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Once you were dreaming of becoming an astronaut, visiting the furthest places, climbing the highest mountains, finding the biggest love, and then it was all gone one day.

Adulthood happened. It knocked on the door, handed you responsibilities you were not ready for and said that everything’s on your shoulders now. So now, most of my fellow dear millennials are juggling between things like the pandemic that made the world feel like an apocalyptic movie you didn’t sign up for, student loans, unaffordable rent, crazy expensive mochas your body nevertheless needs no-questions-asked, barely fine Tinder dates, sleepless Netflix binges, stressful jobs or the even more stressful absence of one, and lots other things nobody prepared us for.

So, dear adults, even though we can’t just get back to our childhood which equals devouring Harry Potter books and carelessly sleeping under the stairs, we can laugh at the absurdity we’re in right now. Scroll down through the best tweets that sum up adult life below and prepare to laugh and cry, and then laugh. Who cares, they already think of millennials as not very stable ones.

#1

Funny-Adult-Tweets

tee_babz Report

JitkaBlitka
Community Member
4 years ago

Oh yea, I miss not feeling guilty when doing nothing...

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    #2

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    romangiivenchy Report

    heidi hunt
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Every single time

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    #3

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    NotMoscona Report

    troufaki13
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    That's *IF* I go to the party at all!!

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    Navigating through adulthood is the job of a lifetime. I have been an adult for more than a decade, and I am still learning to be one. I suspect I am not the only one. So I spoke with Francis Merson, the clinical psychologist awarded the Australian Psychology Society Prize in 2015, who was happy to share some very interesting and useful insights about it.

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    “People can often get stuck in patterns of behavior during childhood which persist into adulthood and prevent them developing true autonomy,” Francis said and added that there are many ways in which this can happen. “People who have been traumatized can internalize a victim identity, which makes it scary for them to act independently as adults. People who are emotionally neglected can also revert to child-like modes, where they rely excessively on partners and friends to help them deal with the world and their own emotions.”

    It can also happen to people who are overindulged since they “might grow up with the expectation that others should sort out their lives for them,” Francis added.

    #4

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    urbanhymnal Report

    James016
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    My wife: "What shall we have tonight?" Me: "I don't know"......repeat until we decide to eat the pizza we have in the freezer

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    #5

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    AbbyHasIssues Report

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    And we know why the bastards do it!

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    #6

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    isabelfulla Report

    Caro Caro
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    And who the hell touched my cheese?

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    Even though it might be easy to judge people who just can’t seem to adult properly, Francis argues that it’s important to be compassionate and remember that these people didn’t choose the early experiences that underpin their difficulties today.

    More importantly, Francis argues that there’s no such thing as the perfect adult—“someone who is unfailingly responsible, rational and emotionally balanced. We all have moments when we act like kids: we get mad over trivial stuff; we panic needlessly; we sulk when we’re criticized.” Having said that, the clinical psychologist warned that “if these behaviors are the rule, rather than the exception, then it’s possible there are some roadblocks on the way to adulthood.”

    #7

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    Swishergirl24 Report

    postboredom
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Nah, I'm tired every single moment.

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    #8

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    lolzysz Report

    troufaki13
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    It's mostly bills now... When I was younger I used to have penpals from around the world!

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    #9

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    donfrijole Report

    troufaki13
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Mine's bottom left! ^.^

    Mari
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Team bottom left!

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    François Carré
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I don't have a favorite one, I have a taboo one. I never use the top left burner and I can't even figure out why.

    Brendan Roberts
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I don't go near the top left. I might as well get the gas disconnected from it.

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    And i was like WTF!!
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Tbh it is always that one

    Cecilia
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    It's always the bottom right

    Gia SDP
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I'm a back right burner gal. Rarely cook on the front burners because (a) I had kids and it became a habit, and (b) now I have a granddaughter who lives with me.

    Yoga Kitty
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Finally a person with some sense - back right, it is! Front right would be quicker hot, however, it is smaller than the one in the back and it is too close to curious paws. The ones on the left? I think I have used back left exactly one single time so far, wenn I for some strange reason really had to heat three pots at the same time...

