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Couple Count On Friend’s Help After Not Inviting Him To The Wedding, Get A Reality Check
Building a formidable friendship can take a while. However, a single mistake can make a lasting impact on the relationship.
Reddit user EntertainerKey8553 had been close with his former colleague John for over a decade. But things reached an unexpected breaking point one day when he found out he wasn’t invited to his longtime friend’s wedding.
Feeling hurt and betrayed, he refused to grant John and his fiancée one of his usual favors as a way to set boundaries. This also prompted him to consider whether he was wrong to do so, and he turned to the internet for some answers.
RELATED:
It only takes one mishap to ruin a longtime friendship
Image credits: Jonathan Borba / pexels (not the actual photo)
A man wasn’t invited to the wedding of his longtime friend John
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)
He eventually let John know about feeling left out and betrayed
Image credits: EntertainerKey8563
Friend betrayals can carry serious repercussions
Image credits: Andrew Neel / pexels (not the actual photo)
The author appears to be having difficulty digesting what happened. But according to experts, his actions and emotions are all valid. As psychology professor Dr. Jennifer Freyd tells The Guardian, such a situation could cause what she calls “betrayal trauma.”
“We are a social species; when someone betrays us, it’s a real threat to our wellbeing,” Dr. Freyd said.
She also pointed out the toxicity and disloyalty and how it could lead to possible mental health challenges. PTSD, anxiety, dissociation, and substance abuse are some known symptoms.
Dr. Freyd says the author’s reaction was likely an act of self-protection that triggered the fight-or-flight response.
“You don’t want to continue to be betrayed,” she explained.
Getting past a friend’s betrayal is about what works best
Image credits: Armin Rimoldi / pexels (not the actual photo)
For trauma experts, such coping reactions from the author aren’t out of line as long as they work for him. As psychotherapistDr. Gina Davis wrote inan article for her website, “There is no universal right or wrong way to proceed.”
But if you’re willing to give the friendship another shot, Dr. Davis urges deep self-evaluation. Ask yourself if it is worth it, given how your friend may react. Will they hear you out? Or will they deny any wrongdoing and even turn the blame around?
Ultimately, Dr. Davis reminds us to focus on ourselves when getting past a friend’s betrayal. You can only determine whether a friendship is right for you. Never be pressured into something you’re not ready for.
Based on his account, the author feels significant damage has been done and seems to be looking to move on from the ruined friendship. But he is willing to have a dialogue with John, and that, in itself, is a crucial silver lining.
What do you think, dear readers? Are these reasonable actions from the author?
Most commenters sided with the author as he provided more context
He then gave a lengthy update about his conversation with John
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What do you think ?
Yu Pan 1 year ago
Op seems like a really kind person and a wonderful friend. It really is their loss. I hope all those wedding guests and the wedding are worth it.
ValdaDeDieu 1 year ago
People need to understand that a wedding is just ONE DAY! A marriage can last a lifetime. Stop prioritizing the wrong things and place focus on what matters. OP is just the friend that they could have trusted all their lives...To babysit, to be loyal, to be a bonus family member. They've ruined that over "appearances?" They do not deserve him and he deserves better.
Load More Replies...
Katie M. 1 year ago
I had an old girlfriend - one that I'd grown somewhat apart from - ask me to make jewelry for her for her wedding, which I was not invited to. I told her with the time it would take to design, write up an estimate, get supplies for, and make the jewelry itself that I simply couldn't. Her main reply? "You were going to charge me? I sort of figured you'd do it as a wedding gift." I pretty much left her on read after that.
Pyla 1 year ago
Seriously, what a low grade thing to do to a friend, especially.
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Xenia Harley 1 year ago
I think John will find that Jane isn't quite the person he thought she is. I would see this as a red flag, personally. I am a giver, and have been hurt by friends in different instances, but I know the awful sting! I feel for OP! He definitely should have gotten an invite. Jane sounds like an awful person, prioritizing relationship status over friendship. I don't think this will end well for John, either. Maybe OP can be the friend who helps pick up the pieces when it's over.
Scott Rackley 1 year ago
My exact thoughts. John's in for a hard row to hoe. A very long one too.
