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143
‘Hardcore Vegan’ Thinks She Can Shame Everyone At BBQ, Gets A Reality Check That Drives Her Mad
Healthy eating and nutrition are very sensitive topics, and nearly everyone seems to have an opinion on them. If you want to change someone’s mind about embracing a healthier diet, you have to be respectful and see them as your equal. A holier-than-thou attitude and insults will only drive the other person away. Besides, nobody wants to be angrily talked at during a social event or family gathering.
Internet user u/IFeelBad95 asked the AITA online group for a verdict on whether they were in the wrong for leaving their vegan sister-in-law ‘Erin’ out of the family barbeque. The reason? The woman’s incredibly aggressive attitude and non-stop shaming of her relatives. Scroll down for the full story, two very important updates, and to see how the net reacted to the spot of family drama. Bored Panda has reached out to the author for comment, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from them.
RELATED:
A good rule of thumb is to avoid intentionally causing a scene at family get-togethers. The dinner table isn’t the place for hardcore fights
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
A person asked the internet whether they were wrong not to invite their relative to a barbeque due to their over-the-top and militant vegan beliefs
Image credits: Sigmund / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Blake Cheek / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Nathan Dumlao / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The host shared more information about the family drama later
Image credits: IFeelBad95
Before you start making radical changes to your diet, talk to a healthcare professional. And always be aware of what your body needs
There are lots of general health, diet, and fitness guidelines that you can (and should!) follow to live a better, longer, and higher-quality life. That being said, you also have to take into consideration that your body’s needs may not be quite the same as someone else’s.
Different people have different lifestyles, allergies, genes, nutritional deficiencies, etc. Just like you wouldn’t encourage a person with lactose intolerance or a nut allergy to drink milk or eat peanuts, you wouldn’t push one particular diet on people who have very different relationships with exercise.
Similarly, someone with a vitamin B12 or iron deficiency would focus on certain foods far more than an individual who has healthy levels of both in their system. Supplements work, but they have to be taken in conjunction with a balanced and nutritious diet. Sometimes, giving up red meat or seafood isn’t an option from a dietary perspective, even if you support veganism ethically.
There is no one-size-fits-all approach, though it’s definitely a good idea to try to eat healthier, move more, stay hydrated, get plenty of sleep, and invest in your positive relationships.
So, not only is it vital that you listen to what your body is telling you, but you also shouldn’t make any drastic changes in your lifestyle and diet without consulting your doctor or a health specialist. What changes you make and how quickly you can introduce them into your life will depend on your goals.
Introducing a few more greens, legumes, seafood, and fiber into your life while eating slightly less junk food is fairly easy to do. Meanwhile, moving past any deep-seated addictions to sugar, caffeine, processed foods, nicotine, and alcohol will require far more time and effort to make your healthier habits stick.
And, in some more serious cases, you may need to make your lifestyle changes in sync with therapy so you can reframe your relationship with what you consume.
Generally, omnivores are more accepting of vegans who avoid animal products due to to health concerns rather than ethical reasons
Image credits: Lauris Rozentāls / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The psychology behind the relationships between vegans, omnivores, and vegetarians is fascinating. The BBC reports that many meat-eaters find explanations for why eating animals is ‘correct,’ and part of their chain of thought is that they view vegans in a negative light.
Psychologist Julia Minson from the University of Pennsylvania studied attitudes towards vegans. 45% of participants had something negative to say about vegans’ social characteristics and included descriptions using words like weird, arrogant, preachy, militant, uptight, stupid, and (somewhat bizarrely) sadistic.
Meanwhile, the BBC writes that non-meat-eaters tend to think they’re better than other people. For instance, vegetarians tend to rate other vegetarians as more virtuous than non-vegetarians. And both omnivores and vegetarians tend to rate vegetarians as more virtuous yet less masculine than omnivores.
However, the relationship between vegans and vegetarians can be quite tense, too. The former can think that the latter group is hypocritical.
Psychologist Benoit Monin from Stanford University said that vegetarians tend to be more threatened by vegans than non-vegetarians actually are. “They [vegetarians] agree that there is something wrong about raising animals for food, and now they’re faced with someone who’s putting their money where their mouth is, more than they do.”