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    Al Christensen
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    And when you use one of the other burners, there's that moment just before turning it on when you wonder if it still works.

    Insert Generic Username
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Bottom left for me, my brother, my son, my nephew. Bottom right for mom. We talk about it in my house because we're all incredibly boring people, I guess 😂😂😂

    Sarah Barker
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Top left for me. I really need to get out more.

    Anna Banana
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Yes! Finally someone else from the top team! Though for me it's the right one. At least the pots and pans are out of the way. Not that I've given it much thought. Nope. I do have a life.

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    Kona Pake
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Who doesn’t?

    Wilson.
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Back right! Most difficult to bash into / knock off / hardest for small people to grab!

    Dat one frog
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I’m 13 and yes it’s the bottom left still 😑

    G.
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Yeah...the others área too far, too left...etc etc

    Philly Bob Squires
    Community Member
    Premium
    4 years ago

    Mine is bottom left... and I'm left handed so...

    Jessi Lovely
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Omg I feel attacked 🤣 so true

    koniec kropka
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    My cooker has different sizes so I don't have fav one. Depends what I'm cooking

    Black nigha
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Top left anything else is anarchy

    Bob Belcher
    Community Member
    4 years ago (edited)

    In most gas stoves the bottom right is bigger than the other so it heats faster

    renee brack
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Yes... I have 4 hot plates. 1 of them is never turned on. It is a frigid hot plate.

    Tabitha K
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    100%. My stove is even labeled with this being the superior burner:

    SCamp
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Oh I talk about it alright - me to wife: ‘you know front left is mine, don’t go there’

    Id row
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    That's everyone's favorite burner.

    HARSHINI G SARAVANAN
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    No mines the left

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    Jim Wamsley
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Mine depends on the day, and what is being cooked. Saturday and Sunday morning, left front for breakfast. Any other time or meal, right front.

    Anna Banana
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I admire your flexibility.

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    Lola Kassedy
    Community Member
    3 years ago

    BOTTOM LEFT FOR LIFE

    Dorothy Cloud
    Community Member
    3 years ago

    Mine's the bottom right!

    Josh Tall
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    with 2 big dogs, that have knocked pans off of the stove top....it's the left rear burner, for me

    Dawn Ours
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    yup bottom right

    Evelyn Haskins
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Electric stove. Different plates for different saucepans/frying pans.

    Chris Sprucefield
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Whichever one gives off the most heat, and has the best control over it!

    PopscotchM
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    back left all the way

    Lisa Tetlow
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Front left

    ElenaK
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I am upper left!

    Clare C
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    ...They are all the same size?!!! Is that normal? I live in the UK and EVERY hob I have ever seen has a big, a small and two middle sized ones!

    Peter Ledoux
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Can honestly say I didn't.

    Valerie Anne
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Bottom right for me.

    April Pickett
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Four burner stove? Yeah, but I only use the two on the right side.

    Riley Quinn
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Do lefties prefer the front left burner?

    Billy Maguire
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    What's a Stovetop Burner?

    Julie Unruh
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Or your favorite burner is the only one that works on your stove.

    Thomas Turnbull
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Top left for me

    Sandra Llewelyn
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I think way back following on from Aga's each ring did have a different heat rating (in the UK )

    existn't
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    bottoms are for things that you put on first backs are for things that your waiting to switch/dont need to be cooked but heated

    Veronica Vatter
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    That one exactly

    no_name
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Depends on how big a pot is. If it's the smallest one, then bottom left, if it's the bigger one, then bottom right, if it's the biggest one, then top left. And sadly, top right is almost never used.

