“I Don’t See Why It Was A Big Deal”: Woman Asks If She Was Wrong To Not Follow Hen Party Dress Code

I suspect catlady was OP LOL

Rostit, you're being rude. I am far beyond the age of the poster, nor do I live in that country. I am also autistic, and I am pointing out that people don't all interpret things the same way. Having lived my life with autism, I cannot count the number of times someone has gotten angry at me because I "should have" known what they meant or picked up on some sort of unsaid cue, when I was thinking that I'd done what they'd wanted to begin with. I literally have PTSD because that happens so much. Just because something is "abundantly clear" to one person doesn't mean someone else will see it the same. People's minds work differently. Where I live, solid black is for ultra-formal galas. Or at-home casual wear. I rarely see solid black even at a funeral. Everyone, women especially, wears at least some prints. If I wore solid black to a party, I'd be seen as being rude and dour or attempting to put on airs and be fancier than others if it was a formal dress.

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Florals aren't always bright. I looked up the dress on Reddit, and it was black with some creamy flowers and I think a wee bit of red and green accenting. I'd have gone for a smaller print, personally, but I'd have interpreted the same... black base and leave bright colours for the bride. Someone who thinks about fashion and photo aesthetics and how things will look on Instagram might click that "black" meant "solid black." But someone not interested in those things may not. She made an honest mistake, and the rest of them were rude. That's going to be the memory of the party now. Not the joy of being together with friends. Just being peeved that someone misunderstood and the pictures didn't look exactly as planned. Years from now, what's going to matter more? You need to grasp that not everyone's mind works exactly like yours. That's why it's wise to be very specific if you want a specific result. Or prepare to spend your life disappointed and angry.

CatLady, I see where you are coming from on each of your points (especially from a neurodivergent point of view ). However, the vast majority of NT people would make no mistake about the intent of the instructions in regards to anything wedding related. The only really bizarre thing is that this strictly choreographed “aesthetic” was for a hen do and not the actual wedding. Knowing how picky and precise people are for all things “wedding,” most people would have asked for clarification if their floral pattern (with color) was in keeping with the “all black” instructions.

2/2 Maybe she is being flippant and lying about her intentions, and I can't see it. But because I grew up in a world where nobody wears solid black out unless they speak Low German, I see it as an innocent mistake. I think we'd have to know her background to know for sure.

1/2 My mother is perfectly neurotypical, and I asked her. She reminded me that we have numerous conservative religious communities in the area who dress in all black, so nobody else does unless it's tuxedo-formal (and those styles are different from the religious dress). She would not have assumed all black, either. I don't think it's just my neurodivergence. I think it has more to do with how and where you have lived. I've lived in a small city surrounded by conservative religious communities in Western Canada and a very hippie, bohemian city on the East Coast, and I've always been surrounded by prints and colour. Maybe all black is a London thing or an American thing, but it's not Canadian. Maybe in the Toronto or Vancouver areas, but other than that, unless we're Old Order Mennonites, we like our prints and colours. Disagreeing causes downvotes because people don't like to acknowledge that not everyone thinks the same. They want to believe that OP had bad intentions.

Also, here’s a couple upvotes. Not sure why disagreeing requires that people downvote…

I've come to believe that culture is a part of this. Where I live, only Old Order Mennonites wear solid black. Everyone else wears colours or prints, I think maybe so they don't get mistaken? I rarely see even black business suits. Maybe the OP came from a place where solid black just isn't something people wear.

Kobe, if someone specifies to me that they'd like me to wear solid black and I care about that person, I'd do it, even if I thought it was silly. I just wouldn't assume that's what it meant, because nobody but Old Order Mennonites wears solid black around here. Everyone else wears prints or other colours.

Lynn, it's nice you would have interpreted black to mean solid black. Not everyone would do the same. Where I live, solid black is for ultra-formal galas or at-home casual. I have black tops and leggings, but if someone visits, I put on a printed dress overtop. If I visited my granny wearing solid black, I'd be seen as dour and disrespectful. You wear prints or contrast to occasions. In the business community, black suits are rare. They're grey or striped, and always with contrasting shirts and ties. So, in my world, black just means black-based unless they specify solid, which nobody does. "Leave bright colours for the bride" would have told me to keep the black-based print subtle. Not every community is the same, and not every person thinks the same.

You’re basing all of your comments on your extremely area-specific customs. In most countries “wear black” means all black, not black as a base with a colorful print.