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Nobody really likes going to the doctors, do they? I mean, that antiseptic smell, the silence (of the lambs) of the waiting room except for the odd groan and sniffle, the weird sounds your doctor makes while assessing the situation and most of all the unpleasant procedures.
However, as far as the potential for awkward situations goes, going to the doc's can be comedy gold. From hilariously misinformed patients to doctors with a wickedly dry sense of humor, we at Bored Panda had compiled a list of short stories when doctor/patient interactions were just too funny. So check our anthology of the most awkward questions by patients, brittle humored doctors, and hilarious nurses, who also have plenty of funny stories to tell.
P.S.: I wonder, do doctors themselves also hate going to a physician? Or when they do go, do they share the funny stories?
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#1
Pants On Fire
Guy comes into the emergency department via Ambulance with burns on his lower extremities. His shoes are charred and the bottoms of his pants are definitely burned away but his skin isn't so bad. He had been trying to use a propane-powered weed burner in his yard (think flame thrower) and things got a little out of control. I smelled alcohol on his breath so I asked the guy if he had been drinking and he looked me directly in the eye and said, "Nooooo". I got drunk just standing next to him. It was a once in a lifetime set up and I couldn't help myself. As straight faced and professionally as possible I said, "Sir...liar, liar, pants on fire". The paramedics all turned at once and ran out of the room they were laughing so hard! The patient just stared at me. He was so drunk it went totally over his head.
Friedlander Rosenzweig 8 years ago
I’d give you 10 points for that classic if they would let me...
RELATED:
#2
Coming Out Of Anaesthetic
Surgeon here. Was doing varicose veins surgery on a very posh middle aged lady. Very cut class accent. There was an anaesthetic that we used that sometimes induced some hallucinations either going under or coming out of anaesthesia and heard some funny things. Anyway this lady was in recovery just coming out of the anaesthetic. The team were around waiting for her to wake up and gag a little on the tube in her throat (for breathing) so we knew it was time to remove it. She gagged, we removed the tube, she smacked her lips and said loudly, in her incredible accent: 'That's the best bit of cock I have had in years!' The whole recovery room just fell about laughing. Luckily she didn't remember it.
#3
Lame Jokes
As I leaned in to check her eyes, my older patient got a little frisky. “You remind me of my third husband,” she said coyly. “Third husband?” I asked. “How many have you had?” “Two.”
Virginia Gardenhire 7 years ago
You should’ve married her. We’ve all been hit on by a fair number of patients, but that woman has got some serious game. You may be a doctor, but she’s definitely a boss.
#4
Lord Molar
When I came out from having my wisdom teeth pulled I apparently shot up, looked at the doctor and said "Charlatan! I demand you return my teeth! They are mine and I will choose where they are to be spent!" My dad said he couldn't stop laughing because I wouldn't leave without them. When I woke up at home I asked my dad why my teeth were in a plastic bag on the table, he told me everything and promptly started calling me Lord Molar for the rest of the night.
Cheyenne Lane 5 years ago
I had a bar put in for Pectus excavatum my mom said after I came out of surgery I lifted my gown up to look and asked If it was done yet
Lorelai White 5 years ago
My dad would only ever call me that he wouldnt even bother to remember my real name
#5
Youtube Tutorial
When I went to the ER to have a painful ingrown toenail removed, I was sobbing, gagging, petrified … the works. But my doctor knew how to calm me down. “Don’t worry about a thing,” he assured me. “I just looked up how to perform this operation on YouTube.”
Eamonn Anderson 8 years ago
"don't worry i'm a trained professional" as he flashes a piece of cardboard that says "im a dokter
Rosie Burzinski Breneman 3 years ago
I can't imagine needing go to the ER for an ingrown toenail. Egads, that had to be a rough one!!
#6
I Didn't Need It
“Here,” says the nurse, handing the patient a urine specimen container. “The bathroom’s over there.” A few minutes later, the patient comes out of the bathroom. “Thanks,” he says, returning the empty container. “But there was a toilet in there, so I didn’t need this after all.”
Olivia Kuczynski 8 years ago
In his defense, if he had never been asked to provide a urine sample and the nurse did not explain it to him, how would he know?
Rhys Cernunnos 5 years ago
Likely he was told that a urine sample was needed. He was just too stupid.
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Petra Christovová 8 years ago
Well, it was actually her fault :D should have been more specific.
Rhys Cernunnos 5 years ago
They are usually specific, before handing over the specimen container. Not her fault that he was too stupid to understand anything.
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TC 8 years ago
It looks obvious but that's because they think everybody knows what to do. Get some time to speak to patients will you?
Rhys Cernunnos 5 years ago
Likely it was already explained before the handing over of the specimen container.
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Miomirko Buhtlić 8 years ago
After reading the first part, I thought he was coming back with a container full of sperm.
#7
Do You Have An Appointment?
Was at a urologist in a hospital and there were a couple of power cuts. Lights dipped out, generators kicked in. As he's finishing the examination, mid-sentence, the lights go out again. He gets up and walks out to check on things. Fifteen minutes later I'm still sat on the bed with my old chap out and pants around my ankles. A nurse walks past the open door and does one of those comedy double-takes. "....do you...do you have an appointment?" Turns out the doc had actually finished the examination, and returned to the ward some 15 minutes ago. To the nurse I was just some guy who had walked in and pulled his pants down and left the door open.
Petra Christovová 8 years ago
The doctor must have been a real jerk, not saying anything and just leave naked patient be.
Kira Thesloth 8 years ago
This has happened to me at least a couple times. I've always erred on the side of caution though & just waited with my clothes back on. Doctors here are way overworked (thus forgetful), they run more like a factory than a patient care facility.
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Elizabeth Bernstein 8 years ago
That sounds like the beginning of a porno bahaha..."Do you have an appointment?"
Steve Clark 7 years ago
I had a nasty procedure on my "chap." I needed several injections in the base of it. So, a nurse prepped me, put a sterile sheet over me and in tromped the doc and 3 rather attractive med students. They asked if I minded if the students watched. I replied, "the more the merrier." Well, the procedure lasted about 10 minutes, then they wrapped ol' chappie in gauze and taped him up. The nurse left saying she would be back in a few minutes so I could get dressed. I dressed and after a few minutes, there was a knock on the door and she poked her head and actually asked me if I was decent! I cracked up laughing......
#8
Therapy Sessions
Not a doctor, but my human sexuality professor in grad school had some interesting stories. He worked a lot in very conservative Christian communities and so a lot of times people got married with no sex education. One couple was in therapy because neither one of them enjoyed sex or ever had an orgasm. After having them talk through step by step what they did in bed, he learned the guy was just sticking it in and nothing else. He told the guy to move back and forth next time and see what happened. They couple came back one more time to say "THANK YOU!!!!!" and didn't need any more sessions.
Wanderlustladies 8 years ago
If that’s the only advice, I bet that poor woman still didn’t orgasm...
Luc Mailloux 8 years ago
Considering they needed that advice, I'm sure whatever increase in pleasure they had was greatly appreciated, so ya.
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Debbie Andersson 8 years ago
As the animal humans are, I thought how to have sex was an instinct...Apperently not.
RaroaRaroa 8 years ago
Their deeply conservative upbringing probably had them resisting any instincts and sticking to what little they'd been taught. Otherwise, surely instinct would do the trick.
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Zenozenobee 8 years ago
Between the ones that make their sexual education by watching youporn and the ones that have don't even know they should move their hips... I have trouble understanding people that refuse sexual education at school...
Alejandra Lima 8 years ago
What??? This doesn't seem real, I mean, your hips start moving spontaneusly after "sticking it in". Didn't he even practice masturbation???
Patrick Lopez 8 years ago
If they were really this conservative, no he would NOT have masturbated. In many ultra conservative churches, it's considered a sin to masturbate, and sex ed is also out, so they would be flying blind.
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Fanstacia D 8 years ago
And sadly "stick it in and move back and forth" is usually all kids get for sex ed. It's no wonder heterosexual couples can go a lifetime without the female partner ever experiencing orgasm. :'(
Katinka Min 8 years ago
Never ceases to amaze me what parents do to their children in the name of religious beliefs. If they don't even know, that, you wonder what else they don't know. Sexeducation is essential also in terms of health and hygiene. I learned for example how the human body works, especially the female one. The reproductive system is complex. So many things can go awry - it is important to know what to look out for.
#9
A Nice Young Lady
I asked a female patient with dementia what year it is. She said, "Oh, my, no, that's far too personal to discuss in polite company. A nice young lady like you shouldn't be concerned with such things." I didn't bother pointing out that I'm not a lady. I figured if she didn't notice the beard, then she wasn't going to understand an explanation either.
Dani Donovan 8 years ago
Right? My Dad had Alzheimer’s. It can be funny at times, but mostly very sad.
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#10
Eardrops
My patient announced she had good news … and bad. “The medicine for my earache worked,” she said. “What’s the bad news?” I asked. “It tasted awful.” Since she was feeling better, I didn’t have the heart to tell her they’re called eardrops for a reason.
AutumnNies 8 years ago
this is why labels are important- read your labels, kiddos! Or you will end up tasting eardrops!
Sierra Hall 8 years ago
I worked at a physician's office once where a lady was eating monistat. She couldn't understand why it wasn't working.
Paul K. Johnson 8 years ago
There were actually people selling medications for the Y2K virus and people bought them.
nanashi 8 years ago
this reminded me the story I heard about a woman who called 911 to ask if it's okay to drink 2 bottles of a medicine that's supposed to be taken rectally. yes. she knew it said rectally but somehow thought drinking it works the same way too. she was later ended up in ER for a stomach cramped
Aria Mrakova 1 year ago
Methinks the eadrops contained antibiotics, so yeah, being used orally they helped as well; luckily the patient didn't have stomach issues.
Rosie Burzinski Breneman 3 years ago
My extremely intelligent S-I-L was very sick and hospitalized during a very bad flu season years ago. The pharmacy mixed up the labels on her medication when she was sent home. My brother walked into the kitchen to see her trying to figure out how to swallow a suppository for nausea. He didn't ask if she'd already used the other prescription yet.
#11
Creating A Monster
I took care of an 11 year old boy in the ER a little while back. I gave him ketamine for a fracture reduction, or in other words setting and splinting of a broken bone. As he was coming around he started with typical stream of consciousness babbling and then he seemed to snap awake to say "I'm fuckin liiiiiit I'm gonna do so many drugs when I get older" to the amusement of his parents. They thought it was funny and cute but I'm pretty sure I created a monster.
Celestial Lynx 8 years ago
The fact that his parents thought it was FUNNY and not really, REALLY concerning... that’s the scary part.
Heather Whited 7 years ago
They gave my daughter Ketamine when she was 2 to do the cat scan where they found her brain cancer. When she came out of it she was fighting to sit up, popped up and said "Iiiii Loooove youuuu mommmmeeee" and flopped back down. I laughed and asked if Mommy could have a little of what she had. Stressful day, but she's 13 now and cancer free. And she still laughs when I tell her this story.
Nora H. 8 years ago
I thought ketamine was only used by vets. I read somewhere that it’s a tranquillizer for horses...?
DopethronePunkUK 8 years ago
Here in the UK it is commonly used by paramedics for taking people in great pain to hospital, i don't believe they use it so much once you are in hospital but yeah it is a great drug for pain relief and people end up pretty f****n out of it in the ambulance, its pretty safe and yeah it is still used by vets here.
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Body Parts
I am an ER doc. I once had a 20 year old and his girlfriend come in at 2 am freaking out becuase "something had tore his throat open". He seemed fine. No blood. Breathing fine. I had him open his mouth, saw nothing. So didn't want him to lose confidence in me, clearly something had happened, so I'm looking, and looking....there is nothing wrong with this kids throat. Finally I say look, it seems ok...what do you feel or see? "I dont feel it but LOOK ITS RIGHT THERE". WHERE??? Looking, looking. It was his uvula. Somehow this kid had gotten to the age of 20 without ever noticing his uvula. Girlfriend was also horrified....I told them it was normal. Did not believe me. So I told them I was about to blow their minds and showed him his girlfriends uvula. Minds blown, another life saved in the ER.
Dorothy Cloud 8 years ago
Actually it's sad that there are that many uneducated people in the world.
#13
Space Cakes
An older lady was brought into the ED barely conscious by her husband. In a very thick Italian accent she told the doctor she was dying. She had complained of feeling tingly and having a dry mouth prior to passing out. The doctor sat the husband down and they did a history. No serious medical problems and she was very fit. In fact she spent the morning cleaning her sons bar, as she often did on a Sunday morning. Considering her age they took these symptoms very seriously and begun running tests to find the source of her ailments. The son came in to visit his mother, and on the way he bypassed his bar. He noticed that his mother had helped herself to some of the 'treats' prepared the night before. The son, the apple of his parents eye, had to then explain to his father and the doctor that the treats she had enjoyed were space cakes. And apparently she really enjoyed them as she ate quite a few. They then had to sit down and tell this elderly lady that she was not dying, and that she was in fact stoned! Fortunately she was still high enough to see the humour.
