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54 Secrets That Came To Light Only After The People Keeping Them Were Gone
We all have things we don't want others to know about. Some people come clean, others bury their secrets so well that they end up taking them to the grave. But what happens when those shady and shocking stories come back to haunt us, or our families, even when we're 6 feet under? It happens more often than we might think...
Someone asked netizens to share the big family secrets that only came to light after somebody’s funeral, and the responses read like the script of a gripping afterlife drama. Some were creepy, a few were funny, and others were downright criminal.
Bored Panda has put together a list of the best for you to scroll through while you contemplate whether or not to confess your own dodgy doings.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I thought my family had fled Romania because of communism. Actually no, it's because we were mistreated by the population over superstitions that we were a so-called "vampire family" (we came from a very rural region). The first time I heard of this from my grandpa at his 214th birthday.
It's okay to have some secrets. In an age of social media where everyone is itching to know everyone else's business, it's only natural to want to keep certain things private. Also, not all secrets are bad. For example, there's nothing wrong with hiding that you're planning to propose to your partner, who you're going to vote for, or certain other things.
"We are definitely entitled to have our own inner subjectivity and our own inner lives," says psychotherapist Gillian Straker. "With social media we are having less and less private space — so to have some private space, even if it's from your partner, feels to me a positive."
The problems start when the secrets you plan to take to your grave start eating you alive.
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#2
My great grandmother had multiple boyfriends that didn’t know about each other. She was 89. She had one for every day of the week, they all met at her funeral.
#3
My grandma was the family alcoholic, yet extremely likable and sweet. When I was 27, I picked her up in my car. She answered a phone call but was slurring her words suddenly. When she got off the phone, she spoke normally again and admitted to me that she only pretends to be drunk so nobody will ask her to do stuff.
A wise person once said that “you’re only as sick as your secrets.” And while it might sound wild, many experts agree that the statement is dripping with truth. Researchers have found that keeping secrets can lead to psychological distress, social isolation, and even physical symptoms.
According to the team at the New York Mental Health Center, concealing secrets is not always harmful, but when individuals become preoccupied with their hidden information, it can lead to increased cognitive load and mental distress. "The intrusive thoughts about the secret that can be psychologically draining," they say.
#4
We knew my grandpas parents had hid people during the war. He never spoke about any details. Not even to me. After he passed, we found an envelope containing all of the information on the Jewish people hidden on their farm during the war. And that’s how I found out I’m a great grandchild of a world war 2 resistance fighter.
#5
Not me but we found out after my wife’s grandparents passed that he unalived a local man who had hurt several kids. The officer in charge of the missing person’s case was at the funeral and stayed on the force and in charge of that case for 40 years. He was best friends with my wife’s grandfather. He took the case because he knew his best friend did it and wanted to protect him. He retired that day, and confessed this all to us at the funeral.
#6
A month after my husband died his best friend called to check on me and had a question. He asked how I was able to forgive and move past my husband’s infidelity with my sister. He assumed I knew about it for years and was just this all forgiving wife. I never knew. It destroyed our family.
Being eaten up by our secrets can cause feelings of loneliness and depression. And it's a vicious cycle because as the secret-keeper continues to isolate themselves from others, their emotional pain only gets worse.
"The process of rumination—repeatedly thinking about the secret—can consume mental resources, making it harder for individuals to focus on other tasks and lowering overall cognitive functioning," notes the center's site. "Over time, this constant mental engagement with the secret can lead to feelings of anxiety, guilt, and shame, especially if the secret is related to morally sensitive issues, such as infidelity or unethical behavior."
#7
After my dads brother died, his wife of over 50 years found out that not only did he have a long time mistress, he purchased her a luxury condo in the SAME BUILDING as he and his wife. Apparently she was a singer and she’d be invited to perform at all 5 of their daughter’s weddings.
#9
One of my clients said after her mom died she was told by a cousin she was a milk carton baby. Her mom stole her and raised her for her whole life.
Katie Greenaway, a social psychologist from the University of Melbourne, agrees. She warns that our darkest secrets do the most harm when we are alone with them.
"It's thinking repetitively when we're alone [with] that piece of information, having it come to mind in a way that we don't feel like we can necessarily control," the expert told ABC News. Research shows that people who frequently think about their secrets tend to feel more disconnected from others. And that includes people who have nothing to do with the secret being kept.
#10
That my aunt who never found the right man was in a lesbian relationship with her best friend for 40 years. Rip to the queen.
