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The internet has given us many things, but perhaps its greatest gift is connecting us with genuinely funny people. Online, they get to share their hilarious observations with the whole world, and we get to sit back and enjoy them.
Naturally, one place where many of those jokes end up is X, formerly known as Twitter. Over the past month, we’ve been keeping a close eye on what people have been posting there and rounded up the ones that made us laugh the most. Scroll down to read through them, upvote your favorites, and hopefully find a few that put a smile on your face.
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Plentyofoomph 1 day ago
It honestly blows my mind that he has 100 subscribers let alone millions
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Gerry Higgins 1 day ago
The curse of growing older. A toddler can be folded over in half and sleep so deep they don't even wake when someone picks them up and carries them some distance to a crib. I go to sleep in an expensive soft mattress with no interruptions and I hurt in the morning because "I slept wrong"?! How do you "Sleep Wrong"????!!!!
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George Costanza 21 hours ago
Sorry, but a 5th wedding should be eloping at city hall, nothing more. You don't get a lavish 5th wedding. And your dad should definitely not bother walking you down the aisle anymore.
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LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 day ago
I know this is a page of "funny tweets", but I remember being a very young child - maybe 6 - and I got mad at my puppy and yelled at her and hit her on the head. I did this because that was exactly how my mother treated me when she got mad - except I hit my puppy lightly and my mom definitely never hit me lightly. I felt terrible immediately after yelling and hitting my puppy and I remember telling her "I'm sorry, I don't want to be like Mom." Almost 40 years later, I can happily say I am not like my mother - I've never hit another living creature and never yell in anger. Sadly my puppy ended up getting sick (parvo) and dyíng shortly after, and I spent most of my childhood convinced it was karma for hurting her.
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Geoffrey Scott 1 day ago
I was given training wheels as a 'get well' gift. Yes, I rode my bike across a patch of ice in the spring morning after a warm previous day, breaking my wrist.
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Peter Bear 15 hours ago
This is doubly valid when you remember that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
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Don't listen to me 1 day ago
I live in Europe, the home of good coffee. The general opinion of Starbucks is unprintable.
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lightlywhispereddestruction 1 day ago
Hate to break the news, but they only had 2 digits when I was a child
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UnclePanda 1 day ago
You can get a wicked amused response around Christmas time by whispering to the clerk, "How long did it take before the Christmas music drove you insane?"
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Remi (He/Him) 21 hours ago
I know ham can be cooked from frozen just by increasing the time, but what about chicken?
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David Paterson 18 hours ago
I always walk to the gym. Then walk home again, I don't have a membership.
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General Anaesthesia 1 day ago
I wasn't smart yet, but I scored four touchdowns in a single game for Polk High.
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Sandwich Saturdays 15 hours ago
I've seen this one lol, for the new period piece that's coming out (I forget the name) and remembered this also happened in Bridgerton
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Michael Largey 22 hours ago (edited)
The big money in the health care field is not in therapy, prescriptions, or over the counter medicine. The really big money goes to the company that sells CVS its register tape.
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Ipetmykitteh 1 day ago
Just make up really bizarre answers. At least then you can enjoy the interruptions imagining how bonkers she’d sound should she ever relay this knowledge to any other sane human.
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Phantom Phoenix 1 day ago (edited)
From Reddit post... Boy's mom: *visbly shocked* Uhm... no. He's autistic. He doesn't let just anyone near him. The last time he did that, it was to my sister, and she turned out to be pregnant. Anyway, I apologize on my son's behalf, bye now. Me: [image above]
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Aiden Mora 12 hours ago
Mʏ ʟᴀsᴛ ᴘᴀʏ ᴄʜᴇᴄᴋ ᴡᴀs $8500 ᴡᴏʀᴋɪɴɢ 10 ʜᴏᴜʀs ᴀ ᴡᴇᴇᴋ ᴏɴʟɪɴᴇ. My younger brother friend has been averaging 12k for months now and he works about 22 hours a week. I cant believe how easy it was once I tried it out. Tʜɪs ɪs ᴡʜᴀt I ᴅᴏ....... 𝗷𝗼𝗯𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲𝟭.𝗰𝗼𝗺
Load More Replies... Sandwich Saturdays 15 hours ago (edited)
Why are we downvoting all of these, again? I haven't seen one post someone's made where the first half of the posts are updated then suddenly people just start hating them out of no where. It makes me feel bad :=
Aiden Mora 12 hours ago
Mʏ ʟᴀsᴛ ᴘᴀʏ ᴄʜᴇᴄᴋ ᴡᴀs $8500 ᴡᴏʀᴋɪɴɢ 10 ʜᴏᴜʀs ᴀ ᴡᴇᴇᴋ ᴏɴʟɪɴᴇ. My younger brother friend has been averaging 12k for months now and he works about 22 hours a week. I cant believe how easy it was once I tried it out. Tʜɪs ɪs ᴡʜᴀt I ᴅᴏ....... 𝗷𝗼𝗯𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲𝟭.𝗰𝗼𝗺
Load More Replies... Sandwich Saturdays 15 hours ago (edited)
Why are we downvoting all of these, again? I haven't seen one post someone's made where the first half of the posts are updated then suddenly people just start hating them out of no where. It makes me feel bad :=
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