Heather K. 8 years ago
Reminds me of a local news story a few years back when an off duty police officer called 9-1-1 in hysterics. He tried marijuana for the first time and was thoroughly convinced he was dying.
Kira Leseman 8 years ago
The Best part was when he was telling the dispatcher that he was dying and then he was dead. Oh and that time is moving really slowly.
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Paula Urban 5 years ago
This happened to one of my coworkers. He's a housekeeper and the guest had accidently left a pot candy bar next to the tip when they left, and my coworker thought it was part of the tip. You're only supposed to eat a piece or two at a time but he ate the whole thing. He, too, went to the hospital believing himself to be poisoned. He was very embarrassed to tell our manager the story, poor thing.
#14
Water Allergy
RN here. I see some crazy stuff, but one thing that stands out was the time I was admitting a guy to the hospital. I can't really remember what for but he was about 400lbs, diabetic, heart disease, you name it. Anyhow I'm at the computer going over some admission questions with him and his 10 family members who are crowded in the room with him. A few minutes in he starts complaining that he's thirsty. He needs something to drink RIGHT NOW. So I get on my phone and call the nurse assistant and as her to bring in some ice water. As soon as the words are out of my mouth the whole family screams "NOOOO! NO WATER! HES ALLERGIC TO WATER!" Well this is gonna be a problem. Turns out the guy had been drinking nothing but sprite and sweet tea for years because of his "water allergy". The next question the wife had was "where are we all supposed to sleep?" The whole family, 10 people, were planning to stay at he hospital with him. You can't make this shit up.
RaroaRaroa 8 years ago
Oh wow. No doubt he gave the water allergy excuse so he could drink whatever he chose, but the fact that the whole family was dim enough to believe it is disturbing.
Teri Patrick 8 years ago
Reminds me of a patient I had that was in liver failure from drug abuse. Family brought him in multiple times after repeated ODs. Anyway...has terrible ascites, on a low sodium diet...so in strolls the family with dinner for him from KFC. He's chewing down on it when I walk in the room. That's the first time I ever snatched food away from a patient.....asked the family if they were trying to kill him after we'd just saved him for the umpteenth time and threw it all in the trash where they couldn't get to it. He died a few months later....surprise, surprise!
Lilly griffith 8 years ago
Does this person with a 'water allergy' realise that other drinks are made with water?
Katinka Min 8 years ago
And there is ten of them... O.o Human kind just has no chance of survival in the long run.
#15
That's Nice
Went about an anal problem. The doctor put his finger up to check all was ok, I made a slight noise and he asked if I was ok. And this is when I said "That's nice", instead of "That's ok".
Minty_Kareoke 5 years ago
Spoil alert, it wasn't the finger. I had to bring this comment back to the top again LMAO
#16
Pregnancy Problems
I hope I'm not too late. I have a friend that works in a doctors office in Amish Country in Pennsylvania. They had an Amish couple come in, saying that the wife couldn't get pregnant. They ran a couple tests, and everything was coming up normal. So then they gave him a cup and asked him for a semen sample. He came back with it full of his piss. He had been pissing in his wife, thinking that is how you impregnate someone.
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
Ok... people should really talk about sex and contraception to their teenagers. That would not give them "ideas", they already have "ideas". But it would prevent people to pee in their partner's vagina.
Dorothy Cloud 8 years ago
I'm thinking the Amish don't talk about or think about sex education. But, darn there are more each year. Someone has to know!
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Dawn K 8 years ago
Sorry. Didn't happen. (During sexual arousal, muscles at the base of the bladder contract in order to close off the passageway from the bladder into the urethra, the tube through which urine and semen leave the body. - WebMD)
Stille20 8 years ago
These stories confuse me. Sex is an instinct.. Like you might not know how to do it well, or safely, but there are things that should come naturally.
Iapetos 8 years ago
Well, I guess it is a fine example for "natural selection".
Load More Replies... Stephanie Goadsby 3 years ago
That poor woman may have been dealing with a bit of a softy.
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Mark Jaress 8 years ago
Since Amish are more or less agrarian, I have a pretty good idea they know how sex works. Learn pretty early in the barn yard, ya know.
#17
Chocolate Milk
A woman came in for a baby check with her 6-month-old and she had what looked like chocolate milk in the baby’s bottle. So I started explaining to her as kindly as I could that she shouldn’t be giving her baby chocolate milk. At which point she interrupts me and says, "Oh that isn’t chocolate milk. It’s coffee! He just loves it!”
Beth McFadden 8 years ago
Jenn, couldn't think of a better way to respond to this story. In fact, I'll join you in saying...THE F**K!?!
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Katinka Min 8 years ago
Everybody needs a license to drive a car. Why just why is there no mandatory license before people can procreate??
Lilly griffith 8 years ago
And how do they not realise how stupid they are?
Load More Replies... Zenozenobee 8 years ago
Coffee? to a kid/baby??? what the hell people have in mind? 1) It' not good for his/her health 2) who want her/his kid to have more energy?
d r e a m w o r l d 8 years ago
WOW. JUST WOW. Hold coffee till they're older! Kids are fine, but babies? NOOOOOOOOO
AutumnNies 8 years ago
No. do NOT give a baby caffiene. EVer- it hurts their systems in general
#18
Menopause
Had a woman who was in active labor, despite insisting she couldn't be pregnant. She said her last period was "like ten months ago" so she'd gone through menopause. She was 25.
Debbie Andersson 8 years ago
I wonder what she said when the baby was there to show full proof she was pregnant.
Signe Manat Hansen 8 years ago
No, it isn't. Many women bleed monthly through the pregnancy and don't show at all.
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#19
All Gussied Up
A woman had a gynecologist appointment one afternoon. Before leaving home she used a little feminine deodorant spray, just in case. She gets to her appointment and is assisted into the stirrups for her pelvic exam. The doc takes a quick look and says "My, aren't we fancy today!" She and not used her feminine deodorant spray; she had instead accidentally used her daughter's glitter hairspray.
Amaranthim Talon 8 years ago
Had something to do with a wash cloth full of glitter she wiped up with right before her appointment- doc says, "Oh I see you put in a little extra effort" and when she gets home she finds what she washed with..
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Debbie Andersson 8 years ago
Heard a similar one, but then the kid had put glitter on a washcloth and the mother planned to clean herself up before the checkup, when will this glitter story end? You would surely notice you picked the wrong thing in one way or another since it´s really sensetive down there.
Maya Wołoszyn 8 years ago
The original is, as far as I can remember: My friend had a gyno appointment with her attractive doctor. She decided to use some of her daughter's perfume spray on her ladygarden to freshen up for her appointment. When she was in the stirrups, before he started his examination, he pulled a face and said, "That's...festive." Turns out it was glitter spray.
#20
Meeting Of The Minds
During surgery, my fellow resident bumped heads with the surgeon. “Ah, Dr Jones, a meeting of the minds,” he said, laughing it off. The surgeon mumbled, “Yes. And I felt so alone.”
Daria B 8 years ago
Doctor Jones, Jones, caaaaaalling Doctor Jones! Doctor Jones, Doctor Jones, GET UP NOW! (Wake up now) ♬♪ *sorry, I really had to this time ♥
#21
Wash It Thoroughly
I had a patient come in for an STD check. She was very upset and continued to tell me that she only had one partner. Progressing through my assessment she further divulged that even if he was sleeping with other people it shouldn’t matter “because he uses a condom every time and he makes sure to wash it thoroughly after every use.” I asked what she meant when she said he washes it after every use. She explained that he washed the condom with hot water and soap before he used said condom again..
Marina 8 years ago
After some of these posts... Yeah, it is, it should be a must in highschool!
Load More Replies... Kjorn 8 years ago
again... sex ed in school should be mandatory! because it give that kind of moron!
Sierra Hall 8 years ago
Absolutely, even in my twenties I heard people talking about using two condoms. I was like "Do you realize latex rubbing on latex is more likely to break?" Something very basic we learned in sex ed.
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Siddharth Rath 7 years ago
He should also use an antiseptic and dip it in chocolate syrup after every use.
#22
You Guys Are Great
I'm an anesthesia student currently doing my clinical rotations and I had an old guy wake up and the first thing he asked was "do I still have my balls?" and I told him "yep, both of them" and he said "both? Aw you guys are great"
PawWings 8 years ago
good imagination!! I didnt know every boy pet said that. Lol
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Robert Morson 8 years ago
OK, but what was he in for? If it was a vasectomy, this would make sense. If it was brain surgery... OK, actually, that would still make sense, but in a different way.
#23
New Teeth
While in dental school my friend pulled out several bombed out (technical term) teeth on a adult male. After the procedure was finished and post-op instructions we given, the man asked, "So when should I expect my new teeth to grow in?" He was serious.
Cat Meow 8 years ago
At your 4th appointment next year. But you need to pay a couple of thousand dollars up front
ChyAnne Blouin 5 years ago
As a long time dental assistant, i concur, it isn't technical, but it is commonly used by all dentists i have worked with
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Alnedra Neddy 8 years ago
No kidding. I once had a co-worker when I was temping at a cafe who kept insisting that our teeth will keep growing back, even if it was extracted or chipped! His logic? "Hair and nails grow back, why not teeth?"
ChyAnne Blouin 5 years ago
And this is one reason every extraction discussion should include replacement options discussion
Wanda Blackburn Barr 6 years ago
I would have told home to stand on his head & listen to baby shark over & over until he feels a tingling sensation in his gums. That is his teeth growing in. LOL.
#24
Dental Hygiene
Not a doctor, dental hygienist... Had to explain that brushing your teeth with Comet ( the cleaner ) was not a good way to clean your teeth to a 40 year old woman. Also had to tell a woman that painting her teeth with white finger nail polish was a bad idea.
Iva van N 8 years ago
Doesn´t seem to work these days, rather the contrary - the stupidest the more successful.
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Amber Tyler 7 years ago
The lady using Comet cleanser? Sounds like my mother are you in Michigan
#25
Decapitation Medicine
I once had a patient tell me he needed his decapitation medicine because he was feeling full of shit. I had to think about it for a minute then I realized he was asking for his constipation medication.
Benicio del Pilitch 8 years ago
i still think decapitation medicine might have worked better ! :D
#26
Sleep Study
I gave my patient the results of her sleep study: “It looks like you stopped breathing in your sleep over 65 times per hour.” Her response: “Did I start back?”
Laila Star 8 years ago
Please tell me you put on your gravest expression and said, "I'm afraid you haven't." ??
Stephen Hutchison 8 years ago
That's one exhausted person. (I know, I was in that situation. Apnea sucks.)
Benicio del Pilitch 8 years ago
well, to be fair her brain was oxygen deprived in her sleep...
Dawn K 8 years ago
I'm starting to think that all these stories are made up just for this article.
Laila Najm 8 years ago
Click on the tiny name under the text on the left. It takes you to the source
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Urine Sample
Call it … carma! A car belonging to a pregnant patient was broken into. The only thing that was stolen was a wine bottle in a brown paper bag. It turns out, that’s where she was keeping her urine sample, which she’d brought in to be tested.
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
I would have love to see the expression of the robber when he/she tested it XD
Marina 8 years ago
That reminds me of two stories of people carrying the bodies of their loved gone pets in an iPhone box (hamster) and a large suitcase (dog). I really wonder howt he thieves reacted :p especially the one with the dog as he initially pretended to be wiling to just help the owner
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Judy Semmens 8 years ago
Maybe because the doctor didn't give them a sample bottle and that was the best alternative they had. I've been in a similar situation in the past and I'd rather use a wine bottle than trust a jam jar.
Load More Replies... Laila Star 8 years ago
Conspiracy theory : Car robber needed her sample for their own probation pee test.....
RaroaRaroa 8 years ago
I suppose it's possible, but probably unlikely anyone would keep a sample in such a big bottle, or be able to p**s accurately enough in the first place to use a wine bottle.
Chloe Dassler 5 years ago
Yeah.. bullshit. A wine bottle would ruin the sample, as would leaving it in a vehicle. I have never heard of someone being asked to bring in a sample and not given a proper container. And even if that did happen a wine bottle is the most impracticle thing one could use and I cannot see any reason why anybody would choose to use one for this purpose. The hole is rather small and would be much more difficult to pour the urine into than say, a jar, empty butter tub, or a thousand other way more logical options that we all have on hand. It is sad that somebody actually finds the idea of a person inadvertantly drinking urine amusing enough to warrant making up a scenario in which it happened. I mean, I guess it would be pretty funny if I were five years old.
#28
Fertility Misconceptions
While I am a doctor, this happened to my wife, also a doctor. Female pt came in complaining of infertility. Said she and her partner had been trying to conceive for like five years and had "tried everything." At one point she let the pronoun slip "she and I..." and my wife said, "wait, let's back up a minute." Turns out the woman had been in a hetero relationship for a few years and never got pregnant despite using no protection. She then entered a same-sex relationship and again never got pregnant even though she really wanted to, leading her to believe she was infertile. When my wife tried to explain that conception requires sperm (sourced from a male) as well as an egg, the pt was incredulous, and exclaimed that she "didn't need a man in my life" and she didn't like being judged. Perhaps needless to say the patient was lost to followup.
