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54 Folks Share The Reasons Their Families Cut Them Off, And Their Stories Are Truly Painful
Being disowned by your family can mean losing the people you once expected to be there through every stage of life. For some people, that happened after a major disagreement, a difficult personal decision, or a conflict that permanently changed their relationships.
These stories surfaced online when people were asked to reveal why their families ultimately cut them off. The answers range from painful disagreements and broken trust to deeply personal choices that relatives simply could not accept. Together, they offer a glimpse into the complicated circumstances that can lead families to walk away from one another.
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#1
I have been legally disowned by my father. When I was 11, my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer (this was her second diagnosis in around 4 years, obviously she recovered the first time after intense surgery and a lot of chemo) and he did not want to look after her like he did before. He also had a new gf and her family to look after apparently and he had no issues leaving us. When my mum passed away when I was 14, my brother, grandmother, him and I met up to discuss who I was going to live with (the plan was my brother and his family, father was never considered) and he showed up and declared that he was in the process of going to court to legally emancipate himself from me. He went out of his way to legally declare that I was no longer his child. Just so that my brother (22yo with a wife and 2 young children already struggling on one paycheck) couldnt seek child support.
Needless to say it stung coming only days after my mother's funeral..
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#2
Disowned at 10 by my dads family, it was kind of a mutual thing. Things are better now, 11 years later. I don't ever talk to them but we are civil, I went to Christmas with them last year, it was just very awkward. I'm glad to be separate from them as they are not the best group of people. They don't appreciate that I have my own opinions and don't support the fact that my dad beat my mom and I for years and that my grandparents were going to let my brother die in their garage without saying a word. It was a relief to not feel obligated to be in their 'family' anymore.
#3
My father was a toxic narcissist jerk who stole all our family’s money, then used the fact that we wanted nothing to do with him as a legal basis to claim estrangement and cut us out of his will.
There is no other side.
Family relationships can become strained when relatives begin to see differences in values as something more serious than simply having different opinions. As the BBC explains, disagreements over religion, politics, relationships, gender identity, parenting, education, careers, or lifestyle can become especially painful when one person interprets another’s choices as a rejection of the family’s beliefs or expectations.
Yet differences alone do not necessarily lead to estrangement. The situation can become more serious when relatives respond with shame, repeated criticism, pressure to conform, threats, or an unwillingness to accept another person’s independence. And those conflicts can also bring years of older problems to the surface.
#4
Ex wife who cheated on me with a close friend from my job during quarantine was stuck at home with my family for months while I was working. Apparently she’d been crying and making up sob stories to convince my family that I had cheated on her. When I found out I’d been cheated on (she told me), I wanted to make the divorce clean and didn’t tell my family what happened. 2 months later I’ve moved for work and find out that they’re still great friends with her and all believe that I was the cheater. The only blood relative who believes me is my youngest sister. It’s depressing.
Edit: Thank you guys, really appreciate the support. Haven’t had much since it went down.
#5
My biological father is an a*****e alcoholic, but also super Christian? And super redneck conservative. He gave up his rights when I was 4, which my mom always told me was for the best. After I found out I was pregnant, he added me on social media and saw where I had shared some posts with pro-choice views. I guess it bothered him because he blocked me lol.
#6
My dad. It was mostly my decision because we used to do hard d***s when I was a kid. Growing up I thought it was normal until friends found out and told me they were worried about me. I first overdosed when I was 14 from d***s he gave me and let me just say it was all downhill from there. I'm 13 years sober now but I kicked him out of my life around the same time. My dad still says horrible things about me and his whole family believes him... so I cut them all out. It's definitely for the better as I have created my own family with supportive friends. S***w that mess.
A disagreement over one decision may carry much more weight when there is already a history of harsh parenting, favoritism, poor communication, unmet expectations, or feeling unsupported. In that situation, the latest argument may be less of a standalone cause and more of a breaking point after a long period of frustration.
This also helps explain why two relatives can have completely different interpretations of the same relationship: one may see a particular choice as the final offense, while the other may see it as the moment they finally stopped accepting treatment they had struggled with for years. Families can remain close despite major differences, but mutual respect and the ability to recognize each other’s autonomy can make a significant difference.
#7
My mother is A q anon conspiracy nut job, I called her out on her delusions. I told her I thought her ideology was dangerous and that she needed help. We fought, even went to family therapy together. My dad sat in on the sessions, after a few sessions he texted me saying that it wasn’t going anywhere and that they didn’t want to speak with me again. My parents have been bad mouthing me to the rest of my very conservative family. I don’t know what to do or where to go. I understand how terrible my parents are but my kids don’t and they are going to miss their grandparents. I’m not looking forward to telling them.
#8
My parents treated some family friends very poorly and had a falling out with that family. A long series of accusations followed where my parents falsified information about this family and slandered their name constantly accusing them of things I personally knew to not be true because I was physically present at the time. I always tried to avoid the topic and stay out of it, but one day my mother essentially cornered me and demanded to know how I felt. I was blunt and honest with her that I didn't agree with what they were doing and that I thought they were mistreating this family and they were not in the right. My mom lost her it and called me a traitor to the family for not "siding with them (my family)". I told her my feelings were about truth and honesty, not loyalty. She kicked me out of the house right then and there and told me not to come back. I received a letter signed by both my parents later on. In the letter they called me a "disappointment and a failure" and disowned me, saying I wasn't welcome to be part of the family until I apologized for my egregious behavior.
The real tragedy of this is that it happened while my wife was pregnant with our first child, which would be their first grandchild. It has now been almost three years and I have never heard from them and they have never met their only granddaughter.
#9
My mom's plan to divorce my dad, take his house, and live off the child support money, evaporated when I turned 13 and started eating like the teenaged boy I was. Mom hadn't planned on that much of an outlay, so she wasn't making a dime off my presence any longer.
Because she no longer had any use for me, out I went at age 13.
Jokes on her, I'm successful now and when my younger brother had to stop giving her money due to his financial crisis job loss, guess who called to "reconcile"? I never returned her call.
