Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
I remember when my then recently newborn son had just learned how to laugh, and as a new dad with his first child, doing anything I could to hear that laugh, including playing "aeroplane" with my son right after supper. This is my tweet from later that night:
"While playing aeroplane with your son after supper sounds like a fun idea, the resulting barf in your eyes and beard is no fun at all."
Dad tweets can be hilarious, and Bored Panda aims to bring you the best of the best. Which hilarious dad tweet do you think deserves the top spot? Vote! Or submit your own funny dad tweets below!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
RELATED:
#2
Puddin Tane 9 years ago
Yeah, nothing like not wanting to be reminded of the people who either did you wrong or you just plain didn't like.
#3
#4
Liane Fleury 9 years ago
Did laughing emojis and this is what came out. Wanted. Lol lol lol lol
Load More Replies...
#5
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
That's right, train 'em young!! After all, it IS considered "literature" ;)
#6
Attack On Titan Is Awesome 9 years ago
Oh yes. BE YOURSELF ( me trying to sing a made-up non existent song terribly)
Juana Keller 9 years ago
oh my god! i have had that exact conversation with my 3.5 year old... well, except that she was Gandalf.
#7
Melanie Charlotte 9 years ago
Why does the mom need to be out when they watch star wars??
Load More Replies...
Virginia Su 9 years ago
My dad always gave me stars as rewards whenever I did something good. I didn't catch on until much later....
#8
Nicholas McGuinness 9 years ago
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.* deep breath*. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah.*another deep breath*. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehahahahahahahahahahahahaheheheheheheheheheheheh .*sigh*
Danielle Goedhart 9 years ago
This story made me pee my pants :D. I wonder what the long story is :D
#9
Patricia Moran 9 years ago
You must be a cousin I haven't met yet. I'm sure we share some relatives
Cozma Ioan Marian 9 years ago
Look at it this way: if the "finder" doesn't see him, he won't be going to college either!:)))))
Load More Replies...
#11
#12
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
The question is, how much of "breakfast" is all over the kitchen counters and floor before he asked about the oven? This tweet should've come with a picture of the kitchen!!
#13
Emelie Wagner 9 years ago
My sister was able to take a screen shot on an Iphone, and she wasn't able to eat by herself. At three.
#14
#15
#16
Christian Hill 9 years ago
We all know who will end doing better ;), I smell a new Fox tv show
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
I think the other son is just as brilliant - he found a way to avoid brushing his teeth that you haven't been able to pull the plug on yet!!
JD Higginson 9 years ago
Daughter #1 - 4.0 GPA Senior in college. Saving herself for marriage Daughter #2 - does HW on bus, purple hair, on boyfriend #6
#17
#18
Attack On Titan Is Awesome 9 years ago
That's mean. BUT ALSO REALLY FUNNY. ( sorry just had to do that )
Magen Anderson 9 years ago
My kids used to ask "why do you tell us to learn tricks on the trampoline"? I always replied "so I can get more money when I sell you to the circus"!
Debra Starr Moon 8 years ago
When mine were really little I used to run their birth videos in reverse and tell them that's what I'd do to them if they didn't behave. I'm sure I'm not the only one that did that.
#19
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
LOL.... my son was super picky about food. But I learned early on that anything mixed with Kraft Mac & Cheese would be eaten without question. I'd buy that stuff by the case!!
Jenny George 9 years ago
Yea my ain't did this to me with lamb (we're Greek it's like staple food) I used to go to her house and come home sick every time. Turns out the "beef" she was giving me was lamb. ALSO turns out I'm allergic to lamb and puke profusely for 4-5 days.
Load More Replies...
Belladonna Raudvee 9 years ago
My 3 year old only likes neat. Not chicken, not beef, only meat lol
#20
Debra Starr Moon 8 years ago
My daughter once told me she didn't like something because "it's too light-ish dark-ish". I'm still laughing about that one and she's sixteen.