Kjorn 8 years ago
how can people be so dumb? this is what happen when you don't send your kid to sex ed in school. or when school forbid sex ed.
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
I'm a little confused about this too. I'm not eager to have THE talk with my kids (still toddlers) but just like my mum, when time will come, I'll initiate THE talk. I don't mean explaining all the kama sutra positions or things like that but explaining how it works, how contraception works and that you must respect yourself, and you partner. At least the basics to avoid peeing in your partner, not moving your hips or thinking that two women can have a baby without any medical help....
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RaroaRaroa 8 years ago
How is it even possible for both people in the relationship to be that clueless?
CelSlade 8 years ago
Speaking of gender confusion - I went to my doctor for a checkup after having a cystic ovary removed. I was starting to get early menopausal symptoms. He explained that it might take a while for my hormones to balance out as sometimes, when an ovary is removed, it takes 'his brother' some time to pick up the slack. I stared at him wide eyed and burst out laughing, making him go completely red in the face. If anything can be definitively said to be female I would think it was an ovary! XD
Nicky OldfieldDesciple 8 years ago
For anybody not believing this story to be real I can promise you it must be. If you like me grew up going to a catholic school where anything to do with sex is a no-no and parents are expected to do the whole talk thing. I went to a Catholic high school that was run by nuns in the 1990's. We were having a civics class. Our usual teacher was off sick and we had a nun step in. For a joke one of the girls put a condom on her desk. The nun picked it up and asked what it was. "Oh said the girl , I brought it in as a visual aid as we were supposed to be talking about STD and pregnancy prevention today. The nun picked it up and asked "and how is this supposed to help with that. She was deadly serious. But to be fair this was rural catholic Ireland and only about 7 years after it became legal to buy condoms in the country. (The Health (Family Planning) (Amendment) Act, 1985 allowed condoms and spermicides to be sold to people over 18 without having to present a prescription.).
#29
Where Did You Get Hurt?
Patient: Doctor, I slipped in the grocery store and really hurt myself. Me: Where did you get hurt? Patient: Aisle six.
Sheralyn 8 years ago
To be fair, the doctor's question wasn't correctly phrased for the intent. If he/she really wanted to use the shortest possible sentence, he/she should have asked "Where were you hurt?"
Elena Rogers 8 years ago
I mean, most doctors would ask "where *are* you hurt?" They only really care about what is actually still injured, not where you got a papercut 3 weeks ago.
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DopethronePunkUK 8 years ago
Or she has named a part of her body 'aisle six', like my left leg is aisle 6.
#30
Clara Fication
A gentleman calls our office with questions about an upcoming test he is scheduled for, and we talk at length about the procedure. Patient: I’m sorry to have so many questions. Me: Oh, that’s no problem. You can always call and ask for clarification when you need it. Patient: Thank you very much, Clara Fication! You’ve been very helpful.
#31
Sleeping Together
Friend of mine is a doctor. Had a christian couple come in and ask why they didn't get a child. Both virgins untill married at 26 and 27. I mean, they did sleep with each other every night. Sleep.
frederic eeckman 8 years ago
You would be surprised... My mom told me that when she was with my dad she was pretty naive (she's from a "catholic farmer's background" where they don't really teach you about these things) and she thought that to get pregnant all you had to do was to kiss your husband and really wanting a baby, and tadaaa ! I mean, it's cute and all, but... well, you know.
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Debra Davenport 8 years ago
true story - I knew a woman that didn't know what she and her husband did could result in a baby nine months later. she had four kids.
Michael O'Brien 8 years ago
I hope your friend told them that they only needed to hold hands, because seriously, if they are that silly and naïve, they are not ready to be parents.
Billee Burkhart 8 years ago
Don't these christian people's parents teach them the birds and bees for goodness sake.
#32
Vertigo
I asked a patient complaining of dizziness if she had ever been diagnosed with "vertigo". The daughter chimed in and said "no, no, she's a Libra..." I then laughed hysterically at her awesome joke. She was dead serious.
Stephanie Goadsby 3 years ago
That would be a pretty good joke. If I ever get the opportunity, I'm digging that one out of the archives for certain.
#33
Breastfeeding Troubles
A woman comes in after having a baby and tells us she's having trouble breastfeeding. I book her an appointment at a breastfeeding clinic, give her some resources, etc. Her appointment was fine and she went on her merry way. A few weeks later, we get the fax that she went to the breastfeeding clinic and everything was fine. Awesome. A year later she shows up for her doctor's appointment, and she's morbidly obese. She must have put 100lbs on an already obese frame. She's developed many health problems related to her weight (that she refuses to acknowledge are due to her weight. Of course.) She tells us she's never been more active after having a kid, her diet hasn't changed, her work life hasn't changed, nothing has changed, the weight gain just happened due to ~hormones. We ask if she's breastfeeding, she says yes. We ask how she's getting the extra calories for the breastfeeding, and she tells us the Clinic told her to eat 1-2 bowls of plain oatmeal a day. It worked, so she's still doing it. We figure this is how she gained so much weight (she's probably eating 2 large bowls of oatmeal on top of her meals, with milk, sugar, butter, etc), but the woman insists she's eating 1-2 packets of plain oatmeal a day. Nothing on it, nothing added to it. It says plain on the package, it tastes plain, it's plain. We send the doctor in to see her after briefing him on the whole story about the oatmeal. He's in the room with her a long time -- much longer than normal. When she comes out of the room, she keeps her head down and walks off, looking angry and embarrassed. The doctor walks up to the nursing table and fills out the chart. "You never asked what brand of oatmeal she's eating". Yeah. Turns out she didn't know plain rolled oats were a thing. She thought the breastfeeding clinic meant plain oatmeal cookies. She was eating an entire package of Dad's oatmeal cookies every single day for a year (basically a 'bowl or two' filled with cookies), and could not understand how that was different from oatmeal.
Kjorn 8 years ago
again... i can understand some people has less knowledge than other... but that??? did she even go to school? When i was a kid i never eat oatmeal. but i can make a diffrence between COOKIES and OATMEAL COOKIES...
Dorothy Cloud 8 years ago
I agree with you. That's just plain stupid. And evidently she is not the only one!
Load More Replies... Susanna Vesna 8 years ago
Didnt she get concerned about eating F*****G COOKIES every day in those amounts?! My god! I cant
Linda Gulley 8 years ago
"the woman insists she's eating 1-2 packets of plain oatmeal a day. Nothing on it, nothing added to it. It says plain on the package, it tastes plain, it's plain." So she lied.
Emma Brown 8 years ago
She knows the difference, she just doesn't want to admit she has a problem
Allana Rose 8 years ago
I have a very hard time believing a woman can gain 100 pd in a yr just by eating cookies for breakfast.
#34
Feeling Like A Muppet
When I bad a colonoscopy, my GI doctor said I said, "wow, now I know what a Muppet feels like!" He had to stop a minute to regain his composure.
Isabel Care 8 years ago
Mine said "Thank god I finally reached the end, I was about to lose the controls. You have an extremely long colon" I have a freakishly long body, so my colon is to scale
Marsha Sturgill 8 years ago
After my colonoscopy I told the doctor that we were now legally married in three states; West Virginia, Kentucky and Tennessee because he had gone where no man had gone before. Why didn't someone just shut me up??? LOL
Steve Clark 7 years ago
when I had my first one and they wheeled me into the room, some soft music was playing. I asked if they took requests and they asked what I would like to hear. I replied, "Blue Moon." \
#35
Insomniac
Patient comes in at 2 am for insomnia, clearly tweaking her brains out, heart rate 200. Can't sit still, bouncing off the walls. I suggest maybe easing up on the cocaine. "But doctor, I LOVE cocaine." K.
#36
Monthly Bleeding
I had a patient in her 30s complain of monthly rectal bleeding that would last 4-6 days and stop on its own. It started when she was 11. She just thought she should get checked out. It did stop for a while when she was pregnant.
Ariane Bolt 7 years ago
Not just "sex ed", as in how to have sex, because she obviously managed that. People need to be taught about male and female reproductive systems and how they actually work.
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Šimon Špaček 8 years ago
In her 30s... so she is bleeding every month for last 20 years and she didn't go to doctor yet? I would go after two, maybe three weeks!
Alyssa Deppen 6 years ago
This is a moment when you wish you weren’t a woman, life can suck for us 😂
Rani Johnson 8 years ago
Why the f**k isn't basic health/ human biology class/sex ed mandatory country -wide. F**k, people are dumb! I once had to explain to a grown 26 year old man that women had three holes down there and that condoms prevent pregnancy and disease....to a certain point. I also had to explain to my 14 yr old classmate that she wasn't going to bleed to death when she got her period for the first time. Her mom pulled her out of sex ed because religion.
Lil’ Twister 8 years ago
So obvious! It is not rectal bleeding! *facepalm* it’s natural for all women!
#37
Salt Water
I was a newly minted graduate with fresh and optimistic views on my life as a doctor. Second week in came this old lady and her very dysfunctional family. They would argue and complain about everything, from the food, the nurses they didnt like and every single medical decision we made. She was very very sick so her management was just as complicated. She had several children and they all didnt like one another and would not talk to one another. Each time we would have to explain a long update to every single one of them because they "are entitled to hear it from a doctor". One of these stories being sitting down and explaining why you don't give gatorade as an IV drip. They did not understand why we were giving "salt water" to her. Conversation with her son: "Look she likes gatorade, she is drinking it so why cant you give it to her through her drip?" We explain why. Son frowns. "But its isotonic." We explain again. "Yes but gatorade has more electrolytes." We explain again. "Salt water just seems to be too cheap. Cant you give her something else closer to gatorade? That has electrolytes?" Continues for two hours. Wash and repeat every day during her admission. Afterwards I told my fiance. He opened up a scene from Idiocracy on youtube and I just sat there with my mouth open for a while.
Shari H 8 years ago
I just told my sister, who is an high school teacher and was lamenting our future, that she should watch Idiocracy.
Alnedra Neddy 8 years ago
The problem is, Idiocracy is too optimistic. The people actually are willing to admit there are smarter people than them!
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Cee Viloria 8 years ago
Patient (or family)comes seeking medical attention but fiercely disagrees on medical intervention and care plan drawn because as he says he knows his body better than anyone else. Added to that is the frequent complaining and bitching about how incompetent staffs are. And because you are in healthcare suck it up because it is unethical to call security to throw these people.
tara skogly 8 years ago
"He opened up a scene from Idiocracy on youtube and I just sat there with my mouth open for a while." - The sad part is that we ARE heading to that future....fast.
Christina Phillips 7 years ago
I'm guessing it's because of the dosage of stuff in there and stuff that's supposed to be digested before it goes into the bloodstream?
Alan Muntz 8 years ago
Every day of my life, I see more and more evidence that the writers of Idiocracy actually did travel to our future and tried to write it as a warning... but it was unfortunately marketed as a comedy.
#38
Special Forces Medic
Not a doctor, but I'm a former Special Forces medic and I treated indigenous populations in Iraq, Afghanistan and several other Middle Eastern countries. Some of the patients and their families asked incredible things of me, such as putting brains back inside after an explosion took half the head off, but I have never been as incredulous as when I had to explain "wrong hole" to a very old tribal elder who was wondering why he couldn't father any children.
Allana Rose 8 years ago
ok, see now? This is what I mean by 3rd world countries. At least from them one might think they lack education!
Anna Thouvenin 8 years ago
Yes Susanna, I'm sure this doctor went at night bombing people and at day treating them...
Load More Replies... #39
Heart Attacks
This happened in med school. I was taking the history of a guy in clinic and I asked about his past medical problems, including if he had had any heart attacks. He responded, "oh yeah, I've had about 20 of those." "...you've had 20 heart attacks??" "Yup" "Which doctor(s) did you see about them? Do you have a cardiologist?" "Nah, I never went to a doctor. My wife is a massage therapist, and whenever a heart attack hits, she starts to massage some pressure points and it stops." "......Uhhhhh, ok......What does it feel like when you have a heart attack?" "I don't ever remember them. My wife tells me that I fall onto the floor and my arms and legs start jerking. She says it takes about a minute of her massaging before it stops. I then get really confused and tired afterwards, and I can't remember much of anything that happens to me until I take a nice long nap." The dude was having seizures, and thought that they were heart attacks. They normally stop on their own after a few minutes (at the most), and his wife thought that her massages were curing him.
Lilly griffith 8 years ago
Did..did he know what a heart attack actually was? And if he thought he had 20 it would be common sense to see a doctor about it?
Chyppa Homer 8 years ago
Yeah ! "pressure points" I`d have a heart attack twice a day
Load More Replies... #40
Say No To Drugs
I admitted a guy for pneumonia, which was odd because he was young and strapping, no other medical issues, x-ray didn't look quite right. The pieces just didn't add up and so I started questioning him more closely. Me: Do you use any drugs? Patient: Drugs! That's disgusting. I'm no fucking druggie! I've never touched drugs in my life. I move on to other questions and suddenly: Patient "Look, doc, I just want you to know I may have used cocaine once or twice years and years ago. I just snorted it though. That wouldn't cause this, right? Me: How long ago? Patient: Like ten years, maybe longer. Me: It shouldn't be affecting you after this long. Patient: More like five. Me: Years? Patient: Uh, like five months ago. This goes on forever, until he admits he just got off a massive crack binge the day before, where he spent the past three days in a hotel with some "loose women" smoking crack non-stop. He finishes with: "But I don't want you to think I'm one of those dirty druggies." No, I think you're the idiot who lied and was getting treated for pneumonia instead of getting the proper treatment for crack lung, which is what he had.
