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Your crush not liking you back is hurtful, but you can live with that, because nothing good comes out of forcing out affection from someone. Having your crush taken by someone who knows about your feelings is a whole different story and the bitter taste of it can haunt you for the rest of your life.
Or at least a decade, like what happened to Reddit user Routine-Let-2090 who confided in his older brother about his crush but he turned around and married her. The younger brother is still mad about it and refuses to be friends with his now SIL, even though they were close when they were younger.
More info: Reddit
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Man distanced himself from his childhood crush who entered the family through his brother and refused to be her comfort even after her dad’s death
Image credits: babystumpy (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) is 25 years old now, has a girlfriend and feels happy in his relationship, but he is still mad at his older brother Liam who started dating his childhood friend Emily after he told him that he had a crush on the girl.
Actually, the OP went to his brother for advice, because Liam had more experience with girls and the younger brother was a little awkward and never made a move towards Emily.
The OP had a crush on Emily since he was a child but never tried to ask her out, although he went to his brother to ask for advice
Image credits: Routine-Let-2090
That didn’t stop Liam from advancing towards Emily himself and the OP was very upset. When he found out that Liam and Emily were a couple, he wanted to distance himself from the girl, which was kind of hard to do given that they went to the same classes and worked the same shifts.
It became even harder when the couple announced that they were having a baby, which meant that Emily would forever stay in the family. The OP decided to transfer to a college in another state, didn’t attend his brother’s wedding and distanced himself from his niece.
So he was not expecting to find out that Liam and Emily started dating
Image credits: Routine-Let-2090
The OP claims that he has completely moved on and he doesn’t think Emily owes him a relationship or would want to be with her, but it took time and during that time, the two of them have not been as close friends as before, so they kind of drifted apart. And while the man wasn’t that mad at Emily, he really feels a grudge towards his older brother to this day and they aren’t close whatsoever.
All of this time, the OP has tried to be polite, buy gifts for his niece and not cause drama, but it seems that Emily remembered what good friends the two of them were in the past and turned to him for comfort after her dad died.
The OP tried very hard to escape from Emily, but that didn’t work out because she got pregnant and later married his brother
Image credits: Routine-Let-2090
Image credits: Alison Groves (not the actual photo)
Emily’s dad wasn’t around, but the woman still loved him and really wanted that kind of relationship, so when he died, it was a painful loss. The OP knew about her situation with her dad and how she desired that family dynamic, but despite their close friendship in the past, the man wasn’t much of a comfort.
It was a hard time for Emily and she needed a friend who would understand her. She thought the OP could be that person because they had known each other for so long, but even though the man allowed his former crush to cry, he wasn’t giving anything much more than that.
The younger brother was never as close to Emily or Liam since then, so he found it strange when his SIL came to him for comfort after her dad’s death
Image credits: Routine-Let-2090
It threw Emily off and she asked why he was being so cold, so he told her that she shouldn’t expect him to be her comfort person. On top of that, he added that they were close just because they were young and now she has a husband, so if she needs a shoulder to cry on, going to Liam is more appropriate.
Such hostility hurt Emily and word spread around the family, most of which thought that what the OP said was heartless not only because it was spiteful, but also because Emily’s dad had just died and she was emotionally distraught.
However, she noticed that her childhood friend was rather cold to her and he didn’t hide the fact that he wasn’t too happy about being her comfort person
Image credits: Routine-Let-2090
The young man felt that he was just setting a boundary which helped him to retain his sanity and was confused why everyone expected him to keep being friends with Emily. People in the comments helped him understand that how he acted was not very nice and in an update, he admitted that the way he said it and the timing to say it was awful.
Although, he didn’t regret being honest. Furthermore, he didn’t regret staying away from his niece and he still hates his brother to the point that he is planning to cut ties with him as soon as their parents pass away.
Emily took that to heart and when the family found out that the OP was so cruel to a family member that once was his good friend, called him a jerk
Image credits: Routine-Let-2090
The OP was pretty confused why he was expected to be the emotional support for Emily when they weren’t friends anymore and she had a husband
Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)
Redditors shared their observations about the situation and actually thought that the problem might be too serious for an online forum to discuss. They deemed the OP to be the jerk in the situation.