#11
My uncle was involved with the mob. He had some beef with someone (don’t remember why) so when he went to the house to “confront” the person he found a guy tied up to a chair. He freed the man and “handled” who he went to see. Turns out the guy he saved that day was a CIA agent.
#12
My grandma was catholic and very religious. She had a heart issue and was in the hospital and thought she was dying so she called me over and told me I had to find her a priest immediately so she could confess. So I found one and she asked that I stay for her confession. She proceeded to tell him she’s had a vibrator. Miss you Nanny.
So what secrets are people keeping? Researchers from the University of Columbia set out to answer this question when they surveyed more than 50,000 adults from across the United States. The data is presented on a website aptly called KeepingSecrets.org.
"Most secrets involve one of 38 experiences," reports the Wall Street Journal. "97% of people say they’ve kept something in one of these 38 areas secret from someone. On average, the people studied kept secrets in 13 areas, and in five they kept complete secrets—not telling a soul."
The most commonly kept secrets involve lies, romantic desire, finances and intimate behavior.
#13
Grandma said there was a man buried in the garden that my grandfather m******d years ago. She said it in her d***h bed and the man still has a missing person file.
#14
my uncle blew my grandmother up using her oxygen tank, for the insurance money. my mom told me years after. none of the insurance money went to him. it went to my mother.
#15
When my great aunt Opal died no one knew her actual age. She always said she was 70 but turns out she was 101 years old. Cleaning out her house she had hundreds of bottles of empty vodka in her ceilings. She was the nicest woman - guess she was always drunk.
Sometimes, we even keep secrets from ourselves. "We might hide from ourselves that while we say we are passionate about climate change, we don't actually stop going on an overseas holiday in the plane that's putting a lot of emissions into the air," explains Professor Straker.
Whether you choose to take a secret to your grave is entirely up to you. But experts say that confiding in at least one other person can do wonders for your mental health.
#16
my dad used to joke “careful be nice or we’ll give you away like your older sister” fast forward i do a dna test and find out i have a half sister that my mom had at 19 and gave up for adoption my mom said she always hated those jokes. sometimes he would say random names but he used her real name a few times.
#17
My Grandma died at 101. I’m gay, never told her at my mums advice because she said she might not handle it well having her only grandchild be gay. Turns out when she passed in the middle of the night, her confession to the nurse was that she was lesbian. You can imagine how that keeps me up at night.
#18
Grandad died. My grandmother a year after. Of AIDs. That she got from him. He was a pastor and got it from a s******r in Chicago during the height of the AIDs pandemic in the 80’s. Family told everyone they he passed of cancer and grandma of a broken heart.
Michael Slepian is the brains behind KeepingSecrets.org, and a leading expert on the psychology of secrets. The Professor of Leadership and Ethics at Columbia University and his team not only examined the consequences of keeping secrets, but also looked at the what happens when we confide secrets.
"We found that when a person confides a secret to a third party, it does not reduce how often they have to conceal the secret from others who are still kept in the dark. Rather, it reduces how often their mind wanders toward the secret in irrelevant moments," reveals Slepian.
#19
I found out after my dad died through a DNA test that he wasn't my father and the grandparents and family I grew up with my whole life aren't my family at all. My real father was born in Italy and immigrated to the US. My "father" I knew was also Italian. My mother had an affair when she was 22 with my real father and he was in his 50's. So I have 3 1/2 siblings in their 80's now and I just turned 50. My real father was born in the 1920's.
#20
My grandpa was a fugitive who escaped prison, he lived under an alias, raised kids and had grandchildren. He died a free man in the neighbor state to the one he escaped prison from.
#21
I'm from a small tribe in WA state, at our family reunion in 2008 our grandfather admitted to being friends with the Green River K**ler even after he went to prison.
Long story. When grandpa died, we found some of the letters. Grandpa was trying to get Gary to admit to the k*lling of a couple of native girls from our tribe and he admitted to those and couldn't remember exactly where he put their bodies. Gary said they are on the reservation.
When we called the feds (only the feds have jurisdiction over us) they said they knew....essentially they just don't care. So we are still looking.
Slepian adds that while the act of confiding a secret can feel cathartic and relieving, mere catharsis is not enough.
"When confiding a secret, what is actually helpful is the conversation that follows," explains the expert. "People report that when sharing a secret with another person, they often receive emotional support, useful guidance, and helpful advice. These forms of support make people feel more confident and capable in coping with the secret."
#22
my first step dad died very quickly from stage 4 colon cancer. it was horrible. mom was in shambles, I was in shambles, for an extended period of time. they had been together since I was in my early teens. my mom found out one week after the funeral he had been cheating on her the ENTIRE length of their relationship. as recently as texting other women while he was at home on hospice.
