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Teen Destroys Half-Sister’s Emotional Support Teddy Bear, Can’t Believe It Backfires
Bullying should not be tolerated, no matter where it’s found. It can be a tough realization for parents that one of their children might be an actual bully, going around spreading cruelty. And then, when they face the consequences of their actions, they try to manipulate their way out of them.
One mom asked the AITA online community for a verdict on whether she was wrong to side with her husband’s strict punishment for her daughter. The teenager had found a very cruel way to tease her younger, possibly autistic half-sister, but thought it was unfair that she was being grounded. Scroll down to find out what happened.
RELATED:
It can come as a shock to some parents that one of their children is a bully
Image credits: dimaberlin-1 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
This mom asked the internet to weigh in on how she and her husband handled a cruel case of bullying at home
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: blipblipbulls**t
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
There is no excuse for bullying. It has a huge negative impact on many areas of the victim’s life
Coming to terms with the fact that your child might be a bully can be a very confusing time for parents. Nobody wants to think that their kid could behave cruelly. You start questioning your parenting skills, wonder where you’ve gone wrong, and ask yourself if there was anything you could have done differently to stop this earlier.
According to ‘Stop Bullying,’ some of the main signs that your child may be bullying others include them getting into physical or verbal fights, behaving increasingly aggressively, and having friends who are bullies.
Other red flag behaviors include your child having unexplained extra money or belongings, or getting sent to the principal’s office or detention frequently.
What’s more, bullies tend to be competitive, worry about their reputation or popularity, blame others for their problems, and don’t accept responsibility for their actions.
Bullying leads to profoundly negative results for the victims, who feel humiliated, socially isolated, scared, helpless, judged, and misunderstood. It also leads to declining physical, mental, and emotional health, decreased self-esteem, changes in eating or sleeping habits, declining grades, and sometimes even self-destructive behavior.
Image credits: maryanaserdynska / Freepik (not the actual photo)
In some cases, bullies behave the way that they do due to insecurities, unmet emotional needs, and a lack of control
Meanwhile, licensed trauma therapist Malka Shaw, LCSW, told ‘Parents’ magazine that the expression “hurt people, hurt people” is “very true.”
“Bullying usually comes from unmet emotional needs, not innate meanness. Some common themes include insecurity, low self-worth, peer pressure, or feeling out of control…. Emotional dysregulation and struggles with impulse control or managing frustration can also spill into aggression,” she explained.
Bullies tend to be controlling, dominating, entitled, secretive, make hurtful jokes, blame others, and lack empathy. According to Shaw, lacking empathy doesn’t automatically make someone a bully, but it is something to look out for. Another major red flag is cruelty to animals.
“Peer groups have the most influence in the adolescent phase. If their peers mock others, share inside jokes meant to exclude, or seem to thrive on drama, your child may be going along with it—or learning those behaviors to stay in the group,” Shaw told ‘Parents.’
What do you think, Pandas? Do you think the parents were right to ground the teen for how she mistreated her half-sister? Or would you have handled things differently? How would you react if you learned that your own child went around bullying other kids? If you’ve ever been bullied before, how did you tackle the issue? Share your thoughts below.
The internet had mixed reactions to the story. The author answered their questions and shared more details in the comments
Many readers thought that the mom handled things the right way. Here’s their take
Not everyone was on the same page. A few internet users thought that everyone was in the wrong
Some internet users went as far as to call the mom out
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What do you think ?
Cee Cee 3 days ago (edited)
Lots of comments criticising the lack of a formal diagnosis. OP is in the UK and mental health/special needs provision are stretched almost to breaking point, not forgetting the impact of covid. Unless OP goes down the private route (expensive) the waiting list for neurodivergent assessment and diagnoses is very long. Annie is not being nice to an innocent 9 year old and is a bully. Therapy needed all round.
StumblingThroughLife 3 days ago (edited)
I'm confused (no surprise, lol), but she states her exes new wife had twins older than Annie? Does that mean his wife already had twins before marrying? That makes more sense, or I missed that bit. NTA re: the stepdad grounding a bully - because that is what she is, unfortunately. It does often happen in these situations, (my mum remarried - and I/my 2 siblings acquired 2 much younger step siblings, and sometimes it was difficult due to frequent favouritism - from both parents, tbh - but I was 15 then, and I made the decision to ignore it). A 16-year-old, bullying a 9-year-old, is horrible/childish and she deserves her punishment.
Michelle C 3 days ago
It's not putting one child over the other, it's disciplining one child for picking on the other...it's parenting. A 16 y/o has no place tormenting a 9 y/o and the punishment is appropriate. The people saying YTA obviously don't have kids or dealt with blended family situation. Sometimes the child from the previous relationship will not accept the new parent no matter how hard they try, so the fact that the father doesn't have a good relationship with her stepdad doesn't automatically make him the problem. Also a 16 y/o shouldn't expect to be coddled at the same level as a 9 & 7 y/o, younger children require more attention and 16 y/o should be operating with more independence. That's the point of growing up. It doesn't mean that mom loves her less. Her behavior to a child almost half her age is an issue and they should look into therapy.