    Vicky Zar
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    We have only two right now and they are actually different. It is an induction stove and the left one is hotter. You literally cannot adjust the temperature on the right to the same temperature as on the left. The left is faster too. I use the left one to boil potatoes, cook spaghetti etc and the right one for meat, eggs and the like

    Ruth Fichter
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    OMG! Busted!

    elfin
    Community Member
    Premium
    4 years ago

    I'm not sure that's weird. I like the burners at the front because I don't have to reach over anything to get to them. And I prefer the one on the left because I'm right handed and there's lots of space to the right of the pan for the handle.

    Pat Lenzo
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Those arrows sure point to y fav....just wish I could have gas like she does.

    Shaun Coleman
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    My favorite is the front left.

    Shaun Coleman
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Mine is the front left.

    J.L. Martin
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    front left!

    GoddessOdd
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I don't even know if any burners work except for the bottom right.

    Corinna S.
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Yes! Mine is front left :D

    Nazda Pokmov
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Mine is the left front.

    NL Stuart
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Don't think I've ever used any but the bottom right. And used the oven once. Bought it new in 2005.

    Pia kjærgaard
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    👍🤣😂

    Casey Horn
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    wait until you find out the burners are actually different and for different purposes

    Jjjane20
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Bottom right, because it's bigger than the others.

    Lou Cam
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Top right, because when you have kids you have to use the rear burners so they don't accidentally walk past and knock them over. Need longer spoons!

    Carol Woodhouse
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Nope definitely bottom right. Is that to do with being right handed I wonder?

    manon M
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    who has the high left ??? 😂

    Verena Abt
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I guess that's because most people are right handed and don't want to reach that far?

    Alexandra Grey
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Top left

    RatherLoopy
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Truth.

    Lovin' Life
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Bottom left for me! Anything else just feels so wrong!!!

    Ari Trionfo
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Noooo bottom left gang

    Sabrina Bowen
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I HATE my stove! The only burner that's both large enough to accommodate most skillets and heats to a normal temperature is also the least convenient burner on the damned thing...

    M. A. McKnight
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Right front burner...

    Annie Bieber
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Back left...Always....

    White Paper Tsuru
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    All my right handers... can I get an AmEN in here!?!? (Sorry, y'all... I'm binging ru Paul's drag race for the first time)

    September
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Skillet, Front Right. Pot, Front Left.

    bastillee
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I'll never tell.

    LynzCatastrophe
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Hey that's my favourite one too!

    Maudelin
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Tea pot goes on top left, saucepan bottom right.

    PCW10101
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Totally agree! Maybe is a RH/LH thing... but definitely weird.

    Yoga Kitty
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    The hobs all have different sizes, thus I always have to use the best fitting one according to pot or pan size. Large pots and the frying pan - back right; smaller pots or the little pan - front right. Left side is used for chopping etc.

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    Sofia Gonzalez
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Mine's bottom left too (◍•ᴗ•◍)

    RandomHumanBean
    Community Member
    4 years ago (edited)

    mine changes depending on what im making. if something has to sit, it goes in the back. if it has to get stirred sometimes, it goes on the back right, if it just sits, it goes on the back left. if i have to stir it a lot, bottom right. if i have to boil something or something like that, bottom left. idk y. but my fave is bottom right

    Jo Johannsen
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    My would be bottom right, but it won't ignite by itself.

    Lara Verne
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Yes.

    Halo183
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    mine is bottom right

    Hannah Edwards
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Top right

    vicki gillies
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Team bottom left

    Signe Manat Hansen
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Top left

    Apollo Brackady
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Same

    Tee Witt
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Yes, exactly mine, but when the child was little it was always a back one.

    thatmagicgaychick
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    front left team!

    Elaine N
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I’m a top righter 👌🏻

    olx
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    top left lol

    Makajha Banjjjak
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Woooow, that's the one I hate the most! But in Europe the ones close to you are the small basta&ds, they never heat anything..

    Sandra Schmidt
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Top right all the way, baby!

    BasedWang
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Mine is all different burners, so they all play a part. Except front right. F**k the front right

    Jace
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    The back burners almost never get used on mine; just the front two (and the one on the right, first).

    Maryo Nu
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    So true yes

    Mark Fuller
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Is there a left handed/right handed preference thing? I'm part of Team bottom left because I'm right handed and grab the handle that way.

