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“She Had Gained 15Kg”: 47 Strange, Sad And Shocking Reasons People Filed For Divorce
Many happy couples walk down the aisle only to end up hotfooting it to divorce court at some point in the future. Almost half of all first marriages fail, while 60% of second marriages suffer the same fate. It turns out that "third time lucky" often doesn't apply when it comes to happily ever after. Experts estimate three quarters of third marriages don't last. And by the time you finish reading this intro, another one would have bitten the dust...
That's because there's a divorce happening every 36 seconds or so in America alone. We often hear about people calling it quits due to "irreconcilable differences." But upon closer inspection, there's a lot more at play. A lack of commitment, cheating, conflict, and money problems are just a few of the top reasons marriages end. But wait, there's more.
Someone asked divorced netizens, "What was it that finally made you or your spouse end the marriage?" and thousands of people didn't hold back. From the poor soul who went four years without intimacy, to another who knew it was over when their spouse got a face tattoo, the responses read like not-so-romantic novel. Bored Panda has put together the best ones for anyone who needs even more proof that marriage is not for the faint of heart.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I got it right the second time around but the *first* time...no. We didn't live together first, big mistake. He had been able to hide his alcoholism from me even though I knew and worked closely with him for 3 years before we started dating.
After we got married I tried to put him on the lease, he was denied for having 3 DUIs and a contributing to the delinquency of a minor charge. He said those were in his past and he's changed. Six mos later I was dusting a bookcase and found a liquor bottle wedged behind some books and upon further sleuthing found 5 more assorted bottles stashed around the apartment. We had a stocked liquor cabinet but he wanted to hide his habit.
He said he would get help, he didn't. One night he drove home drunk and shoved me against the wall when I told him how reckless that was. I called the cops, he got held overnight, I boxed his stuff and downloaded the divorce papers and told his dad to bring him to the bank after picking him up from the station so we could split the account and notarize the paperwork.
He said "Why are you overreacting to this? It's not like I hit you.", and I said "Why do you think I'm stupid enough to wait until you do?". That was that.
random_froggg (she/they 86/47) 13 hours ago
That second to last line. Wow. Exactly that, OP’s words are very true
We're often urged to "try before we buy." But it turns out that this doesn't necessarily apply to marriage. Interestingly, research has found that couples who live together before tying the knot are at a higher risk of divorce than those who don't.
According to the Institute for Family Studies, couples who cohabitate before getting engaged are 48% more likely to divorce compared to those decide to live apart before marriage. The reason for this, say the experts, is because many unmarried couples move in together and don't address the elephant in the room.
"Our findings suggest that one key to reducing the risk of divorce may be either not to cohabit before marriage or to have settled the big question about marital intentions before moving in together," the researchers revealed.
RELATED:
#2
Would spend 1200 on his car but yelled at me for spending over 40 on groceries.
This a*s spent THOUSANDS of dollars on his car and buying himself lunch daily.
Always made more money than I did, but never got bills paid. I paid every thing because if I didn't I would come home to
no power or telephone.
Also lots of mental a***e.
I figured if I have to pay for everything anyway, I shouldn't have to deal with the mental a***e.
He has been gone 3 years and my mortgage is 2 months ahead and my phone and power constantly have a credit on the next month.
#3
It wasn't the cheating three years after our wedding or even the 60k in debt she racked up. The final straw for me was when she put our older daughter's head through drywall during a manic rage. I carried my older daughter (four days short of four years old) on my shoulder with one arm while pushing the little one (then six months old) in a stroller and in that three blocks, vowed to myself it was over. And it was.
Giraffe Sitter 15 hours ago
I hope you got custody and she got a prison term. You DO NOT hurt the kids.
The researchers said that moved in together to "test" the relationship or because it made sense financially were more likely to see their marriages end than those who did so because they wanted to spend more time with their partner.
The study also found that having a higher number of previous cohabitating partners (i.e., having lived with more romantic partners) is also associated with a higher risk of divorce.
“More cohabitation experience will often also mean more experience with relationships ending, which can lower barriers to divorce,” the study notes. “Although no one wants to see a marriage that is dangerous or damaging continue, many couples in marriage struggle at some point, and having a sense that one can easily move on can also mean moving toward the door too quickly in a marriage that might have succeeded with more effort.”
#4
After 4 years without intimacy we knew it was the end. We had two great kids but were just two roommates raising kids together. I moved out and after 8 years apart were still good friends. Wouldn't have it any other way.