Yoo Jin Na 8 years ago
probably means he had infarctions to parts of his lungs due to vasoconstriction...
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Allana Rose 8 years ago
I don't understand why people lie to their Dr. Esp. when it's something serious like this and you could easily end up dead if they don't have your while history. Embarrassed or not, the truth can save your life!
#41
Trust The App
When a woman in an emergency room told me she wasn't going into labor because her app said she want ready yet. I could see the top of her daughters head... But what the fuck do I know keep asking apple for advice.
Claire Thomson 8 years ago
This is the issue with people who think they know better than everyone else because of their 101 research
#42
Thorough Examination
The doctor explained to his patient that she suffered from inflammation of the cervix. Concerned, she demanded that he test her husband for it too. The doctor assured her, “I’m positive your husband does not have cervicitis.” She shot back, “How do you know? You haven’t examined him yet.”
Elmo RN Man 8 years ago
I had to have that same discussion with a couple. No matter what I said or tried, “He has to have it too!” It finally devolved down to me finally saying, “He can’t have it because he has an ‘Outie’, not an Innie.” That seemed to get the point across!
David Cobb 8 years ago
Lesbian married couples often refer to themselves as husband and wife. So her husband could have been another woman. Maybe living in Austin is playing with my mind some.
#43
Pregnancy Prevention
One day in the pharmacy, a girl comes to the counter requesting a refill for her birth control. We pulled up her profile and realized we couldn't refill it because she just got a 28-day fill less than 2 weeks ago. When we asked what happened to the other one, she said she was out. Apparently, both her and her boyfriend were each taking a pill each and was adamant that was how they needed to prevent pregnancy.
Amy Broderick 8 years ago
this bugs me - my script clearly says to skip placebos, but the pharmacy still sends me out with a '28-day supply' so the insurance won't let me have a refill once every 3 months or so. I've resorted to skipping Saturdays to try to make it all last
Virginia Gardenhire 7 years ago
Why’re you skipping placebos? When it says you can skip them it means you don’t have to physically swallow the placebos, but you still need to take the time off. You could do real damage to your body by skipping them completely. I’m a doctor, but even if you won’t believe me please ask your doctor to explain immediately.
Load More Replies... Linda Gulley 8 years ago
They didn't notice that there are days labeling the pills? How about the fact that the prescription wasn't for him?
#44
Scrotum Adjustments
Had a female patient. Her mom asked me to adjust her scrotum. Trying not to burst out laughing, I said "Your daughter's scrotum?" She acted like I was stupid and pointed to the back of her neck. I knew she wouldn't listen as she was so convinced so I stopped arguing with her. And I also wanted her to go around saying it to other people.
Mae 8 years ago
I feel so bad for America (and any other country that doesn't have any or proper sex ED
madcow 3417 8 years ago
I can understand mixing up cervical vertebrae and cervix. I'm not sure what was being confused for s*****m.
Stephen Hutchison 8 years ago
Well, the SACRUM is the bone in the pelvis formed by two fused vertebrae, but that's the other end than the neck. I think the woman was listening to a chiropractor years ago and thought she knew what she was hearing. Then got confused. More confused.
Load More Replies... Robert Morson 8 years ago
Maybe she meant spine, and somehow got the word wrong? I don't know, either.
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Marcus Sudjojo 5 years ago
Mom: yeah doc....look....*lifts up daughter's hospital gown* Doc: DAYUMMMM.....
#45
Stimulation
Pharmacist, but comment still relates. Had a lady call in complaining that their husbands viagra wasn't working. I then went on to explain to the patients wife that in order for the medication to work, the patient needed some sort of "stimulation" The lady just screamed a loud "ME?!?!?!" and then hung up the phone. Still my favorite viagra story.
#46
It Runs In The Family
I've had a patient claim that amputations run in his family. He said that was the only reason he needed both legs taken off above the knee. He was adamant that it was not actually due to his uncontrolled diabetes, his enormous and continual sugar intake, his refusal to use insulin, or his refusal of treatment for the giant infected wounds on both feet.
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
He does'nt want to admit that he has a problem with food, OK. I mean, sugar addiction is an addiction, people are always reluctant to admit they are addict to something. But why refusing insulin or treating his wounds???
Stephen Hutchison 8 years ago
Because he thinks diabetes is a moral failure. Lots of people thing illness is a moral failing of some kind.
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#47
Hammer It
Im ashamed to say I have a story that fits here. I have a ganglion cyst on the inside of my wrist, when it starts getting large I smash my wrist down on a hard table and it goes away. I developed a similar bump on the top of my foot. I couldn't smash it down like my wrist so I tried hitting it with a hammer. Didn't do anything and it was getting bigger and interfering with my shoes so I got it investigated. Not a cyst, but arthritis in the joint. No wonder my hammer trick didn't work. The radiologist did find my treatment method amusing, but advised me to get any more lumps checked out rather than randomly hitting things with a hammer.
OrthoDude 8 years ago
Your approach to treating a ganglion cyst was medically sound....300 years ago. In times past, smashing them with a big Bible was recommended.
Old FoolRN 4 years ago
Ganglion cysts are also called bible cysts because folks used to smack them with their family bible to get rid of them!
Sarah O'Dwyer 8 years ago
BIBLE BUMPS!!! I have one too...I love freaking people out with it!!
Stephen Hutchison 8 years ago
yyyeah, doing that when you have a gout attack going will make things exciting.
#48
Alternative Treatments
A related story from my friend, a Gynecologic Oncologist. Basically a woman had early uterine cancer, but refused surgery. She wanted to explore alternative treatments like coffee enemas (?) and meditation. She somehow managed to get an audience with the Dalai Lama who told her to go back to western treatment.
Kjorn 8 years ago
hate these kind of people. my wife is a nurse and she see so many of these nuts. So many childs dies because parents try 'alternative' treatment instead to just go to the doctors!!
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
You mustn't believe doctors because they are doctors. Some of them have their ways, always did like that, never question themselves. But if a doctor conclude that he must remove your uterus to save you and you don't like the idea (which I totally understand), then go to... another doctor. Having different MEDICAL opinions to take your decision is O.K. trusting a fortume teller/ gourou/ marabout / new age priest is not (Specialy when it's not about our health but your kid's). Alternative treatment can help (even if only placebo effect) but it should never be to replace the medical treatment!
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Stephen Hutchison 8 years ago
And that's why the Dalai Lama is awesome. I hope it was in time.
Marcus Sudjojo 5 years ago (edited)
To be fair, most people are afraid of surgeries, and some have their fear in the "phobia" spectrum (as in, extremely afraid, pounding heart, sweating beads, maybe a bit hysterical). Maybe she's one of them. Imagine if you're arachnophobic (phobia of spiders), and you're told the only medicine for one of your illness is to eat live spiders. Your first instinct would be to find second opinions and alternative procedures that don't involve eating live spiders. That's what she did....
Pat 8 years ago
A lady at my church sells essential oils. She has a lot of people bamboozeled with all the c**p from the company. Her daughter suffered with poison ivy for 2 months using oils on it instead of going to doctor and getting prescription med that would have cleared it less than 2 weeks. She also tells people not to get flu shots or their kids vaccines.
Allana Rose 8 years ago
I think using holistic medicines can be useful for some ailments but Cancer? Def. best to see a Oncologist for that one!
#49
Go Back To Sleep
I was coming to just as my doctor was finishing my colonoscopy. Feeling some pressure “back there”, I reached down and patted the doctor on the head. “It’s OK, Yehudi,” I said. “Just go back to sleep.” Yehudi is the name of my dog.
#50
Eye Color
I worked at the ER during my internship and met a girl who had increasingly painful and red eyes since a couple of days back. The last 24h had been horrible. I asked about all the normal stuff, and she claimed to have no idea why she had this eye problem - she had never had anything wrong with her eyes. I proceed to drop some dye in her eyes to check them in a microscope, and when I do I realize she's wearing contacts. She didn't like her natural eye colour, so she had bought a set of blue coloured lenses 8 months earlier. Never removed them, not even during night time. Didn't even think to mention this to me, claimed to have no "foreign materials" in her eyes. Needless to say, I gave her quite the harsh lecture and a referal to an ophtalmologist.
Iva van N 8 years ago
Christine, if that girl had gotten the harsh lecture (or several) in school or by her parents when she was a child, she would not have grown up into a foolish person.
Kiahna 8 years ago
Christine, she learned a tough lesson. She needed one in order to not hurt herself again. There is a big difference between mistake and stupidity. You have no idea how this person feels or thinks so don't ever make assumptions and skip straight to 'need a career change'. And he never said it made him feel better or that the girl felt stupid.
Anna Thouvenin 8 years ago
I even think that by "harsh lecture" he showed her a very graphic result of what could have happened to her if she kept her lenses this long without care. Complete loss of vision is a possibility and I'm sure that her lecture will stick in her mind.
Load More Replies... #51
Funny Doctor Patient Story
The stupidest thing I've been to the doctor for: I took my young son in because he had a very regular rash on his lower back. It wasn't until I was in the doctor's office that I noticed that it had exactly the same pattern as the inlet cover on our jacuzzi. Which he had just been bathing in.
#52
Hold In Your Coughs
Getting a physical around 11-13 and the doctor who was probably around 75 at the time asks me to strip down to my boxers for the whole awkward ball grab thing. Obviously at that age and dealing with all that shit you feel weird so when the doctor only said "cough" I mustered up a big one and was prepared to fire when he suddenly interrupts me with these words of wisdom "Son, when a man has your balls in his hand you don't cough in his face."
#53
Penicillin Shot
I went to the doctor to treat my soar throat and I agreed to get a shot of penicillin. If you don't know this shot goes right into the ass. As he put the needle into my rear end I suddenly had the need to vomit. I wasn't feeling anything until the exact moment of contact with my cheek. I yell STOP and immediately try to run over to the sink where I proceed to trip and fall. Then I just start letting it all out over the floor. I was just laying there on my side blowing chunks with the needle still stuck in my ass. It wasn't one of my finer experiences at the doctor.
Kira Leseman 8 years ago
I hope this is the story the doctor tells his grandchildren and great-grandchildren every Christmas.
#54
Check Those Farts
Emergency surgeon here Got called 2 a.m. because a patient demanded to see me because "her daughters farts smelled too bad" Kept a straight face.
billy bob joe 8 years ago
why was she smelling her daughters farts at 2 am in the first place?
#55
Honest Mistake
A friend of mine mistakenly called her gynecologist instead of her dentist to make an appointment, and started the call by admitting she was overdue for a cleaning...
Elmo RN Man 8 years ago
Reminds me of a comedian who had a bit about going to the Gynechiatrist and requesting a Pop Quiz...and then asking if you get a certificate or something.
#56
No Way I'm Pregnant
There was one who was very upset to find out that she was pregnant again because she'd used her diaphragm EXACTLY as she'd been told. She carefully inspected it for holes, applied the spermicide, placed it, wore it at night, then took it out, cleaned it and put it away each morning. ...And then her husband arrived home from his night-shift.
#57
I Know My Body
Doctor here. One we get commonly is "I know my body." Scoped a guy with knee pain - the joint looked perfect. Told him after the surgery, and he told us "no, my tendons are all torn. I know my body." Told a lady she was pregnant. "No, I'm not. I just had a big lunch. I know my body." Absolutely, when something doesn't feel right and your doctor doesn't want to listen, seek a second opinion. You know how your body normally feels. But if someone has performed an invasive surgery to look at your joint, or has seen a fetus on ultrasound, they probably know what they are talking about.
Sheralyn 8 years ago
Wouldn't help. Woman's reply would be: That's not a fetus, that's my lunch.
#58
Online Witch
Me: Sir, I need to know why you stopped taking your antiretrovirals for your HIV. Him: Well I met this witch online that... Me: Wait, did you just said "witch"? Him: Yeah, she sent me a bunch of herbs every month to cure my HIV, and they worked, last time i checked I was cured. Me: Where and what tests did you do to know you were cured? Him: I made an online test that the witch told me to, they were a lot of random questions but in the end it said that I was free of HIV. Me: Ooook, we will need to do a blood test to confirm that. Now, can you tell me wich herbs were you consuming? Him: I don't know the name, but I have them right here :points at his backpack: Me: May I take a look? Him: Sure! I opened the bag and what I saw was nothing but grinded oregano with something that smelled like chlorine... The patient, sadly, died from a severe sepsis a month later with a highly resistant microorganism. Just because a "witch" in a website told him to stop taking his meds...
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
I really have a problem with this kind of people. Not the guy who is desperate/who can't face his HIV/ who lake of knowledge/who trust a witch, but the f***** monsters that take advantage of weak people and risking their life/are responsible for their death. Can't they face justice for that?