    Anna Banana
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I'd say it has more to do with the layout of your kitchen, and the size of the burners.

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    Bart, I am your Father
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Im a child, and same.

    Iggy
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I never thought about this before but I definitely have a favourite! :-D :-D :-D

    Glirpy
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Closest one to the sink for me

    Arctic Fox Lover
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I'm actually pretty fond of both, but I prefer the bottom right, for sure

    Tiny Dynamine
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    It's not about being a favourite, it's just that we are creatures of habit. We subconsciously do things the same way as much as we can because it's simpler to get on with instead of consciously making choices.

    Luther von Wolfen
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Back left.

    Dash Blue
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Oh, yeah. My favorite burner is the front one on the left side. Using any other burner feel strange, and a little dangerous. Will the barely used burner cause a dust fueled fire?

    Pungent Sauce
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Right rear, “power burner” but farther under the hood vent for searing/blackening.

    lunar eclipse
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I've only just turned 18 and I've had a favourite stove top for 3 years now

    Marcellus II
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    The size clearly matters --- often 1x large 2x medium 1x small, so only if "medium" works best you have ANY choice; otherwise it's not a favourite but a least-worst burner.

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    4 years ago (edited)

    Makes sense because bottom is nearest. Left or right handed?

    Brian Bennett
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    No left bottom always the left bottom listen to me I'm extremely an adult!

    Space whale
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Mine the middle (we have six burners)

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    “And, of course, no one turns 18 and suddenly finds themselves fully rational, responsible and ready to smash all their life goals. The knowledge and skills involved in adulthood are accrued across the lifespan, gradually allowing you to become a more effective actor in the world, able to pursue your own interests while balancing them against the interests of others,” Francis said and added that essentially, we are all works in progress: becoming an adult is a lifelong pursuit. Meanwhile, “Immaturity happens when people are not progressing, when they are stuck in behaviors that aren’t helpful for them at their stage of life.”

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    #10

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    Report

    Vicky Z
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    My fridge is where the vegetables go to die in peace

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    #11

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    KaranveerPannu Report

    Vicky Z
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    You mean i have to stop saying "my mom said no"?

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    #12

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    primawesome Report

    Jar of Pickles
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Omg, i feel you....

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    There are many aspects of the transition into adulthood. Francis elaborated: “it means learning to act rationally, rather than just react emotionally. Adults also seek relationships of equality and reciprocity, rather than just someone to look after them. Adults are in touch with their values, and are proactive in reaching their goals. And adults are realistic, particularly about who they are. This requires gaining insight into one’s own motivations, behavior, emotional triggers, strengths and weaknesses.”

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    #13

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    adventurousMug Report

    heidi hunt
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Same

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    #14

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    davidbaran__ Report

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Well yes, but I don't have to listen to me

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    #15

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    MoBaigz6 Report

    Monday
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Those were the days....I could fall off the trampoline and land on my face but be totally fine but now I pull a shoulder muscle just from opening the shower door wrong.

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    Francis also noted that “it’s important to emphasize that the idea of independence in adulthood does not mean you don’t rely on others.” He explained that we are social animals, and we need each other to survive and flourish. “The independence of adulthood is more like the independence of a nation, which interacts with other nations on an equal footing, makes independent decisions and is responsible for its internal affairs.”

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    For those who think that adulthood is a lot of work, Francis says that it’s worth it. “What you get in return is the power to flourish on your own terms. By acting as a child in an adult world, it’s much harder to build a life you can be proud of,” the clinical psychologist concluded.

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    #16

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    Herbivore_ Report

    James016
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    That's because they are scammers 99% of the time

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    #17

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    portmanteauface Report

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Take your pillow when you visit friends. They will not be insulted. They will understand

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    #18

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    Emilia26774099 Report

    Lee Macro
    Community Member
    4 years ago (edited)

    Irish coffee.....best of both worlds

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    #19

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    cia_nash Report

    El muerto
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    me at 27 : peanuts, coffee and wine is a well balance diet.