First of all, ignoring your niece because she is the baby of your high school crush and your older brother isn’t healthy. Also, he never asked Emily out, so he can’t expect her not to say yes to other people who did. Finally, she is his SIL, so she is family and it isn’t unusual to seek support from family members, especially if your friendship dates back to high school.
People in the comments thought the OP was a jerk for crossing over all those years of friendship and not offering comfort when Emily needed it
Image credits: Routine-Let-2090
They were saying that being so mad at his brother over a childhood crush was taking it too far and not healthy
Image credits: Routine-Let-2090
Some people admitted that his brother shouldn’t have pursued a girl his little brother liked and there were people who didn’t blame the OP for being so cold towards Emily, but being so bitter all of these years later doesn’t make him look good.
On the other hand, several popular comments held the NTA judgment, saying that Emily should have realized they weren’t friends anymore because the OP was purposefully distancing himself from her and because they didn’t keep in touch all of these years, he doesn’t owe her emotional support.
While others supported the OP because he didn’t owe Emily anything as they drifted apart as friends over the years
Image credits: Routine-Let-2090
What do you think about this situation? Was the OP acting cruel because he and Emily were once friends and that should mean something? Or do you think that if the man doesn’t want to show affection to his childhood friend because he doesn’t feel close to her, it is a healthy boundary to create? We are curious to know what your thoughts were after reading the story.
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What do you think ?
Elea Bell 3 years ago
NAH, just a guy who had really crappy timing. He probably should have told her that he didn't want to be her friend anymore a long time ago, but I can't blame him for feeling awkward around his brother's family.
MsLou 3 years ago (edited)
There's a lot to unpack here...I do think he needs to speak to a therapist. I definitely understand the resentment and distrust with his brother.
AR 3 years ago
But why? OP didn’t have a claim on Emily no matter what his feelings were. I had a big crush once on a guy, my friend knew, but ended up dating him. Was I upset at the time? Yes. But I didn’t have a claim to him and it turned out he simply wasn’t attracted to me like that. I got over it.
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Laugh or not 3 years ago (edited)
She didn't owe him a romántico/sexual relationship when they were teenager. He doesn't owe her a friendship when they are adults. And not because she choosed someone else, just because nobody is entitled to any kind of relationship. Being someone's emotional support is draining and he cut off the relationship years ago as much as he could. His timing is not the best, but he is not wrong.
Buren 3 years ago
I thought he is completely reasonable and tbh, that is something that I would do as well, although apparently a lot of people seem to disagree.
Izzy Curer 3 years ago (edited)
Yeah. I mean, we weren't there to see exactly how he handled it, but he sat with her while she cried for an hour. I don't see that as being heartless. The only reason his 'timing' was bad was that she cornered him with her question. I don't know what else he could have said at that point, if he really feels that way. He doesn't 'owe' anybody anything.
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Aubrey Theo 3 years ago
He had a crush in high school on a girl, but never asked her out. Somebody else did, and she married them. It’s a decade later and hes still ignoring her kid—who is literally his niece—because hes mad about it. I get that you dont have to be friends with family.. but still. And additionally if anything he should be mad at the brother. His anger is misdirected towards Emily.
D S 3 years ago (edited)
I honestly see this from a different pov. (Am a woman btw). One of my best friend´s sister was always a really immature and selfcentered AH that tried to pull one over her sibling on everything she could. So she did her darnest to get with the guy her sister liked. They ended up together for a while and split up. It´s been over a decade too and my friend still can´t forgive her sister..... It´s the knowlingly betraying your sibling´s trust over a random person. It´s the trying to hook up with them even though you know that they like them. I personally wouldn´t do that to a friend, much less a sibling. It´s quite telling of the person´s character and I wouldn´t be eager to be around that brother either.
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Will Cancel 3 years ago
The brother here is a douchebag. I am glad that my older wasn't like this. And he's had the chance a couple of times, but always put me, his brother first.
