Dad Explains To His 16YO That Her Grandparents Abused Her Mom, She Invites Them Over To Her Birthday
Parents are supposed to be the people who love their kids unconditionally. Sadly, it’s not the case for all children in the world. Some parents tend to be abusive. And it can even go to the extent of the children developing immense trauma that ruins their life for many years to come.
One of these people is today’s story’s OP’s wife. She has PTSD from her childhood abuse and has no contact with the abusers — her parents. Well, that was the case until her own daughter decided to invite them over.
More info: Reddit
Unfortunately, some parents are so abusive to their children that it causes them to have immense trauma
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
A teen asked to contact her grandparents, who abused her mom so much that she still suffers from PTSD to this day
After getting a negative answer and an explanation for it, she still invited her grandparents to mom’s birthday, claiming that her mom exaggerated her stories
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
The grandfather injured the teen’s mother during her birthday, proving to the girl that the stories weren’t exaggerated
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Ok-Bee8175
The night ended with pressed charges against the grandparents, and the teen was called selfish and undisciplined for not considering her mom’s feelings
The post’s author’s wife’s parents are terrible. They abused her up until she moved out at the age of 18. To this day, she still suffers from PTSD from it. Fortunately, the woman decided to break the cycle of abuse and treat her daughter way better than her parents ever treated her.
One day, the couple’s 16-year-old daughter asked to visit her grandparents from her mom’s side. Both parents immediately said no, as these people didn’t deserve any part in their lives. They told their daughter the whole story behind the mom’s childhood, and it seemed that she understood the situation’s severity. So, the parents thought the situation was solved.
But they were wrong. It was the wife’s birthday, and the OP, their daughter, and the wife’s sister and her children were at their place celebrating her. Then, suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Turns out, it was the wife’s parents. Apparently, their granddaughter invited them.
The OP tried to kick them out, saying that they were unwanted, but his daughter stood up for them. Her justification was that she assumed her mom was exaggerating what happened in her childhood, as the grandparents had said. The wife shouted at them to leave, and so the husband tried to push out the unwanted guests.
Sadly, since the wife’s father was quite a hefty guy, he pushed the OP aside and also pushed his daughter (the OP’s wife). This resulted in her head hitting the wall to the extent that she needed stitches. After that, he was forced out of the home with a promise of getting charges pressed and a restraining order.
Naturally, after such a dramatic turn of events, the daughter, who invited the grandparents despite knowing the history, deserved some kind of discipline. The OP screamed at her, telling her how selfish she was. She repeated that she thought her mom exaggerated and that reconnecting was supposed to be a good thing. She didn’t anticipate how evil they were.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Of course, the girl said sorry, but that wasn’t enough for the parents. After all, her decision ended up with her mom getting injured. The daughter lost her parents’ trust. That means she can’t have a phone or visit friends until she earns the trust back.
Yet, the father feels they went too easy on their daughter and that some more serious discipline would have been better. That’s what prompted him to come on Reddit to ask for advice.
And a lot of people gave him advice. Many of them assured him that he must stay on the course of the punishment he set. Quite a few weren’t in the advising mood and simply wished the OP’s wife the mental strength to overcome this situation. The rest told him that both parents should consider how to make this lesson for their daughter long-lasting so she won’t do this ever again.
Sarah Vanbuskirk provides some tips on how to prevent future behavior troubles from teens. One of the main ways to do this is to clearly communicate expectations. Well, from what we’re told in the Reddit story, we can understand that this was executed quite well. The daughter seeing how awful her grandparents are, along with the things her mom told her, paints a clear picture. So does her parents telling her she needs to earn their trust back.
Another tip provided by Sarah is to listen to the teen. We can imply that this was done by the story’s parents as well since they heard her explanation and apologized, and, in this situation, it’s enough, at least from what we are aware of.
So, maybe the parents dealt with the situation quite properly as far as we know. Yes, the teen messed up really badly and inflicted some emotional and physical injuries on her mom, but hopefully, everyone will be able to deal with it and move on.
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As a daughter of a monster, with complex PTSD from my childhood .. people who have good and normal parents have NO idea how monstrous and toxic some people can be!!
Sadly that's true. The worst is, they really think they know what bad means. They have their ideas and imaginations about 'bad' but within their own framework. They cannot comprehend that people would really do such things. They know teasing, and when they hear bullying, they think it's a bit more teasing. They know a parent losing their cool now and then, and they hear choleric screaming and think off losing the cool a bit more often. They hear beating, and they think of a person slapping their child once in a rage. They also believe just talking about it could smooth things out. They're very mistaken.