Anna Thouvenin 8 years ago
Actually this is considered as second degree murder in many countries. It's just difficult to prove who is behind these schemes sometimes.
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Jacqueline Morrow 8 years ago
I am kind of agnostic pagan in my beliefs. Sometimes I use the term Witch to describe my self. Herbs are great many can help. They are no replacement for actual medical science and if anyone tells you to ignore what a trained doctor tells you and take their whooey. DON"T F*****G DO IT.
Linda Gulley 8 years ago
This describes all "natural" and homeopathic garbage. Crystals and herbs and all that c**p KILLS people.
Mike Cannon 8 years ago
There's a special place in hell for quacks who take advantage of people like that.
Rani Johnson 8 years ago
Anyone who is serious about being a "witch" wouldn't cause harm towards another living being. "Do no harm".... This dude was really stupid and got too lazy to take his legit meds. Shame on both of these people.
David Cobb 8 years ago
While I am a Christian. I know Wiccans worship a female deity, and the first rule is to not harm others. There are bad people acting like Witches, just as there are scum bags acting like Christians, both for personal gain from the weak. I disagree with Wiccans but they are my brothers and sisters through God. I will love them, and leave judgement to God.
Load More Replies... Katinka Min 8 years ago
In a way this is tragic, but in some other way this is natural selection.
#59
Monkey Brain Vaccines
I am a family practitioner and I had a family not want to vaccinate their newborn because they heard that vaccines were derived from monkeys brains and they didn't want their child to develop monkey like characteristics.
Markus McCloud 8 years ago
I agree, @Adogcalledkitty. I hate when my condition is demonized by the anti-vax community (and Autism Speaks, but that is a different story for a different time). Because a dead child is SO much more desirable than an autistic one...
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Carmen McLellan 8 years ago
I'm afraid avoiding vaccines won't guarantee your kid won't act like a monkey at some point, usually in the 3-11 year period.
Ellis 8 years ago
You think they stop acting like monkeys at 11? LOL they're just getting started at that age!
Load More Replies... Ellis 8 years ago
Absolutely! By refusing vaccines you jeopardize not only your child’s health, but other people’s health too. This comment should get more upvotes.
Load More Replies... Lisa Reuss 8 years ago
And this is what happens when you get your medical information from the internet or celebrities.
isaac rikard 6 years ago
i have autism but from being born prematurely it has not affected me in any way i want you all to know that having autism is not a bad thing it does not come from vaccines but from a sickness and if you dont vaccinate your babies they will die short life long life you chose
Chris Sprucefield 8 years ago
In this case, it may actually provide an upgrade, if going by the parebts is anything to judge by..
madge98 6 years ago
As a parent of an autistic adult who has spent the last 21 years researching the whole MMR subject and the Andrew Wakefield debate, I am saddened that those parents who question the safety of the triple vaccine are instantly condemned for being irresponsible. If any of these people who condemn had actually read Andrew Wakefield's findings, they would know that he was campaigning for three separate jabs with sufficient recovery time in between each jab because tiny immune systems of those who may be predisposed to autism are inequiped to deal with three vaccinations.at once. The frustration for these very responsible parents is that they have to travel to a different country in order to get these separate vaccines and pay for them privately. They are not available in England. While the autistic individuals who have posted on this page are able to communicate their views eloquently, many others, such as my son, are unable to make themselves understood at all, and will never work.
#60
Following The Directions
I had severe asthma as a kid. I was intubated for a severe attack a few times. My parents were instructed to take better precautions in our home and went through instructions, more dusting, washing bed sheets and the big one: NO SMOKING inside the house. So my parents agreed to all of this. Few weeks later, I'm back in the hospital. A doctor recognized me and came over to talk. Then he bent over and smelled my head (I'll never forget that. I thought it was so weird). He told a nurse to sit there and not let me leave with my parents. When my parents showed up, he asked point blank, 'Did you not understand what I told you last time? Do you understand these attacks could be fatal?' 'But we open windows and have stopped smoking in her room when we put her to bed!
Stephen Hutchison 8 years ago
Read the post. The author had severe asthma AS A KID and she is now an adult writing this.
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Tibby Wells 6 years ago
Mine wasn't asthma. It was allergies. Parents acted the exact same way and went as far as telling the doctor that none of the things they smoked could possible exacerbate allergies. Eye roll.
#61
My Body Is A Temple
Not a doctor but I'm a nurse who worked in the OR at a trauma center. Was doing surgery on a 19 year old who tested positive for meth and cocaine who was grilling the anesthesiologist about every drug we were going to use in surgery because "he doesn't like putting chemicals in his body" Gotta stick with that organic, fair trade, Non-GMO cocaine
Markus McCloud 8 years ago
My response would be something like: "Excuse me, do you know your mass and volume? I just need to know exactly how DENSE you are."
Load More Replies... #62
Will He Still Be A Virgin?
I had a patient's mom ask me if putting a catheter in her 6 year old son would break his hymen and would he still be a virgin.
Stephen Hutchison 8 years ago
There is no magical virgin flag. If a girl has a hymen (sometimes they don't) it can be damaged by just about anything, and it doesn't mean the girl isn't a virgin.
Linda Gulley 8 years ago
Hyman does not equal virgin. There is NO test for females or males that can confirm virginity. None.
Out of chocolate 8 years ago
....if it were a 6 year old GIRL.... the answer to these questions would be the same...
Sophia Cai 7 years ago
Haven't got my period yet and now I'm wondering: does a tampon make you not a virgin all of a sudden, then? :)
#63
Eye Exam
I work for an optometrist and it was the month before school started and a woman brought in her son to have his eyes checked for the first time. Seems like a pretty reasonable thing for any parent, even if he was a little older than usual for a first eye exam. Better late than never I guess. The mom was well spoken and appeared fairly intelligent. Everything went as normal, the doctor examined the boy and ended up prescribing glasses. When the doctor was explaining to the mom that her son had to wear his glasses all the time since he's nearsighted and basically can't see clearly past 5' in front of him. And will definitely need glasses for school. For some reason this caused a switch to flip in the mom and she spazzed out on the doctor, saying that her son doesn't need glasses and that the doctor is only saying that he does because he wants to sell glasses. She says that she only brought her son in because there was some form for school that needed to be filled out and that doctors are all a con artists trying to push unnecessary medications and interventions. The doctor tried to calm her down and explain that he's only trying to help them but that she was free to get a second opinion and gave her a copy of the kids prescription and sent them on their way. About four months later the lady is back asking for another copy of her son's prescription. Apparently the first semester midterm results were in, and her son failed them all, because he couldn't see the board in his classes and needs glasses!
logical fallacy 8 years ago
My mum, a first grade teacher, has to deal with this often. Parents refuse to believe that their kids have eye or ear problems that get in the way of learning and understanding the world around them, because 'they're perfect the way they are' and professionals like teachers, doctors and various types of therapists are just trying to prove their jobs are needed.
Kathy Joy 7 years ago
My mother can be a little like this. Not majorly but I remember telling her I was planning on buying my daughter some STEM and other early learning toys to help her development because they had been recommended by heath professionals and she was like 'Oh no they only say that so you buy their stuff/buy their book, they always change their mind about what is good for kids every other week, don't buy her expensive toys, you ever got them you loved pots and pans' etc. But then she would often follow fad diets like the Atkins diet and didn't see the irony there...
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Georgina Lebler 6 years ago
the offensivenes,s, shere arorggance, dogma of of you people just never seems to stop offending and educated person....yeah ....people like me and so many others. And so you get to "even judge" others by the way they look, sound, dress or speak, You make me vomit b ecasue you can't even engage the "least of us" Why don't you go to Kenya......you know...what is it you call yourselves..... by the way we couldn't care less.......so fukin full of yourselves...well get this...."we don't care...we don't love arseholes like you..... dime a dozen....just a yellow pages job at best and us all t know as private consultants and private pratitioner as you can get ...you will always be the carpet under us. Go away ,,,you are fulll of yourselves....so full of s**t.
Kira Leseman 8 years ago
I had a aunt like this. Had. Thankfully my uncle divorced the crazy b***h.
#64
Blowing A Raspberry
Farted on my doctor's hand just as she finished a prostate exam. Because of the lube it was an especially wet and raspberry sounding one. She giggled and said she'd be rich if she had a pound for every time it happened.
#65
Just Stop It
70 yo female tripped and fell 2 days ago. She came it with hip pain but reports after the fall her nose was bleeding - she had landed on her nose. About a year prior her dentist had messes up an infraorbital nerve block and caused some swelling in that region but that all was resolved. This old lady is now convinced her nosebleed after falling on her face is related to an "infection" from the dental issue a year ago. After multiple back-and-forth on the etiology of the nosebleed, she became the first patient I raised my voice and put down an authoritative "no, you are wrong, just stop it".
#66
Handicapped
Got placed doing a rotation in the orthopedic floor of a big hospital in a rural area of Southern California. I was doing my rounds and saw a patient out of bed and walking around the floor following a knee replacement. She had a cane in her hand that she was carrying like as a solider would carry a rifle. I asked what she was doing and what she thought the cane was for. She replied she thought the cane was for pushing people out of her way since she's now "handicapped" and it wasn't to help her walk on her post op knee.
#67
Scratching An Itch
I once saw a high school aged kid come in with a dinner candle stuck in his rectum. He reportedly was using it to reach an itch. Apparently the itch was in his spleen because that thing was deep. Mom told me the story, and how she had previously asked him to not itch himself with other things of hers. I didn't ask for any more details. I honestly think she believed that he was just really itchy.
Kathy Joy 7 years ago
My dad's great aunt (so my great-great aunt I guess) use to be a nurse and some guy came in with a milk bottle stuck up his a*s. She knew of course that he'd just been 'experimenting' and thought 'each to their own' but the guy was adamant, saying again and again how he had gone to answer the door in his dressing gown that morning, slipped and just so happened to fall a**s first onto one of the empty (and clean) bottles he had left on his doorstep for the milkman to take away.
Load More Replies... Elmo RN Man 8 years ago
One of my favorites was this gem: Me: Okay sir, I need to get the details of what happened for your doctor. Pt: Okay, go ahead. Me: You wrote that at 3am you were up on a ladder working... Pt: Yep. Me: And it says you were naked at the time... Pt: Yep. Me: And, you said that you fell from the ladder... Pt: Yep. Me: An you happened to land on a (conveniently lubricated) mechanical device that is now lodged in your r****m... Pt: Yep, and it can’t get it out. Me: I just wanted to make sure I had you’re story correct for the physician...(and the enjoyment of my friends and family for the rest of my life). Pt: Yep, that’s exactly what happened.
#68
All Fine And Healthy
A guy came in with a wheelchair. "Do you have any medical issues?" "No" ".... Umm, why are you in a wheelchair?" "Oh, I have a degenerative neuromuscular condition. And type 2 diabetes."
sexy_scorpio_3MD 8 years ago
This happens all the time. A lot of my pts tell me they have no PMHx and then they list off every medication in the book associated with all the major health diseases.
Sierra Hall 8 years ago
I was actually guilty of this one day. Just by not even thinking about it. They asked me my medical problems, I told them and then they asked about my meds. I mentioned insulin, and they were like why? I had gestational diabetes... whoops, forgot to mention that lol! I'm just going to blame it on pregnancy brain :-)
#69
Pepperoni
Heard this story from a nurse friend. Some guy was dancing in skin tight leather pants at the opening of a new nightclub in a nearby small city. It was hot inside with the huge crowd. The guy fainted from the heat and was taken to the ER, where his pants were cut off. This revealed that the guy had a length of pepperoni in his crotch, taped to his thigh. The ER staff got the giggles and left his room to laugh in the hallway. At some point one of them said something like, "We've got to get back in there and deal with an unconscious patient." At this point they returned to professional duties.
Max Rohrmann 8 years ago
I geuss that was just a pepironi in his pocket and he wasn't happy to see you
David Martin 7 years ago
I admit, the fact that entry #69 is about this man’s pepperoni made me laugh a bit too hard. I’m 35...my sense of humor is 12
Dee McDowell 4 years ago
I actually know one of the RNs who was friends w/my ex sis-in-law it REALLY happened, lol !
#70
Allergies
Nurse here, I work in Anaesthetics and it drives me mad the amount of patients that want to have allergies, e.g, antibiotics give them the trots, er no that's a side effect. Anyway the anaesthetist comes into the anaesthetic room morning and asks me not to ask the patient about allergies, I'm puzzled at this and ask her why, the patient was allergic to oxygen. Yes, oxygen. She was a fun patient.
SarahofBorg 8 years ago
Side effects are still a valid issue to report. The mean, you might not technically be allergic to dairy but being lactose intolerant is definitely an issue. It's kind of annoying though. I have a sensitivity to epinephrine but it's impossible to be allergic to it, but they still insist on calling it allergy.
Francis Zuidinga 8 years ago
Love is like oxygen, you get too much, you get too high, not enough and you’re gonna die....
Stephen McNally 6 years ago
There are 'numbers' of patients, not 'amounts'... amounts refer to kilograms, litres, etc.