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    #20

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    laDzeyzus Report

    𝙸'𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚘𝚋!(new account)
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    ya'll know im gonna hit up that lego section in walmart ^.^

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    #21

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    JustinnBrownnn Report

    David Woollands
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I kind of lie there with one eye open - very dangerous if you’ve already turned off your alarm

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    #22

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    baeleighjo Report

    Rijkærd
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    We are way over 96 times range now....

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    #23

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    AstroReeceV Report

    Space whale
    Community Member
    4 years ago (edited)

    I'm no where near over 30 but it still makes me happy! :)

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    #24

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    uhhdamn Report

    Marcellus II
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    If you're a musician, that's typically the best available career move, yes.

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    #25

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    Kozher_FG Report

    KombatBunni
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I love my mid afternoon naps. As a kid I found them boring, but as an adult I like to lay down for a half hour or so and snooze.

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    #26

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    archillect Report

    troufaki13
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Probably the cat just sat on the keyboard! 😂😂😂

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    #27

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    Eden_Eats Report

    Libstak
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Every single day.

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    #28

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    AbbyHasIssues Report

    El muerto
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    an a wide collection of "good boxes"

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    #29

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    adeywho Report

    postboredom
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    You actually subscribed? I always thought it just drops on your head like a brick

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    #30

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    momTruthBomb Report

    Ophelia Butz
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Without the drawer, they're in a pile. Without the pile, they're around the house. But they are NEVER in the trash because I need each one of the 18 chargers that work with nothing in my house. I just do.

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    #31

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    Caro Caro
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Jezus! OP is only in their 30's!! Shut up.

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    #32

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    7karanangwa Report

    Phantom Captain
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    So true! I literally can't stay up late anymore.

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    #33

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    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    You just wait till you meet the involuntary fart.

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    #34

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    bannock-and-biopolitics Report

    Space whale
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Upvote to save someone's laundry

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    #35

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    Kica333 Report

    Space whale
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Using a good pen has always brought me joy. Maybe I'm weird but I love stationary.

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    #36

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    avanys_world Report

    postboredom
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    And getting out is the worst

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    #37

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    IzzatElKhawaja Report

    Izzy Curer
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    When they start to turn, peel, cut, and freeze them for smoothies.

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    #38

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    TheWeirdWorld Report

    troufaki13
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Some teens look 10 years older though

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    #39

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    Craigadd Report

    Vicky Z
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I'm having a breakdown because I'm talking to bins now

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    #40

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    alexdransfeldt Report

    heidi hunt
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    This is me every morning

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    #41

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    stacy_sutherlin Report

    JitkaBlitka
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Then you have kids and THEY CARE!

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    #42

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    kennybeifa97 Report

    heidi hunt
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    For real and that makes me sad

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    #43

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    ParisTyburski Report

    Brian Bennett
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Oh that childhood sin got me in so much do-do!

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    #44

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    PikachuCat69 Report

    Vicky Z
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I just go to my room to cry

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    #45

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    tyresexm Report

    Brian Bennett
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Forget it who want's a pile of s**t anyway! Just go back to bed!

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    #46

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    BriansJokes Report

    Arctic Fox Lover
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Well, I'm not an adult yet and I've read BP for long enough to realize that most adults in authority are kind of frauds haha. I have mastered the ability to guess what your childhood was like based on your behavior as an authoritative figure, ooooo *intense music as I open my third eye*

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    #47

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    neal_thatdude Report

    Brian Bennett
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I truly am frightened on these multi lane hiways just stay to the right we gotta turn off somewhere!

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    #48

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    Swishergirl24 Report

    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    you eventually take it as background noise when it reaches constant flow.

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    #49

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    Lucky_A_Leckie Report

    Brian Bennett
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    If I can just fake it 'till I retire yahoo!

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    #50

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    TisAIyssa Report

    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    this is so true.

