“I Left Early, With My Money And My Sanity”: Single Woman Refuses To Pay For Cousin’s Wedding

Reddit user ScarcityGlum647 has spent the last few years away from her family, so when she came to her home state, the woman attended a gathering where relatives met to catch up and reminisce about old times. However, there were also plans for the future: one of her cousins was preparing to get married. Only the news (and invitation) were presented together with a not-so-subtle request for extra help with the wedding costs.

Family get-togethers always come with seconds — of food and drama

Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)

This woman, for example, was approached by a cousin, casually fishing for extra wedding money

Image credits: Juli Kosolapova (not the actual photo)

Image source: ScarcityGlum647

Weddings are expensive

Image credits: Carlo Buttinoni (not the actual photo)

Nowadays, the average wedding cost is $33,000, so, understandably, many couples are looking for ways to increase their budget. The expense list usually looks something like this:

• Wedding dress: $2,100
• Cake: $540
• Hair and makeup: $290
• Officiant: $240
• DJ: $1,700
• Live band: $4,500
• Food: $80 per person
• Alcohol: $2,800
• Venue: $12,200
• Flowers: $2,700
• Invitations: $520
• Wedding bands: $2,900
• Photographer: $2,900
• Videographer: $2,300

Spending so much money can feel stressful. In fact, a 2023 survey discovered that 70% of engaged Americans feel like they’re facing money challenges during the planning process. (And it doesn’t help that 55% of married and engaged Americans find it difficult to have a serious money talk with their partner, either.)

You can ask your guests for financial gifts, but it needs to be done right

Image credits: Juvale (not the actual photo)

According to etiquette expert Mariah Grumet, it’s perfectly okay to request cash for your wedding—it’s how you do it that really matters. “If you are requesting monetary gifts for your wedding, there is a tasteful way to go about it so it’s a win-win situation for everyone,” Grumet said.

The one place where your preference for cash gifts should never be spelled out, however, is in the invitation. “A monetary gift (or any gift for that matter!) should not be requested on the actual wedding invitation,” highlighted Grumet.

Instead, include the address of your wedding website on an insert card within your overall stationery suite and explain your registry preferences there. “There’s nothing wrong with not wanting physical gifts or a traditional registry, but it’s important to communicate that in the best way possible.”

Couples should also let their parents, siblings, and close friends know that they’d prefer cash and encourage them to tactfully spread the word. Chances are, guests will ask them what they should get the newlyweds.

Cash or a check can feel impersonal, so letting guests know where the money will go is critical to help them feel more connected to the two of you and your plans. If you’re in the middle of a big project, like renovating your home or moving across the country, just tell the guests about it! Bonus tip: adding a more personal touch with the story of how the project got started, how far along you are, and even the pitfalls you may have faced along the way can make them more inclined to answer.

However, confronting someone face-to-face and putting them on the line in front of others (especially, when you haven’t seen them for years) is probably not the way to go…

That $33,000 we mentioned earlier is the average, and it only takes a few basics to get married. There’s always the option of scaling down.

The story has sparked plenty of reactions

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