#71
Feet Enema
The day after I had surgery on my leg, a nurse came into my hospital room with a box in her hand. “Are you ready for this?” “What is it?” I asked. “Fleet enema. Didn’t your doctor tell you about it?” “No.” She rechecked the orders. “Whoa! It said feet elevated!”
Alberto 8 years ago
when i was a child i got one that was prescribed for my sister, but hey despite all my protests nobody bothered to check the first name
Osvaldo Fernandez 7 years ago
At least this nurse was responsible enough to double check the notes and not just feel that she was right in giving the patient something they didn't need.
Sarah Bell 5 years ago
At least this isn't a case of operating on the wrong foot. I've seen countless stories like the man who went in to have one testical removed and they removed the healthy one. Or the person who was having one leg amputated to the knee because of gangrene. They removed the healthy leg and had to go back and remove the infected leg, resulting in a double amputation. That one is really bad because you definitely know when someone has gangrene. You can see it and you can definitely smell it. So why they didn't notice they were removing a healthy leg instead of a leg where the flesh is rotting, I'll never know.
#72
It Grew Back
Patient comes in with abdominal pain. "I think it's my gallbladder," they say. Looking over their chart, I see their gallbladder was removed 20 years ago so that is impossible. I mention this, to which they reply "yeah but it grew back."
Ann Ritzlock 7 years ago
It can happen! First time I had the surgery the surgeon needed to leave in approximately 5% of my gall bladder due to a complication. Two years later, I had a full grown gall bladder again that needed to be removed.
Stephen Hutchison 8 years ago
According to the doctor who diagnosed my late wife's gall stones, cholesterol stones can still happen absent a gall bladder, they just form a bit differently. And are more dangerous.
#73
Make Him Taller
It was 3am and I'd been on duty in the Emergency since 8am. I was exhausted. A well dressed man came in with his 8 year old, healthy looking, son. I asked him what was the problem. He said, "Well, I was at a wedding and it occurred to me that my son is a little short. Can you give him something right now to make him taller?"
Morganna Kennsington 8 years ago
Well in the US you're supposed to go to the ER for literally everything that's not requiring specialized care with a long standing appointment. I've been told that if I need bloodwork I need the ER. If I need new prescriptions and Doc isn't open, go to the ER. Etc. Hell I had to go to the ER and be told I'm healthy outside of my Diabetes repeatedly just to prove I'm Diabetic to the government. It's the single most ridiculous thing ever that the emergency room is no longer for emergency but about anyone who needs a doctor for any reason. And with a FCFS basis the people with legit emergencies get screwed over because of kids with mild cold's or people who just need some BS paperwork filled out. One reason I'm glad clinics exist now. Three hours and you're done!
Load More Replies... lily jones 2 years ago
I have just the thing for you, mind you it'll take about a decade to properly work, and it's called aging...
#74
Healthy Weight
During a yearly check-up the doc was concerned about my weight. I promised him I'd do better and next year I would be back down to a healthy weight. Maybe a week or so later my doc saw me at a local pub with a plate of hot wings in front of me and a pint of beer. He was a bro and didn't say anything but I could see the look of disappointment in his eyes.
Ellis 8 years ago
He’s not the one who needs to look after his health and weight now is he?
Load More Replies... #75
Permanent Resident
My favourite ever story from a colleague: a patient comes into A&E with abdominal pain. As part of the work up he gets an abdominal X-ray which shows the problem as clear as day. The colleague has then proceeded to remove, from the patients rectum, an 8 inch replica of Nelson's Column (the statue in the centre of Trafalgar Square, London) On showing it to the patient, the response was "Oh that's Nelson, he lives up there."
Elaine Van Zon 8 years ago
I just read this to my husband and his WTF face was a picture. It simply defies any kind of logic
#76
I Do Have It You Know
"I have the Ebola". "Sir, you actually had a heart attack." "Because of the Ebola"
Laila Star 8 years ago
Do doctors ever wish they could just say "Yes its because of the Ebola?"
#77
Nail Salon
So, not a doctor but I work at a hospital. We had someone come into A&E because they needed their nails redoing... They genuinely thought it was a good idea to go to accident and emergency to have their fake nails taken off and redone because they had gotten too long and become uncomfortable.
#78
Birth Control
Me: is there any chance you could be pregnant? Patient: definitely not. Me: are you sexually active? Patient: yes. Me: what is your preferred method of birth control? Patient: nothing Me: smh
Shari H 8 years ago
That could be me; I am completely infertile, do not use bc because I am infertile, and after many failed pregnancy attempts i refuse, due to emotional trauma, to ever take another pregnancy test. I would answer those questions exactly the same way, and have. I have a permanent waiver on file at my local hospital that they are not responsible for any damages and cannot compel me to take a pregnancy test for any reason if I refuse. I will not explain my answers to yet another nurse and get that pity look and "God works in mysterious ways" c**p.
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#79
Extra Protection
Teenage male patient came in to the clinic with his girlfriend because he was growing breasts with milk production. Turns out his girlfriend was giving him her female hormonal birth control pills for “extra protection”
Stephen Hutchison 8 years ago
He can help nurse the baby when it's born because she got pregnant because she wasn't taking her own goddam pills.
#80
Perfect Match
Not a doctor but a nurse. I once walked into my patient's room responding to his call light. He had an accident and peed on the floor on the way to the bathroom and was now laying in bed stark naked calling for me. His wife, I guess oblivious to all this, was just dancing in the pee. Like eyes closed, hands over her head, hips swaying. In a puddle of her husbands pee. They were really a bizarre couple.
#81
I'm Done
Answered the bed alarm for a 90 year old this evening. Nurse: "Where are you going?" Patient: "I have to go." Nurse: "Where?" Patient: "Well I don't wanna be here." Me too, lady. Me too.
#82
Reading Glasses
Ophthalmologist here. Told patient he needed reading glasses which he didn't believe. I explained that everyone develops presbyopia eventually. "Come on, George Clooney doesn't wear reading glasses!". A) yes he does & B) not sure why you are comparing yourself with him...
#83
Glass Cup
I work in the ER. We had a very pregnant patient come in needing stitches in her vagina. Turns out she was a realtor and didn’t want her water to break while she was showing a house, so she put a glass cup in her pants to catch the water. Instead of using a pad or an adult diaper, she went for a GLASS CUP. She sat down while showing a house and sure enough, it broke and cut her up pretty bad.
StinkyMonkey 8 years ago
Oh jesus as if giving birth wasn't painful enough she then had to do it with fresh stitches in her vagina.. I'm crying internally. Unless she had to have a c-section because of it but that's not great either.
#84
Constipation
The other day I had a 400 lb, 50 year old patient who hadn't pooped in (she claims) 6 days. So I gave her all kinds of things to make her go and the moment comes when she feels the urge. She's too heavy and unable to do things on her own so she asked for a bedpan. When she turned to her side, stool the size and shape of a small baby or big burrito slid out and I caught it. I looked up at the aide and down at the baby sized poo and back at the aide and did my best not to laugh or make a sound. All I could think of is how I legit felt like I delivered a baby
Torment1979 8 years ago
I wouldn't have been able to resist saying "Congratulations! It's a boy!" most of them are turds anyway!
#85
Priorities
Doc here. I had a guy with an ICD in place. For those who don't know, it basically shocks your heart if it goes into a funny rhythm. He would regularly come into the hospital to have it turned off because he would do a ton of cocaine and the thing would keep firing due to his high heart rate. I told him not to do cocaine. He kept doing cocaine.
Marcus Sudjojo 5 years ago
How does that gadget work? Does it shock you everytime you see a cleavage or a thong?
Stephen Hutchison 8 years ago
Won't ... having an ICD in place ... while you are doing cocaine ... kill you faster?
#86
Self-Diagnosis
As a self-diagnosing patient...One day notice a white, hard, jagged object protruding from my back gum. Can't believe I'm having a tooth come in, especially since I'm 23 and had my wisdom teeth taken out years ago. Go to the dentist to get some X-rays annnnd it turns out to be a piece of a tortilla chip.
Kira Leseman 8 years ago
I had that same thing happen where they thought it was a chip but I assured them that I don’t eat chips. Turns out it was a sliver of one of my molars that stayed behind and decided to work its way out sideways. It felt very pointy.
#87
Blurred Vision
Not a doctor, but I regularly have people come in for eye examinations because 'when I take my glasses of things are blurry'. Often these aren't passing comments during the exam, but the main reason for their visit to the clinic.
Anna Bryant 8 years ago
All the time! I’m an optometrist tech. I would ask patients if they were having any blurred vision. The answer was always “yes, when I take my glasses off it’s very blurry!”
#88
Healthy As A Horse
Do you have any medical conditions? No. What medications are you on? Proceeds to name at least 10 medications.
Άρης Παπαδόπουλος 8 years ago
This isn't all the patients' fault. A lot of people understand this question as "Do you feel sick?". If their medication works, the patient feels healthy and not sick. Think of it another way. What would you reply if someone asked "Is your hand broken"? You wouldn't reply "Yes, it broke 2 years ago but it has healed since", right?
#89
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
Med student here, but I have had two winners. When discussing a precancerous skin lesion on a patient, they opted to use their "laser ray" instead of classic treatment. It was a cancer laser ray that was bought online. It also apparently had "frequencies for arthritis". They insisted that the vibratory frequency can be tuned to destroy cancer cells, just like a trained singer may be able to use her voice to break a crystal glass. The patient did not believe that cancer cells and regular cells would have the same frequency. Another patient insisted that his cancer had been properly treated at home with baking soda (he gave me a website like phkillscancer.com or something). The patient also had with them a surgery report in which it appears their baking soda consumption resulted in buildup of abnormal calcium in the wall of the stomach, which had to be removed.
Lisa Reuss 8 years ago
There is a special place in hell for the a**holes who sell these snakeoil "treatments" to desperate, panicked people who have a life-threatening illness and just want to be better. It sickens me that there are people out there willing to risk another person's life for money. Oh, wait, our insurance companies do that, too.
Jan Feline 8 years ago
Here's the thing - when you have an illness that is terminal, you grasp at anything. You read some b******t online, and you know it's not likely to help, but even when you know that it's 99. 99% untrue, you're willing to take the 0. 001% chance just in case.
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Christopher Dudek 8 years ago
sorry to be a grammar geek.....was it the baking soda that had to be removed, or the patient's stomach?
#90
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
Was working at a clinic. I was speaking with a non-controlled diabetic patient about her sugar intake and she said she drinks a 32 oz soda everyday. I ask her if it's regular or diet and she replies with "It's half-regular. I let the ice melt first so there isn't as much sugar in it". Sorry but that isn't how it works
Sarah Johanson 7 years ago
I had a kid at school when I was in high school and is it mother would water his sodas down thinking it would make him come cuz she thought it would make the sugar go away
#91
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
Just got this story from my girlfriend’s step-dad who is a neurosurgeon. He had an OBGYN friend who had a couple who couldn’t get pregnant. Apparently they had been raised in some religious fundamentalist cult and didn’t understand how sex worked. The guy was just rubbing his penis against her leg and ejaculating on her thigh.
Torment1979 8 years ago
Probably a good thing... Cult population will dwindle quickly.
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Chyppa Homer 8 years ago
But, naturally, you would have to be outside during the daytime for that so the stork can actually see you. How is he supposed to know, otherwise ? Dumbass !
Chris Sprucefield 8 years ago
Thats just sad. People missing out on vital parts of life because of religion.
#92
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
911 dispatch call that was transferred to EMS service. "I need an ambulance." "Ok. What's the problem?" "I think I have the flesh eating bacteria." "What makes you say that? Do you have any sores or anything?" "I went to sleep and woke up with holes in my underwear that weren't there last night."
#93
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
A 32 year old grown man asked me if the hot spells he was experiencing at night meant he was going through menopause.
David Cobb 8 years ago
No sir, only women go through menopause. As you are a man you are going through womanopause.
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Sarah Bell 5 years ago
Well it does have the word men in the name. I can see how someone with absolutely no education on the female reproductive system could think that.
#94
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
Scene: The operating room. I’m reviewing the surgical checklist with the nurses. Me: We have the surgical equipment, the heart-lung machine, antibiotics, and the replacement heart valve on hand. Patient: You wait until now to figure this stuff out?
#95
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
I once had the daughter of one of my patients march up to the nursing station, slam the vitals chart down on the desk and yell at me "How dare you say my mother stinks" I'm utterly puzzled by this as no-one had said anything of the sort and ask the daughter to explain what she meant, she grabs the chart, points to the row of "BO's" recorded on it and shouts "Here you even had the nerve to write it down" I explained that "BO" meant Bowels Open not body odour before escaping to the staff room to laugh my head off.
Kiahna 8 years ago
Idiot. That child needs proper education before humiliating herself in front of the entire office.
Stephen Hutchison 8 years ago
Too late. But it doesn't say she was a child. I kind of suspect she was a grown woman whose older mother was in hospital.