HelyerT 10 hours ago
I’m stuck in a marriage for this reason. No intimacy. It’s only because we are great friends without any family, it’s literally just us two, no parents or siblings or anyone that we stay together. That and lack of money. We don’t have kids as we couldn’t afford it. We’re just house mates. Separate bedrooms, don’t celebrate anniversaries, pretty sad. I’ve tried and have now given up.
#5
He decided he loved illegal substances and partying more than me, and routinely ignored our daughter so he could do just that.
Sara Frazer 14 hours ago
Weren't married but sounds exactly like my ex. Left before she was a year old, ignored calls and texts for months. I was young and stupider than stupid. Was hoping that starting a family would get me away from my own messed up life (had a kid at age 19...no surprise it didn't work lol). By the time we split I despised him, but the part that hurt was my daughter crying for him and him not giving a shít. Don't worry, my daughter is now 13, thriving, already a better artist than I was at her age (she's so talented! And funny! And has good friends!) and for me I've been with the most wonderful man for 11.5 years who has helped me in so many ways
According to legal site ConsumerShield, more than 70% of couples cite lack of commitment as a contributing factor to their divorce. Other common reasons include too much conflict and arguing, infidelity, financial problems, domestic violence, and substance use.
Studies have also found that women are more likely to initiate a divorce, despite suffering financially during and after the process. There are various reasons for this but one expert puts it down to emotional intelligence.
Licensed couples’ therapist Gilza Fort-Martinez says men often have lower emotional intelligence than women, and this can lead to female partners feeling unsupported and doing much of the emotional labor in the relationship.
#7
She threw a pot of boiling water at me. It was thrown over our five year old son. She threw it at me because I was paying more attention to my son than her, I had just gotten home from work and he asked me to play the Nintendo with him.
#8
It took years for me to finally get to the point where I was done. The last straw was the night he drunkenly screamed at me for hours, at least 5 hours. Then, he blared terrible music for another hour or so, before finally passing out. He'd done it several times in the past, but that time, it broke me. I spent most of the next day crying. That gut wrenching, mournful type of crying. I had a job and moved out six months later. It's been 4 years, i don't regret a minute.
Janelle Collard 5 hours ago
Been there, done that. Got the t-shirt and the hat. Best decision I ever made.
#9
She called the cops on me with false accusations of a***e and the very next day asked me if I was going to buy her a new iphone.
"Women also tend to gain fewer emotional benefits from marriage, which could make single life seem more appealing. While married men experience multiple perks – including living longer and earning more money – women don’t usually benefit from their relationships in the same way," reports the BBC. "Instead, they bear the brunt of household and child-rearing labour, which can leave working women overwhelmed and stressed."
The BBC adds that often, women feel they have less to lose in the divorce because in the majority of cases, mothers get primary custody of the children.
#10
She told me that the voices were telling her to hurt the kids. It broke me.
This was after 4 years of treatment for schizophrenia. She wasn't getting better, only worse.
#11
She decided to stay at a friends place for a couple of days to be closer to work while working long shifts. After a week she decided that she didn't want to be married anymore and filed for divorce. After about a month of her ignoring me I found out through a mutual friend that she had been screwing her boss and had gotten pregnant and that's why she left.
Did I say that out loud? 5 hours ago
She did you a favour. She could have carried on cheating while passing the kid off as your's.
#12
I worked with special needs people, and my ex would say the nastiest, most disgusting things about special needs people to put me down and mock my career ambitions. That's when he bothered to talk to me at all. He wanted a woman that would take care of him and his needs, but he cared very little about reciprocating. I didn't want to have kids with him and have the kids think that how we were living was acceptable.
#13
Came home early one day to see a unfamiliar truck in the driveway. I drove around the corner and texted her I'm on my way home. She responded she was at the beach with some female friends. Sure enough I see her and some dude hop in the truck and take off. I brought it up with her later and she said he was just a friend and didn't want me to think she was cheating. However I later found her second phone hidden away with a bunch of dirty texts to about 7 other guys. We were only married for 3 months. F*****g w***e.
#14
The final straw was very specific for me. We'd been together and pathetically poor for years, married because we had an unplanned baby.
He was either unemployed or underemployed the entire time. He refused to live in the real world. I'd tell him, for instance, we have to pay his traffic ticket, he'd refuse, and then got his license revoked and we had to pay $600 which was half our rent - that type of s**t. Just dumb.