Mika N 3 years ago
Right. When I was a teen I had a big crush on a guy, then realized my sister did too, longer than I had. I knew I could never hurt her that way so I just worked on basically shutting my heart off towards the guy (we weren't super close anyway, I'm sure he didn't notice lol). I got over him. Unfortunately it didn't work out for her either and was really hard on her. But how awful it would have been for our relationship if I had ever dated him! I'm very glad I didn't try.
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CatWoman312 3 years ago
NTA. Sure you came off as insensitive, but your reasoning is valid. Also you’re right, she should be talking to her husband not you.
S 3 years ago
Therapy. Lots of therapy. However, I don't think he's an a*****e. Did he time things poorly and take out his heartache on the wrong person? Yes, 100%. But I don't think he's really done anything malicious or wrong. His brother is certainly an a*****e for hooking up and pursuing a relationship with someone he knew he had feelings for. That breaks my heart for him. I do also think that coming clean to Emily would solve a lot of issues. Like he said, he doesn't have feelings for her now so telling her shouldn't make things worse. It could just give her some clarity on why he's been acting this way for so many years.
Chancey 3 years ago
I agree the air should be cleared. He should explain to the entire family (except niece) that his problem is that his brother betrayed him so at least everyone knows what the deal is.
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Okiedokie 3 years ago (edited)
I’m glad he mentioned his brother was the true source of his resentment. But if you can’t be nice in person distance is the best move. Plenty of people don’t go the distance route while angry & terrible, terrible things happen. It’s a shame he couldn’t overlook his feelings to continue their friendship, but at least he recognized he wasn’t in a good place to be a friend and didn’t kick up a fuss. He was cold to her when she came to him for emotional support but he doesn’t owe her that, even if, yeah, it would have been the nice thing to do. I do think, however, there is no excuse for ignoring his niece, and if he doesn’t repair his relationship with her now, he will regret it later.
Mika N 3 years ago
I mean sure the niece obviously did nothing wrong, but if OP feels the need to distance himself from his brother he can't really do that and also have a close relationship with his brother's daughter. It's not like he used to be close to the niece then cut her out suddenly, so she probably/hopefully isn't missing the relationship much anyway. I was never close to my uncles due to distance and really never thought about it.
Load More Replies... Smile crab 3 years ago
NAH, people are saying he can't call dibs or think the girl is just his, but that's not what he did. If it was anyone else he probably wouldn't have felt so bad about it, but it was his brother who knew he liked her. That's just a shitty thing to do to your sibling and the brother didn't do it because he liked her they were just having a good time. He didnt even marry her for love he married her because she was pregnant. The brother is a douche and while he could have been nicer to her in that situation I think it's fine for him to not have a relationship with them
Elea Bell 3 years ago
NAH, just a guy who had really crappy timing. He probably should have told her that he didn't want to be her friend anymore a long time ago, but I can't blame him for feeling awkward around his brother's family.
MsLou 3 years ago (edited)
There's a lot to unpack here...I do think he needs to speak to a therapist. I definitely understand the resentment and distrust with his brother.
AR 3 years ago
But why? OP didn’t have a claim on Emily no matter what his feelings were. I had a big crush once on a guy, my friend knew, but ended up dating him. Was I upset at the time? Yes. But I didn’t have a claim to him and it turned out he simply wasn’t attracted to me like that. I got over it.
Load More Replies... Laugh or not 3 years ago (edited)
She didn't owe him a romántico/sexual relationship when they were teenager. He doesn't owe her a friendship when they are adults. And not because she choosed someone else, just because nobody is entitled to any kind of relationship. Being someone's emotional support is draining and he cut off the relationship years ago as much as he could. His timing is not the best, but he is not wrong.
Buren 3 years ago
I thought he is completely reasonable and tbh, that is something that I would do as well, although apparently a lot of people seem to disagree.
