Woman Asks Ex For Money Because She And The Kids Are Out Of Food, Flips Out When He Refuses
There’s this unwritten convention, social norm, rule—whatever you wanna call it—that you just don’t refuse perfectly fine food. Unless you’re really full, but even then taking a doggy-bag is at the very least a nice gesture.
But, for some, entitlement hits hard and then you’re in a situation where you’re being offered food some folks would die for, but you choose to ask for money to buy food instead. Or, worse, get yourself some take out.
Social norms dictate that you can’t really refuse food. That doesn’t stop some folks from doing the entitled thing though
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
A mom recently refused to take perfectly good frozen food from her ex to feed her kids, instead insisting on getting money… to buy food
Image credits: Alex Green (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ambitious-Emotion615
Let’s just say the plea for money didn’t really pan out, but it did leave the dad wondering if he was wrong to refuse
Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)
The story goes that a dad recently turned to the Am I The A-Hole community for some perspective on a matter of financial support.
He’s divorced. Has 2 teenage kids, who live with his ex. When the ex got remarried, she lost rights to spousal support. Well, that didn’t work out and she’s back being single. But this did not magically bring back spousal support.
So, she approached OP for some help, and he was more than willing to oblige. At that point, he had around 2 weeks worth of frozen meat and veggies to spare—the proper stuff, though. Think elk, venison and wild hog, all hunted on their own. There was more, but you catch the drift.
Much to his surprise, she refused it. She instead prompted for money. Money… to buy food. “For Uber eats or something.” That was an immediate “no”. Foul-mouthing followed. But being a responsible dad, he got in touch with his sons to get a better picture. Turns out, they were fine. They had the same frozen meats, but the dad promised to bring over more.
This inevitably led to some more badmouthing—this time, folks were actually taking the mother’s side, prompting the dad to ask the question online.
Folks online begged to differ—in their eyes, the dad was in the clear and the mom is the real jerk here
Image credits: Monstera Production (not the actual photo)
It was a clear NTA from the judges. In fact, some folks argued that OP was being beyond reasonable—kicking it off with a very generous amount of food. As things should be with responsible parents.
Folks pointed out that, as things stand, he doesn’t owe his ex anything. He’s divorced, he doesn’t have to pay child support (it would have worked out worse for the ex), and to top it all off, he offered groceries—even promised he’d bring some over regardless—whatever trash-talking that the ex’s support crowd’s throwing at him is irrelevant.
Many did point out that the wife is the awful one here, though. Not only because she had the audacity to refuse food and say that she’d prefer money for takeout, but that also showed that she is too lazy to cook, even if it means caring for her kids.
I guess Redditor u/delilahbelle2605 says it best: “she didn’t want food.”
The level of entitlement on the part of the ex only increases if you consider the poverty reality in the US
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
For context, the poverty line for a family of four in the US is just a bit under $30,000, while for an individual—nearly $15,000. Considering that, according to 2021 estimates, 11.6%, i.e. 38 million Americans lived under that line (when the line was actually a couple of thousand dollars lower). This only amplifies how entitled OP’s ex is.
For those living under the poverty line, housing alone constitutes 41.2% of their entire income. The second biggest thing is food with 16.7%, followed by transportation with 13.7%. Compare these three categories with someone who earns 100K to 150K, it’s 31.5, 12.5% and 17.5% accordingly.
The Census Bureau also pointed out that within the span of 5 years between 2015 and 2020, family childcare costs increased by 25%. It’s actually 28% over the last decade, with 2020 being the most expensive yet—$8.1K was the average annual childcare cost per household with children. Picture if this was a single mother with just $15K in her pocket per year.
The dad clarified a nuance regarding spousal and child support
People in the subreddit ruled that the dad is not the jerk, leaving over 10K upvotes on his post
Well, I guess OP unwillingly found out the reason her second husband left her...
.....she can't cook, she doesn't want to be "all domestic," and the children live with her?????
They have 50/50 custody so the kids spend equal time with him, but sounds like they learned from a young age to fend for themselves when staying with her.
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I feel like there is some information missing. Was this woman always unable or unwilling to cook?
Trying to be empathetic here, all I can think of is perhaps she's not cooking because she's depressed following the break up of her second marriage. However, I'm also the kind of person who if I ask a favour I appreciate what is offered to me, I don't ask for favours with huge stipulations (like it must be take away). The kids are capable of cooking, she has the offer of healthy food, I think my initial sentence may be "too kind". Definitely NTA - especially as he then reached out to his kids to ensure they know where to turn should they want or need.
Why do I think that the money wasn't really for Uber eats, and it wasn't really her grocery budget that she spent?
Either she wants a special treat item for herself (luxury purse, new shoes) to boost her confidence or she has an illegal habit she's feeding. I can see being too tired to cook and wanting takeout, but if the kids cook, that's not even an excuse. She could ask one of them to do it. Either she wants a new purse or she's developed a percocet habit.