That is one reason estrangement is often more complicated than a single dramatic falling-out. Psychology Today describes family distancing as something that can develop gradually through accumulated hurt, unmet needs, and unsuccessful attempts to repair the relationship.
Repeated criticism, dismissed boundaries, emotional neglect, or other small injuries may not seem decisive individually, but their effects can build over time. Someone might first become more uncomfortable around a relative, then begin avoiding certain conversations or gatherings, before eventually deciding that maintaining the same level of contact is no longer worthwhile.
#10
Where do I start?
My mother and I have never gotten along. As a child she has been overly critical of me (Asian parent). Even when I was small I remember her telling my Dad "If she can't even cut in a straight line what can she even do?!". I was 5 when she said that. When she realized that I was not going to grow up like she did or have the interests she wanted me to have she grew more critical of me. She laid of a bit when my little sister came around and she favored her more. I always felt like I was never enough in her eyes. She only was affectionate during family get togethers, vacations or sometimes in public.
When I came out of the closet, she didn't believe me. She always said lightheartedly that she would love me no matter what but when push came to shove my bi-ness was just a phase. We then went to church for the next few months afterwards (I was catholic).
When I hit depression in my teens each time she picked me up from therapy she always kept asking "When am I going to be ok" or hinting how much my sessions are while on anti-depressants.
She then cheated on my dad when I was around 18.
When I had my son, she came to be supportive after the birth but ended up critisizing how dirty my place was, my parenting and subtly hinted at calling CPS. Post partum hit hard and a failed s*****e attempt ensued.
What broke the camels back was I was visiting family and her mother's partner kept on making me uncomfortable. Kept trying to don my child with a certain political hat and took video of her saying poltical stuff I was not ok with. Kept saying I was uncomfortable but was told "You need to take the stick out of your a*s" or "You need to learn to take a joke." The behavior still continued. Then a big confrontation happened and she denyed everything of my childhood. My mother said she can't control her partner, he does what he wants despite us telling her its not ok. She then stated and begged for me to get help. I mentally broke. I'm in therapy now but right now I don't know if I can take it if something like this happens again. I am just thankful for my support system now.
I'm probably missing some stuff but at this moment i'm thankful for who I have in my life and that i'm alive.
#11
Dad (70M) would regularly fly into random rages. You never knew what might set him off. I (36F) was on holiday with my parents and the eggshells started the day before when he threw a wobbly. The next morning he tried to bait me with something about politics and I didn't engage. So he went nuts. Really really nuts.
I hadn't seen him this wild in years - his eyes were wide and scary. He was verbally and physically threatening. Threw a lot of stuff at me, wouldn't let me leave the room. He also made false accusations (they related to my sister (40F) instead of me) so I called him on his b******t.
Essentially I crossed the final line by pointing out that he was being a*****e, just as he was when I was a kid, something that was never openly discussed in my family. Woooo you should've seen him. There's a lot more to the story of the aftermath (him literally abandoning mum (70F) and I and taking off back to his home town.
So I got disowned. It's been almost 2 years. Dad gets angry if my mum or sister mention me (sis lives near them, thankfully I'm in another city), so now it's like I never existed.
I met my SO 4 months later. I've seen mum maybe 10 times since this all happened, including taking her out for her 70th last year. No involvement in sis or dad's milestone birthdays... or xmas or anything else. No communication from anyone but mum during lockdown...
Ultimately though, life is better now. I have learned a lot and realised how much I was taken for granted and what a controlling a****r dad was.
The whole thing isn't talked about with extended family. One aunt knows because we saw her that day. No one else. So I didn't just lose my immediate family, I lost everyone.
#12
My husband and I had to do the disowning. We met in church when he was 19 and I was 21 and immediately knew that we had found The One. So our relationship went really quickly, and we were engaged after three months. My family was very happy, if a little shocked, and his family acted supportive in the beginning.
However, his mother had always had full control of his life. She took all the money from his job, wouldn't let him have friends, insisted on homeschooling him but wouldn't graduate him from high school, and had full reign over his schedule. Enter me, fresh from college and living on my own in LA. I encouraged him to stand up to her and learn to say no, and I told him that I wouldn't get married unless he got his GED (or whatever would get him out of homeschooling) and started keeping the money he was earning from work. After that, I told him that I would support him as he figured out what he wanted to do since he had never been given that option before.
When he told his mom his plans, she tried everything to talk him out of it and even pulled me aside to try to get me to talk him out of it. I told her that he was a grown man and could do what he thought best. My refusal to bend to her will infuriated her, and after that day, she started to slander my name and reputation within our church and to her family. Even though none of them knew me, everyone objected to him marrying me. She eventually kicked him out of the house (with no money), and none of his family would take him. He slept in his truck for months and finally moved in with my family.
Because of all this, we moved our wedding up and got married 7 months after we met. Even though we didn't want them to come, we invited his parents because we wanted to be respectful and hoped to put everything behind us. They came but hardly anyone else from my husband's side did.
Upon getting back from our honeymoon, we found out that the church my husband had grown up in, the church we met in, split and an associate pastor, a deacon, the worship leader, and a number of the congregation left because my husband's mom had told them all that we moved up the wedding because I got pregnant and that the senior pastor of the church knew about it and covered it up. This also meant we were cut off by a number of my husband's extended family.
So, we decided to completely disown my mother-in-law for the lying and my father-in-law for standing by and doing nothing. We stopped talking to anyone who believed or defended her, as well. Even when there was no baby later that year, she told people I miscarried or aborted, and they still believed her.
We're celebrating our 11th anniversary this month, and we haven't spoken to her since our wedding day. Over the years, some people have come and apologized, admitting that they were wrong. But most we still don't speak to.
It was a horrible time, but it forged our marriage in fire, and every anniversary we celebrate is a silent "I told you so" to everyone who tried to keep us apart.
The progression can be particularly slow because family relationships come with years of shared history and practical obligations. People may initially try to explain how they feel, establish boundaries, or change the way they interact before considering a more permanent separation. They may move from ordinary contact to fewer calls, shorter visits, or carefully avoiding certain subjects.