Then he'd declare "well, now we know" as if he'd learned a lesson - but it'd happen all over again! He was an enormous weight to keep afloat.
The last straw was, our final year of marriage he'd found better paying work. Instead of following my advice and putting away money for taxes, he'd rolled his eyes and told me to shut up, many times. Well, I did our taxes that year and ended up owing $8000 because he was an independent contractor but didn't plan like one. $8000 was about a third of my yearly salary. I told him, as soon as the taxes were prepared, that I wanted a divorce.
As soon as he moved out, whaddya know all the sudden he found a good paying job to support himself.
As for me, I fell in love with having total control of my money and because I wasn't so drained from being around him all the time, I got a better paying job and got raises, went from making about $25k part time to $90k full time within five years of the divorce. If he'd bothered to hire a lawyer he would have been told that I could've owed him alimony under CA law... Whoever makes more can be liable for alimony.
#15
I just realized that no matter what I did he was never going to change. I let him walk all over me and cheat on me for years and kept thinking of I just did more, was more patient, a better wife etc, he would realize his mistakes.
Example:
He would cheat. I would catch him. A huge fight would break out. He would manipulate me into it somehow being my fault he did it. (You don't love me enough, you'll never trust me again, you didn't have s*x with me that one time back in 2006 and I felt rejected) Somehow I would have to make it up to him and prove to him I trusted him.
I'd forgive him and work my a*s off to be happier, nicer, more understanding (all the b******t he fed me) and after a few months I would just catch him all over again.
The last straw was when he convinced me he had really changed. He wanted to be a family, the whole package.
Of course I ended up pregnant.
It turned out to be high risk and I was hospitalized often. Only allowed home with bed rest. Even then he wouldnt stop running around on me.
I lost 45 pounds, my hair started falling out, I was to weak to even walk. My own family thought I was dying.
He didn't even care.
So at one point I was sitting by myself and I just realized. I was done. He was never going to change. And it wasn't my fault. I couldn't fix whatever was broken in him and I was done trying.
It took six months after the baby was born before doctors would let me go back to work. I moved out. Spent a few years alone, swearing off men. Now I'm with a fantastic man that loves me.
The divorce is still dragging on. My ex tried a lot of s****y tricks when he found out I was leaving. I laughed in his face at every one.
He doesn't get it. At one point I seriously thought I would d*e. I thought my kids would be left alone with only him to take care of them. After going through that, nothing he could do could bother me. Ever.
So anyway. That's my story. Hope it helps.
KatWitch57 1 hour ago
You got out. Now get a better lawyer and a new life, look after the children.
#16
Easy answer?
Steve.
See, Steve was that guy my ex knew in high school. That guy where there was always a spark of chemistry, but the time was never right. He was the "one that got away." Years later when we'd been married for a few years she got back in touch with some old friends and wound up going to visit those old friends - Steve included. Old sparks began to fly, and next thing you know the missus was carrying on an affair with Steve.
She left me to be with him. They were soul-mates, after all. Denied their true love by fourteen years of time and two intervening marriages (me and my wife and Steve and his).
That's the easy answer. Blame it on Steve.
Truth is, I never should have got married in the first place. At least, not to her. It was doomed from the get-go and Steve was just a willing scapegoat.
#17
Will be divorced very soon. Have met with lawyers.
Three weeks ago to the day he lost it. He beat the s**t out of me, choked me, then pulled a g*n on me I. Front of our 4 year old.
The past few years he has struggled with a pain pill a*******n, even going so far as to steal my medication(once took 1/3 bottle of Percocet 10s two days after it was filled I didn't know for a week because I use those planner things)
Tried to get him help, he didn't want it, became increasingly hostile and I kept thinking it would get better, but it never did and this was the last straw.
My son and I have both been diagnosed with PTSD, and I have a VPO. I also moved across the country while he was still in custody(mommy bailed him out and then showed up at the house screaming about how I "probably provoked him"...I'm in a wheelchair....)
Anyway yeah. Done. Over. Not asking for anything because f**k him I got this.