Omnivores tend to find ethical vegans and vegetarians more irritating than people who avoid animal products for health reasons. Meanwhile, faced with cognitive dissonance and discomfort, omnivores can react to pro-vegan adverts that focus on animal suffering by eating more meat to justify their actions and lifestyles.
Cognitive dissonance is what happens when someone has two incompatible views in their head (for instance, eating meat but also caring about animals) and acts in one way but not the other. It can make the present feel stressed, irritated, and unhappy, so they might lash out by blaming others.
If your goal is to change someone’s perspective about food and health, you can’t act judgmental and holier-than-thou
Image credits: Nini FromParis / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
That being said, you won’t change many people’s minds by being preachy or judging them. Any good diplomat knows that you have to create a genuine connection with the other person. Actively listen to them, consider their perspective, and be open to having an actual discussion with them.
If you blame someone for (not) eating meat or any other product, they’ll get defensive, ignore you, or lash out at you. What you want is a genuine dialogue, not a monologue where you show off how much ‘better’ and morally upstanding you are than the people you supposedly care about. Nobody likes a show-off.
Then there’s the issue of timing. Shaming people about what they’re eating at a family barbeque is ridiculous. It’s a get-together that’s meant to bring people closer, not push them away. If you have genuinely good recommendations for how someone can live longer and feel healthier, you can always find a less public way of approaching those topics.
And in many cases, actions speak far louder than words. If you want to show off the benefits of veganism, you can start to convince your family by cooking up some amazing dishes at the family barbeque. To be blunt, people love tasty food. If it’s nutritious on top of that, it’s a plus!
What are your thoughts about the entire family drama, dear Pandas? Have you ever not invited a relative or friend because they’re overly passionate about one cause or another? What do you think is a good way to broach the topic of healthier eating and living in the first place?
Has anyone, whether a passionate vegan or over-the-top carnivore, ever tried to browbeat you into changing your diet without caring what you think? Grab a snack or a hot beverage and tell us what you think and what you’ve experienced in the comments!
The author added even more context as the story started going viral
Overwhelmingly, the internet thought the author did the right thing by excluding their sister-in-law
A large chunk of readers thought that everyone was to blame and could have handled things far better
Not everyone was on the same page. A handful of internet users called the author out
A bit later, the author of the story shared a couple of important updates
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What do you think ?
L. Murphy 10 months ago (edited)
I am a vegan and if I say another vegan act like this at a BBQ that they chose to attend, I would b***h slap her with a cutlet. The pic they used to depict this twat was perfect btw. Tattooed, ear gauges, butch haircut, and pierced looks like every other weirdo in Seattle. So attention seeking and insecure.
Suzie 10 months ago
If someone wants to be vegan, more power to them. I draw the line when they want to criticize everyone else for their dietary choices.
Hell Iz 10 months ago
I’ve been called a « stupid hypocrite” by vegans because I’m vegetarian. So yeah.
Load More Replies...
Scott Rackley 10 months ago
So she ate a vegan patty that had been cooked on a BBQ grill? lol. Actually, I found a unicorn IRL. We hired this woman to be our toolroom crib manager at work. Took me a couple of weeks to notice she never ate animal products at lunch. So I did ask her if she was vegetarian and she replied with "Vegan." I was surprised because usually that's the first thing out of their mouth after you meet them. Nice girl, great crib manager.
L. Murphy 10 months ago
The nice vegans don't talk about their diet because we don't want to be lectured or asked dumb questions.
Load More Replies...
Nice Beast Ludo 10 months ago
"both omnivores and vegetarians tend to rate omnivores as more virtuous yet less masculine than vegetarians " what in the world do those two things have to do with each other? I know the author was quoting a poll but that is one of the strangest sentences I have read in awhile
Ben Aziza 10 months ago (edited)
AHh yes, that is exactly how masculinity is rated! There is a sacred text passed down the generations to every man when they become of age. In it there is the manliness formula. This exact situation is mentioned in line 14 of section 12.2 (Food and manliness). "Ye who shall decide to partake in the consumption of animal flesh all their products or ye who refrains from it all together, shall point and laugh at the lack of masculine of those who do not. Once done your total masculine is herby worth one and a third of its original value. As for the lesser men their masculinity is reduced by a third" Basically a 1.3 or 0.7 multiplier! I hear there is talk of adding it into the DNA, so the rules just manifest at an instinctual level! Nothing strange about the sentences at all.