Sometimes they move back toward greater contact and later pull away again when old problems return. This means that what looks like a sudden decision to outsiders can actually be the result of a long period of reassessing the relationship and deciding what level of contact feels possible.
#13
(Sorry for my English, its not my first language)
My father, with whom we live in the same city, left my mother and me when I was not even 2 years old. He cheated on my mom and although she persuaded him to stay (she loved him very much), he left.
Everything was fine until my prom. In my country (Ukraine) we have a tradition: girls dance the first dance with their dads, and the boys dance with their mothers. I invited my mother to dance, because I don't consider my father a parent. After that, he took offense at me and tells all relatives from his side that I am a b***h and do not deserve a place in theirs and his life. They love me, because I am the first child in the family and have not done much harm to anyone, but they also love him, which causes strange feelings in me.
We had a court session because he stopped paying alements. After this hearing, through our lawyer, he told us that he was unpleasant, that my mother was turning me against him.
P.S. He blocked all my and my mother's numbers, and we only communicate through a lawyer ... who else is turning me against him ?! I'm so f*****g hate him..
#14
My father almost attacked me with a butcher knife. If my ex-boyfriend wasn’t there, I probably would have died. I left my fathers apartment that day and never looked back. He had been a*****g me for years and I never told anyone, so when I left he told everyone that I had gotten pregnant and ran away with my boyfriend. That absolutely did not happen but my family disowned me anyway.
There is a lot more to the story but basically I found out that he’d been telling his family awful things about my mom and I for YEARS. So of course, who are they going to believe?
I have no desire to be in contact with my family and I hope they rot in hell.
#15
I won't go into much but I was adopted by a rich family and then left on the streets at 15 because I didn't fit into the family image.
Once that relationship is gone, however, the emotional impact does not necessarily disappear with the contact. The Cleveland Clinic explains that this can resemble what psychologists call ambiguous loss, a type of grief associated with situations where there is no clear ending or closure.
With estrangement, the relative is still alive, but the relationship itself may have disappeared or changed beyond recognition. That can leave someone grieving a person they technically have not lost in the conventional sense, while also struggling with emotions that may seem contradictory, including anger, guilt, relief, love, and longing.
#16
My mother was Catholic and my father was Muslim. I attended Catholic school all the way to Jr high. I would go to church with Mom on Sundays and mosque with Dad during the week.
They fought constantly over what religion I would be.
When I was 15 my father came home and announced he’d found my husband and I would be going to Istanbul to marry him when I turned 16.
I emancipated and my father disowned me. He only spoke to me one other time before he died.
Just turned 51 and to this day have zero regrets about my decision.
#17
Well, my mom basically hated me because I was the product of her own problems. When I was really young, maybe 7 years old, my grandma died who was my only source of happiness at the time and was the only thing keeping me from running away or dying. After that I became depressed and did some things to myself that I regret and have ever lasting scars from. My mom found out because she walked in on me doing such things. She yelled at me, hit me, you know. She was pretty darn angry, and when she left, I heard her on the phone with someone. I didn't know what was happening, but after that, I had passed out because of the pain. A couple days later, I woke up one day.... And I was in a car, my moms, she was driving me somewhere. I was still in my pajama's. All she said was "I'm done, that was the last straw, and soon you won't be my problem." I didn't say anything because I was scared but soon she dropped me off in front of a building with a note, and all my stuff then drove away. Luckily, someone was waiting for me outside and took me inside. Turns out she called an adoption center, she didn't even stay for any of the paper work or anything, (she sent it later)
I was so scared and confused. I haven't seen her since the court hearing, and even then she didn't even look at me, and before I knew it, I was disowned and now was put into an adoption center. A few years and a ton of foster homes later when I was 10 I got adopted into the forever home I have now, and I'm very happy :]].
#18
My mother simply didn’t want kids but never bothered to prevent having all three of us to different men. She tried to have my dad put in jail for “a***e” meanwhile he was working two jobs to support us and would come home to a filthy house and my diaper completely loaded. She put all three of us in foster care and luckily my dad got me along with my other half sisters dad got her but the oldest of us spent 18 years of her life in foster care. I last saw my mother when I was six because she had seen that my dad was successful and wanted to use him for money.
He brought me to a park to meet her and she blatantly ignored me and instead was all over my dad. He’s a smart man and realized this and that’s the last time I ever saw her. She never sent one birthday card or ever paid a dime of child support to my dad. Because she didn’t want kids and wouldn’t take any steps to prevent it three separate times. Congrats mom, you’re the worlds biggest P.O.S
There is also no universally recognized moment when this kind of relationship is considered finished. There may be no funeral, formal ending, or clear social ritual that tells someone when they are supposed to stop grieving. Birthdays, holidays, weddings, and other milestones can bring the absence back into focus, sometimes years later.
People around them may not fully understand the loss because the estranged relative is still alive, which can make the experience feel particularly isolated. Recognizing this kind of grief can help explain why someone may continue to struggle with a family cutoff even after considerable time has passed.
#19
My parents have disowned me to some degree. We still talk a few times a year but we are very low-contact. During college they had gestured that I was going to be 'fully' disowned after I graduated so I built a life away from them.
I figure they still love me but my "lifestyle choices" (transgender) are untenable with their own. My dad told me we weren't related when it came to business and didn't want others at his company finding out. My mom told me she didn't like being around me in public. My siblings and relatives all have worked at my dad's company, but nope, not me. One of my siblings bounces between being employed there and not, due to basically sucking at holding a job. I had to figure out everything myself while my siblings get chance after chance.
I am the only child who has a college degree, got their own job, stable relationship and support themselves. But I am the bad one.
I haven't seen most of my grandparents for years. I haven't seen my oldest grandpa in about 6 years. I am figuring one day I am going to be told he died and I am not allowed to go to his funeral. Or he will die and I just won't be told.
I haven't seen most of my cousins in years. My uncle threatened me as a teenager over being gay (I am in my late 20s) so when I officially came out (in my late teens) my parents stopped inviting both of us to the same events; score +1 for my parents I guess. I haven't seen those cousins in maybe 3 years.