I'll add that he lost his s**t because he was going through withdrawals from not having pills because I have spent the last six months in terrible pain, to remove the temptation from his grasp I didn't know he was getting them from a guy at work until he was in jail and I scoured everything, his eyes are super dark brown and I could never tell if his pupils were constricted but I trusted that he was off them. He's just a loser. And I was stupid enough to give him chances because "love"
Earonn - 9 hours ago
I would never blame a person for sliding into an add.iction. That can happen to anyone (yes, even you who thinks you're superior and would never be 'so stupid'). But I expect people to try and get rid of the addic.tion. If it doesn't work, fine, not everyone is made to get out. That's tragic, but a fact of life. But not even trying - get the f**k out of my life.
#18
He became a totally different person after we got married. He became very controlling and manipulative. I was expected to do all the chores and make dinner every night (this after working a highly stressful 40 hour/week job). He became emotionally and verbally a*****e to me. Constantly thought I was cheating on him. If I had anything other than a smile on my face at all times I was ridiculed. Everything that happened was always my fault. He was never wrong. He was always the victim. I didn't want to go home because I didn't know if I was walking into Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. Had him go to 2 different counselors and didn't make it more than 2 sessions with each because he didn't need therapy. I decided to stop it all when I started to become depressed from the constant stress. I am a normally very happy positive person and I became a walking bunch of nerves. I couldn't get past the belief that anyone who truly loved me would never treat me like he had been. Have been divorced for 6 months now. Although I get lonely sometimes, I would still take loneliness a thousand times over being back with him.
#19
Husband asked for a separation last week. Our first therapy session revealed that he wanted out and FAST.
He says he doesn't know. I don't know. I have a stressful job and my dad died six months ago so I've been a pain in the a*s. Who knows. I'm still shaking my head in disbelief.
Wanted to separate bills and accounts. When I do that and it negatively impacts him, he gets s****y.
He said things like "society made me get married! You bamboozled me into marrying you! I don't know what I want but I don't want you. Even if I left you tomorrow I'd still love you". It's been a fun week!
#20
Financial issues. Dave Ramsey said it best: "You can't out-earn stupid." She was unwilling to set and live by a budget. New purses and sweaters and shoes every time you turned around. I worked FOUR jobs. I asked her if I should maybe get a fifth job? BTW she had a doctorate and a student loan and would not go get a job. She still doesn't work.
random_froggg (she/they 86/47) 12 hours ago
This one I just do not get- why spend all that money on school?
#21
My daughter was crying one night, she had a bad dream, and my husband told me to stay in bed and went to her. She was not comfortable with him, so she kept crying for me. It escalated to him spanking her and screaming at her to stop crying. This woke up her brother, who started crying and got spanked as well. He then broke apart the chair in their room because he stubbed his toe on it--the one I rocked them in at night--and threatened to burn their new beds in the back yard if they didn't stop crying. They were 5 and 3. He came into our bedroom where I sat, scared and stunned, got dressed, told me to "deal with it" and left. It was 1:00 am. I didn't see him until the next night. I have no idea where he went or what he did in that time. All I know is I started packing and making plans that day, and 9 months later I moved out. That night was the culmination of years of gas-lighting me and neglecting his children. His parents told me it was the best decision I ever made...it caused him to finally become a real parent. And not having to live with his mental health issues was the best decision for me. He still struggles with the parenting, but we are doing very well now and we are amiable and focused on the best for the kids.
#22
Late to the party and probably gonna get buried, but I'd like to share.
I'm active duty and my ex husband was/is a civilian. Years ago I went overseas for a 15 month remote tour and he stayed stateside with our ten month old. I called him to let him know I got approved to come back and visit for two weeks for my midtour, and he said he needed to call the utility company and have the gas turned on so I could take a hot shower when I got home.
Me: "Wait, you don't have hot water? Why?"
Ex: It's expensive!
Keep in mind that the baby was now 1.5 and this was winter in the Midwest.
Me: How does [baby] take baths?!?
Ex: I just run the water and let it come up to room temperature.
Our heat was powered by gas. Our hot water was powered by gas. Our STOVE was gas. My child had been living in a cold house and eating cold food. Taking "room temperature" baths. He had a decent-paying job, I paid the rent and daycare bills directly, plus we shared a joint bank account. There was NO REASON my kid should have gone without.
When I landed stateside, I went to the house to get my kid and he attacked me. Ran out of there with kiddo and straight to a lawyer to file for divorce. I found out later he'd been arrested for possession with his girlfriend a couple weeks prior to my visit. Dunno where my kid was for that, the police report makes no mention of a baby in the car. I spent my two weeks on my mom's couch and my kid had to go back to my ex's house when I left.