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The girl is 16? Sounds like a dumb misguided teen who was living in a fantasy world about things working out. She needs to really earn back her mothers trust, but also she learned a valuable lesson about people. I feel bad for the mother who is suffering because her daughter did not listen. Hopefully they can move forward from this
I see it as a part of teenage rebellion and pushing the boundaries, along with a healthy dose of childhood naivety. "It's not that bad, nobody could be that evil, that only happens to other people or in movies." etc. Unfortunately she hurt others by finding out the hard way. Her maternal grandparents were a mystery that she had to investigate, and she was gaslighted into believing their downplaying of the abuse, backing her own "That only happens to other people/in movies" pre-judgment. I don't think the punishment was too harsh, I don't know if I would've been able to remain that calm. When I found out one of my closest and best friends helped my abuser by keeping me distracted so he could sneak in and STEAL MY CATS, I lost it. Cut her out of my life entirely after a huge fight. (But then, she wasn't my own offspring.)
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16 is old enough to understand that no contact means no contact, especially for those reasons, and then she pursued with multiple messages. The very person, her mother, who she should have respected then got physically assaulted right in front of her. That's going to take ages to fix between the 2 of them. Mum is re-traumatised. Kid is full of guilt and regret. I hope they can get through this all right.
You're forgetting societal pressure. Being told "you can't date or see that boy down the street" IS NOT THE SAME THING. Society repeatedly lies that "family is everything!" and forces people to conform, that people who don't conform are "wrong". Most families DO have grandparent-grandchild contact, so she thought it was normal. And narcissists are sociopaths who know how to lure in and trick victims, they KNOW how to play nice until their victims are in a situation where the narcs are in full control.
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The end. I have complex PTSD. Anyone who tells me "I'm not as fücked up as I think I am" ...immediately cut off. They are not safe humans.
Not their position to judge or measure anyway, most times at least.
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as someone who is also a teenager, like the daughter i must say she is probably the dumbest f*****g person ever. 16 is old enough to know that bad people are bad and they will pretend to seem good. reading through this made me question if the daughter even cared for her mom.
My 16 year old relative leaves p**s puddles on the bathroom floor from missing the toilet, and can't sleep without building a fort because he is scared of the dark. Come to Texas, we can find you plenty of dumber teens.
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People, including my mother, try to get me to talk to my father all the time, because they have no idea what I suffered through. If someone did this do me I would disown them.
I grew up with abusive parents, but I also did a lot of stupid stuff without thinking as a teenager. If my mom sat me down and said she no longer trusted me, took all my means of communication and grounded me, I'd probably be just as f****d up eventually. In my opinion, noone in the story handled this very well.
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At 16 and sheltered, she had a volatile mixture of arrogance and ignorance. I had decent parents and had few if any dramas. But my friends were not so lucky. My own cousins were not that lucky. Too many people I know nowadays that were not that lucky and do not have children because of it. I do know how bad the monsters are, even if I don't have the experience.
NTA, but back off. Cool your jets, explain calmly, and APOLOGIZE for your anger. Get counseling WITH THE TEEN involved to understand how abusers and narcissists lure in people to be their flying monkeys. The teen is as much a victim of the abusers, and she needs to understand this.
I completely agree. She messed up royally. However the punishment feels like overkill. Especially since she's now a pariah in her own home
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This is so terribly sad and infuriating at the same time. I would so like to blame the daughter and in a sense I do, but the sad thing is, the daughter, as most of us I'm sure, cannot imagine that there are people who are downright evil. And I mean evil in an almost biblical sense. This girl has opened up Pandora's box, because her father will have to explain to her that her grandparents are evil people and he will have to tell her how evil people operate in order not to appear evil so that they can manipulate others the way they manipulated daughter. This means the daughter, at age 16, will find the world she lives in is also peopled by predators. I think every parent will want to delay that moment as long as possible, but she opened Pandora's Box.