The closest collision with my uncle was 5 or 6 years ago. My dad was selling a car to him at the house, so my dad ordered me pizza then rushed me upstairs before my uncle got there.
One of my other uncles is dying apparently and I haven't seen him in probably a decade despite growing up seeing him 2 - 3 times a year.
So I just have my siblings and my parents. I see them 2 - 3 times a year for a few days each over the holidays. They send me a text on my birthday, but otherwise we don't really talk about life.
My parents have warmed up over the last 10 years, but when you go through your late teens and 20s thinking you have lost your family, you find another one. I would love to rekindle a good relationship, but I have no idea how or if they're even interested.
#20
As Jehovahs witnesses, my parents disowned my siblings and I several times since I was in my late teens. One of the JW “rules” is that you do not associate with others who know “the truth” but refuse to follow it, including family and Parents are encouraged to disown any children who have left the religion. The first time was when i was 19. It upset me, i was heartbroken and eventually they changed their minds only to do it again a couple years later and so on until i stopped caring and no longer attempt to be a part of their lives at all
#21
Grew up in a fairly normal family. Parents divorced when I was quite young and the kids stayed with mom but we were still always very close with our dad. We drifted apart a bit as an adult as I lived quite far from home, but nothing major. Went back to visit regularly and so on.
Anyway. One day a few years ago, on my dad's birthday, I send him a message on Facebook (he'd had me teach him how to set up a profile and we'd been sending lots of messages back and forth) wishing him happy birthday and asking if he had any nice plans and generally talking about how I wanted to come visit soon and etc etc.
He replied telling me not to contact him again, he no longer thought of me as his daughter, and goodbye.
I have no idea what happened. Never managed to get an explanation from him and nobody else seems to have a clue. He's completely normal around my brother. I could at least try to understand if I'd done something "bad" or we'd had an argument or just really if anything out of the ordinary at all had just happened, but no.
It ruins so many memories and nostalgias, even made me worry for a while that it affected my choice of partner. We held my grandad's funeral recently, dad was there, and he wouldn't even make eye contact with me despite repeated efforts. Actually, I didn't even notice he was sitting close to us until catching sight of him, it turns out I don't even recognize his voice any more. Ugh. Wish I knew what happened :(
Another difficult part is not knowing exactly what the estrangement means or whether it will last. Simply Psychology notes that being cut off can leave people without the information they normally use to make sense of a broken relationship.
They may not know precisely what caused the separation, whether the explanation they received was complete, or whether reconciliation is ever going to be possible. When the other person stops communicating, the person left behind may have little opportunity to ask questions or understand how the relationship reached that point.
#22
i was disowned by proxy you could say since it was my mom who was the one they disowned originally. She was 13 when she got pregnant with me, 14 when i was born, and she didn't know who the father was except that it was one of eight men. The only reason she knows that much is because i am white, if i had been born half black it would have a been a much larger number because her BF, a 23 year old black guy, was pimping her out.
She also stole $3,100 from her parents and gave it to her BF so he could get drugs to sell.
i went into Foster Care because when i was 9 she was sent to prison for three counts of attempted m****r in the commission of a crime (armed robbery) because her family wanted nothing to do with me because of her.
It never really mattered to me that they don't want anything to do with me because they were never in my life. i was dragged along from cheap motel to another by mom, who was constantly hooking up with different men who abused her, and me. At night while she was working i wandered the streets until she had made enough money. That was all i knew until i was put into the home of two really cool people who gave me my freedom and kept me fed and clothed and gave me my own room. They're my real family, along of course with my Dom, who i live with now.
#23
My mom decided when I was 13-14 that she didn't want to have kids anymore. Her and my dad divorced. So my dad moved out of the family house and my mom was newly single.
So she gets my sister out first by asking my sister to go away to stay with our dad for the weekend. When my sister came back, my mom had packed all her items in boxes and said, "find somewhere else to live." Sister was maybe 15. Her reasoning is she didn't like the crowd my sister was running with.
With me, I stuck around longer. I took more mistreatment and neglect. My mom didn't cook, or clean, or have food in the house. And despite getting child support, if I asked for shoes, or anything, "ask your father, don't ask me."
Despite not having food or money, she wouldn't give me the alarm code to the house, or a key. I could only come home if she was home. One day she agreed to drive my friends and I to the movies. Well her and I got into a small argument about something in the morning (I don't remember what) and I left and arrived home in the afternoon. She was home but wouldn't let me in. I was a 13-14 year old kid (before cell phones were that commonplace). Ringing the bell, peering in the windows. She wouldn't let me in. Finally I found an open window and climbed through and she coldly looked at me and said, "you know, I could have you arrested for breaking into the house if I wanted to."
I went to live with my dad shortly thereafter. She moved away to live with a guy she met from the internet. Sponsored him to come into the country with his 12 year old son. By the time I was 16, she was married and moved the guy in, and bought his son new video games, travel allowance, his own apartment when he was a teenager, and wouldn't even buy me shoes.
Well, she gave this guy access to her bank account and he took all her money. Her entire life savings. All her money in the world. She lost her house and became homeless, my sister took her in at the time.
My mom eventually got back on her feet a little bit, got a job. I tried to repair the relationship and be nice. Never for long.
Finally she had some kind of mental breakdown a few years ago when I was in my early 30's. And called my office demanding I help her. Something happened at work where her mental health went sideways and she started behaving very erratically. For some reason when she called my colleague speaking nonsensically and rambling about me, my colleague decided to give her my number (!!) to take it up with me myself. My colleague said she felt bad after.
So I tried to help my mom, and spent all this time talking to her boss, her union rep, her neighbors, her doctor, trying to help her. And she just kept going crazy and being toxic, not willing to accept my help.
I washed my hands of her.
So she disowned me when she got a better family and then I tried to help her but she tried to take me down with her.