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I get not wanting or not having time to defrost and cook a roast. It takes a long time to go from a frozen joint of meat to dinner on the table. She could have said she didn't have energy or didn't have the time to do that, would he mind giving her, or the kids, money to pick up bread, milk, eggs and cereal, and some fruit. That would have been a much different conversation. Uber eats is a luxury for most people, not a staple. If you're broke, and asking for help, don't ask for luxuries. The guy needs to make sure he's teaching his kids to cook. They're old enough to know how, and if the mother isn't cooking, she probrably isn't teaching them either. Being able to cook at least the basics confidently and well is an essential life skill.
The kids say there's food there. And pasta just needs boiling. If nothing else, they can have cereal for dinner. The woman says she's planning on ordering takeout. The fact that she got so mad and wouldn't accept real food makes me suspect the money was never about the food. Either she's determined to get herself a new luxury item to feel better after hubby leaving or she has developed an illegal habit and needs money for it.
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If she is unable to cook a lot due to health issues ( yes, it happens), I can understand the desire for cash. However, this chap was offering fresh and frozen healthy food. I’d be very grateful, especially if my sons were also able to cook. It’s not like he was offering them a buttload of unhealthy food (tons of canned foods, or boxed stuff and carbs like pasta, crackers,and rice, which unfortunately is what many food pantries give away. Those freebies are insanely detrimental to people’s health in a ginormous way, because of the insanely gargantuan sodium/sugar/high carb content).
Sounds like he was offering a nice balance. He mentioned pasta and rice, as well as fresh veg, meat, etc. The kids also say there's food in their house. This isn't because she's desperate for takeout. Either she feels the need to one-up her ex by sneakily getting him to pay for something special for her like new shoes, or she's feeding an illegal habit.
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What concerns me is at no point does it say that the Uber eats take out was for her AND the kids. If it was just for her she was using her kids to manipulate her ex into giving her a free no-effort handout while their kids were responsible for making their own meals.
Tell her to put down the meth pipe and get out on the street corner and make some real money!
Well, I guess OP unwillingly found out the reason her second husband left her...
.....she can't cook, she doesn't want to be "all domestic," and the children live with her?????
They have 50/50 custody so the kids spend equal time with him, but sounds like they learned from a young age to fend for themselves when staying with her.
Load More Replies... I feel like there is some information missing. Was this woman always unable or unwilling to cook?
Trying to be empathetic here, all I can think of is perhaps she's not cooking because she's depressed following the break up of her second marriage. However, I'm also the kind of person who if I ask a favour I appreciate what is offered to me, I don't ask for favours with huge stipulations (like it must be take away). The kids are capable of cooking, she has the offer of healthy food, I think my initial sentence may be "too kind". Definitely NTA - especially as he then reached out to his kids to ensure they know where to turn should they want or need.
Why do I think that the money wasn't really for Uber eats, and it wasn't really her grocery budget that she spent?
Either she wants a special treat item for herself (luxury purse, new shoes) to boost her confidence or she has an illegal habit she's feeding. I can see being too tired to cook and wanting takeout, but if the kids cook, that's not even an excuse. She could ask one of them to do it. Either she wants a new purse or she's developed a percocet habit.
Load More Replies... I get not wanting or not having time to defrost and cook a roast. It takes a long time to go from a frozen joint of meat to dinner on the table. She could have said she didn't have energy or didn't have the time to do that, would he mind giving her, or the kids, money to pick up bread, milk, eggs and cereal, and some fruit. That would have been a much different conversation. Uber eats is a luxury for most people, not a staple. If you're broke, and asking for help, don't ask for luxuries. The guy needs to make sure he's teaching his kids to cook. They're old enough to know how, and if the mother isn't cooking, she probrably isn't teaching them either. Being able to cook at least the basics confidently and well is an essential life skill.
The kids say there's food there. And pasta just needs boiling. If nothing else, they can have cereal for dinner. The woman says she's planning on ordering takeout. The fact that she got so mad and wouldn't accept real food makes me suspect the money was never about the food. Either she's determined to get herself a new luxury item to feel better after hubby leaving or she has developed an illegal habit and needs money for it.
Load More Replies... If she is unable to cook a lot due to health issues ( yes, it happens), I can understand the desire for cash. However, this chap was offering fresh and frozen healthy food. I’d be very grateful, especially if my sons were also able to cook. It’s not like he was offering them a buttload of unhealthy food (tons of canned foods, or boxed stuff and carbs like pasta, crackers,and rice, which unfortunately is what many food pantries give away. Those freebies are insanely detrimental to people’s health in a ginormous way, because of the insanely gargantuan sodium/sugar/high carb content).
Sounds like he was offering a nice balance. He mentioned pasta and rice, as well as fresh veg, meat, etc. The kids also say there's food in their house. This isn't because she's desperate for takeout. Either she feels the need to one-up her ex by sneakily getting him to pay for something special for her like new shoes, or she's feeding an illegal habit.
Load More Replies... What concerns me is at no point does it say that the Uber eats take out was for her AND the kids. If it was just for her she was using her kids to manipulate her ex into giving her a free no-effort handout while their kids were responsible for making their own meals.
Tell her to put down the meth pipe and get out on the street corner and make some real money!
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