I finally got full custody after his neighbors found my four-year-old running around outside in the middle of the night crying, trying to find his dad. Ex had left him home alone. Neighbors called the police and I got an emergency order.
This ended up being longer than I intended, sorry all. Thanks for reading.
TL,DR: Military, went overseas without ex and kid, ex didn't think hot water was necessary for a baby.
random_froggg (she/they 86/47) 12 hours ago
I’m sorry, but the ex had custody until the child was 4?! I feel so sorry for that kid
#23
Well my wife wanted an open marriage. She has had multiple boyfriends/s****l partners. As soon as I try to partake in the open marriage. With her knowing all about it she flips out turns out the open marriage was only supposed to work one way.
#25
I will never forget this for as long as I live. Our marriage had been on autopilot for a while and one night we finally had a bruatally honest conversation/argument. She asked me, "What do you want from me?!" I said, "I just want you to be with me the way I want to be with you." This is when I knew our marriage was over. She said, "Well, that's just not going to happen."
That memory is so incredibly painful for me, even now after we've been divorced for years and I am remarried with a beautiful child. I still cry sometimes thinking about my ex. It still hurts.
StumblingThroughLife 5 hours ago
Probably not a good idea getting married again if he still isn't over his first wife. I do hope it works out, though, especially for his 2nd wife.
#26
We got married way too quick. It was Vegas where she was from. Came back to N.Y. where I worked and she did nothing at all. She left around Xmas to see family in Vegas. Came back like three weeks later. Then a month later just after she interviewed for a job she told me she was leaving againg to go to Virginia to help her worthless aunt move back to Vegas. She gets there and blows 500 in two days then calls me to ask for money to put gas in her aunt's car. I said hell no and she didn't talk to me for two days. I finally tell her this isn't working. We get quick Vegas divorce and she is remarried six months later.
#27
We got married really young....stupid.... he violated probation having a firearm and went to prison...while in prison he tatted his face....so yeah strait A college foot ball player turns to gangsta boo
#28
Married 18 years. No kids. No d**g/alcohol/a***e/cheating issues. We both gained weight as the years progressed. But never obese. She completely and totally lost interest in s*x which started gradually around year 10. About a year before our divorce, I mentioned that it was like 6 months since we previously had s*x. She told me I was a "disgusting pervert". (Sorry for still being attracted to you.) She also told me that she was not attracted to me anymore. That F*****g k****d me. From the day I met her until the day I left her I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever met. I wanted her every day. It’s been 7 years since our divorce. I still miss her sometimes. I still think about her sometimes. She was my wife and my best friend.
#29
I got married at 19, was divorced 2 days after my 22nd birthday. He had cheated on me twice and blamed it on "weight gain and me not having a job" (I had gained about 10 pounds and we lived in a VERY small town where I couldn't find a job, despite all of my efforts), so we moved back to my home town, he found a job, I found a job, but by then we were so broken he just woke up one day, called me while I was at work, and told me he was leaving me. Day after Valentines Day.
#30
Mines on life support. Married almost 12 years, 1 kid and I found out back in May she had been cheating on me since Oct 2014. We've talked on the phone (I'm working away from home) and decided we want to try to make it work. I'm going home for 2 weeks next week so hopefully we will figure something out.
#31
I caught her cheating. Wanted to forgive and move on. We went to counseling, but she started acting suspicious a few weeks later.
Turns out she was in some sort of sub/dom relationship with both her boss and her boss's mistress.
#32
I was tired of the merry-go-round that became our relationship. He would lie about something. The big one was buying a Dodge Viper while we were in the process of getting our home repaired. Then he would promise to change or not lie again. Things would change for a short time and then he would lie again. We were living in spectate states due to him being in the navy. He could not handle the distance and would sabotage our relationship. He refused to partake in the divorce which ended up requiring me subpoena the government to get his records. And to this day he refuses to talk to his family or acknowledge anything has happened. It has been 3 years.
#33
When he flipped the coffee table across the room with all the baby's toys on it. That was in 1987 and I have never regretted that decision. He can a***e me- but NOT my son.
#34
For me it was 1000 little things, but the moment I decided I had to was when she was driving and I was in passenger seat as we went down highway. I thought about opening the door and jumping, k*****g myself just to get away from her... What stopped me from doing it was the fear I would survive and be stuck with her because I would be c*****e.