#24
I've never gotten a solid explanation since they don't talk to me anymore, but my cousins stopped having anything to do with me as soon as my aunt died. As in literally the day after the funeral. I was very close to my aunt and loved visiting with her, calling her to check in, having her over for dinner, etc., but I always had the distinct impression that my cousins didn't like it for some reason. I didn't understand why since she saw them every week, so it's not like I was taking her away from them or asking her for anything. I never asked my aunt about it since I didn't want to upset her. About a year before she died she told me that I was "one of her own." What a shame that her children never felt the same way.
That uncertainty can make it difficult to know what to do next. Someone might consider reaching out, decide to wait, attempt another conversation, or replay previous interactions while searching for the moment when everything changed. Without a clear resolution, the mind can keep returning to the same unanswered questions and imagining different outcomes.
The result is that estrangement can involve not only the loss of a relationship, but also the loss of certainty about what happened and what comes next. For people who have been cut off by relatives, that unresolved feeling can become one of the hardest parts of moving forward.
#25
I can’t tell whether or not I’ve been disowned nor do I care, but I personally have long ago disowned my relatives.
They’re manipulative, racist, a*****e and overall bigoted.
To make a long story short, if they were to disown me it’s because I’m the exact opposite of them.
EDIT: because a lot of weirdos are sending me threatening and harassing messages, I’m black and Irish-Scot. My mum is black, my dad is Irish, I was born in Ireland but moved to Scotland and got citizenship. I am VERY visibly black. Me not supporting my relatives spewing hateful and derogatory slurs at other minorities/PoC doesn’t mean I support “white g******e” or am trying to “erase European beauty standards.” Cease and desist with this b******t. Your racism and saviour complexes are showing.
#26
Mom saw that I’d worn some of her clothes while she was in another province for work. I came home to her screaming that I’d sold thousands of dollars of her clothing to my high school friends (we were so poor we had to steal food; nobody bought any clothes, nobody stole them either lol).
She then said she was going to destroy everything I owned, and in a panic I hid in my room and put the dresser against the door. She started throwing herself against it, and I was terrified to realize she was gonna get in. My lava lamp fell, I caught it, and threw it when she forced the door open. She screamed, I jumped out a window and ran barefoot to a friends house.
She called the police accusing me trying to m****r her, i turned myself in and told the police that I did a*****t her and would accept any charges. They released me to my friends house and told my mom that they’d charge her with child abandonment if she kept pushing.
Her ex best friend drove four days to get me. She signed over the ownership papers and I’ve had an amazing dad ever since :).
#27
I don't consider myself disowned, but I have been cut off from seeing my younger siblings. I've pretty much disowned certain family members myself.
My mother(50) has been a***ing her position of EPOA for my Alzheimers addled Grandmother(80) via extortion, and unlike everybody else, I choose to hold the b***h accountable for her actions, because her selfish actions lead to my nana nearly needing her feet amputated from having lack of medical care and attention.
I told everyone what she was doing and nothing happened. No one wants to prosecute her because apparently legal fees are more important than getting my grandmother justice.
So, essentially, I was 'disowned' for exposing her extortion.
Family estrangement rarely comes down to one simple moment. Behind a decision to cut contact can be years of disagreements, unresolved hurt, difficult boundaries, or choices that relatives could not accept. For the people involved, the loss can be complicated by unanswered questions and the lingering possibility that things might one day change.
Have you ever experienced a family relationship falling apart after years of tension? What do you think makes some family conflicts impossible to repair? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments.
#28
My narcissistic birth mother has disowned me several times either for no reason or because of whatever man shes with at the time.She disowned me out of the blue this time because her new husband she met on the internet wanted me gone.She disowned both of my sons at the same time.I was blindsided with no warning or signs beforehand.Im not forgiving her this time.
#29
Wow, so where to begin...my family is very traditional even for our culture's standards. I grew up thinking that my family was americanized and that the women in my family were shattering the glass ceiling and things couldn't get any better because we were allowed to wear pants, were required to finish high school, allowed to go to college if we had the money ourselves, and we weren't sold off for marriage. My generation even grew up being called and thinking of ourselves as liberated because we had options beyond being housewives. Even though I saw all these things as "amazing freedoms thanks to living an american life" I still wanted more. I wanted to be able to leave the house on my own, I wanted to hang out with friends, I wanted to question things, I wanted to move away, live and work wherever I wanted, and I wanted privacy; even if it was just a lock on a door. So I was a "difficult child" as my family put it, and that turned into being a rebellious teen especially when I started seeing a lot of the other freedoms other girls at my school had. When I turned 18 I was kicked out and by 19 I had met my husband and my family didn't approve. They eventually told me that I can either be allowed back into the family or I can be with him and get disowned. So I chose him and ended up moving across the country without anyone knowing. I didn't hear from my family (except my grandma) for about 2 years, then a family friend I kept in touch with ended up telling my family that my life was going really well. My mom started to contact me when she heard, but it took over 6 years for the rest of my family to even acknowledge that I was even alive. It wasn't until my husband and I hit our 9 year anniversary and my family saw what my husband's competition was, then they started to treat us like people and want to start talking to us and building relations with us. I keep in touch with a few of my family members but I keep them at arm's length. I gave up the possibility of any meaningful family bonds a long time ago and the communication now is mostly surface level cordialness.
#31
I was disowned but probably by my own choice.
Father died when I was 18. I gave up college to look after him drive him to hospital every other day for tests. He went to hypno sessions I would sit for hours waiting for him. I did it all. My brother was never to be seen he was away living his life. Mother was a heavy drinker. I still lived at home my brother didn’t. I was left to put up with drunk a***e from my mum losing her husband of 30yrs.
I looked the double of my dad so for some reason she took it out on me. Or this is what people told me. Changed locks on me after coming home from work all the time and I was stuck. Claimed I was stealing from her. Telling everyone lies about me it was horrible. Nightly a***e shouting at me accusing me of nonsense while drunk. I tried to help but she didn’t want to know. Used to call police on me claiming all sorts.
They would turn up see my mum being drunk and me in my room chilling and tell her off.
