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The internet has given us many things, but perhaps its greatest gift is connecting us with genuinely funny people. Online, they get to share their hilarious observations with the whole world, and we get to sit back and enjoy them.
Naturally, one place where many of those jokes end up is X, formerly known as Twitter. Over the past month, we’ve been keeping a close eye on what people have been posting there and rounded up the ones that made us laugh the most. Scroll down to read through them, upvote your favorites, and hopefully find a few that put a smile on your face.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
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#2
Plentyofoomph 17 hours ago
Bring One Dollar Short along and call the tour "55 cents overdrawn"
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Plentyofoomph 17 hours ago
It honestly blows my mind that he has 100 subscribers let alone millions
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LakotaWolf (she/her) 11 hours ago
I know this is a page of "funny tweets", but I remember being a very young child - maybe 6 - and I got mad at my puppy and yelled at her and hit her on the head. I did this because that was exactly how my mother treated me when she got mad - except I hit my puppy lightly and my mom definitely never hit me lightly. I felt terrible immediately after yelling and hitting my puppy and I remember telling her "I'm sorry, I don't want to be like Mom." Almost 40 years later, I can happily say I am not like my mother - I've never hit another living creature and never yell in anger. Sadly my puppy ended up getting sick (parvo) and dyíng shortly after, and I spent most of my childhood convinced it was karma for hurting her.
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#13
Gerry Higgins 15 hours ago
The curse of growing older. A toddler can be folded over in half and sleep so deep they don't even wake when someone picks them up and carries them some distance to a crib. I go to sleep in an expensive soft mattress with no interruptions and I hurt in the morning because "I slept wrong"?! How do you "Sleep Wrong"????!!!!
#16
George Costanza 3 hours ago
Sorry, but a 5th wedding should be eloping at city hall, nothing more. You don't get a lavish 5th wedding. And your dad should definitely not bother walking you down the aisle anymore.
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Geoffrey Scott 9 hours ago
I was given training wheels as a 'get well' gift. Yes, I rode my bike across a patch of ice in the spring morning after a warm previous day, breaking my wrist.
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Don't listen to me 12 hours ago
I live in Europe, the home of good coffee. The general opinion of Starbucks is unprintable.
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UnclePanda 6 hours ago
You can get a wicked amused response around Christmas time by whispering to the clerk, "How long did it take before the Christmas music drove you insane?"
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Remi (He/Him) 4 hours ago
I know ham can be cooked from frozen just by increasing the time, but what about chicken?
#36
lightlywhispereddestruction 16 hours ago
Hate to break the news, but they only had 2 digits when I was a child
#42
General Anaesthesia 12 hours ago
I wasn't smart yet, but I scored four touchdowns in a single game for Polk High.
#43
George Costanza 3 hours ago
Sadly this is most people, and why they either break even physically or just keep getting worse.
#47
Ipetmykitteh 14 hours ago
Just make up really bizarre answers. At least then you can enjoy the interruptions imagining how bonkers she’d sound should she ever relay this knowledge to any other sane human.
#51
Michael Largey 4 hours ago (edited)
The big money in the health care field is not in therapy, prescriptions, or over the counter medicine. The really big money goes to the company that sells CVS its register tape.
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Phantom Phoenix 16 hours ago (edited)
From Reddit post... Boy's mom: *visbly shocked* Uhm... no. He's autistic. He doesn't let just anyone near him. The last time he did that, it was to my sister, and she turned out to be pregnant. Anyway, I apologize on my son's behalf, bye now. Me: [image above]
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