#35
She came up with a different excuse every time I asked her. She refused marriage counselling. She refused to talk in-depth about it. They ranged from the reasonable to the petty. Soooo, I don't know. I'm going with she felt like she was too young and missing out on her party girl years. She could've figured that out earlier in our 8 year relationship so I could've gotten some time back.
#36
My ex always suffered from bipolar disorder. We got married young; when I finished school, she stopped working. She wanted to be a writer; my income was enough for her to stay home and write short stories and poetry, so that's what she did.
Her depression is the first crack in the marriage. And it's not her fault, but the reality is that there were plenty of days when it was hard to come home to the black cloud of despair that was my ex. But I had made a commitment and I loved her, so I just reminded myself that her depression weighed on her far more than it weighed on me and muscled on.
Fast forward about 12 years (about four and a half years ago). I get a new job -- it still pays well enough for her to stay home. But by now, she hasn't written much in a while. And she's started smoking pot -- it helps counteract some side effects of her medication.
As a result of the new job, we move from our home in the city out into some cookie-cutter suburb. Neither of us is happy with the location, but the job is too far for me to commute. I try to make the best of it. She starts smoking more pot and spending her days watching the same TV shows over and over. I swear, she's probably seen every episode of Buffy and every episode of Stargate: SG-1 at least 20 times.
So living in suburban hell was crack number two. And the increasing amount of time she spent s****d was, quite frankly, crack number three.
Two and a half years ago, I got a new boss who was (and probably still is, though I haven't seen her in a year and a half) the queen b***h a*****e of the world. Working for her made my life miserable. I got depressed, though I didn't know it at the time. My ex wanted me to get therapy; I thought "What's the point? I've got a s****y boss; that's just life. What's a therapist going to tell me that I don't already know?" Huge mistake in hindsight -- I eventually did get therapy and learned a lot about perspective and being able to let b******t work stuff go that would have helped me back then. Oh well. In any event, my depression was crack number three.
At the same time I got my new boss, The Incident happened, and if any one thing caused the divorce, it was The Incident.
The Incident: my ex's best friend of 25 years (best friend to the point that they call each other sisters) lives in another city. One night, at around 1:00 a.m. about a year before the end of the marriage, I'm across the country on a business trip and my ex and her best friend are chatting on Facebook. The best friend is something of a narcissistic sociopath, and so when my ex did something to p**s off her friend, the friend decided to call our local police and claim my ex was s******l. The police showed up, and while my ex was not s******l, they decided to drag her off to the hospital. And I do mean drag -- my ex didn't want to go and the physically dragged her out of the house, leaving bruises and scrapes. Now, my ex's biggest fear was always involuntary commitment, so this was like her nightmare come to life. Long story short, they release my ex first thing in the morning when the psychiatrist on call shows up and concludes she's not s******l, but the damage is done. My ex has PTSD, I'm even deeper into my own depression because of secondary PTSD, and we're on a collision course for divorce.
The rest plays out about like you'd expect. I shut down emotionally; she starts spending all her time on Facebook, reconnecting with old boyfriends. We try to make it work for a year (by which I mean we ignore he problem and pretend it's not falling apart for a year) and then she decides to leave me to go live in the little town across the country where her high school boyfriend lives.
That was last March (18 months ago, give or take). Until July, I was hoping for reconciliation. I put in a lot of work on beating my depression, and by September, I was in a good and healthy place -- and actually, quite thankful to be out of that marriage. I never would have left on my own, but she did me a huge favor.
Meanwhile, her high school boyfriend wanted nothing to do with her, and from what I can tell she's not done a d****d thing to improve her life. To the contrary, last month she moved across the country to live with the psycho friend/sister who falsely called to have her committed. Go figure. I only ever hear from her when she's got some problem in her life that, in her fevered imagination, is my fault (example: she took one of the cars when she left; back in June, the registration expired and somehow it was my responsibility to register her car for her, even though she was now living in a completely different state from where we had lived together. I got several angry emails and threats to file motions with the court).
Now, I'm just waiting for the divorce to be final. It's been dragging out for reasons I really can't comprehend; I've moved on with my life in every way but legally, and I'm long since ready to be officially divorced.
BTW, to the extent you're asking this because you're contemplating divorce, I highly, highly, highly recommend counseling -- both individual and marital. And the people over at /r/divorce are super friendly and supportive.