Was very toxic. My brother wasn’t interested he was 4 years older than me and just didn’t care. Never visited me or my mum. I begged for help and he was just a coward.
One day a friend had a room come up for rent so I packed stuff and just left. She was shocked and surprised. But was the best thing. I used to try keep in touch but just got a***e. Drunken phone calls and threats.
I was 21 at this point and was expecting a child with my partner so decided I had had enough. I cut all ties.
Cue my brother realising my mum had lots of money from my dads retirement and life insurance. Becomes my mums best friend. She buys him everything. Effectively making a deal with the devil. And is scared to talk to me incase she finds out.
Long story short years later turns out my mum had throat cancer he just didn’t tell me about until she choked and died suddenly one day. And I get left a voicemail telling me as much. Attended the funeral through gritted teeth.
And then found out I was nowhere on the will. And my brother got the lot. A substantial amount. And I never heard from him again to this day it’s been 5 years since my mum died and he just vanished.
I was told I could fight it but that wasn’t me. I was never about the money unlike my brother.
And I live hoping he comes knocking one day and needs a kidney so I can tell him to go away kindly.
Family and money is a horrible situation. And I live daily thinking I did something wrong and I can’t put my finger on what it was to be treated this way and it haunts me and has left me with many issues.
The wrong family member died first my dad was a gentleman and looking back put up with horrible a***e from my mum. I was like my dad and my brother was like my mum.
#32
Mother wanted me to never really "fully" leave the nest. Like, you can move out, but dont be further than 30 minutes away and spend as much of your time at my place as possible for whatever help I need with the office, the house, or just to be my Person. Son, best friend, confidante, sounding board, whatever I need. Do this from now until I d*e, whenever that is".
My mother and I are also Black, and my mother, textbook example of how racism is a two-way street that she is, would only truly accept a Black woman as my wife and mother of my kids (if she had to share me at all, that is, obviously she'd prefer not to). This way, she could have a fully-intact Black family unit to belong to, and she could put *all* of us to work at her law office as well. Also, she assumed we'd graciously let her move in with us when she's too old to take care of herself. All of this is how "real" Black families act, btw, because something something "family is all we got".
I, realizing the trap, immigrated to Europe, something I'd talked about for years. This was never supposed to happen, because "the only way he's going to Europe is if I buy his ticket, and I'm never buying his ticket, so that's that". I was supposed to one day "wake up" or "let it go" or what have you and take my rightful place, "with the family". Just kinda do the noble thing and surrender my entire future in the name of being the best son I could be. I was financially dependent on her at the time, but I had a friend living in Germany who'd immigrated from Chelyabinsk, Russia a few years prior. She bought me my plane ticket, and I'd squirreled enough money away for my passport.
So not only did I loophole my way out of servitude, the fact that a *white woman* helped me do it burned her a*s even worse.
Last thing I heard from my mother was "have fun with your white b*****s, don't ask me for money ever again". Flew to Europe on December 3rd, 2014.
#33
Emotionally distant codependent mother, a*****e narcissist father. I put up with decades of a***e that landed me with a whole host of psychological issues. At one point my father refused to speak to me for 3 months because I wouldn't babysit his mistress' kid while he took her to the hospital for a mild fever (he'd been lying to me about who she was and how they met but I had figured it out because I'm not f*****g stupid). And you know what, I would probably have continued to accept that s****y treatment because I was so beaten down by that point that I thought it was okay.
But then my first kid was born. The birth was rough, kiddo almost died. I was told he could be severely disabled, unable to walk, talk or eat and that I wouldn't have a good idea what his life would look like until he was at least 1. No help while he was in the NICU. He turned out to be fine that way, but we dealt with some health issues that led him to nurse 20 minutes out of every hour around the clock for months on end. Then we got that sorted out and all of us caught the cold from hell. Back to not sleeping. Told my mom and her response was (verbatim) "Glad I'm not there 🤪"
So, for some context, my parents lived nearby, the closest out of any relatives, but saw him maybe 5 times in his first 10 months of life. My father had never held the little guy. Whenever they heard about other family seeing him, they'd b***h that it was unfair. I told them if they wanted to see him, all they had to do was text me and I'd do everything else. They told me they shouldn't have to. They babysat once so I could go to a wedding and b****ed about it for months afterwards. It's safe to say they weren't involved.
I told her it wasn't funny and she told me I didn't get the joke. I told her that it might be funny if she was the slightest bit involved or helpful, but with her being as hands off as she is it was just cruel. She doubled down and I went off on her. Told her that her mother would be disgusted with her if she could see how she was treating me and my kid. Father texted me later, we talked it out, he said he understood and all was good, just leave my mom alone until she's ready to talk again.
Except it wasn't all good. A month later, out of the blue, my husband gets a text message from my father telling him that I'm off my meds, behaving erratically and aggressively and that I'm a danger to our kid. That was news to both of us, we were on our way home from a Christmas party. That was the moment I decided I was done. I couldn't have my kid growing up in a family where it's okay to treat people that way. I didn't want him around those people. I've been no contact since November 2019 and the years since have been the happiest years of my life. I've got two amazing boys, one of whom has never met my parents and I feel great about my decision.
Oh, but if you ask them, I was mad because they wouldn't give me money and I wanted them to babysit every week. Entitled millennials, yanno?
#34
I went to court to get disowned. My father was over 5.000.000 euro's in debt. Had to go to court because if I'd just reject the heritage it would pass on to my children and the would have to make the same decision when they turn 18.
#35
I came out as a lesbian when I was 25.
That's it, that's my whole side of the story. We are reconciled now, but it took my mom six months to speak to me.
#36
My father was an alcoholic who choose the booze over family and wanted to disown me as soon as he could legally, so that my financial well being wasn’t his problem anymore.
My only memories of him was showing up to supervised visitations and him not showing up 9 out of 10 times.
#37
My mother and I slowly stopped talking after I moved out.
She wasn't the best parent and she did a lot of mean things sometimes.
I sent her an email (she lives in New Zealand, I live in Australia)
She told me not to contact her again please.
I don't know what I did wrong, I don't know if I'm supposed to miss her.