Rick Murray 3 days ago
Back in my childhood day, Annie would have been slapped so hard she'd wake up in a different season. Seriously though, this is bordering on self destructive attention seeking. She's now an adult so she should know that bullying her (sensitive) little sister is unacceptable and, more than that, there was a very clear instruction not to mess with dad's work call. And what did she do? Punishment is deserved (and in my opinion a bit soft given her age).
Luke || Kira (he/she) 3 days ago
For me the only slight YTA moment was when the girl performed a full frontal attack on her autistic sister and the first thing the mother had in mind is "FaTHeR's CarReEr"
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 3 days ago
16yo sounds like a cow, but tbh the parents sound c**p, so no surprise there
Melissa Harris 1 day ago
Problems deferred always grow bigger. They gave up on family counseling because Annie wasn't "cooperative." Was she also receiving individual counseling at that point? Family counseling can often just be an excuse to pile on the "problem" family member. She should've received therapy as a child when she had issues with her step parents and accepting that her mother and father weren't going to be Ozzy and Harriet. She should've been receiving counseling for the last few years. Now she's all emotionally twisted up and pear shaped about everything and it's turning her into a bullying brat.
Scott Rackley 2 days ago (edited)
The kind of discipline is beside the point. Who the person is doing the disciplining is. Step parents should not be disciplining a child. Period. I can tell you this from personal experience. Very good way to get your child to hate you.
Mike F 3 days ago
Annie is a bully. In my world she goes to a military school. She has a couple of years before graduation and if that streak isn't eliminated she gonna be a mean-girl who will crash and burn. My take is not gonna be popular because most folks would be on the "counseling bus" but since she excuses her behavior towards the younger as "corrective" it's gonna be throwing good money after bad. Spending a couple of years in a very strict setting will end that way of thinking. Bio dad doesn't have skin in the game, it's not his household being disrupted and as long as he's unaffected by what's going on in OP's household. So now I'll crouch and wait for the arrows to fly, lol.
Kate Johnson 3 days ago
Too bad so sad for Annie. That was nothing but a FAFO. I know it's popular right now to pathologize everything and make excuses for people's bad behavior. But in real life, nobody actually cares about your neurosis and no one is going to coddle your BS so you might as well learn to cope now, as that reality will eventually be revealed to you. She wants to act like a little sociopath then she's going to be treated like a little sociopath. If she causes more problems, maybe it's time for her to go live full time with dad? Since he's piping in with his opinions maybe it's time for him to step up. One of the most important things parent must teach their children is that choices have consequences.
Eliza 2 days ago (edited)
You're the stupid b***h who hasn't had lily diagnosed. Yes, you are a stupid b***h. Catch a clue, d*****s. We had our son seen and diagnosed by the age of three. It's called early intervention. You're a weak a*s b***h, and you disgust me. Yta, and f**k you.
Chilli 20 hours ago
I wasn't diagnosed till I was I think twelve or thirteen because, guess what? A lot of autistic people and especially autistic GIRLS don't shown signs of autism super early in their lives, not to mention the fact that the autism assessment process is long and expensive, especially in the UK. It took me almost two years to get diagnosed after I started my assessment, and it wasn't even in the middle of a worldwide pandemic.
Load More Replies...
JL Webb 3 days ago
She clearly stated in OP and thoughout the comments that they were in the long process of acquiring a diagnosis when COVID shutdown started. And being punished for breaking family rules and bullying her sister is a healthy consequence. She also repeatedly stated that she has weekly 1:1 time with the oldest so there's no neglect happening. Hardly an example of bad parenting. It sounds like a challenging situation that came to a head. Definitely not TA. As a parent, you give your child a chance to grow out of behaviors, etc before running to a counselor/therapist. That comes after knowing your efforts aren't enough. Give the woman some grace.
Load More Replies... Cee Cee 3 days ago (edited)
Lots of comments criticising the lack of a formal diagnosis. OP is in the UK and mental health/special needs provision are stretched almost to breaking point, not forgetting the impact of covid. Unless OP goes down the private route (expensive) the waiting list for neurodivergent assessment and diagnoses is very long. Annie is not being nice to an innocent 9 year old and is a bully. Therapy needed all round.