Cripes. The kid engineered a really s****y surprise of springing those monsters on her unsuspecting mother and aunt with absolutely no notice. The damage done to those two women will take so long to come back from. She did the worst thing she could ever have done to her mother and aunt by allowing those two monsters to breach the safety of her home. Having been raised by two similar people myself, I can tell you with authority that, even if the kid had never brought the grandparents to the house, but talked to and visited them on her own, it would not have been long before their abusive attentions would have shifted to her, and she would have gotten firsthand experience with what her mother’s and aunt’s lives were like before they got old enough to leave home and never look back (which is what I did right after turning 18). I’d don’t know if the kid was extremely naive, or she inherited the monster gene from her grandparents. What I DO know, however, is that if I was the father, I would be keeping a VERY close eye on my children to see if any of them ever appear to be turning into their grandparents. I would ask the counselors to educate me on what to look for, what kinds of behaviors are telltale signs of the apple skipping a generation and falling too close to the grandparents’ tree. I know that sounds like the plot of The Bad Seed, but hell, you can’t be too careful when there are monsters in the family. My brothers and I have been on the lookout for signs any of our kids were turning into our parents. We’ll do the same with the grandkids too.
Imagine punishing your children and grandchildren with constant suspicion over something their grandparents did. If you’re that concerned just don’t reproduce, you’re not doing anyone a favor with this way of raising kids.
Load More Replies... I couldn't care less about reacting to the 16-year-old daughter's actions. I am too busy being heartbroken for the OP's wife who put so much effort into ensuring both she and her family were safe. This happened *in the very home* she built with her loving husband as refuge and safety from the violence of her past, and now every day she will have to look at the wall she was shoved into, see the place where she bled heavily enough to require stitches. This isn't a situation to weigh in on a teenager's actions. It's one to mourn the immense harm done in allowing those people into her life and into the woman's only home and place of safety she had built against that violence. What an unbelievable setback. Beyond tragic.
Y'all left a HUGE third option out. Teenage brain, that lack of consideration for anything other than short term consequences. I doubt the girl meant harm. She probably watched too many hallmark movies and thought it would be some huge hugfest. she screwed the pooch though. Mom is going to take a while to come back from that. poor woman.
Obviously the daughter made a really bad choice, but please remember that the kid is only 16. She probably genuinely thought it would be a good idea. It's natural for children to want to get to meet their grandparents. And there are so many movies around about people who are estranged but accidentally walk into each other or someone else inviting both of them over, and then they realize they need to make up and deal with the past so that they can heal their pain and become happy and whole again. So if she's seen some movies that portray it like that, and she hasn't heard any of the many stories of the disaster that happens after trying to reconnect, it's not that strange for a naive teenager to think this will end out wonderfully and that she's giving her mom a great present. The parents both need to put a lot of effort into undoing the potential damage that this situation will have caused the kid too.
I really hate that this story ended up in my feed. I have complex PTSD from my abusive father who repeatedly humiliated and tormented me. Honestly, I don’t know how the dad and mom in the story kept their cool especially after the mom was left with stitches on her birthday. The mom wasn’t the only one traumatized. The aunt was retraumatised too by that whole situation. If that were to happen to me, the daughter would’ve heard all accounts of my abuse in graphic detail and will be asked each time, how would she feel if she were in my shoes. She would also be punished for volunteering at a shelter for abused women since she didn't believe me or her dad when she was told about the abuse.
I hope you know that if you read this story you’ll just get more similar stories on your feed. You could click the ‘not for me’ button or whatever it’s called on English Pinterest.
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This is why I despise reconciliation stories in TV shows and movies. It's always written by people who have no understanding of why people would go NC with their family and the toxicity of it all. And gives "well-meaning" people a belief they can fix other people's relationships. Or worse put pressure on the victim/survivor that they are in the wrong.
Exactly my thoughts when I see or hear those kinds of things on media. No one understands the pain of having to deal with an abuser unless they are in the same position. Only then would they understand.
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Teenagers can be INCREDIBLY self centered. This is a good example of one just not listening. Hopefully she'll have learnt by now.
There's something else going on here. The daughter just assumes mom is exaggerating about the abuse? Why? She had to send multiple messages to get the grandparents to respond. Why try so hard? Sorry but it seems like the daughter was deliberately trying to upset the mother.
Because it’s natural to want to know your family (ever see any of the series where people set out to find their lost relatives?). She assumed the parents were exaggerating because she has never dealt with a situation like abuse and can’t grasp what it’s truly like and that people can be that evil. This is all actually a sign that the kid is (or was) mentally healthy.
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I am 16 years old and personally, i have never met someone so naive. even as a ten year old, i didn't know anybody my age who was that naive. i do think naivety had a part in that decision, but it was not the driving force.
No, the driving force was a desire to reconnect with her grandparents because she saw what a normal family looked like. With all the movies about estranged families coming together when they accidentally see each other it’s not surprising at all that she thought this was a good idea.