#38
Technically I was the one who disowned my mum first. She's not a very nice person and she crossed too many lines, so I made it clear to our friends and family en masse that I wasn't wanting anything to do with her. It had been budding for a while, homophobia, racism, victim blaming, and I had tried getting through to her so many times. Then she said some pretty disgusting things about a partner I was living with and I made it clear that was it. She didn't take me being open about things well and here we are.
I found out a couple of years ago she has been telling everyone I'm d**d, which makes for an interesting situation when they see me walking about 😂.
#39
My mom would become extremely emotionally a*****e when she drank. I asked her to stop drinking when I was 19, told her that I couldn't continue being close with her unless she was sober. She told me she was done being my mom and didn't ever want to hear from me again because I couldn't tell her how to live her life. She disowned me for alcohol. She has since tried to make repair (about 8 years later), but after your mom "stops being your mom", it's pretty much impossible to heal that wound. I thought her rock bottom would be the thought of losing her kids...and it wasn't even close. I've spent a lot of money and time on therapy. Please don't ever do this to your children.
#40
My aunt disowns me every once in a while and either acts like nothing has happened or uses whatever event counts as good in her eyes. It’s never even anything huge, it’s literally her being so dramatic that they’d take the Oscar off of Leonardo Dicaprio and hand it to her without hesitation.
For some reason the most stupidest one was refusing to share Facebook chain mail with a guilt tripping and threatening message. She disowned me and for some reason a few of the adults in my family actually sided with her and demanded I apologise because I was rude and disgusting.
I’m waiting to be disowned again soon and I’ll be telling her to make sure it’s permanent this time.
#41
My father was born with FAS. He grew up with an alcoholic, a****ve, sexist dad who put him through Catholic school, where the teachers and fellow students there were also very a****ve. He met my mother, a woman who had daily grand mal seizures, and married her.
Epilepsy should make a woman infertile. My mother got pregnant with me in 1991. For some reason, her daily seizures stopped.
Everything before I was 7 years old was a relatively normal childhood. I think my father really tried - I have some good memories of him then. He was far more a****ve to his children than he should have been. My mother made sure I could read and write at a very young age - she constantly tried to make sure her children (my little brother was born a year later) were going to be fine in life.
But when I turned 7, my mother's convulsions returned. My father's a****ve habits got worse. He became an alcoholic. He was very sexist - he constantly took his anger out on me when he didn't know how to handle my mother having 20+ grand mal seizures a day while he was balancing a 40+ hour a week factory job with a 2 hour commute either way. My mother pretty much died when I was 7. Once her seizures came back, she was a borderline mute, inattentive parent who hardly knew her own name or that slippers didn't go in the fridge.
I didn't understand anything. I became a complete nightmare to handle. I remember screaming at my parents for hours, daily. I developed some sort of anxiety disorder where I'd have night terrors, I couldn't stop thinking about tramatic events, etc. In response, my father would just drink more, say worse things, etc.
When I was 15, I was hospitalized with something that only existed thanks to my parents refusing to take me to the doctor's for 2 years. I haven't checked, but that probably made me infertile. Truthfully, I don't want to know. I remember screaming at my parents for that one too - I think that's the one that really threw me over the edge tho. Literally everything in my life was out of my control.
I went to great lengths to keep my brother out of harm's way. I made sure my father was always angry with me, and not him. I like to think I was very successful with this, but I probably was not.
In the end, my father kicked me out of the house when I was 18. No driver's license, no car, no health insurance, no phone, hardly any clothes, and $100 to my name. Luckily, a friend's family rushed in and got my life in a relatively stable place. That was 7 years ago and I still tear up a bit remembering their kindness.
The only 2 times I've seen my mom and dad since was less than stellar. My father has never apologized, nor my mother, but they have asked for money. Their health is failing completely and they're refusing to go to doctors. I don't talk to them anymore.
#42
He’s a narsaccist who had to have everything his way but I challenged his beliefs so he stopped talking to me. I didn’t argue or try to reconnect because things were better with out him but they had been going down hill for decades.
I literally joined the military to get away from him. I thought that would be enough so we could remain social. Nope I had to cut him out completely.
#43
I disowned my own family.
My sister and sil hate eachother, we were both in my SILs wedding party and I did ALOT for my Brother and SIL, they had a huge expensive wedding (they couldnt afford) so to help out I bought diapers, formula, clothes, baby food for my nephew so they could have their dream wedding, my sister didnt help one bit. We were told we would be 3rd in line at the wedding, we ended up being the last (6th) in line and my sister and her husband were before us. None of the wedding party helped the way we did or lifted a finger when it came to my nephew (I was off work due to covid and while she was on maternity leave i came over EVERYDAY and spent 7 hours a day for 6 weeks with my newphew so she could get sleep) never a thank you for that or everything we bought him. It was a slap in the f*****g face and I cut my entire family off after this (most agreed we shouldnt b***h about the lineup but i was truly hurt) my SIL said we are "ungrateful they allowed us to be in the wedding" but we spent roughly $800 on formula, diapers, food and clothes for my nephew so they didnt have to worry about that part of finances while planning their wedding. We also spent $800 each (my husband and I) for my dress, his tux, hotel, shuttle, etc. I have not spoken to my family in 7 mos and It has been the BEST 7 mos of my life. I completely see where I stand and how the used me, we also have 2 boys of our own (they didnt go without and we didnt suffer helping them) but they never appreciated a god d**n thing we did.
#46
Neither one of my girls (19 & 15) talk to me right now, and it feels like they never will. Me and my ex husband had a lot of problems together and of course the girls saw that. Neither one of us ever took our difficulties with each other out on our girls but we brought out the worst in each other. He worked, I was a stay at home mom and did everything for them, and kept the house clean and all of that, but unfortunately all my girls remember is how unhappy my ex made me ( because he was verbally and emotionally and sometimes physically a*****e). I had 17 years of it. We stayed together for our girls but that probably wasn't a good idea. Hes very charasmatic and can make people think hes this nice guy. I'm not saying I was perfect, but I did try my best to take care of my daughters and show them how much I loved them. Maybe someday they will remember that.