Midoribird Aoi 3 hours ago
Involuntary commitment is also my biggest terror. I am certainly not s******l, but due to the trauma of a close call once, nobody will ever know if I am up against that wall. Maybe it would work for some of you, but I promise it will never work for me, or for what it will put my Mom through as a result, for that matter.
#37
Wife married for a visa. Asked me for a divorce the day after we got married, which was rushed through at her insistence. Also lied about taking the pill which explains why she always pushed for s*x. Put up with her s**t for another 5 years to take care of my son born thereafter. Continuously a****d by her and the stepson. Finally gave up and moved overseas.
#38
I finally realized I was dealing with problems only a parent raising a child should have to deal with. When I asked for time apart she suddenly became the most self reliant crazy lady I've seen in my life up until that point. At that point I knew I was a convenient fixture in her life and I was worse off for it.
#39
When I came to the realization that if my child ended up in a relationship like my marriage because she thought that's how married people treated each other, I'd never forgive myself.
#40
Coming out of marriage counseling (one of many) standing there on the street - she keeps trying to explain why her anger was healthy.
Said to myself, "you're a fool to wait for things to get better." And I didn't, though it took a couple of weeks to move out with something of a plan.
#41
My ex and I got married very young. I was 15 and he was 17. We were together 11 years and loved each other, but realized we weren't letting each other grow up. Staying a teenager forever isn't an option when you've got kids. It's been five years and we still care about each other. We've both moved on, he's a great dad. He and his fiancee are my youngest sons godparents and they are having my goddaughter in January.
nicholas nolan 5 hours ago
True, but you can't have a better best case scenario than how it all worked out.
Load More Replies... #43
She left me for her manager, first of May. She slept with him sometime in late April. My state has a mandatory separation period, so November will be when the divorce can be finalized. Just found out recently she's 10 weeks pregnant with his kid.
She's always had bipolar disorder, but I thought we had finally found a therapist who had a good mix of d***s and counseling. We married sort of young, when I was 21 and she was 22. I think what finally drove her to another man was that we had an argument in February about having kids. She basically said that if we hadn't had any by the time she was 30 (will turn 28 in December) that she wasn't going to try to have any. The argument stemmed from the fact that one of our friends, who is in med school, got pregnant, and I was still making us wait until she had paid off her prodigious debt, that I wasn't aware of before the marriage. We sat down and laid out a financial plan to put us in a place to start having kids next year, but I guess that wasn't soon enough for her.
Mark Heston 1 hour ago
You two were in a train wreck of a marriage, how you could even think about bringing a helpless innocent baby into your life is crazy.
#44
When I got into a big fight with our 19 year old son and punched him in the face. She understandably left me for that. Me and my son were fine like a month later. It was all because of him playing xbox all day and not looking for a job. Everybody else in the family was working or going to school.
Megalodon Meg 16 hours ago
Wow so dude is an a*****e POS who clearly takes no accountability for his actions and is trying to excuse them. Lovely, glad she left.
#45
The final straw for me was having to beg for a disinterested hand-job before bed on our 5th wedding anniversary.
We became roommates instead of lovers. It worked for a while, but then she and I became really s****y roommates for each other as well. She is a great Mom, and she thinks I'm a great Dad but we're both really horrible as a couple.
No cheating. No financial issues. Just really really different people that probably pulled the trigger for marriage too quickly. We both just thought it was the next step after we each graduated from college.
Good news is we're both civil and care for each other, just not in a romantic capacity. My only regret is that my kids won't have a traditional 2-parent upbringing like I did. It made me respect my parents' loving 35+ year marriage a whole lot more.
#46
D**d bedroom and none of us had any idea how to end it. S*x became so awkward that we both avoided it. She had gained 15kg and I really had no s***al interest in her any more.
Megalodon Meg 16 hours ago
Dude sounds like a d!ck tbh. If her weight gain is the only reason you stopped being attracted to her and stopped caring about your relationship she's so much better off.
#47
She had psychiatric problems that were getting worse. She was in and out of the psych ward. She wasn't outright "crazy" most of the time. It was mostly just depression dotted with mildly psychotic episodes. Being around her was just really starting to weigh on me since there was nothing I could do. She was gaining weight and I found her less and less attractive. Eventually i said some really s****y things, venting because I couldn't talk to her lest I just make her more depressed, on a forum like this and she found it. Well, that was pretty much it. There was no taking back what I said.
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