StumblingThroughLife 3 days ago (edited)
I'm confused (no surprise, lol), but she states her exes new wife had twins older than Annie? Does that mean his wife already had twins before marrying? That makes more sense, or I missed that bit. NTA re: the stepdad grounding a bully - because that is what she is, unfortunately. It does often happen in these situations, (my mum remarried - and I/my 2 siblings acquired 2 much younger step siblings, and sometimes it was difficult due to frequent favouritism - from both parents, tbh - but I was 15 then, and I made the decision to ignore it). A 16-year-old, bullying a 9-year-old, is horrible/childish and she deserves her punishment.
Michelle C 3 days ago
It's not putting one child over the other, it's disciplining one child for picking on the other...it's parenting. A 16 y/o has no place tormenting a 9 y/o and the punishment is appropriate. The people saying YTA obviously don't have kids or dealt with blended family situation. Sometimes the child from the previous relationship will not accept the new parent no matter how hard they try, so the fact that the father doesn't have a good relationship with her stepdad doesn't automatically make him the problem. Also a 16 y/o shouldn't expect to be coddled at the same level as a 9 & 7 y/o, younger children require more attention and 16 y/o should be operating with more independence. That's the point of growing up. It doesn't mean that mom loves her less. Her behavior to a child almost half her age is an issue and they should look into therapy.
Rick Murray 3 days ago
Back in my childhood day, Annie would have been slapped so hard she'd wake up in a different season. Seriously though, this is bordering on self destructive attention seeking. She's now an adult so she should know that bullying her (sensitive) little sister is unacceptable and, more than that, there was a very clear instruction not to mess with dad's work call. And what did she do? Punishment is deserved (and in my opinion a bit soft given her age).
Luke || Kira (he/she) 3 days ago
For me the only slight YTA moment was when the girl performed a full frontal attack on her autistic sister and the first thing the mother had in mind is "FaTHeR's CarReEr"
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 3 days ago
16yo sounds like a cow, but tbh the parents sound c**p, so no surprise there
Melissa Harris 1 day ago
Problems deferred always grow bigger. They gave up on family counseling because Annie wasn't "cooperative." Was she also receiving individual counseling at that point? Family counseling can often just be an excuse to pile on the "problem" family member. She should've received therapy as a child when she had issues with her step parents and accepting that her mother and father weren't going to be Ozzy and Harriet. She should've been receiving counseling for the last few years. Now she's all emotionally twisted up and pear shaped about everything and it's turning her into a bullying brat.
Scott Rackley 2 days ago (edited)
The kind of discipline is beside the point. Who the person is doing the disciplining is. Step parents should not be disciplining a child. Period. I can tell you this from personal experience. Very good way to get your child to hate you.
Mike F 3 days ago
Annie is a bully. In my world she goes to a military school. She has a couple of years before graduation and if that streak isn't eliminated she gonna be a mean-girl who will crash and burn. My take is not gonna be popular because most folks would be on the "counseling bus" but since she excuses her behavior towards the younger as "corrective" it's gonna be throwing good money after bad. Spending a couple of years in a very strict setting will end that way of thinking. Bio dad doesn't have skin in the game, it's not his household being disrupted and as long as he's unaffected by what's going on in OP's household. So now I'll crouch and wait for the arrows to fly, lol.
Kate Johnson 3 days ago
Too bad so sad for Annie. That was nothing but a FAFO. I know it's popular right now to pathologize everything and make excuses for people's bad behavior. But in real life, nobody actually cares about your neurosis and no one is going to coddle your BS so you might as well learn to cope now, as that reality will eventually be revealed to you. She wants to act like a little sociopath then she's going to be treated like a little sociopath. If she causes more problems, maybe it's time for her to go live full time with dad? Since he's piping in with his opinions maybe it's time for him to step up. One of the most important things parent must teach their children is that choices have consequences.
Eliza 2 days ago (edited)
You're the stupid b***h who hasn't had lily diagnosed. Yes, you are a stupid b***h. Catch a clue, d*****s. We had our son seen and diagnosed by the age of three. It's called early intervention. You're a weak a*s b***h, and you disgust me. Yta, and f**k you.
Chilli 20 hours ago
I wasn't diagnosed till I was I think twelve or thirteen because, guess what? A lot of autistic people and especially autistic GIRLS don't shown signs of autism super early in their lives, not to mention the fact that the autism assessment process is long and expensive, especially in the UK. It took me almost two years to get diagnosed after I started my assessment, and it wasn't even in the middle of a worldwide pandemic.
Load More Replies... JL Webb 3 days ago
She clearly stated in OP and thoughout the comments that they were in the long process of acquiring a diagnosis when COVID shutdown started. And being punished for breaking family rules and bullying her sister is a healthy consequence. She also repeatedly stated that she has weekly 1:1 time with the oldest so there's no neglect happening. Hardly an example of bad parenting. It sounds like a challenging situation that came to a head. Definitely not TA. As a parent, you give your child a chance to grow out of behaviors, etc before running to a counselor/therapist. That comes after knowing your efforts aren't enough. Give the woman some grace.
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