#47
My cousin disowned the entire family. None of us are sad about it.
She has been a d**g a****t since she was 16 (she’s somewhere in her late 30’s-early 40’s now). She has stolen from everyone in the family, she lost custody of both of her children permanently, and she’s been arrested several times. The family has pitched in and tried to get her into rehab, NA, and even tried to help her get her kids back. She’ll be sober for a few months, then go right back to using. Nothing has ever stuck. She doesn’t seem to ever hit rock bottom (in her eyes).
After the family found out that the cops came to their hotel room and found bruises all over my very ill (later found out she was dying) aunt, who was also alone when she definitely could not take care of herself, we were all done with her. There are warrants out for her, but nobody knows where the hell she is. She literally packed up her stuff and left her own mother to d*e alone.
I hate to say it, but she is white trash and I honestly do not think there is any hope for her at this point. There is no other side to this story.
#48
I haven’t shared this with, well, anyone. I became a single mom (again) because Ex2 did horrible things to my girls. I made it through the trial, which ended over a year later with a plea deal (a case came up with 15 babies found in boxes). I worked long hours, mostly from home, and then I had a breakdown. Ex1, the girls’ father, finally decided he could be a parent (that ended horribly) and took the girls so I could spend a month in an amazing CA rehab facility. I came “home” to my bf who promptly broke up with me because I was “too heavy” and fortunately found a friend happy to let me move in. Then, 4 out of 5 siblings disowned me, wouldn’t talk to me, whatever. My parents would take days to return text messages.
So, I pretended everything was okay, got a s****y job, got my girls back
#49
My grandma passed away and my grandad suddenly became very angry. Accused us of stealing, refused all help, shouting, no, bellowing at us if we did what he asked but it wasn't quite right. For example my sister went round to cook him a breakfast as my grandma would always do him a cooked breakfast on a weekend, she was 15 at the time and had never cooked so inevitably something went wrong, he called her stupid, made her cry and then kicked her out the house. Eventually he told us to never contact him again, that he didn't need our help and that he was better off without us. Cut to a few years later and he died, we only found out because the house went up for sale and a friend noticed while looking for a house of their own.
In those few years before he died we sent a card to him apologising, for what I don't know but thought we might as well try and reconcile with the man, included all our phone numbers and left it up to him. He didn't even try to contact us and when he died left all his money apparently to various charities. My sister found out a lady round the corner from him had been looking after our grandad and the house leading up to him passing away so she went to speak with her to try and make sense of the last few years, she told her that he only spoke fondly of one granddaughter, which was me, she had no idea there were 2 others, but did know that we loved less than a 10 minute walk away. They chatted for a few hours had a cup of tea and then my sister left.
Around 6 months later having made peace that the situation was what it was, not being told he'd passed away, not being invited to the funeral despite people who attended knew us as children and in to our early adult years, knew where we lived but failed to contact us. My sister was walking past the ladies house who she had that long chat and cup of tea with and noticed that she had all new windows and doors, a new garden and driveway... Coincidence, not likely. I think she took all his money when he died and told the charity story to throw us off.
Anyway, we've made peace with it, we didn't want his money, what you don't have you don't miss. But looking back it was all a very strange turn of events, going from the grandad that adored us as children to a bitter, resentful old man once our grandma died accepting no help even though it was evident he needed it.
#50
I was used as a weapon by one parent against another parent during their divorce when I was a kid. In this situation, I filed a false police report against my dad. 10 years later, my step mom and sisters still don't talk to me, but my dad and I are working things out.
#51
My Dad disowned me many times over the years. I was adopted at birth by him and my Mom. My father was a narcissist who made up stories and manufactured a PHD to make himself look better.
One time, he even made fun of me for not having a Dad. Compared to so many of the stories here, I got off easy.
#52
Parents divorced when I was in elementary school. I'm in my 30s now. I have multiple half-Black siblings (same mother). I shared a lot of posts about white privilege. My dad told me to stop with the white privilege stuff (he thinks it doesn't exist, and my posts apparently do nothing but tell the world he is racist because he raised me). I made a Facebook post saying someone told me to stop, what do my friends think (didn't even say who told me to stop). He unfriended me and I haven't heard from him since (except to have him refuse to talk to my kids at Christmas because I obviously still haven't gotten it together or something).
#53
I was disowned by my mother's mother, and her whole side of the family. My mother is a trans woman and is going through hormone treatment and we cannot be prouder of her, but her mother disowned us and so went the rest of that family except my aunt and her kids. My grandma still doesn't know I'm gay, or that my sister is trans. She doesn't know I have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) so she calls me by my legal name still. BUT she had the absolute stones to comment on my bio mom's eulogy. She's a sociopath and we don't miss her, but I do miss my cousins. The last time I saw them was at my aunt's wedding, which my grandma was not invited to, but my uncle and his kids were, and it had been almost 4-5 years since I saw them last. I think it's been 2 years now since I've seen them. I used to take care of them. That's the sad part, for me. Those kids probably don't remember me. Most of them were babies/toddlers when we were disowned.
#54
I was 19, in college and doing well, wanted to marry my high school boy friend, whom my parents hated. My mom snooped in my things one weekend while I was home from college, and found some “love letters.” She talked to my dad, the two were trying to act like devote Catholics. Then I accepted an engagement ring. And they decided enough was enough so I was on my own, had to pay for tuition, room and board, gas, and I was not allowed to come home or call my siblings (I am the oldest of 5). So I got another job, stayed in school, looked at a house to buy with my fiancé, planned a wedding, worked full time, tried to get in touch with my family. It was tough both for me and my siblings. After 6-9 months, I decided it was not worth getting married to someone my parents hated and who would keep me from my siblings. So I gave the ring back, called off the wedding. I figured I could finish college in 3 years and then get married. At any rate, my parents allowed me to talk with my siblings, but refused to support me and really never forgave me. It was tough love. I still have problems with trusting that people won’t abandoned me if I make them mad.
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