Load More Replies...
Mr.Mister 10 months ago
Done that. In my friendsgroup, there was this dude who decided to become vegan. Ok his life his choice. But he became the aggresive kind of vegan who annoys everyone with speech like " Eww how can you eat that?" Or "The poor animal" and stuff like that. Well one sjmmer we decided to have a BBQ party in a public park, that was a good way away from him. But somehow he showed up by coincidence. And when he started to rant about us devouring meat everyone just shouted "SHUT UP [NAME]!!! " in unison. He fu(ked off and we had our fun
geezeronthehill 10 months ago
To Erin's claim about fat: fat consumption is not connected to adult (type 2) diabetes. Over refined carbohydrates and sugars are the usual contributing factors.
iseefractals 10 months ago
That's mostly true, but not completely. Refined sugar and carbohydrates (which are metabolized into sugar) are the primary underlying factor simply because those are present in so many aspects of the modern diet. Trans fat however has been shown to have an impact on insulin resistance, while saturated fats, which is the animal fats being discussed here, do not.
Load More Replies...
Peter Griffin 10 months ago
What’s funny is that veganism isn’t even the healthiest diet to be on lol
DC 10 months ago
Most often, it's an ethical rather than a dietary choice. That just is the most obvious, most impactful outcome in daily life.
Load More Replies... kkrq2vk4tm 10 months ago
It's not a difficult situation to fix, people like this need an argument so just don't giver her one, I'd invited her to the family barbecue, I'd provide her with a disposable barbecue and tell her to get on with it, there would be plenty of salad stuff around that's naturally vegan and I'd tell others to just not engage if you just don't respond to someone who is ranting they run out of stuff to say
Crouching hippo hidden panda 10 months ago
I got picked on at school for being vegan so it’s something I try to avoid announcing at all costs unless some very observant person notices. Luckily I don’t have to eat at work
DC 9 months ago
In reality - that's not where Erin resides - that is way, way more often than the other way round.
Load More Replies...
Betsy S 10 months ago
I'm gluten-free and dairy-free. It's a tough combination. When I go to someone's food event, I either discuss ahead of time what the options are, offer to bring a communal dish (that I can also eat) or I just bring my own personal food. There are ways to have your dietary needs met without alienating everyone in your general vicinity. Be self-sufficient! Saves a lot of grief.
Panda Bear 10 months ago
I don’t give a rat’s butt if you’re vegan. That’s your choice not mine. But do not try to push it onto others.
Paula Glasscoe 9 months ago
Veganism (or any religion/lifestyle etc) is much like a penis in my view, I’m sure it’s lovely to have one but start waving it in my face and we have a problem.
K Barnes 10 months ago
I think that hosting it while Erin was out of town was a good solution to the problem that should be followed by communication before next year's BBQ. If you're obnoxious you don't get an invite or will be asked to leave. Totally NTA. However the OP really lost me with the gloating threat that Redditors will dox Erin. That changed me to ESH.
Janelle Collard 10 months ago
Hubs + his mom *knew* OP chose the date on purpose + let it go. 😁
Mike F 10 months ago
There's something about Erin... We (my friend circle) had someone like Erin, but he was that way about everything, lol. We liked to meet up at a neighborhood bar who dubbed him "BI". It was quite a while before we found out that BI actually stood for Blithering Idiot. He quit hanging with us if we went to that bar. 😂😂
Extinct Animal 7 months ago
Holy s**t it's a BBQ... I'd recommend slaughtering a suckling pig infront of her next time then shoving a spike through it and spit roasting it over a fire while she watches and tries to complain.