#21
#22
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
Well, ok - you'd actually RUN thru it, maybe with a wet towel over your head - but you'd go thru it, one way or another! ;)
Load More Replies... #23
Suleika Cremers 9 years ago
I hope he also explained that the 38% was not just taken away, but pays for roads, public schools, parks, etc..
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
Good... now they know how important it is to share their wealth with others, and contribute to the public welfare. Plus, they won't be fat when they grow up!!
Melanie Charlotte 9 years ago
Oh no a little bit of ice cream is going to make the kids fat?!?!
Load More Replies... Attack On Titan Is Awesome 9 years ago
This one is actually really helpful and good for helping kids learn taxes.
#24
Lily Mae Kitty 9 years ago
we always told my nieces they were sleeping. Sometimes we'd add that it was a terrible place to take a nap.
Aylin Ergün 9 years ago
I think they might be scarred for life after thinking Santa is an animal abuser...
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
Ooohhh, NOT good. Not good at all!! You don't mess with Santa!! You could find your whole house filled with coal next year!!
#26
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
Considering your Twitter handle, this should not be a big change for you. Cats are pretty much the same, lol.
#27
Om Podvinšek 9 years ago
Because in USA piracy is forbidden and in Europe its alowed
Load More Replies...
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
Let us know when your head explodes from hearing "Let It Go" sung by your tone-deaf child for the 18 millionth time!!
Load More Replies... #28
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
LOL... I thought she was going to ask why you don't pay her to go to kindergarten!!
Heather Darcy 9 years ago
The words have the same origin (sel, or salt), so that kid might have known what she was talking about!
#30
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
Awww - celebrate his creativity. You can always paint the walls and reupholster the sofa later. :D
#31
Sibel Schreffler 9 years ago
I read this as "you like what you're doing" it's funny either way
#32
#33
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
LOL... Our kids will be programming the next generation of space shuttles before they finish high school... all from their cell phones! Amazing how much things have changed in the last 20 years!!
#34
Sibel Schreffler 9 years ago
I had a baby cousin whose first word in English was f**k....it might've been because he watched my fall down a set of spiral stairs and each stair the F-bomb was dropped. oops, sorry buddy.
#35
#36
#37
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
I'm guessing that will only happen once. After that, YOU are the nightmare (especially when the clown makeup is all smooshed onto the pillow!!)
#38
TalonFire123 9 years ago
Because everything in the middle always falls out the ends of a burrito
Load More Replies...
Melanie Charlotte 9 years ago
She is 7 years old I'm pretty sure she doesn't have to worry about crashing a car or marriage. Women don't need to depend on a spouse to make them feel "complete"
Load More Replies...
#39
#40
#41
#42
Mikki Woodsmith 9 years ago
My friends kid (now 15) only eats cheese sandwiches, chocolate biscuits and smoothies. Pizza apparently is nothing like a cheese sandwich lol
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
LOL.... I can't believe you have a kid that doesn't like pizza. I thought that was the one food universally loved by all kids (of any age - including me at 54, lol).
#44
Otto Fabian 9 years ago
Go for the hanging bags, it'll trick your kids into exercising by making them jump continuously for it. Also ignore the silly b***h that said no candy.
#46
Bibi Mørkhøj 9 years ago
It could've been worse.. It could've been poop in the laundry basket.
Otto Fabian 9 years ago
There's a story hidden here some where, and it sounds good.
Load More Replies... #47
#49
#51
Jemma Bannocks 9 years ago
Oh man, this every moment of every day! And sometimes the description is terrifying: "I can't find the little girl with worm hair and black eyes"!!! Lala Loopsy.