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    #51

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    WizardMacDonald Report

    El muerto
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    tweeter explained

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    #52

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    JBsoHood Report

    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    supported. Put on change.org please.

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    #53

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    shutupmikeginn Report

    Julia Atkinson
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    28 - 4000 BC: I am the oldest member of the tribe and it's an honour to be chosen for the sacrifice

    #54

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    Mariannoo Report

    James016
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Then you start comparing the cost per 100g and have to decide which is the better purchase at the moment.

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    #55

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    SwaGGTheRapper Report

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Of course, what kind of a monster do you think I am

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    #56

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    drinksmcgee Report

    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Soul self portrait = Edvard Munch.

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    #57

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    thebabylady7 Report

    Julia Atkinson
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    A lesson I have learned from bitter experience

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    #58

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    euflor95 Report

    El muerto
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    thinking about it. there will be an age when all your friends babies are too drunk to find their phones.

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    #59

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    itsdjluigi Report

    David Woollands
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    It also takes the next day to recover

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    #60

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    iamsashakae Report

    Terry Tobias
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    For ever, and ever, and ever...

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    #61

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    AbbyHasIssues Report

    madbakes
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I get angry at the meteorologists who seem to always be wrong more than the weather itself.

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    #62

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    sandraaaa_mo Report

    Mazer
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I have been alone since young, don’t mind it one bit. Didn’t mind it then, certainly don’t mind it now

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    #63

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    Chhapiness Report

    Evil Hornet
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Weird... That's actually right

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    #64

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    treydayway Report

    Vicky Z
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Introducing the tax system

    #65

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    DamiOyedele Report

    Deutschland Mädchen
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    *cough cough* School, occasionally?

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    #66

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    furqan_pk Report

    Evil Hornet
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    "Hello darkness my old friend..."

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    #67

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    kelllicopter Report

    Monday
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    So...if one were to summon a demon in your home, could you start charging it rent right away? Asking for a friend.

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    #68

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    Kica333 Report

    Josias Sarquiz
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    check check check check check oh, ok

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    #69

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    TechnicallyRon Report

    #70

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    doenitz101 Report

    Space whale
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    09:01 : dead

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    #71

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    mommajessiec Report

    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Yes. Spring mattresses suck balls. They are super uncomfortable. Memory foam is the way, the truth, and the light.

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    #72

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    Jimmie_tobie Report

    Rider
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I sneezed and threw out 2 ribs. Took 2 1/2 weeks and 3 chiropractor visits before I could take a deep breath.

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    #73

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    springrooove Report

    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Zero. Exclamation points make you sound too hyper and does not convey your inner death.

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    #74

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    XplodingUnicorn Report

    Comfy Panda
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Truer words have yet to be spoken ROFL

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    #75

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    safwanxnabeel Report

    Ryan Deschanel
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    And teenage is whining "Why are there always ball-breakers to break my balls-uh?! Hello, grandma..."

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    #76

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    MiaFins1 Report

    Evil Hornet
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Way harder that it seems

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    #77

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    roothallen Report

    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Sorry it is not possible. I prescribe 2x glasses of red + 1x paracetamols + 2x Chlorphenamine maleate + 1 x Trepiline. Result: Inner peace.

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    #78

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    thefaithasaurus Report

    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Middle age is saying "WTF it's saturday again already? Hallefuckinluyah thank god thank god i can sleep".

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    #79

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    andwhatamom Report

    not your average weirdo
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I have a favorite stall in the school bathroom.

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    #80

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    mom_ontherocks Report

    Isabel Care
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I have one in the kitchen that has a sensor, so it opens when my hand gets near it. Great for when I am holding myself upright with the other hand.

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    #81

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    MichelleStrauss Report

    Olga Dremina
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Remember in comedy movies there was that dad, who kept weird old outfits and told "That was a great trend, it will come back, you'll see"? I am that dad now.

    #82

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    jzux Report

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    #83

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    maryfairybobrry Report

    Terry Tobias
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    It makes shopping much more enjoyable for me.