Craig Reynolds 8 months ago
I wouldn't even invite a true vegan to a BBQ unless they were willing to bring their own premade food. It's just too difficult to accommodate them! I would need a separate, never used grille because the existing one has animal product residue and will be grilling animal products. Vegetarians are not difficult to accommodate, but vegans are, and no one should be expected to bend over backwards to accommodate one person's lifestyle choice.
Jim Robertson 8 months ago
How can you tell if some one is vegan?=== You don't have to, they will tell you every 2 mins
Patrick H 9 months ago (edited)
When my family had BBQs, we had an "ethical" vegan friend that we always invited. She got along great with everyone, and she didn't talk about her veganism unless someone asked or it was relevant to the conversation, and even then, she was respectful. We even tried to include a few vegan options, although she was fairly used to bringing her own food to those types of events. Whenever I grilled hamburgers, I usually included a few Portobello mushrooms to keep the vibe similar. I also had a dedicated vegan section of my grill where I never let meat touch. My friend didn't ask me to do that, but she was happy that I made the effort. So, it IS possible to have BBQs with vegan attendees so long as everybody is respectful of each other.
Cleda Galioto 9 months ago
She is a guest in another person's home. Shut up or go home. She has no right to attack the host or the other guests. And yes, she would not get another invite. I would not care if she screams and throws a tantrum, she would not be welcome in my home. If she shows, escort her out.
Ruth Watry 10 months ago
I would have invited her, and then when she said that she was out of town, apologize and say that you cannot change the date because others have already accepted the invitation.
DEBBIE 10 months ago (edited)
This post made me sad and I can't help feeling that the drama could have been avoided with a few conversations. Firstly, if you knew she was vegan, why didn't you have plant based burgers & sausages available? They're really easy to find, it's common courtesy to cater to your guests and even non vegans might enjoy them, so a packet or two at that first BBQ would have been decent, on your part. You even admitted that even the salads weren't vegan, and all you needed to do there was not add animal products to vegan food. Is she a new vegan?people can be a bit overly enthusiastic in the early days. A quiet word from her brother about not being so vocal might have been an idea. Scheduling the next BBQ while she was away was an OK move- it's not like your life revolves around her, you are allowed to contunue with your lives while she's on holiday, LOL. But excluding her from future events is pretty harsh. Telling her she's welcome, catering for her, in suitable quantities (because meat eaters, even the vegan bashers, sometimes eat the vegan food!) & clearly stating all dietary choices will be respected, might be a way forward.
DC 10 months ago
Don't bother, not a single word in this story is true. It's made up to paint vegans in a certain shade. Reality will never live up to this, any real Erin would never attend such an event.
Load More Replies... geezeronthehill 9 months ago
Carnivores kill their food before they eat it. Vegans, on the other hand, eat some of their food while it's still alive. (Irony alert)
Romy Rösli 10 months ago
Erin is obviously very annoying but I don’t feel much sympathy for OP either. When I invite guests I make sure there will be something to eat for everyone. OP didn’t expect Erin to come? Why not ask? And OP didn’t have anything in the house that didn’t contain meat, dairy or eggs? Come on! If that’s true OP should reconsider their diet. OP comes off as quite petty and vindictive.
Peter Bear 10 months ago
Clearly you live under a rock. I have personally seen versions and variations of this exact thing happen more times than I care to count. Whether this specific story is true or not, I don't know. But this sort of thing happens all the time, so it's at the very least realistic.
Load More Replies... L. Murphy 10 months ago (edited)
I am a vegan and if I say another vegan act like this at a BBQ that they chose to attend, I would b***h slap her with a cutlet. The pic they used to depict this twat was perfect btw. Tattooed, ear gauges, butch haircut, and pierced looks like every other weirdo in Seattle. So attention seeking and insecure.
Suzie 10 months ago
If someone wants to be vegan, more power to them. I draw the line when they want to criticize everyone else for their dietary choices.
Hell Iz 10 months ago
I’ve been called a « stupid hypocrite” by vegans because I’m vegetarian. So yeah.
Load More Replies... Scott Rackley 10 months ago
So she ate a vegan patty that had been cooked on a BBQ grill? lol. Actually, I found a unicorn IRL. We hired this woman to be our toolroom crib manager at work. Took me a couple of weeks to notice she never ate animal products at lunch. So I did ask her if she was vegetarian and she replied with "Vegan." I was surprised because usually that's the first thing out of their mouth after you meet them. Nice girl, great crib manager.