Load More Replies...
marcelo D. 1 year ago
john is a coward who only apologized cause he had blowback, not only from OP but from the group. This doesn't feel like mending bridges more damage control about other people. Also, if anyone actually believes that a- "she prioritize couples over singles" and b- John was totally against it (but not enough to do something about it until it blew up in his face), as someone said on a comment "I have a bridge in brooklyn to sell to them"
MR 1 year ago
Trying not to judge too harshly, but my god, how do you not invite a good friend to your wedding and then have the gall to try to have them housesit for you for the wedding/honeymoon?
CBolt 1 year ago
No, really, go ahead & judge harshly - it was a terrible thing to do.
Load More Replies...
T'Mar of Vulcan 1 year ago
My cousin, WHO IS MY GODCHILD, did not invite me to her wedding because her mom was angry with me. Why? Because my SIL prevented her husband from walking into our house at 9 a.m. with cousin and a stranger in tow, while we were all still in our pyjamas. And then when cousin complained I told her my SIL was right - you can't just barge into someone's house. So her mother (my mom's brother's wife) never spoke to me again, and made sure I was not invited to the wedding. I have never felt the same way about that cousin or family since.
Psychi Akanthou 1 year ago
I have never commented before, but I was SO outraged by your so called friends behaviour, I had to write and tell you. At my own wedding, one of my friends wanted to bring a partner she had just met (like a month before) and I obliged her, even though it was an added expense for us and we could ill afford another mouth to feed!! We managed!
Yu Pan 1 year ago
Op seems like a really kind person and a wonderful friend. It really is their loss. I hope all those wedding guests and the wedding are worth it.
ValdaDeDieu 1 year ago
People need to understand that a wedding is just ONE DAY! A marriage can last a lifetime. Stop prioritizing the wrong things and place focus on what matters. OP is just the friend that they could have trusted all their lives...To babysit, to be loyal, to be a bonus family member. They've ruined that over "appearances?" They do not deserve him and he deserves better.
Load More Replies... Katie M. 1 year ago
I had an old girlfriend - one that I'd grown somewhat apart from - ask me to make jewelry for her for her wedding, which I was not invited to. I told her with the time it would take to design, write up an estimate, get supplies for, and make the jewelry itself that I simply couldn't. Her main reply? "You were going to charge me? I sort of figured you'd do it as a wedding gift." I pretty much left her on read after that.
Pyla 1 year ago
Seriously, what a low grade thing to do to a friend, especially.
Load More Replies... Xenia Harley 1 year ago
I think John will find that Jane isn't quite the person he thought she is. I would see this as a red flag, personally. I am a giver, and have been hurt by friends in different instances, but I know the awful sting! I feel for OP! He definitely should have gotten an invite. Jane sounds like an awful person, prioritizing relationship status over friendship. I don't think this will end well for John, either. Maybe OP can be the friend who helps pick up the pieces when it's over.
Scott Rackley 1 year ago
My exact thoughts. John's in for a hard row to hoe. A very long one too.
Load More Replies... marcelo D. 1 year ago
john is a coward who only apologized cause he had blowback, not only from OP but from the group. This doesn't feel like mending bridges more damage control about other people. Also, if anyone actually believes that a- "she prioritize couples over singles" and b- John was totally against it (but not enough to do something about it until it blew up in his face), as someone said on a comment "I have a bridge in brooklyn to sell to them"
MR 1 year ago
Trying not to judge too harshly, but my god, how do you not invite a good friend to your wedding and then have the gall to try to have them housesit for you for the wedding/honeymoon?
CBolt 1 year ago
No, really, go ahead & judge harshly - it was a terrible thing to do.
Load More Replies... T'Mar of Vulcan 1 year ago
My cousin, WHO IS MY GODCHILD, did not invite me to her wedding because her mom was angry with me. Why? Because my SIL prevented her husband from walking into our house at 9 a.m. with cousin and a stranger in tow, while we were all still in our pyjamas. And then when cousin complained I told her my SIL was right - you can't just barge into someone's house. So her mother (my mom's brother's wife) never spoke to me again, and made sure I was not invited to the wedding. I have never felt the same way about that cousin or family since.
Psychi Akanthou 1 year ago
I have never commented before, but I was SO outraged by your so called friends behaviour, I had to write and tell you. At my own wedding, one of my friends wanted to bring a partner she had just met (like a month before) and I obliged her, even though it was an added expense for us and we could ill afford another mouth to feed!! We managed!
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