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    #84

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    MoAshlei Report

    Ola Polowczyk
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    And laundry. So. Much. Laundry

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    #85

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    AbbyHasIssues Report

    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Where youthful optimism is replaced by thoughts of precisely how many years you'd get for shooting the neighbor.

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    #86

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    Tw1tter_K1tten Report

    Sarabura
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I have my own stash because it keeps disappearing from the medicine cabinet

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    #87

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    prrriiiyanka Report

    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    meaning your wife (if a straight male). With apologies to all those taken-advantage-of-by-lazyass-husbands here.

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    #88

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    bossy_bootz Report

    Alice Lima
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Sure… Like laundry would fall for that!

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    #89

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    imrupsingh Report

    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Fortunately here that's not quite how it goes, people start to hassle you about marriage when you get to 30-something.

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    #90

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    tavonga_chinez1 Report

    Mazer
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Age 40: Hoping your doctor isn’t 25

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    #91

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    Tatty_Tatts Report

    Terry Tobias
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    My friend is buying me a car battery for a Christmas present. I'm so happy!

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    #92

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    AbbyHasIssues Report

    Rijkærd
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    The lower right burner.

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    #93

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    whoraviyadav_ Report

    Mark Stewart
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Or complaining about the ridiculous noise kids listen to these days and realise with horror you turned into your dad.

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    #94

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    Brocklesnitch Report

    Comfy Panda
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    In what universe???

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    #95

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    dadmann_walking Report

    Evil Hornet
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Every day off is like...

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    #96

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    TheMandiEm Report

    Sowieso
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I hear you!

    #97

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    holy_schnitt Report

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    No it's when you replace wow with f**k

    #98

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    NickMotown Report

    Isabel Care
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Had no money and no bills to have no spare money and still have bills

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    #99

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    dinesh__bhanot Report

    Comfy Panda
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    F**k whispering it.

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    #100

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    UnFitz Report

    Evil Hornet
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Time between 5am and 6am is my favorite time of the day

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    #101

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    momtransparent1 Report

    Piet Puk
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    6 whole hours?? Yes please, where do I sign up?

    #102

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    beingbernz Report

    Comfy Panda
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Nope..can't do it.

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    #103

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    Parentpains Report

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    #104

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    whosthatmiss Report

    Green Machine
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    This one hits home.. *nods*

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    #105

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    pvemind3 Report

    Isabel Care
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Pretending you are a person that can do what you need to do, then going home and hiding under the covers until you recover from having done it.

    #106

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    JimGaffigan Report

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    #107

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    karlishanel_ Report

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    #108

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    TabithaDBasia Report

    Monday
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Only if you're against piracy

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    #109

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    Antss1j Report

    #110

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    katielienemann Report

    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    wait till you get to your forties katie. you'll have so much zero f***s to give.

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    #111

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    TheMandiEm Report

    Rider
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I'm jealous they have that many dishes. I've been hiding the last spoon in my nightstand while everyone else eat soup with a fork.

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    #112

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    keval__16 Report

    Jo Johannsen
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    So in our 20s, we turn into Roombas?

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    #113

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    figgled Report

    Henry Cheves
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Sorry for the delay, I will talk to you shortly.-I will forget that you ever existed in the next 5 minutes.

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    #114

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    GraceGFreud Report

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    #115

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    FiyinTMO Report

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    #116

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    Lhlodder Report

    Ryan Deschanel
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    God bless grandparents and their "still thinking in francs instead of euros" annual generosity!

    #117

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    eric_golde Report

    Ryan Deschanel
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    Who says that? Nobody says that! Everyone knows your best years are your 30s!

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    #118

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    Cairo_Mathebula Report

    ZAPanda
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    "Hello dear friend in christ. I am Abuja Banjango, a prince from Lagos, Nigeria. etc etc" .. that mail.

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    #119

    Funny-Adult-Tweets

    NikkiheartsTay Report

    Downunderdude
    Community Member
    4 years ago

    I just want to lie in bed WITH Taylor Swift but I don't think that's gonna happen. Sigh.

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