6:10 so gotta start trying to wake them up at 5:20 which means I need to get up to get ready at...Dear God!!
#59
olivia martinez 8 years ago
Mary popins voice* "come on kids lets go" 15 mins later Batman voice*" I SAID LETS GO!"
#60
Elizabeth Mitchell 8 years ago
School for my child meant a major shift from well behaved, to learning cuss words she never heard before.
#63
Sillyist 8 years ago
I know a lot of parents have troubles with this. But it's easily remedied. Just make the kids never want to be in the bathroom with you ever again. I recommend a nice giant bowl of French Onion Soup, with a side of caramelized onions garnished with green onions in an onion reduction sauce.
#64
cassiereroni 8 years ago
My 5 yr old daughter asked me one day if she could have an elephant. I explained to her that she couldn't because elephants are too big. She looked at me with bewilderment in her eyes and informed me we *had* some elephants and she just wanted one. I proceeded to tell her we didn't have any elephants and she came back with "Yes we do Mommy". So I asked her where the elephants were and she said "in the refrigerator Mommy". I then told her "Honey, there aren't any elephants in the refrigerator but she insisted there were so I took her to the fridge and we looked inside it. She got all excited that stated "See Mommy, there they are". She was pointing to the olives. I tried to hard not to laugh uncontrollably and gave her her elephant.
#65
Misterscooter 8 years ago
Me: *Explains how to do math problem* , Me: *Walks away and double checks with Google* , Me: *Comes back to fix something I "forgot" to explain.*
#70
Evelyn Adele 8 years ago
That is when I made them start cooking for themselves. Finally heard it enough.
#73
DeAnna Anderson 8 years ago
Oops! LOL. That is when you detour to McDonalds like you had it planned all along.
#77
Evelyn Adele 8 years ago
Or insists on wearing a heavy sweatshirt in 95 degree weather. In humid Florida!
#78
This Is Me 8 years ago
Omigawd, I thought my children would be so well-behaved because I was very good at training my dogs. Boy, was I mistaken!
#81
Kristel Bijnen 8 years ago
When my sister was young, she was freaked out by seeing a teacher at a store. She really thought they lived at school. She did not understand it at all, haha.
#83
Bonnie Alcorn 8 years ago
My one-year old granddaughter puts her hand up to her ear every time someone's phone rings!
#84
Elizabeth Mitchell 8 years ago
Halloween. Good parenting strategy that reverses all the education about not taking lollies from strangers........
#87
Elizabeth Mitchell 8 years ago
There is no better compliment than when your child gets home from school, smells the dinner cooking and drools while asking what’s for dinner tonight? Mmmmm.
#92
Madeline Tuohey 8 years ago
My aunt is pregnant. My cousin (2) says he has a baby in his belly named baby Lizzie.
#97
Patty cake ;3 8 years ago
Why...why I wish I had my own bathroom (drops to floor and starts to sob)
#99
Laura Rudgers 8 years ago
Well, Lewis Carroll was allegedly on LSD when he wrote Alice in Wonderland...I think it was just opium....
#105
Sadie Shapiro 5 years ago
I have some friends who are brothers named Dallas and Austin. Don't ask.
#109
Nadia Corinna 8 years ago
Literally me at the house my mum shares with my older sister the other day: "Why are all the dates on these photo albums before I was born?"
#112
Christine Cameron 8 years ago
My friend's kid would pitch a fit if you DID peel his apple slices because he liked to put a whole slice in his mouth, work the peel off with his teeth and pull it out to deposit on a plate while he chewed up the rest of the apple bits.
#113
DeAnna Anderson 8 years ago
Only on a 15 item or less shopping trip that does not require the purchase of dog food, toilet paper or paper towels. And you must know that everyone else is looking at you and thinking that you are so stinkin' cute for doing this with your child. Plus it is an awesome learning experience for shopping that your kids will not forget and it teaches them stuff about shopping that they need to know for later. Bless you.