Izzy Curer 3 years ago (edited)
Yeah. I mean, we weren't there to see exactly how he handled it, but he sat with her while she cried for an hour. I don't see that as being heartless. The only reason his 'timing' was bad was that she cornered him with her question. I don't know what else he could have said at that point, if he really feels that way. He doesn't 'owe' anybody anything.
Load More Replies... Aubrey Theo 3 years ago
He had a crush in high school on a girl, but never asked her out. Somebody else did, and she married them. It’s a decade later and hes still ignoring her kid—who is literally his niece—because hes mad about it. I get that you dont have to be friends with family.. but still. And additionally if anything he should be mad at the brother. His anger is misdirected towards Emily.
D S 3 years ago (edited)
I honestly see this from a different pov. (Am a woman btw). One of my best friend´s sister was always a really immature and selfcentered AH that tried to pull one over her sibling on everything she could. So she did her darnest to get with the guy her sister liked. They ended up together for a while and split up. It´s been over a decade too and my friend still can´t forgive her sister..... It´s the knowlingly betraying your sibling´s trust over a random person. It´s the trying to hook up with them even though you know that they like them. I personally wouldn´t do that to a friend, much less a sibling. It´s quite telling of the person´s character and I wouldn´t be eager to be around that brother either.
Load More Replies... Will Cancel 3 years ago
The brother here is a douchebag. I am glad that my older wasn't like this. And he's had the chance a couple of times, but always put me, his brother first.
Mika N 3 years ago
Right. When I was a teen I had a big crush on a guy, then realized my sister did too, longer than I had. I knew I could never hurt her that way so I just worked on basically shutting my heart off towards the guy (we weren't super close anyway, I'm sure he didn't notice lol). I got over him. Unfortunately it didn't work out for her either and was really hard on her. But how awful it would have been for our relationship if I had ever dated him! I'm very glad I didn't try.
Load More Replies... CatWoman312 3 years ago
NTA. Sure you came off as insensitive, but your reasoning is valid. Also you’re right, she should be talking to her husband not you.
S 3 years ago
Therapy. Lots of therapy. However, I don't think he's an a*****e. Did he time things poorly and take out his heartache on the wrong person? Yes, 100%. But I don't think he's really done anything malicious or wrong. His brother is certainly an a*****e for hooking up and pursuing a relationship with someone he knew he had feelings for. That breaks my heart for him. I do also think that coming clean to Emily would solve a lot of issues. Like he said, he doesn't have feelings for her now so telling her shouldn't make things worse. It could just give her some clarity on why he's been acting this way for so many years.
Chancey 3 years ago
I agree the air should be cleared. He should explain to the entire family (except niece) that his problem is that his brother betrayed him so at least everyone knows what the deal is.
Load More Replies... Okiedokie 3 years ago (edited)
I’m glad he mentioned his brother was the true source of his resentment. But if you can’t be nice in person distance is the best move. Plenty of people don’t go the distance route while angry & terrible, terrible things happen. It’s a shame he couldn’t overlook his feelings to continue their friendship, but at least he recognized he wasn’t in a good place to be a friend and didn’t kick up a fuss. He was cold to her when she came to him for emotional support but he doesn’t owe her that, even if, yeah, it would have been the nice thing to do. I do think, however, there is no excuse for ignoring his niece, and if he doesn’t repair his relationship with her now, he will regret it later.
Mika N 3 years ago
I mean sure the niece obviously did nothing wrong, but if OP feels the need to distance himself from his brother he can't really do that and also have a close relationship with his brother's daughter. It's not like he used to be close to the niece then cut her out suddenly, so she probably/hopefully isn't missing the relationship much anyway. I was never close to my uncles due to distance and really never thought about it.
Load More Replies... Smile crab 3 years ago
NAH, people are saying he can't call dibs or think the girl is just his, but that's not what he did. If it was anyone else he probably wouldn't have felt so bad about it, but it was his brother who knew he liked her. That's just a shitty thing to do to your sibling and the brother didn't do it because he liked her they were just having a good time. He didnt even marry her for love he married her because she was pregnant. The brother is a douche and while he could have been nicer to her in that situation I think it's fine for him to not have a relationship with them
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