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Bride Still Expects Her Father To Fund Her Wedding After Banning His Husband From Attending, Father Asks The Internet If He’s Wrong For Refusing To Pay
A couple’s wedding day is one of the most exciting days of their lives. Finally, they each get to become officially bonded to their best friend, and their two families merge into one at the joyous celebration. It is completely normal for a bride and groom to make sure every detail of their day is perfect, from the flowers to the band to the suits and dresses to the food. Recently, however, one bride even wanted to keep her guests on a tight leash, particularly her father.
The father in question, LargeSeat3093 on Reddit, explained online how his daughter banned his husband and son from attending the wedding, so he ended up refusing to pay for the event. This caused some drama among the family members, so the father reached out to the Am I the [Jerk]? subreddit to hear a few outside opinions on his decision. Below, you can read the dad’s full explanation, as well as some of the responses the story has received, and decide for yourself whether he should have funded the wedding or not. Let us know what you about this situation in the comments, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda piece featuring wedding drama, check out this story next.
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Recently, one father reached out online asking if he was wrong for refusing to fund his daughter’s wedding after she banned his husband and son from attending
Image credits: Aaron Tait (not the actual photo)
He explained that his relationship with his daughter has always been great, but she did not want his “lifestyle” to offend her conservative in-laws
Image credits: Peggy_Marco (not the actual photo)
The bride ended up asking her father-in-law to walk her down the aisle, and her dad decided not to attend
While it is understandable that this bride wanted to get off on the right foot with her in-laws, that is no reason to completely disregard the feelings of her father and his husband. If the groom’s parents would be so bothered by a loving parent and his husband enjoying a wedding and celebrating the happy couple, it sounds like more of a problem for them. It’s unfortunate that their prejudices were allowed to stop anyone else from enjoying the occasion.
Conflicts between in-laws are relatively common, so I’m sure the bride was hyper aware of appeasing them. As children often find themselves in arguments with their parents, husbands and wives similarly experience friction with their in-laws over small things as well. They all want the best for their child or spouse, but it can be hard to find common ground. Whether there are fundamental ideological differences or small quarrels about celebrating holiday traditions, it can be difficult to navigate sharing your partner with their parents. According to Blythe Copeland for Martha Stewart, the most common issues between in-laws are about how a couple spends their money, political views, how to raise the grandchildren, and how much time the couple spends with each side of the family. When it comes to eliminating or preventing conflicts, family therapist Jennifer Uhrlass told Martha Stewart, “Building up a deeper understanding of [your in-laws’] relationship dynamics might help you to view the situation with more empathy and create a more constructive environment moving forward.” The best thing to do is react calmly and try to diffuse the situation.
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
Ironically, in trying to prevent any family disputes on her husband’s side, this bride managed to create new friction on her own side of the family. While it is great to work towards having a solid relationship with your spouse’s family, there is never any excuse for discriminating against your own father and making him feel like an exile at your wedding. At the end of the day, a wedding day is about two people, and as the bride, she had the authority to invite her father’s family regardless of what her in-laws might have thought. We would love to hear your opinion on this situation in the comments below; would you have paid for the wedding or skipped the occasion altogether?
Readers have responded with sympathy for the father, agreeing that homophobia should never be enabled
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What do you think ?
Almarako94 3 years ago
If the grooms parents / whole familiy are/is too intolerant, they should be excluded. End of discussion.
Ansi 3 years ago
I wonder if the bride actually KNOWS they would have a problem with her dad, or if she just assumes that because they are generally religious and conservative. It doesn't sound like she has been talking about her dad to them.
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Carol Emory 3 years ago
Why invest in a marriage that will be doomed from the beginning? If she starts off her relationship with her in-laws on a lie, how badly will the marriage be strained when the in-laws find out the truth? The father is being true to himself, she is not. Enjoy your holidays with your husband and son. You're daughter can skip rope.
Iifa A. 3 years ago
I would cut all ties with daughter and her future husband and in-laws. If I'm such an embarrassment then obviously receiving any help from me is shameful. I don't care who you marry, your parents and in-laws are their own people with their own issues and do not get to judge strangers lifestyle even if they will be somehow interacting. They probably won't even meet each other after the wedding. Again just my opinion, and I have experience. Six siblings and we all disowned our dad, my own family has never met my man, they don't deserve to know a man this good. My man's family is my family. Nobody judges me except the family I started ignoring when I started walking. I would be more concerned that daughters in-laws are so religious, but apparently they seem to be good with premarital relations. I guess your daughter lives with him in sin. Cut ties, that's a toxic and bad influence on your own household, and 2 year old toddler doesn't need the visual teachings of hatred.