#117
#125
#126
Nadine Ducca 8 years ago
Well, considering that "Malone" already has the "m", the name should be "Hoe." :-O
#127
German Rottweiler#16 5 years ago
or a surivial pack with tissue, paper towels, baby wipes, and a plastic bag for wet clothes or barf, mostly for barf. all thats in my moms car
#136
#139
Madeline Tuohey 8 years ago
Once my daughter was at a friend ends house, they made slime, decided to throw it in the air. Stuck to the ceiling made a stain. Same slime, same week ruined our carpet.
#141
#147
Jan Stevenson 8 years ago
It is a really weird feeling when you have recently adopted a dog, and something happens and you indicate you are upset, they come to comfort you.
#149
Kathleen Van Zandt Bye 8 years ago
We had friends who worked for Kimberly Clark and got all their "products" free of charge. One night when they had the pastor over -- of course -- the kids came down the hallway with the "telescopes" they found in the bathroom trash.
#153
#160
#165
John-Michael Mustchin 6 years ago
They'd probably be very specific about what toys, too. Whatever you can't get.
#166
#174
#179
Annie Horton 8 years ago
Give your kid the $20 and tell them the tooth fairy left an advance. Then you're done. Unless this is the last...
#182
Jan Stevenson 8 years ago
Actually, similar happened to me- with my Mother... I tried to explain, she's difficult sometimes.
#186
#187
Gloria Gonzales 8 years ago
My baby is almost 45 and she still chooses to have a conversation with me when I'm on the phone like I'm not on the phone.
#189
Jan Stevenson 8 years ago
My hubby does similar; he refuses to go to bed until 1 or 2 am- put him in the car, out like a light.
#196
Kris Ruddy 8 years ago
It's called "backwash". My husband learned about it when our oldest was a little over a year old and done with a glass of milk. He took a big swig to finish it... and got his first (and last) experience with backwash!
#202
Candi Ulrich 8 years ago
We totally have a 'bag of bags' too... my kids think it's hilarious when I tell them to use those for their little bedroom garbage cans.
#204
#208
#210
#228
#252
#253
German Rottweiler#16 5 years ago
every wake up covered in blood because of a nosebleed, cause I have!!
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What do you think ?
Ed Mo 8 years ago
Raising children; the most difficult, expensive, exhausting, frustrating, horrifying & trying thing on Earth. Also the best.
Brian Kemboi 8 years ago
I think these issues is common in developed countries. In developing countries, a parent does not have the whole time to be chasing kids. One word will make you all scatter. No child in Africa (it is a continent, 54 countries) would dare go against any word of the parent...well apart from the top 1%.
Tiny Dynamine 8 years ago
It's getting hard to find the posts on here these because of the millions of f-ing ads!
Logan 2440 8 years ago
Have kids. Complain about kids being horrible or weird. Its not funny anymore. Its like vegans repeating they are vegans.
Amme Hodgson 8 years ago
And these just reenforce my instinct to never procreate. Personally, I love not having to deal with any of this sort of thing. Zero interest in kids.
Ed Mo 8 years ago
Raising children; the most difficult, expensive, exhausting, frustrating, horrifying & trying thing on Earth. Also the best.
Brian Kemboi 8 years ago
I think these issues is common in developed countries. In developing countries, a parent does not have the whole time to be chasing kids. One word will make you all scatter. No child in Africa (it is a continent, 54 countries) would dare go against any word of the parent...well apart from the top 1%.
Tiny Dynamine 8 years ago
It's getting hard to find the posts on here these because of the millions of f-ing ads!
Logan 2440 8 years ago
Have kids. Complain about kids being horrible or weird. Its not funny anymore. Its like vegans repeating they are vegans.
Amme Hodgson 8 years ago
And these just reenforce my instinct to never procreate. Personally, I love not having to deal with any of this sort of thing. Zero interest in kids.
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