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I remember for the longest time there were television and movie tropes that really pushed a "family is family and you should resolve things even if they were abusive as hell to you" theme and the young main character finds a way to bring everyone together and oh how happy they are and everyone clapped at the end! Unfortunately, this is not how real life works and abusers don't deserve a second chance if the abused is done with them. This girl has no idea what abuse is and acted out of horrible naivety but I feel like most teenagers are very deluded about how life is until something like this happens. I get the OP being upset but I don't believe this girl did all of this with any malicious intent. She definitely will need to find ways to heal the trust between her and her mother.
This isn't really driven purely by naivety, though it was most certainly a factor. The daughter basically said her parents lied about serious stuff like this, then decided she knew better and re-traumatised her own mother. Both she and her grandparents suck in this situation. I just hope she's learnt something from this situation.
Load More Replies... Girlfriend has watched too many hallmark movies. Time to cut back.
... and this is an example of why teenagers are teenagers - and that 'developing' is a real thing.. and that, no, at 16, a person's brain has NOT fully developed yet. This teenager honest-to-god thought/thinks "well, of course what **I** believe is going to be correct and if **I** want it to be this way, it will be" - so she questions the veracity of her own parents (who, from what it seems like, don't have a 'habit' of lying to her or hyperbole)... but FULLY believes these grandparents she barely knows... because .. y'know... 'acting' is not a thing... and... someone she doesn't know 'faking it' couldn't possibly be a thing. Why? Because she doesn't want it that way, so it MUST be that these near-strangers are telling the truth!
That’s not how this works at all. She saw what a normal family looks like with her friends, probably watched a lot of movies about happy family reunions, got inspired and (because she has never dealt with anything similar to abuse) thought that would happen if she invited her grandparents. This entire situation was just based on naivety and a natural desire to know your family.
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16 year old had visions of herself reuniting family. Now she has to live with the firsthand experience with true evil, seriously damaging her relationship with Aunt, Mother, Father and siblings. No one will ever forget, they might say I forgive you but that nagging doubt will remain
I am not so forgiving of the 16 year old who went against her parents wishes and contacted her grandparents. Sorry, but I don't care HOW sheltered you are, if you are told to not contact people because they abused others in the family and then pointedly, SNEAKILY invite the abusers to a family get together is not only defiant, it is MALICIOUS. She didn't need specific details to be aware - she was told of how her mother and aunt feel - she put her wants above their needs.
It’s a natural and very strong desire to know your family and be ‘normal’. She thought she would be the one to organize the happy family get together that’s so popular in movies, she couldn’t grasp that people can really be that evil and how bad abuse is. This is all typical teenage naivety that ended up having really bad consequences in this case.
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I knew what my grandma did to my Mom before I was 13. And my Mom amazingly didn't cut contact with her, but I knew. I also knew what her 1st husband did to her and my sisters. I also know that despite being 6'4" and 250 lbs, a cast iron skillet is a wonderful motivator to get someone out of a house. Especially when wielded by an extremely pi**ed off woman screaming "Come back here you MF!"
Some people just don't get that there are really bad parents out there. My ex bf tried the well she is your mother bs. I'm like dude if you had the mother I did you wouldn't talk to her either.
I’m the adult daughter of a rageaholic, monstrously abusive mother, so I totally get where the OP‘s wife is coming from, PTSD and all. When I was 35 and the mother of three, I decided enough was enough, and I finally got the strength to terminate our relationship. We were estranged for over 26 years and I’m terribly sorry I didn’t do it years sooner. She met my children once at their first birthday party, and as usual, she found a way to make it all about her. I’m just grateful my children have no memory of her whatsoever. I hope that in the future, the 16-year-old in this story starts to trust that what her parents tell her is the truth and not some wild exaggeration; she has a lot to learn about life.
My 5 year old daughter is wiser than this girl. But then she is very protective of me.
I’m kind of wondering why a child that young is protective of you. Kinda sounds like parentification.
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OP is right, his daughter is a spoiled brat. She would lose her phone, her computer and holy moly she would be doing scut work for years!! How dare she do what she did!! She basically called her parents liars and that she knew better.
Part of the "parents are idiots, kids know everything" mindset. I'm sure she enjoyed the drama she created.
Nowhere does it mention the girl enjoyed any of it. He specifically says she felt bad about it.
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Innocent, niave, and arrogant like most other teenagers her age who think they know everything.
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That daughter is a straight up bratty a$$hole! She deserves all the punishment and then some. There are some things that are forgivable when you're a teen - like getting in a car accident or being caught drinking. What this girl did was spiteful and stupid. WTF is wrong with her??