L. Murphy 10 months ago
The nice vegans don't talk about their diet because we don't want to be lectured or asked dumb questions.
Load More Replies... Nice Beast Ludo 10 months ago
"both omnivores and vegetarians tend to rate omnivores as more virtuous yet less masculine than vegetarians " what in the world do those two things have to do with each other? I know the author was quoting a poll but that is one of the strangest sentences I have read in awhile
Ben Aziza 10 months ago (edited)
AHh yes, that is exactly how masculinity is rated! There is a sacred text passed down the generations to every man when they become of age. In it there is the manliness formula. This exact situation is mentioned in line 14 of section 12.2 (Food and manliness). "Ye who shall decide to partake in the consumption of animal flesh all their products or ye who refrains from it all together, shall point and laugh at the lack of masculine of those who do not. Once done your total masculine is herby worth one and a third of its original value. As for the lesser men their masculinity is reduced by a third" Basically a 1.3 or 0.7 multiplier! I hear there is talk of adding it into the DNA, so the rules just manifest at an instinctual level! Nothing strange about the sentences at all.
Load More Replies... Mr.Mister 10 months ago
Done that. In my friendsgroup, there was this dude who decided to become vegan. Ok his life his choice. But he became the aggresive kind of vegan who annoys everyone with speech like " Eww how can you eat that?" Or "The poor animal" and stuff like that. Well one sjmmer we decided to have a BBQ party in a public park, that was a good way away from him. But somehow he showed up by coincidence. And when he started to rant about us devouring meat everyone just shouted "SHUT UP [NAME]!!! " in unison. He fu(ked off and we had our fun
geezeronthehill 10 months ago
To Erin's claim about fat: fat consumption is not connected to adult (type 2) diabetes. Over refined carbohydrates and sugars are the usual contributing factors.
iseefractals 10 months ago
That's mostly true, but not completely. Refined sugar and carbohydrates (which are metabolized into sugar) are the primary underlying factor simply because those are present in so many aspects of the modern diet. Trans fat however has been shown to have an impact on insulin resistance, while saturated fats, which is the animal fats being discussed here, do not.
Load More Replies... Peter Griffin 10 months ago
What’s funny is that veganism isn’t even the healthiest diet to be on lol
DC 10 months ago
Most often, it's an ethical rather than a dietary choice. That just is the most obvious, most impactful outcome in daily life.
Load More Replies... kkrq2vk4tm 10 months ago
It's not a difficult situation to fix, people like this need an argument so just don't giver her one, I'd invited her to the family barbecue, I'd provide her with a disposable barbecue and tell her to get on with it, there would be plenty of salad stuff around that's naturally vegan and I'd tell others to just not engage if you just don't respond to someone who is ranting they run out of stuff to say
Crouching hippo hidden panda 10 months ago
I got picked on at school for being vegan so it’s something I try to avoid announcing at all costs unless some very observant person notices. Luckily I don’t have to eat at work
DC 9 months ago
In reality - that's not where Erin resides - that is way, way more often than the other way round.
Load More Replies... Betsy S 10 months ago
I'm gluten-free and dairy-free. It's a tough combination. When I go to someone's food event, I either discuss ahead of time what the options are, offer to bring a communal dish (that I can also eat) or I just bring my own personal food. There are ways to have your dietary needs met without alienating everyone in your general vicinity. Be self-sufficient! Saves a lot of grief.
Panda Bear 10 months ago
I don’t give a rat’s butt if you’re vegan. That’s your choice not mine. But do not try to push it onto others.
Paula Glasscoe 9 months ago
Veganism (or any religion/lifestyle etc) is much like a penis in my view, I’m sure it’s lovely to have one but start waving it in my face and we have a problem.
K Barnes 10 months ago
I think that hosting it while Erin was out of town was a good solution to the problem that should be followed by communication before next year's BBQ. If you're obnoxious you don't get an invite or will be asked to leave. Totally NTA. However the OP really lost me with the gloating threat that Redditors will dox Erin. That changed me to ESH.
