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“He Did His Best To Look Single”: 22 People Who Got Cheated On Share What Gave It Away
Article created by: Viktorija Ošikaitė
A relationship ending can be absolutely heartbreaking no matter the reason. But few things are more painful than the relationship being brought to a halt by your partner’s infidelity.
As arguably no one enters a relationship thinking their partner could break their trust like that, sometimes they might be somewhat oblivious to the signs suggesting otherwise. That is until such signs become obvious.
One redditor got curious about signs that might be signaling an unfaithful partner. They turned to the ‘Ask Reddit’ community, asking its members to share what were the indicative red flags in their relationship, and share they did. Scroll down to find their stories on the list below, and feel free to share yours in the comments (if you feel like it), if you believe that there are more signs that people should pay more attention to.
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#1
Here's a lesson learned:
If they cheated *with* you, then they will absolutely cheat *on* you.
RELATED:
#3
Projecting. Many years back I dated someone who was extremely jealous of other women, constantly wanted to go through my phone, constantly checked up on me, regularly accusing me of cheating on her, etc and turns out she was doing all of that herself the entire time.
#4
Whatever trace of my presence I left in his apartment (e.g. a sticker, a hairpin, a note), it made him upset coz he considered it “possessive”. The truth is, he just wanted his crib to pass for a bachelor pad, so that no other woman would suspect he was in a relationship.
Also, he did his best to look single when attending any parties together with me under the pretext “I hate clinginess in public”. Ya know, just in case he’d run into someone he was interested in.
With hindsight, I should never had ignored those signs or found excuses.
#6
I used to think cheaters were the hot and arrogant 'Brads' so I stopped dating the popular kids when I was a teenager, and went for the cute geek gamer type. Turns out he cheated on me; which was the most pain I felt when I was 27 because the thought never crossed my mind that someone I loved so much and someone I thought was so kind would be able to hurt me that bad.
There is no type :(
#7
Look out for over explanation of simple things. When the dinner with her friend has a tv script attached to it you know something’s up Guess this is more for ongoing cheating but still applicable I guess
#8
Starting fights, being defensive / projecting. He would start fights over nothing to try to get me to leave or him leave. He would literally start fights when he was about to cheat on me or after to make himself feel less guilty I guess?
I would say being secretive of their phone is a big one, but mine was overly NOT secretive of his phone. I’m almost positive he had a burner somewhere, but I also had never looked through his phone in the decade that we were together so he didn’t really need to be super secretive. But one day I got a gut feeling (we were about to buy a house). Gave in to my gut feeling and went through his phone when he fell asleep and that was it - years and years of cheating and so much more lol.
So GUT INSTINCT is the biggest one for me. May not be an early sign, but is a sign you should not ignore. I was suppressing my gut instincts for so long because of trauma that I assumed I was just overreacting or had anxiety. But no…I wish I had trusted it sooner.
#9
I always find it unusual when i just start getting accused of cheating or an unusual amount of fabricated fights cos i immediately recognise a guilty conscience.
#10
I feel some of these comments are missing that the question asked for signs before the cheater ever cheated.
Before my ex ever started suddenly having to work late and early (because he was seeing his AP before and after work) I should have known he would cheat because of his poor boundaries around other women. He would claim he was naturally flirty but it didn't mean anything. He'd always have girl 'besties' that he was too close to. He was too affectionate to other women, like he'd want to play with their hair and ask them to play with his. Basically he was welcoming opportunities for feelings to grow. I don't think he ever made the first move but he encouraged. I know for a fact there were at least two different girls he cheated with. But I suspect one or two others.
I have to coparent with him. He got himself a new girlfriend that's 10 years younger and he's doing the same exact thing with her. It's only a matter of time. This girl seems jealous of me for some reason when she needs to direct her energy to her best friend / his current "bestie".
#11
I was very young and naive, and he was my first love. I eventually found solid proof of cheating (multiple times), but here were some good warning signs:
- “disappearing” at the end of the night / unreachable until the next morning
- secretive with phone & deleted all text messages
- kept me away from friends and family
- would not include me on “guys night out” even though the other guys brought their girlfriends
- very reluctant to declare our relationship “official”; avoided claiming me as his “girlfriend”
#12
He checked out other women. Not just a bit, but in obvious ways. I’m also here to say that people that chase after that exciting feeling of love are, in my opinion, much more likely to cheat. They’ll always be searching for that feeling and you can’t give them that forever. They also give themselves away in small ways like saying all men cheat or that they’re “not a good person”. They’ll even say these in a joking way, but actually they’re telling on themselves. Also just a little extra note, stay away from men that disrespect older women or older people in general. It was a big sign that he wanted to cling onto his youth. People like that will usually cheat on you with someone younger someday because they hate growing old. Hope that helps!
#13
When they started using their phone in "secret agent mode" and suddenly had an inexplicable interest in “getting really fit” with someone who wasn’t you, those were the signs. It’s like watching a poorly disguised heist movie where you’re the last to know.
#14
He became meaner and colder towards me and was way more secretive with his phone. I don’t know if he physically cheated but he absolutely planned to and was having some kind of emotional affair. It’s so so obvious looking back and I kind of knew at the time but didn’t want to believe it as I’m pregnant and I couldn’t imagine him ever hurting me that badly. We’ve been broken up 2 months now.
#15
A hard shift in typical behavior, usually revolving around things that were previously public suddenly being secret.
I caught my ex gf cheating bc she would usually talk about where/who she was with often. Then suddenly became vague about those details. She used to have me use her phone to look things up, and around that same time she suddenly was very guarded about where it was and wouldnt let me look. She also stopped sharing her work schedule.
She got caught because she said she would be working a double, and I had already suspected some shenanigans, so when I casually walked in to her work (and not call her cell directly) to ask her something they said she wasnt there. I immediately called her cell and she said she was in her unit and not to disturb her. “If you were at work we would be having this convo face to face” and hung up. She knew it was over. We had the talk a few hours later and went our separate ways.
#16
Increased phone use, change of habits, dressing better than ‘usual’, looking after themselves better, might mention someone often, being defensive when asked innocent questions, being distant, being aggressive towards you, story of where they were and with whom changes….etc etc
#17
Acting like they hate a certain person like really dispise them when in actual fact they fancy them and are secretly seducing them.
#18
I've had 3 different occurrences of this, so here they are:
1. Start talking a lot about "an old friend of mine, she's so cool, we hangout until 3am yesterday"
2. Saying that he worries I'm gonna leave him for another person one day, jealous of my friends, saying some of my friends must have a crush on me
2. Way more lovey-dovey than usual
#19
Started watching his diet, taking salads for lunch. Became very protective of his phone. Would go to bed early and would be on the phone when I finally came in - claimed he was playing Candy Crush. Became generally quiet, moody and petulant.
#20
Crocodile tears when I accused him of cheating. There are psychopaths and sociopaths that are experts in their games. Don’t buy it. Your gut feel will always tell you.
#21
Insane Jealousy/Accusations
Weird phone behavior
Picking fights
Dropping off/avoiding conversation
Becoming obsessed with their looks/appearance/workout
#22
Weird feeling in your guts, when everything has been alright for years.
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