Load More Replies... #96
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
Patient was a young child who came in with an extremely high Blood Glucose level. Once she was stable we did some teaching and kept her for a few days for observation. For some reason every-time I checked her, her levels would be extremely high although we were appropriately treating her. Turns out her family would bring her fast food for every meal and hide it in the side table. More teaching and resources were put into place.
Lisa Reuss 8 years ago
It's tragic when parents cannot parent because their kid will get upset. If you don't love your child enough to say no, why have children? They're killing their kid. Sad.
Kwj 8 years ago
Unfortunally it's a very common fenomenon :( in Denmark it's known as misunderstood love.. it's so sad
Load More Replies... Sarah Bell 5 years ago
Diagnosed with type one diabetes at 21. I can attest to how hard it is to suddenly have to change your lifestyle and how much hospital food sucks especially on an ADA diet. I would have killed for fast food by the time the 2 weeks I spent in the hospital were over. Her family probably felt terrible for her but they should just get used to saying no and try to learn everything that they can to help her succeed. A strong support system helps so much when your feeling so lost. I can especially see a child having such a hard time with it, not knowing how uncontrolled can completely wreck the rest of your body. They need to educate themselves or that poor child will be in and out of the hospital for the rest of her life. It's definitely no fun.
Torment1979 8 years ago
I was recently in the CCU (Cardiac Care Unit). In the bed across from me was a young woman (19). She refused to eat any food that the hospital brought to her. Instead she demanded that her parents bring her every meal. I thought this may have been due to a cultural thing or a preferred or restricted diet (eg gluten free, vegan etc). After a couple of days of complaining, the moved her to the bed next to me (because she wanted a bed by the window), and I was able to glimpse what the parents were bringing her... it turned out that the parents were bringing her burgers/ chicken nuggets/ hot chips / deep fried everything for her EVERY meal (even breakfast appeared to be some greasy thing). I stopped wondering why one so young was in the CCU after that.
Santino Aznar 8 years ago
What the hell!? They aren't fit to take care of a child. This stuff is f*****g infuriating. If they had to hide it, that means the doctor probably was against eating fast food. And if your doctor is against eating fast food, you either don't eat it or get another doctor!
#97
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
Not a doctor but I was a Nurse's assistant and a kitchen staff member came in and said "Help, I ate raw corn". Apparently the cook had convinced him that eating raw corn was poisonous or something. I had a good laugh about it.
#98
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
I'm a med student but I once saw a patient in the ER who came in because she lost her vibrator inside herself. It was still on. She sat in the waiting room for over an hour with that thing in there.
JillVille Child Care 8 years ago
I'm pretty sure there's no place for that thing to really go up there... clearly she needs a bigger one so it doesn't "get lost" inside next time.
Άρης Παπαδόπουλος 8 years ago
In a vagina it cannot get lost. But if she inserted it in her a**s... bummer...
Load More Replies... Beth McFadden 8 years ago
People sitting around her one by one admitted to psych ward, because they "are hearing this weird humming sound in their head."
Michele Gorini 8 years ago
Reminds me of I video I saw once where a woman accidentally went to the stadium with vibrator panties on. And I mean "on" in every sense. And loud sounds activated them. Most pleasant match ever right :)?
#99
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
My mom's an ER nurse and she said once some crazy lady came in and complained hat she had the whooping cough. And whenever she coughed she followed it with a loud "woooOOOP!"
#100
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
A memorable lady was utterly convinced that her friend got cancer because she quit smoking (not because she was a smoker...duh). This lady had a mild goitre, and her reason for not quitting was that if she quit smoking the 'lumps in my neck would turn to cancer'. Could not be convinced otherwise. Then I referred her to ENT for her hoarse voice and she was surprised how fast she was seen. I said 'well you're a smoker so they were worried you might have throat cancer' "Smoking causes throat cancer?!?!". I always needed a strong coffee after her.
Linda Gulley 8 years ago
Quitting is always better than smoking. The "sickness" people develop is called withdrawal. You're not more sick after you quit. I smoke for 30 years and have been free of it for over three years.
#101
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
A mother came in with her son to discuss treating his acne. Son was about 15 years old and didn't really care about the acne, but mom did. After going over treatment options, she asked if he just needed to 'do it' to get rid of the acne. A grown woman, with a child, thought that by him having sex, his acne would magically go away..
Jason Marin 3 years ago
Wish in one hand and s**t in the other. See which one fills up faster.
Tanya McCracken 3 years ago
Stress is shown to cause acne so technically stress release like (sex) would help. Source https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamadermatology/fullarticle/479409
#102
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
My mum once had to try explain to a doctor that regardless of tests she has celiacs because google said that if you have celiacs you get sick when eating bread, she just wouldn't accept that as you get older you can't eat half a loaf of bread in one sitting. I have never seen a doctor want to kill themselves more.
Skylar 7 years ago
You can't 'have' celiacs. Firstly because celiacs isn't a word (unless used to refer to a group of people who have celiac disease {not for an indiviual}), it is celiac (or coeliac in the country I'm from). You can't 'have' it, because you ARE it. e.g. I'm a coeliac. I have coeliac disease. And not all bread affects people who are coeliacs, only breads with wheat in them. Because if you are a coeliac, you can't have wheat, oats, barely, or rye.
#103
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
I had an 8 year old kid in the OR say "You mother fu*kers!" right before she fell asleep.
#104
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
There was a nursing student I had once who laughed loudly and exclaimed 'How can you possibly get an STD in your mouth?' ahh the innocence of youth.
#105
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
Medical student here. Was clerking a patient who told me her lung cancer wasn’t due to the 60+ cigarettes she had been smoking since adolescence, rather it was due to a knock she received by stumbling into her car door. Her logic was that the tumour was at the same corresponding spot in her lung to where she bumped her chest. She was convinced we were wrong about the cause.
#106
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
Not a doctor, but I WAS a corpsman in the Navy. I had a Marine come in because he swallowed a rock. "Why," I asked, puzzled, "would you swallow a rock?" "I was hungry."
Sariah Manchan 7 years ago
There's no rock in your sentence because the guy swallowed it 😂
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Trisha Dragon 7 years ago
Yes and no. It's rarely a one off thing if it's PICA. A drug test probably would have revealed the actual cause...
Load More Replies... A B C 8 years ago
In comparison to each and every single one of your comments, yes it is.
Load More Replies... #107
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
I am not a doctor, but I do work at a doctor's office. So a person came in with conjunctivitis. They proceeded to ask questions on how it was transmitted. With the most serious look on their face, they asked if it was contagious and can be passed on by glare. While this is hilarious, take a minute to think, WHAT IF ANYTHING WAS CONTAGIOUS BY GLARE. That would be so d--- frightening...
Unfortunate beauty👁 5 years ago
Someone needs to make a movie out of this
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Nana Afua Adarkwah 6 years ago
I'm from Ghana and people here actually believe that's how it's spread: by staring at someone. Not by touching your eyes with infected stuff.
#108
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
Not a doctor but work in pharmacy. An old guy who had got an inhaler prescribed by his GP because he was allergic to his new dog. He came back to the pharmacy and said he was still completely breathless around the dog despite using the inhaler four times a day. On further question it transpired that four times a day he was spraying the dogs coat with the ventolin inhaler.
logical fallacy 8 years ago
Another joke from House MD. In the show, a lady with asthma thought an inhaler is used like a perfume.
#109
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
My wife has works in a gyno and has told me of many patients trying to get pregnant who needed to be told what went where, specifically that the anus is not a baby-maker.
Master Markus 8 years ago
I say that if they're at adult age, and they still don't know that babies don't come out of your butt, you don't tell them how to ACTUALLY have a baby. At least not before a spay or neuter.
Stephen Hutchison 8 years ago
Sorry, but no. Sex education is the answer, but the fundies have had their way and it's no longer part of the curriculum at most schools. People are ignorant because stupid people think that knowing how the body works makes you immoral.
Load More Replies... Sarah Bell 5 years ago
I blame that patients parents or parental figure. Sorry kf it's awkward but it needs to be taught
Chris Sprucefield 8 years ago
If you dont know what goes where, you are not fot to have a and bring up a kid. They likely be better off ataying uneducated to that degree.
#110
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
That the 30+ cups of coffee he was drinking every day could possibly be the cause of his chief complaints of anxiety and insomnia. He said he was not willing to give this up or try decaf.
logical fallacy 8 years ago
Can the body really manage so much caffeeine? I mean, that's more than a cup of coffee per waking hour.
Morganna Kennsington 8 years ago
As someone who routinely drinks 2 pots a day(24 cups) and occasionally more than that, it's entirely possible. For those who aren't used to enormous amounts of caffeine it's SUPER not suggested. More than a few cups can cause you serious harm. But I've been drinking coffee(and excessive amounts of pop, which I no longer drink) since I was a toddler. I've long since grown immune to caffeine's effects to the point I can consume a near lethal dose without issue. Least without outward issues. It'll prolly kill me years faster but I don't wanna be old anyway. At my worst I drank 4 pots of coffee(56 cups) and 3 Monster energy drinks in a roughly 10 hour time period. Felt sick, rightly so. Definitely don't do that. But caffeine's effects haven't affected me since I was little and I drink coffee and Monster's for the taste. Not so much Monster's since few are sugar free and I hate carbonation. But all in all, drinking that much is beyond possible but not for normal people.
Load More Replies... Sierra Hall 8 years ago
I knew a man that drank so much coffee a day that his heart was racing so fast it bounced a quarter off his chest. 3 pots a day... which would be 36 cups.
#111
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
Paramedic here. Was driving with my partner and patient in the back. Patient was fine. Patient's skeezy boyfriend was riding in the front with me and apparently saw a golden opportunity to ask a question that had obviously been on his mind for some time. Him: So when cats and dogs eat grass, that means they have cancer, right? Me: Ummm. No. No it does not. Made for an awkwardly silent ride the rest of the way.
Linda Gulley 8 years ago
People believe everything they read on the internet unless it's inconvenient to them.
Santino Aznar 8 years ago
What the actual f**k was he thinking? I mean, how did he even come upon that conclusion?
Stephen Hutchison 8 years ago
He had a pet who was eating grass and then was diagnosed with cancer and added 1+1 to get 3.
Load More Replies... #112
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
My husband’s new “unbreakable” titanium eyeglasses broke. When he brought the many pieces back to the optometrist to have the glasses replaced, the assistant asked what had happened. “They fell under the lawn mower,” he explained. “Oh,” she said, nodding. “Were you wearing them at the time?”
Elle 8 years ago
Lol, why do people think that frames are 'unbreakable' & lenses are 'scratch-proof'. Always amazed me at the optical shop, when people would come with six year old mistreated scratched lenses, & frames crushed under a car, & swear they never heard " Frames warranted for a year against normal wear and tear breakage", & "scratch-resistant coating...it's not scratch proof so be sure to not wipe them with a dry scratchy paper towel!" Those same people would get so indignant, & swear they 'just got them' ...literally it'd be years old.
Linda Gulley 8 years ago
That's why they should not be allowed to market them as "unbreakable" or scratch-proof."
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SummerVeE 1 year ago
My three year old has two pairs of glasses. We are perpetually rotating them, so as soon as the lenses are replaced the other pair goes in for new lense replacement. We go through around 15 new lense replacements a year! I've worn glasses for years, so I know how to properly clean and maintain them. This is just life with a toddler. It's expensive.
Malcolm Taylor 8 years ago
I managed to scratch my glasses with a claw hammer one time. (Yes, I was wearing them, no, it wasn't my proudest moment). I went into the optical shop a day later and asked if I could just replace one lens, I ended up getting both replaced for free because they had the anti scratch coating. So that worked out OK.
#113
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
Me coming out of anesthesia: "Man, you're handsome." (To Asian doctor.) He paused a second, then thanked me.
Trisha Dragon 7 years ago
My guess is because Asian folks have a different culture and this would have been a little more awkward given those cultural norms. All Asian cultures aren't the same but they tend to be far more humble and reserved about compliments and appearence. Also, why not?
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#114
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
I woke up from anesthesia and asked the nurse what mascara she was wearing.
Kiahna 8 years ago
I woke up from anethesia and started talking about my ex to the nurse. Apparently I also saw a picture of my throat and asked if it was a dinosaur.
#115
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
Might be late to this, but a 17 year old girl who was pregnant and came into the emergency department to get checked as she was punched in the stomach. She wanted to go out for a smoke so I did the whole pregnancy and smoking spiel, she stopped me and told me I knew nothing as the baby would be harmed if she stopped smoking straight away.
natomnesejde 8 years ago
My friend's cousin was told by her doctor that she should not stop smoking because her baby is already addicted. Still think she lied just to get rid of all that comments of her family...
Heather McBride 8 years ago
that is actually true. I when I was pregnant with my youngest my objyn actually told me that if I quit smoking cold turkey it could harm the baby. its best to slow down on smoking and gradually quit.
Laura Williams 2 years ago
First it's OBGYN that is a doctor who specializes in reproduction. No doctor told you to quit cold turkey will hurt the baby. However you keep saying it maybe you'll completely believe it. Stop telling others that.
