Person Confused About Friends Canceling Plans As They Don’t Believe Their Reason

Do you know that feeling when you make plans in a good mood and then you actually have to go through with them? Many of us have probably found ourselves in this situation. Sometimes, life happens, or you just don’t want to go, so you cancel. However, how you do this is very important, as it can greatly impact relationships or even ensure you never make plans with that person again. 

This couple might not have done the best with their cancellation, as they did it 30 minutes before the meeting, disappearing without a proper explanation. Of course, the friends they bailed on were annoyed, asking netizens if it was an okay thing to do.

Scroll down to find the full story and conversation with Kristi Spencer, etiquette coach and founder of The Polite Company, who kindly agreed to tell us about the etiquette surrounding canceled plans.

Canceling plans is generally considered impolite, especially when it’s done at the last minute

Friends at an outdoor gathering, smiling and holding drinks, casually dressed amidst a relaxed setting.

Image credits: Pressmaster / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)

This couple did it 30 minutes before the meeting, which made their friends very annoyed

Friends cancel party last minute, traveling plans disrupted and dinner canceled.

Text about a cancelled party with details on travel, accommodation, meals, and snacks.

Text about last-minute party cancellation; friends decide against it.

Man in blue shirt talking on phone, discussing last-minute party cancellation at home.

Image credits: Zinkevych_D / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)

Text message about a cancelled party due to an argument and untidy house.

Text expressing frustration over a last-minute party cancellation.

Text asking about feelings on last-minute party cancellation.

Image credits: Monicageller221

Image credits: explorenation / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

“I think giving at least 24 hours notice will earn you more grace from your friends”

“In general, we want to be people who keep our word and honor our commitments. Both help us build relationships, which is at the heart of etiquette,” says Kristi Spencer, etiquette coach and founder of The Polite Company to Bored Panda. 

“Life happens and plans sometimes need to change. People will likely understand if you need to cancel due to illness—by all means, please stay home and take care of yourself. Other valid reasons might include severe weather, family emergencies, work deadlines, or taking time for your own mental health.”

Other excuses that could also be acceptable are getting stuck longer at work or not finding childcare in time. However, being too tired because you had a long day is not a reasonable reason to call off plans, says Jan Goss, founder of Show Up Well.

“If you are normally someone who follows through, then people will understand and forgive the occasional cancellation. But if this is something that happens often, then it doesn’t matter how ‘legitimate’ your excuse is—people will see you negatively,” she additionally notes. By canceling plans too many times, the person also risks finding themselves with fewer friends or invitations to gatherings, occasions, or events, as called-off arrangements are one of the things people dislike that can harm relationships. 

For casual gatherings with friends, experts advise informing them about the cancellation at least 24 hours before the get-together. If a person is doing it within hours or minutes of the meeting, it’s too late. “My best advice is that it’s never too early to cancel plans or reschedule,” says Spencer. “Considering how late someone can be in canceling, I think giving at least 24 hours notice will earn you more grace from your friends.”

Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)

When canceling plans, try to stay honest and offer an apology

It’s very important to know how to cancel plans respectfully, as it can take a toll on relationships, especially if it’s done frequently. The moment a person finds out they can’t attend, they have to reach out to the individual they made the arrangements with. 

“When you know you need to cancel plans, it’s best to do it as soon as possible and with kindness,” says Spencer. “If you can, pick up the phone instead of texting. That allows people to hear the regret in your voice rather than just seeing a message. Remember, you’re disappointing someone and changing their plans, so even if your reason is important, make sure to acknowledge the impact it has on them.”

During the conversation, it’s vital to stay honest, as MSU research has found that the worst thing one can do is lie about it. “You shouldn’t lie about your reason for canceling plans, and don’t use “I’m sick” as a “get out of things you don’t want to do” card. The more often you use these made-up excuses, the less credible they become,” Goss says. Besides, the truth has a funny way of coming out, which has the potential to hinder any relationship. 

Instead, try to stay honest and offer a sincere apology—no one has prohibited us from canceling plans. “Apologize, make amends if necessary, and then let it go,” says Goss. “You don’t need to keep feeling bad about it.”

If one wants to make it right with the person they’re canceling on, they may want to reschedule it and really mean it. A little prompt that etiquette expert Kelly Browne suggests using is: “I’m so sorry I can’t make it tonight, but I’d love to spend time with you. What does your schedule look like next week? I could do lunch on Wednesday or Thursday.”

Lastly, Spencer concludes by saying, “The easiest way to avoid canceling plans is to double-check your schedule and only agree to things you genuinely want to do. You’re more likely to cancel later if it feels like an obligation. So, be selective about what you say yes to.”

The original poster provided more information in the comments

Text conversation about a last-minute party cancellation, expressing disappointment.

Some readers suspect the couple canceled due to more serious issues

Comment discussing friends cancelling a party at the last minute.

MiddleClassProblem text about friends cancelling a party at the last minute due to an argument.

Text comment expressing frustration over last-minute party cancellation.

Text about friends' decision to cancel a party due to an argument.

Text message conversation discussing a last-minute canceled party with friends.

Text message about last-minute cancelled party plans.

Comment discussing a cancelled friends' party and relationship issues.

Text from user EmberAsh discussing vigilance and support in relationships.

Text message about canceling plans, discussing the decision not being a big deal.

Text exchange about friends canceling a party last minute with an excuse, leading to assumptions.

Comment discussing unrealistic expectations of house cleaning before a party.

Text conversation about a party cancellation decision by friends at the last minute.

Text discussing canceled party and addressing annoyance at not being told the real reason.

Text discussing a last-minute party cancellation, mentioning awkward situations avoided.

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