Janelle Collard 10 months ago
Hubs + his mom *knew* OP chose the date on purpose + let it go. 😁
Mike F 10 months ago
There's something about Erin... We (my friend circle) had someone like Erin, but he was that way about everything, lol. We liked to meet up at a neighborhood bar who dubbed him "BI". It was quite a while before we found out that BI actually stood for Blithering Idiot. He quit hanging with us if we went to that bar. 😂😂
Extinct Animal 7 months ago
Holy s**t it's a BBQ... I'd recommend slaughtering a suckling pig infront of her next time then shoving a spike through it and spit roasting it over a fire while she watches and tries to complain.
Craig Reynolds 8 months ago
I wouldn't even invite a true vegan to a BBQ unless they were willing to bring their own premade food. It's just too difficult to accommodate them! I would need a separate, never used grille because the existing one has animal product residue and will be grilling animal products. Vegetarians are not difficult to accommodate, but vegans are, and no one should be expected to bend over backwards to accommodate one person's lifestyle choice.
Jim Robertson 8 months ago
How can you tell if some one is vegan?=== You don't have to, they will tell you every 2 mins
Patrick H 9 months ago (edited)
When my family had BBQs, we had an "ethical" vegan friend that we always invited. She got along great with everyone, and she didn't talk about her veganism unless someone asked or it was relevant to the conversation, and even then, she was respectful. We even tried to include a few vegan options, although she was fairly used to bringing her own food to those types of events. Whenever I grilled hamburgers, I usually included a few Portobello mushrooms to keep the vibe similar. I also had a dedicated vegan section of my grill where I never let meat touch. My friend didn't ask me to do that, but she was happy that I made the effort. So, it IS possible to have BBQs with vegan attendees so long as everybody is respectful of each other.
Cleda Galioto 9 months ago
She is a guest in another person's home. Shut up or go home. She has no right to attack the host or the other guests. And yes, she would not get another invite. I would not care if she screams and throws a tantrum, she would not be welcome in my home. If she shows, escort her out.
Ruth Watry 10 months ago
I would have invited her, and then when she said that she was out of town, apologize and say that you cannot change the date because others have already accepted the invitation.
DEBBIE 10 months ago (edited)
This post made me sad and I can't help feeling that the drama could have been avoided with a few conversations. Firstly, if you knew she was vegan, why didn't you have plant based burgers & sausages available? They're really easy to find, it's common courtesy to cater to your guests and even non vegans might enjoy them, so a packet or two at that first BBQ would have been decent, on your part. You even admitted that even the salads weren't vegan, and all you needed to do there was not add animal products to vegan food. Is she a new vegan?people can be a bit overly enthusiastic in the early days. A quiet word from her brother about not being so vocal might have been an idea. Scheduling the next BBQ while she was away was an OK move- it's not like your life revolves around her, you are allowed to contunue with your lives while she's on holiday, LOL. But excluding her from future events is pretty harsh. Telling her she's welcome, catering for her, in suitable quantities (because meat eaters, even the vegan bashers, sometimes eat the vegan food!) & clearly stating all dietary choices will be respected, might be a way forward.
DC 10 months ago
Don't bother, not a single word in this story is true. It's made up to paint vegans in a certain shade. Reality will never live up to this, any real Erin would never attend such an event.
Load More Replies... geezeronthehill 9 months ago
Carnivores kill their food before they eat it. Vegans, on the other hand, eat some of their food while it's still alive. (Irony alert)
Romy Rösli 10 months ago
Erin is obviously very annoying but I don’t feel much sympathy for OP either. When I invite guests I make sure there will be something to eat for everyone. OP didn’t expect Erin to come? Why not ask? And OP didn’t have anything in the house that didn’t contain meat, dairy or eggs? Come on! If that’s true OP should reconsider their diet. OP comes off as quite petty and vindictive.
Peter Bear 10 months ago
Clearly you live under a rock. I have personally seen versions and variations of this exact thing happen more times than I care to count. Whether this specific story is true or not, I don't know. But this sort of thing happens all the time, so it's at the very least realistic.
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