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
Never had that problem... rather, I'd get "Mom, I can't find my other shoe." *5 mins before school bus comes*... "Did you look under your bed?" "Yes". "How about the closet floor, or under the dresser?" "Yes"... "Did you check by the front door, or in the living room?" "Yes" (it's now 2 mins before the bus comes, and I know he didn't check the living room, because he would have to pass by me, and he didn't). "Ok, I'm coming". **Walk in his room and the shoe he was looking for is sitting right in the middle of the floor, where it's been the whole time. ----------------------------- Naturally, by the time we get the shoe on, the bus has left, and now I have to drive him to school. - - - - This happened EVERY morning for 12 years!!
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
I even tried laying out his clothes the night before, including the shoes, underwear, shirt, pants, socks - anything he might have trouble "finding" the next morning. Somehow, just in the process of getting dressed, he would still "lose" something - every frigging day!!
Load More Replies... 
#53
Virginia Su 9 years ago
Omg thats so true. After school, I would go to my friend's house and we'd make her soft toys go to school, and even make little homework booklets and test booklets AHAHAHA
#55
#56
Cyan Berry 4 years ago
ha-that was like my mom she used to alway throw away my stuff I would get my and yell at her
#62
Aylin Ergün 9 years ago
I don't like dessert and am a kid... Is there something wrong with me???
#63
#64
Christina Adams 5 years ago
I am incredibly grateful for gummy vitamins, since my whole life's experience with 99% of regular vitamins involves me vomiting shortly after taking them (no matter what combination of food/water/lack thereof I tried with them) and gummies are the only ones I can tolerate. Simple, basic dental hygiene takes care of the sugar issue, they're much more appealing to kids and even us adults, and there are plenty of sugar free options available. I'd rather have a little sugar than no vitamins.
Arlo Deer 9 years ago
Honestly, as an Autistic adult who takes vitamins, gummy ones mean I can cope with taking them, and they're fun! As long as your teeth are regularly brushed, and you don't eat too many sweets, its fine!
Load More Replies... #65
#66
#67
#68
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
Hopefully he isn't your only child... otherwise, you can skip the college fund.
#71
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
It's much better when it's someone else's kid's party. You can drop yours off and have 2 blissful hours of peace and quiet........... followed by 6 hours of madness while your kid comes down from the sugar high.
#72
Hetal Vyas 9 years ago
My parents do the number thing, being the oldest, I'm number 1!! There's a number 2 and 3!!
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
LOL... I had 1 son and 2 cats. I can't tell you how many times I'd try to call my son and be like, "Tiger..er, Smokey... er, oh, Jimmy, that's your name... come here please!!"
#73
#74
#75
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
Who could do that anyway? They seem to come up with some "new math" every decade or so... which makes very little sense to me. How many different ways can 2+2 equal 4?
#77
#79
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
Download a game before you leave for the airport... then you won't need internet on the plane. ;)
#80
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
My trick for that was to tell my son I needed to make dinner, so why not write the story and then I can read it after he goes to sleep. Either he'd get lots of writing practice, or the story would end right then!!
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
He actually wrote a couple of really good, detailed stories too!!
Load More Replies...
#84
Marieange Dobresk 9 years ago
My boss thinks I'm an idiot because I just burst out laughing just now!
#85
Maureen Mower 9 years ago
Somehow I was expecting the last word of that sentence to be something far less legal.
Sage Stainer 9 years ago
*Extremly legal and allowed in almost all states if you're 21+
Load More Replies...
#88
#89
magaly buitrago 9 years ago
i remember collecting those when i was little lol i use to look for them everywhere
Add New Image
What do you think ?
Tetiana Mogylenets 9 years ago
Thanks to whoever decided to pull these tweets together!! Totally made my day!!!
Tetiana Mogylenets 9 years ago
Thanks to whoever decided to pull these tweets together!! Totally made my day!!!
You May Like 81 Funny Music Tweets To Get Your Mood In A Flow 60 Funny Tweets About Tattoos That Are Worth Their Ink 30 Funny Memes That Perfectly Capture The Chaos Of Being A Dad And A Dedicated Gamer
Žydrūnė Trukanavičiūtė
Justina Čiapaitė
Dominyka Proškėnaitė
Related on Bored Panda