Load More Replies... #116
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
I posted this a while back when a similar question was asked: GP here. The most outrageous thing I've heard was from a boy who was something like 20-22 years old. Very poor, illiterate family. The boy had a bad case of tonsilitis and refused to take any meds because all he needed to do was "bite the sun". Basically at noon he had to look up to the sun, open his mouth as wide as possible and "bite" the sun several times so it would "burn" his tonsils and cure him over the course of a couple weeks. When that wouldn't work, plan B was to do the same at night but only under a full moon.
#117
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
I had to explain to a grown man I still work with that tampons don't break down in a woman's urine after they were finished using them. He's been married 12 years. It was not his best day.
Stephanie Goadsby 3 years ago (edited)
You know, that's not a bad idea to work on. As urine clearly has no chance of coming into contact with a tampon in use, to make one that would break down in urine would mean they wouldn't be going through municipal water systems or into landfills in the case of septic systems (because you could now flush them) without being "composted" already.
Sarah Bell 5 years ago
TMI I had a boyfriend once who thought that I could stop my period when ever I wanted to . Like I could just stop it when. I wanted to take a bath or swim. Yeah that would be nice but no, that's not how that works.
Master Markus 8 years ago
How did he think they worked if they broke down? Why did he think they had anything to do with urine?
#118
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
Had to explain to an adult you have to brush all the sides of a teeth. Like... no, just the side that shows when you smile is not enough. And yes flossing is not just a thing for rich people.
#119
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
There was a guy who came to the ER because his iPhone app told him his sleep was poor quality.
Stephen Hutchison 8 years ago
Did he have insurance? Because if not, then the emergency room is his default for getting medical advice.
#120
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
Had a young woman with recurring UTIs that began after a recent partner and with no STDs; went through the standard questions trying to figure out what could be causing them and eventually found out she had been lubricating with jelly. Not KY jelly. The mixup had literally been a joke on House. It took me some effort to keep a straight face, but we eventually resolved the problem and she stopped getting UTIs.
Beth McFadden 8 years ago
I'm sorry, but are you a writer for House? You seem to have made it your mission to point out any story here that you feel has been filched or adapted from an episode of House. Who cares?? If it's funny, and makes people laugh, who cares if they borrowed it? This isn't a PhD dissertation. Lighten up.
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Linda Gulley 8 years ago
So they just watch the 5 seconds where they reveal that, no other part of the show?
#121
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
My fiance is an X-ray tech. He gets weird cases all the time. He had to do a head CT on someone who came into the ER because she took two marijuana tablets and wondered why her head was foggy and she felt slow moving... Face palm.
Amber Tyler 7 years ago
They're used for many pain pgt patients who have Multiple sclerosis there's one called marinol
natomnesejde 8 years ago
Marijuana tablets? Didn't know something like this exists. I mean... Why?!
Cat Degges 8 years ago
some people have lung problems so they cant smoke it
Load More Replies... #122
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
Not a doctor but my dad is an opthamologist (eye doctor). He once told me that one of his patients came in utterly confused why the "medicine in his glasses no work anymore."
Liz Spann 8 years ago
I used to teach science in a large metropolitan school district where this was a common misconception among students. They'd tell me the medicine in their glasses ran out. I asked one girl how she thought it worked and she figured it went through the nose pads. We had a lesson about refraction and concave and convex lenses after that.
Emma Brown 8 years ago
Thank god you figured out that they didn't know. All these people need a good teacher to sit them down and set them straight.
Load More Replies... #123
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
My friend is a student doctor and is on placement at a small town doctor's office. She had a 70-ish year old woman come in with complaints of a small but painless growth that was visible at the back of her throat. Turns out it took her 70 years to notice her uvula.
Robert Morson 8 years ago
What is it with people who don't notice their uvulas? Do they never look in the mirror?
TheRubyFalcon 8 years ago
IKR? Even as kindergartners, did we not all do that?
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Angie Hellyeah 8 years ago
I don't get it either. In a classic Looney Toons cartoon you see someone screaming, opening his mouth reaaaaal wide so you can see the dangling uvula inside like all the time. if people use something like this in a cartoon isn't it supposed to be common knowledge? (Yep, that's my logic. Suck it if you don't agree)
#124
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
A male patient inyected kitchen oil into his own cheeks because he saw a plastic surgery tv show where a surgeon inyected something similar to a model, then he was amazed that the bumps of the oil didnt go away and were turning red and painful af.
AnnieLaurie Burke 8 years ago
I think PBS is starting a series called "This Old Face" for people that want to try DIY plastic surgery....
Load More Replies... Beth McFadden 8 years ago
Yeah, just ask the woman from Philly who died in a motel room after paying a woman to inject construction-grade silicone cauking into her a*s in place of proper implants. Oh, wait. You can't.
#125
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
Ran to the dermatologist because of a spot on my butt that I thought might be cancerous. Doc looked me in the eye and said "Phil330, that's a pimple".
Torment1979 8 years ago
I think the stranger thing here is that your doctor calls you "Phil330"
#126
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
I was reaching around in someone's sheets for a lost tube of blood and accidentally grabbed his (erect?!) penis in the process. It was unfortunate.
#127
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
One of my 5 patients tonight keeps yelling maybe once every 2 minutes, going "OWWWWWW!!!" as if she's looking at a handsome man. I've asked her several times why she's yelling (waiting to see if she's in any pain) and her answers range from "I didn't know I was yelling," to "It's a habit."
Beth McFadden 8 years ago
Might not be a habit. Could be a tic. Most people associate Tourette's Syndrome with uncontrolled cursing, but it can also cause involuntary physical tics and repeated sounds that the patient may be completely unaware of.
Heather Whited 7 years ago
Yeah, the type of Tourette's I have doesn't involve swearing so I can't use that as an excuse. I just make random noises and repeat words.
Load More Replies... #128
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
Was translating at a medical clinic once. A father brought in his 20-year old son convinced he had early signs of diabetes since his hair was greasy. After convincing thr doctor that's what he was actually there for, we told him to go take a shower and try different shampoo :( its sad how little some people know about diabetes
Beth McFadden 8 years ago
Kid might also have mistaken conditioner for shampoo. Happens more often than you think, especially with men. The bottles are often almost identical.
#129
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
I'm a rural family doc doing locums and was working at a city family practice clinic when I saw this patient. 21 y/o female, not overweight, in no distress and appears quite well Me: "so what brings you in today" Pt: "I'm pretty sure I had a heart attack" Me: "okay, tell me more about why you feel that. what does this pain feel like" Pt: "like a heart attack" Me: "oh I see. When did you last have a heart attack that this feels like" Pt: "I haven't had one before. But I get this pain every time I have my period. And I've sent my mom to the ER twice with the same pain before so I know it's a heart attack" She was a non smoker who had no comorbidities, very noncardiac sounding chest pain, no risk factors and her mother that was sent in to the ED, had an EKG, no bloodwork and sent home shortly after (though patient swears both episodes were heart attacks).
Samuel Reag 7 years ago
Oh yes, being in extreme pain from debilitating endometriosis means you must have flashing neon signs above your head all the time...not. This is not a stupid patient or her mum, this is called uneducated medical professionals who don't understand gynaecological conditions such as endometriosis. 1 in 10 women across the entire human population have this disease. Get educated doctors and lay people. Excision surgery (NOT ablation) done by a top surgeon is the gold standard of treatment for endometriosis. Go to the Endometriosis Australia's website which explains almost everything that has been researched and validated to date. "Healthy" looking women who are in agony often and risk infertility and loss of income, social life, mental health, opportunities, dignity, do not need to be fobbed off any longer. Find an excision gynaecologist in your country - you will have to travel to find one who does the right work.
#130
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
Radiographer here and had the ED doctor give me a request for soft tissue neck X-rays and the doctor was p much like "don't question it, just do it." Anyway after that patient had left the ED dr came and told me that the gentleman presented to ED at 3am because he had hot milk three days ago and his tongue has been hurting ever since. The patient basically burnt his tongue but was insisting on a X-ray to ensure nothing is wrong.
#131
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
I popped a boner on the nurse prepping me for a vasectomy... in front of my wife. During the procedure the doc kept referring to my member as Mr. Happy and talking about how hot the nurse was. The nurse was still on the room btw.
#132
Funny Doctor Patient Stories
Gynecologist here. Imagine a revved up version of that dreadlocked beanie-wearing woman meme: "Uh, it's not vuh-JI-nah anymore, it's pronounced vaah-ZHEE-nah now."
Just as advertising can lead to unexpected and humorous situations, the same can be said about a visit to the doctor's office. The unpredictability of ad placements shares a common thread with the quirks of doctor-patient interactions, both showcasing how human error and humor often go hand in hand.
Dive into how unexpected placements can tickle your funny bone by exploring more on unfortunate ad scenarios.
What do you think ?
Katinka Min 8 years ago
Most of these a a fiery statement for decent sex ed!! Procreation (and preventing it) and the human body are so important and complex, it's really not something one should kinda pick up by themselves.
Linda Gulley 8 years ago
And most parents are not qualified to cover all of the facts. Comprehensive, factual sex education including contraceptives needs to be mandatory in middle school and every year after.
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Shana 8 years ago
How can people be so stupid/ignorant/... Sure, better sex ed and whatnot could help and you can't know everything but some things should be basic common knowledge....
Samantha Melnychuk 4 years ago
If people don't know these things, why aren't they self educating? I just don't understand...
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Lauren Thackerson 8 years ago
A lot of that is a lack of proper health education in the school systems because so many parents think that by not knowing something, their children cannot be harmed by it. For example: I worked in an after school program for 3 years. I was greeted one day with three pre-teen girls getting of the bus balling their eyes out because their friend was dying. I proceeded to try and comfort them by asking what their friend had been diagnosed with only to find out the girl had started her first period at school that day. They were in the 6th grade and not a single one of them knew what was happening and had determined their friend was dying because anyone on television that bled for any length of time died if they didn't go to the hospital. Their mothers refused to let me tell them what was happening because I quote "if they didn't know what was happening then they wouldn't have sex and get pregnant before marriage." Forced ignorance is to blame much of the time.
Paul Chatman 8 years ago
Basically these are just doctor jokes. Not one of them felt like an actual true story.
Eileen Sainsbury 8 years ago
Hard to choose between 1 and 4! They both made me laugh out loud.
Krysta Pandoo 8 years ago
Seems like natural selection is still a thing. Carefully rooting out the terminally stupid and letting their genes slip away.
It's Caturday 2.0 8 years ago
Unfortunately many of them have already had time to procreate, and with a vengeance, too.
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Marcus Benson 4 years ago
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Katinka Min 8 years ago
Most of these a a fiery statement for decent sex ed!! Procreation (and preventing it) and the human body are so important and complex, it's really not something one should kinda pick up by themselves.
Linda Gulley 8 years ago
And most parents are not qualified to cover all of the facts. Comprehensive, factual sex education including contraceptives needs to be mandatory in middle school and every year after.
Load More Replies... Shana 8 years ago
How can people be so stupid/ignorant/... Sure, better sex ed and whatnot could help and you can't know everything but some things should be basic common knowledge....
Samantha Melnychuk 4 years ago
If people don't know these things, why aren't they self educating? I just don't understand...
Load More Replies... Lauren Thackerson 8 years ago
A lot of that is a lack of proper health education in the school systems because so many parents think that by not knowing something, their children cannot be harmed by it. For example: I worked in an after school program for 3 years. I was greeted one day with three pre-teen girls getting of the bus balling their eyes out because their friend was dying. I proceeded to try and comfort them by asking what their friend had been diagnosed with only to find out the girl had started her first period at school that day. They were in the 6th grade and not a single one of them knew what was happening and had determined their friend was dying because anyone on television that bled for any length of time died if they didn't go to the hospital. Their mothers refused to let me tell them what was happening because I quote "if they didn't know what was happening then they wouldn't have sex and get pregnant before marriage." Forced ignorance is to blame much of the time.
Paul Chatman 8 years ago
Basically these are just doctor jokes. Not one of them felt like an actual true story.
Eileen Sainsbury 8 years ago
Hard to choose between 1 and 4! They both made me laugh out loud.
Krysta Pandoo 8 years ago
Seems like natural selection is still a thing. Carefully rooting out the terminally stupid and letting their genes slip away.
It's Caturday 2.0 8 years ago
Unfortunately many of them have already had time to procreate, and with a vengeance, too.
Load More Replies... Marcus Benson 4 years ago
I want to share this wonderful testimony to the Good people all over the world on how I was able to Enlarge my Penis by Dr. zubby. I was living a shameful life from my young age, just last month as I was browsing on the internet about Penis size and Enlargement Products, I saw a testimony of a Man called George , testifying of how he was able to get his penis Enlarged by Dr. zubby and I decided to also Email Dr.zubby for my small penis size and he quickly respond to me and gave me the normal instructions which i did and then he shipped the product to me here in the united state which i received in just 3 working days and today i am very happy because i started seeing positive changes in my penis size in just 7 days of use. Dr zubby herbal product is the best recommended for you and to whom ever suffering from this shame or having any other diseases as well should Contact this great herbal doctor via his Email : dr.zubbysolutionhome@gmail.com and WhatsApp Him on +2348070673249 Visit DR
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