#23
My great uncle went to prison for admitting to unaliving my great grandad, but it was his youngest sister who actually did it.... He was the only boy and took the blame as he wasn't able to protect his sisters from his dad whilst he was alive.
#24
When my grandmother was pregnant with my dad, she had severe PPD and attempted to [end] herself. My grandpa had felt something was wrong, and made it home in time to save them both. My father found this out at 65 years old.
Slepian says it's not necessary to suffer in silence while your secrets eat you alive.
"When people find a healthier way of thinking about their secret, they ruminate less on it, and have improved well-being," he writes. "Our studies suggest that what is important is talking to another person about a secret. A single conversation can lead to a healthier outlook and mind."
That said, do you have secrets you need to get off your chest? Let us know in the comments section below...
#25
Found out after he passed that my grandfather, a Chicago cop, used to run liquor for Al Capone in the police department paddy wagon.
#26
Not really a deep dark secret but I think it’s f*****g funny. On my grandpas deathbed he really wanted a cigarette (huge smoker all his life) but since he was in the hospital obvi you can’t do that. So my uncle gave him this vape and when my grandpa hit it his 02 stats went down from coughing so much a couple nurses came in to check on him……come to find out it was a w*ed pen. My uncle got my grandpa high, in the hospital, on his deathbed, and then called an audience to watch.
#27
My dad got caught “shoplifting” at like 10 years old and the clerk locked him in a closet when the police officer came he said “I know him I’ll take him home” come to find out that police officer was my dads biological father and that was my dads only time meeting him.
#28
After my mom died my biological dad who was not in my life messaged me on Facebook and told me she had a kid before me. I was an only child. She gave him up for adoption. I didn’t believe him because my mom and I were very close. I confirmed it with my aunt to be true. When I starred looking for him though, I found out he was brutally m******d as a teenager. It was really sad.
#29
In 1984 my grandmother died and my aunt demanded my mom bring all her jewelry to the funeral home and my aunt and cousins sat there and divided it up fighting the whole time. 10 years ago I received a call from a Florida attorney who knew all about her and confirmed I was her grandson. Turns out her brother had passed with no other family members living and he wrote in a letter in his will how I sat on his lap while they were all fighting over my grandmother’s stuff. He lived in Naples Florida and I now own the home and am living a great life thanks to a man I only met at her funeral. The other cousins were mentioned in the will and they each received $1.
#30
My mom died when I was 8. Now (18 years later) I found a notebook of hers from 2006 that was a 10-15 page letter to her then boyfriend about how horrible I was, I ruined her life, how she hates me and I just make her so mad she can’t look at me. I was 6 years old at the time which is INSANE to say about your 6 year old daughter. I’ve been grieving someone I had no idea thought that way of me for 18 years.
#31
My grandma passed away in the hospital and when we got there, there was a man & wife with their 5 kids already in room (we had no idea who these people were) turns out my grandma had a kid when she was 15 and none of my family knew about him until that moment.
#32
Not serious but funny.(1990s) Before my grandmother's funeral, my grandfather had me (6y/o) look around the house for my grandmother's hidden stashes before family arrived for the funeral. He had no idea where she hid things but she used to watch me every day so I knew her routine. I found it and he gave me a candy bar and we never discussed it again lol.
#33
I have three family secrets I love to tell people lol: 1) My grandpa didn’t just have an affair, he had an entire secret family with his wives (my grandmothers) sister. 2) My aunt had a baby at 13 that was adopted by the neighbours. 3) My sister was fathered by the local priest not my mother’s first husband.
#34
Grandma died. We know she had a few properties, but we didn’t know the full extent. Our granddad sold properties, bought expensive cars etc but died a few years later. Turns out my grandma left the whole family properties worth hundreds of millions. Changed everyone’s lives. From kids to grandkids.
#35
Everyone in my family thinks my uncle is mentally slow. We got close, once I got older. He told me it was a scam, so no one bothered him. He has a bachelor's and master's degree. He owned his company for years and was able to retire early. He also took me to his vacation home he built in south America. He has a ranch, in America, with its own landing strip. My family has no clue.
#36
My great aunt was a waitress for my great uncle while he was on a first date with someone else. He left with her number instead never seeing the other girl again. They talked and made plans for a date. He took her right out of state lines to a drive ins. She mentioned her birthday was coming up when they arrived and he said "Oh cool how old will you be!?" Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah he freaked out at the answer immediately got her back in the car from the snack stand and drove her home. Because she was turning 17! He thought she was 19! She thought he was a kid from a different high school he was 20! He waited an entire year and they just talked on the phone and did casual double dates in the company of my grandma or my great grand parents. Fast forward to her 18th birthday he proposed and she accepted. They celebrated 50+ish years of marriage. She passed right before my wedding and exactly a year later he passed too. R.I.P Uncle Roland & Aunt Sandy.
