Man Wants Ex To Help Raise Child Conceived In Secret While Together, She’s Left Stunned

I once heard that exes are like glitter because you think you’ve cleaned them out of your life, but somehow they show up years later, sticking to everything.

And while most post-breakup reunions involve awkward coffee and empty promises of staying friends, today’s Original Poster’s (OP) story involves a surprise toddler and a bold proposal.

More info: Reddit

When someone from your past reaches out after years of silence, it’s natural to wonder why, but imagine it’s to find out they want you to co-parent their child

Woman and man meeting up on steps, discussing and sharing a tablet, representing co-parenting and secret child conversation.

Image credits: George Pak / Pexels (not the actual photo)

The author dated her now ex-boyfriend for five years but ended things due to his emotional distance and secretive behavior

Woman meeting up with ex after years apart, surprised by request to co-parent his secret child.

Text excerpt describing a woman’s past relationship with her ex and emotional challenges before co-parenting request.

Text excerpt about a woman meeting her ex who nervously asks to co-parent his secret child.

Image credit: Ordinary_Emu_9276

Woman meets up with ex after years apart, discussing co-parenting his secret child over coffee at home.

Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Three years after their breakup, he unexpectedly reached out to reveal he found out that he has a 3-year-old daughter born near the end of their relationship

Text about man discovering secret child after relationship ends, now asked to co-parent and become involved in daughter’s life.

Woman meets up with ex after years apart and is surprised with request to co-parent his secret child.

Alt text: Man discussing co-parenting a secret child with his ex, expressing trust and desire to rebuild their relationship.

Image credit: Ordinary_Emu_9276

Bearded man smiling while young boy hugs him from behind, highlighting co-parenting and secret child themes.

Image credits: Arina Krasnikova / Pexels (not the actual photo)

He asked her to help co-parent the child and suggested rebuilding a relationship, even if not romantically at first

Text excerpt about a woman confronting her ex regarding co-parenting and fairness involving his secret child.

Alt text: Woman meets up with ex after years apart and reacts to request about co-parenting his secret child.

Image credit: Ordinary_Emu_9276

She declined, feeling used and shocked by his request, seeing it as unfair to both her and the child

The OP and her ex were together through college and into their early adult years, but she ended the relationship three years ago due to his emotional unavailability and habit of emotionally “vanishing” during arguments. Fast forward to the present. Her ex reached out out of the blue, asking to meet for coffee.

During a tense, awkward reunion, he dropped the real reason for contacting her, and she hadn’t seen it coming. Apparently, he recently found out he has a daughter who was born right around the time their relationship ended. He claimed he only learned of the child this year and is just now trying to get involved in her life.

He then asked the OP to help raise the child as a trusted co-parent, someone to “rebuild something” with. Understandably, she said no, but he reminded her that she had always wanted a family while she was just left shocked at the audacity.

To better understand the complicated emotions behind reconnecting and co-parenting with an ex, Bored Panda spoke with licensed marriage and relationship therapist Steph Anya, who shed light on the role guilt often plays in these situations. She explained that “guilt can feel like a sense of duty, pushing someone to stay involved not because it’s healthy, but because they feel they should.”

Distinguishing between genuine responsibility and unhealthy obligation comes down to emotional clarity, and she emphasized that one should never allow themselves be guilt-tripped into doing something they aren’t comfortable doing and “not especially if it comes presenting itself as an opportunity you don’t want to miss out on.”

Young woman looking pensive outdoors, reflecting on meeting ex and the possibility of co-parenting a secret child.

Image credits: Gustavo Peres / Pexels (not the actual photo)

When asked what advice she’d give to someone feeling pressured into a caregiving role they didn’t sign up for, Anya emphasized the importance of self-checking. “Healthy caregiving should come from a place of willingness, not emotional burnout or force.”

She also added that “it’s okay to say no if the role feels overwhelming. It’s not selfish if you’re not obligated to step into that role, and you should be able to reject or renegotiate it, if possible.”

And when emotional manipulation enters the picture, particularly from an ex, boundaries become non-negotiable. “Manipulation often hides behind guilt-tripping or urgency disguised as care,” she explained and then advised responding with clarity, not immediacy.

She suggested not being afraid to keep things short and to the point, especially when children are involved. “Boundaries aren’t meant to punish, but to protect. I often say that boundaries are not walls, but doors you simply choose how and when to open.”

Netizens supported the OP and criticized the ex’s behavior. They saw through his motives, calling out that he most likely doesn’t want a partner, but an emotional babysitter. They also pointed out the likely reality that the child was conceived during the relationship, suggesting he cheated and is now deflecting accountability.

What do you think about this situation? How would you respond if someone tried to hand you a parental role out of nowhere like this? We would love to know your thoughts!

Netizens applauded the author for not taking on that responsibility, stating that the ex probably just needs a babysitter

Comment text about emotional boundaries and co-parenting, advising not to let guilt or nostalgia affect decisions.

Comment suggesting to raise kids with someone you trust, related to woman meeting ex and co-parenting secret child.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a woman asked to co-parent her ex’s secret child after years apart.

Screenshot of an online comment expressing surprise about a man’s boldness in a story about co-parenting a secret child.

Comment text discussing a man wanting more parenting time to reduce support payments but not wanting to actively co-parent.

Comment discussing a woman meeting up with ex and being asked to co-parent his secret child, expressing distrust.

Comment on social media post about woman meeting ex after years apart, mentioning co-parenting his secret child.

Comment on secret revealed about co-parenting request after woman meets up with ex years later in online forum.

Comment about moving on from an ex, advice on co-parenting, and finding happiness after years apart.

Screenshot of a comment discussing a man asking his ex to co-parent his secret child after years apart.

Woman meets up with ex after years apart and gets asked to co-parent his secret child in emotional conversation.

Alt text: Man asks woman to co-parent his secret child after meeting up following years apart, sparking unexpected challenges.

Woman meeting up with ex after years apart, surprised by request to co-parent his secret child.

Comment about woman meeting ex after years apart, discussing co-parenting his secret child.

Text message conversation with a person firmly refusing to co-parent a secret child after years apart from an ex.

Alt text: Woman meets up with ex after years apart and faces request to co-parent his secret child in a surprising reunion

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