Michael Largey 3 years ago
He should love his daughter enough to say No. She needs a moral example much more than she needs wedding funds.
Iifa A. 3 years ago
Wedding the day to celebrate love of two people gets bad taste because some random person decides who you can and cannot love. I bet most children who were raised by toxic, abusive, lying, hateful, alcoholics, drug addicts or just unwanted would have loved to be raised by two mom's or two dad's who showed unconditional love towards them. 2022, you can and should cut ties with family who has no respect towards you. You can put your boundaries, but have accept that others can disagree and choose.not to engage further.
Panda Who Mumbles, Constantly 3 years ago
You can choose your -in laws, but you can't choose your parents. If you choose to prioritise your -in laws and their closeted minds, then do not be surprised if your father (the one that your -in laws object to) don't pay for your wedding that you are not allowing to attend. You want your FIL to walk you down the aisle, he should gladly PAY for the privilege's of doing so. I hope the OP, his husband and son will have a lovely holiday, with the money instead.
Two_rolling_black_eyes 3 years ago
It's 2022. Why should grown adults ask their parents to pay for a party they want to have? Part of adulting is deciding where to spend your money and taking responsibility for it. It's no more dad's responsibility to pay for your celebration of a life event than your new promotion, his 4th grandkid's baby shower, or your 2nd anniversary party.
Almarako94 3 years ago
If the grooms parents / whole familiy are/is too intolerant, they should be excluded. End of discussion.
Ansi 3 years ago
I wonder if the bride actually KNOWS they would have a problem with her dad, or if she just assumes that because they are generally religious and conservative. It doesn't sound like she has been talking about her dad to them.
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 3 years ago
Why invest in a marriage that will be doomed from the beginning? If she starts off her relationship with her in-laws on a lie, how badly will the marriage be strained when the in-laws find out the truth? The father is being true to himself, she is not. Enjoy your holidays with your husband and son. You're daughter can skip rope.
Iifa A. 3 years ago
I would cut all ties with daughter and her future husband and in-laws. If I'm such an embarrassment then obviously receiving any help from me is shameful. I don't care who you marry, your parents and in-laws are their own people with their own issues and do not get to judge strangers lifestyle even if they will be somehow interacting. They probably won't even meet each other after the wedding. Again just my opinion, and I have experience. Six siblings and we all disowned our dad, my own family has never met my man, they don't deserve to know a man this good. My man's family is my family. Nobody judges me except the family I started ignoring when I started walking. I would be more concerned that daughters in-laws are so religious, but apparently they seem to be good with premarital relations. I guess your daughter lives with him in sin. Cut ties, that's a toxic and bad influence on your own household, and 2 year old toddler doesn't need the visual teachings of hatred.
Michael Largey 3 years ago
He should love his daughter enough to say No. She needs a moral example much more than she needs wedding funds.
Iifa A. 3 years ago
Wedding the day to celebrate love of two people gets bad taste because some random person decides who you can and cannot love. I bet most children who were raised by toxic, abusive, lying, hateful, alcoholics, drug addicts or just unwanted would have loved to be raised by two mom's or two dad's who showed unconditional love towards them. 2022, you can and should cut ties with family who has no respect towards you. You can put your boundaries, but have accept that others can disagree and choose.not to engage further.
Panda Who Mumbles, Constantly 3 years ago
You can choose your -in laws, but you can't choose your parents. If you choose to prioritise your -in laws and their closeted minds, then do not be surprised if your father (the one that your -in laws object to) don't pay for your wedding that you are not allowing to attend. You want your FIL to walk you down the aisle, he should gladly PAY for the privilege's of doing so. I hope the OP, his husband and son will have a lovely holiday, with the money instead.
Two_rolling_black_eyes 3 years ago
It's 2022. Why should grown adults ask their parents to pay for a party they want to have? Part of adulting is deciding where to spend your money and taking responsibility for it. It's no more dad's responsibility to pay for your celebration of a life event than your new promotion, his 4th grandkid's baby shower, or your 2nd anniversary party.
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