50 Funniest Marriage Tweets Shared In 2021

Keys, those treacherous little bastards.

Oh yes, this is my idea of a very very good marriage :D

Understand completely

How the hell do they know the exact spot to stand in front ! HOW ?? Every . single . time.

Oh baby. Yes.

What a tragic mistake. She lead you straight into the web buddy and you didn't see it coming.

I don't understand. How can this happen? It needs, at the very least, a solid twist with multiple poppings at once.

Have you checked the library yet?

"I am not consenting" is an acceptable reason.

Well, the time resets every Monday, so totally understandable.

Striped paint

Do you need help disposing of the body?

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...

Get your own bloody junk drawer.

Well, you need to make an example then! Take of of his tools and randomly hammer it against a rock.

My friends made that mistake one summer. Whined that they were bored one day. Next thing they knew, their mom had them washing down the living room walls... I know cause I came to see if they could come outside and was told of the event, and then invited inside to join them. Just in case I was bored too. I was smart enough to say, nope not bored, I'll go ride my bike.

You mean, you could actually find both socks in the process?

Just make a list together

Exactly, I have the shows I like, my wife has her shows and then there are the shows we have to watch together.....or else

Ah, happy times!

Totally understandable.

Super glue? Big box of chocolates? Or in my wife's case, a Curry and red wine.

It's 2.

Nope. We each have our own bed.

Don't forget the judgemental "tsk"

Yes! I mean - my marriage did ultimately end (amicably) but I cannot complain about his bizarre love of IRONING. It seems an odd thing to miss, but he was particularly good at it and it's a job I cannot stand.

More like: DID YOU JUST watch three whole episodes of The Witcher without me?????? THAT'S 3 HOURS, FRANK, THREE HOURS OF MY TIME.

When I am taking a nap, my kids come in to ask me things. They know i am saying yes to everything, just to let me sleep a bit more...

That is not how I remember it. If we both have the day off, I don't have a day off.

I think I need a translation as we dont have Target here,.aggressive sellers?

I feel this. It ain't funny, it's cold. No it's hot. Sh!t.

That is always dodgy when buying a pressy. Just say well I'd read this company were very mean with their sizing and I know you're a size smaller :-)

Oh and don't forget, yes I know that's were we've kept it for ten years but I tidied up.

He just bought a dishwasher

My dog is the one always sitting on the remote. Or jumping on it and changing the channel.

What I love about my wife is that we are perfectly comfortable drinking coffee and not uttering a single word. The kids do more than enough of the speaking.

It sounds awful.

That's a level of laziness we all strive for.

We just laugh at each other.

My husband has the fan going, and I have an electric blanket!

Made me chuckle.

Wait until you are pregnant and his natural scent makes you literally puke every time he comes near...

He is a problem-solver.

And praying that a policeman gives him a ticket, a confirmation of criticism of his driving.

It's everywhere. Even my favorite video games have squid game themes. If you've never heard of squid game You live under a rock.

Haaahaha. So true. And that sigh you make when you stand up to go and check. Brilliant.

Well women do not have decent pockets in their clothes!

Most.clothes that dont.wrinkle.can just be thrown.in the drawers. We rarely buy anything that takes special care 😝. Time can be spent bettet, like a good book och playing with the kids.

A female friend of mine at work once told me with obvious anger and frustration that her husband and deliberately folded the towels wrong just to get out of having to fold them the next time. I debated whether I should tell her that I have no idea what the "right" way to fold a towel is.

My wife wouldn't talk to me for about a day because I had sold her Lynyrd Skynyrd Albums in her dream. Why in the name of Brian would I do that?

If you put them back wrong you sleep on the couch... Don't worry it's harder.

Kinda creepy that the picture of this post is a "Mommy Owl" and the post above it (As of now) was posted by Mommy Owl

This one made me laugh out loud!

This!

just have breakfast for dinner. it cheats the system

Work smarter, not harder.

Opposite here

More fun if you say it at random times throughout the year 😈

Check......the........fridge........

Which is the same, bc he'll immediately forget it.

This is an impossible pose, breathing at each other.

Sir Elton Bark.

Or to reach something off the top shelf 🤣

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

I'm gonna start calling it that hahaha