#37
I read my father’s autopsy and they found c*ke in his system. I later found out, he was one of the biggest dealers in our small town. I started getting harassed by cops due to my last name. There’s more but kept it simple.
#38
My dad died in 2021, my mom died in 2024. While looking for a picture for her funeral I found out my dad wasn’t my biological father. I also have a brother that’s 10 years older than me who also has no idea who his father is. His mother knows who our father is but she said she will never tell us who he is.
#39
My mum passed away in April this year, and she left myself and my 2 brothers detailed letters about how much she hated us all. Mine was the best- describing how she wished she never had me.
#40
My grandpa had an affair with a man and my grandma k**led his boyfriend. It was the 80s in a rural area so it wasn't investigated.
#41
One of my great-great grandmothers was born ensl*ved. She was light skinned, so she left her family and passed as white. The last person in the family who knew was her daughter, apparently, bc she always told her kids to stay out of the sun bc they'd get "too dark." We didn't find out until somebody did 23 and Me.
#42
My grandma had told me about my great great grandfather who had a major hand in the K*K to this day it disgusts me to know that is in my blood line. I always pray he is burning immensely with no mercy in hell while seeing members of his bloodline now. We are very diverse.
#45
My grandpa was dishonorably discharged from the Army in WW2. He was ordered to execute some prisoners and refused. The captain who gave him the order punched him and they got in a huge fight. They shipped my gramps back home and put him in with all the prisoners and would sh**t over their heads to scare them. When he died someone put an American Flag on his casket and my dad walked up front and pulled it off.
#46
my grandpa a****d my grandma when they were younger until one day she couldn't take it anymore and jumped out of the truck while he was punching her, she died. he came back and told his 5 children that they better be quiet or else they'll lose each other too. it was deemed a s*****e and she never saw justice. My Dad was the only child who remembered the truth, and he told anyone who would listen at the funeral.
#47
My great aunt who was a Nun - had her adult son show up to her funeral. Suddenly she wasn’t the “perfect” child anymore our family was shocked.
#48
My dad died and suddenly all his 11 siblings came from Texas to California to the funeral. I had never met them, they were all estranged. They came to claim our home. Which was my dad’s childhood home and my grandpa gave this house to my dad because he was good to him. All my dad’s siblings felt entitled to it and nearly took us all out with the fighting and lawyers and court and in the end they lost. It was terrible. So much stress and pain.
#49
My grandma’s uncle fought in the army during WW1 and never came home to his family and was never seen again after the war. So my grandma’s great grandparents never knew what happened to their son. But this year, my great aunt took a 23&Me test and found out this same uncle moved to Oregon after the war and changed his name because he got in trouble with the army. So apparently I have all this family in Oregon that I knew nothing about until last week.
#50
I moved out at 16 from my parents house and my family was so embarrassed they told people I was d**d.... imagine the horror on people's faces when a walking corpse came in 5 years later i mean they made up an elaborate story, had a quick get together ceremony ect.
#51
my mom in a dementia ward repeatedly told me the same story that she has a baby when she was young. it was a girl. she said 'they' GMA and sisters' took her away telling her she was too young. fits the timeline perfectly that my aunt - her sister lived in the same town, husband stationed out of the country had a baby girl and named that girl after my mother. she looks just like her too. she is my cousin supposedly. nah she is my sister.
#52
my grandmother sent my mom to a magdalene laundry 4 states away when she was pregnant with me. and my father preceded to get her out of there through a window.
#53
Mines still a mystery. I’ve been telling my mom and aunts about my cousin Gabriel I remember when I was really little and they said he wasn’t real and denied his existence but I REMEMBER him and when my uncle died he had a tote full of pictures and I found a bunch of pictures of me and Gabriel and when I brought it to attention they said he changed his name and left but he disappeared when we were little so w*f are you talking about WHERE DID HE GO.
nut nibbler 20 minutes ago
Now censoring W T F , if it keeps on there will no no text to read at all.
#54
My great-great grandfather owned a parcel of land in Chicago before the civil war. He sold it and bought land near Aurora IL, 40 miles west of Chicago, because he believed Aurora was going to be “the city of the future”. That parcel of land in Chicago is where the Willis Tower (formerly the Sears Tower) now stands. 110 stories.
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