I grew up hearing stories of abuse from my Dad, dished out by his parents. I learned later that I hadn't heard the worst parts. I met my Dad's mother once. She was mean spirited and nasty. I didn't have to speak with her or stay for the entire visit. Someone slipped us kids a $20 and told us to go buy ourselves lunch. I will never forget how I felt standing on the threshold of her home..
Honestly, half and half. The father is the ah for not explaining the severity sooner and so she eventually just got tired of it and went against them, she probably thought it was a lie because of all the vague responses she got. But the teen is also the ah because of how she stood up for her grandparents even after seeing her mother's fear. Although I will admit: her parents are total a$$holes for doing that much punishing to that poor girl, she didn't understand. And the father is just making her social life completely gone and now destroying her life. So mostly hate the father.
You sound tragically naive and full of yourself. You, like the 16, don't know what you don't know. You also have very poor reading comprehension. I hope you get over yourself sooner rather than later.
Load More Replies... As a daughter of a monster, with complex PTSD from my childhood .. people who have good and normal parents have NO idea how monstrous and toxic some people can be!!
Sadly that's true. The worst is, they really think they know what bad means. They have their ideas and imaginations about 'bad' but within their own framework. They cannot comprehend that people would really do such things. They know teasing, and when they hear bullying, they think it's a bit more teasing. They know a parent losing their cool now and then, and they hear choleric screaming and think off losing the cool a bit more often. They hear beating, and they think of a person slapping their child once in a rage. They also believe just talking about it could smooth things out. They're very mistaken.
Load More Replies... The girl is 16? Sounds like a dumb misguided teen who was living in a fantasy world about things working out. She needs to really earn back her mothers trust, but also she learned a valuable lesson about people. I feel bad for the mother who is suffering because her daughter did not listen. Hopefully they can move forward from this
I see it as a part of teenage rebellion and pushing the boundaries, along with a healthy dose of childhood naivety. "It's not that bad, nobody could be that evil, that only happens to other people or in movies." etc. Unfortunately she hurt others by finding out the hard way. Her maternal grandparents were a mystery that she had to investigate, and she was gaslighted into believing their downplaying of the abuse, backing her own "That only happens to other people/in movies" pre-judgment. I don't think the punishment was too harsh, I don't know if I would've been able to remain that calm. When I found out one of my closest and best friends helped my abuser by keeping me distracted so he could sneak in and STEAL MY CATS, I lost it. Cut her out of my life entirely after a huge fight. (But then, she wasn't my own offspring.)
Load More Replies... 16 is old enough to understand that no contact means no contact, especially for those reasons, and then she pursued with multiple messages. The very person, her mother, who she should have respected then got physically assaulted right in front of her. That's going to take ages to fix between the 2 of them. Mum is re-traumatised. Kid is full of guilt and regret. I hope they can get through this all right.
You're forgetting societal pressure. Being told "you can't date or see that boy down the street" IS NOT THE SAME THING. Society repeatedly lies that "family is everything!" and forces people to conform, that people who don't conform are "wrong". Most families DO have grandparent-grandchild contact, so she thought it was normal. And narcissists are sociopaths who know how to lure in and trick victims, they KNOW how to play nice until their victims are in a situation where the narcs are in full control.
Load More Replies... The end. I have complex PTSD. Anyone who tells me "I'm not as fücked up as I think I am" ...immediately cut off. They are not safe humans.
Not their position to judge or measure anyway, most times at least.
Load More Replies... as someone who is also a teenager, like the daughter i must say she is probably the dumbest f*****g person ever. 16 is old enough to know that bad people are bad and they will pretend to seem good. reading through this made me question if the daughter even cared for her mom.
My 16 year old relative leaves p**s puddles on the bathroom floor from missing the toilet, and can't sleep without building a fort because he is scared of the dark. Come to Texas, we can find you plenty of dumber teens.
Load More Replies... People, including my mother, try to get me to talk to my father all the time, because they have no idea what I suffered through. If someone did this do me I would disown them.
I grew up with abusive parents, but I also did a lot of stupid stuff without thinking as a teenager. If my mom sat me down and said she no longer trusted me, took all my means of communication and grounded me, I'd probably be just as f****d up eventually. In my opinion, noone in the story handled this very well.
Load More Replies... At 16 and sheltered, she had a volatile mixture of arrogance and ignorance. I had decent parents and had few if any dramas. But my friends were not so lucky. My own cousins were not that lucky. Too many people I know nowadays that were not that lucky and do not have children because of it. I do know how bad the monsters are, even if I don't have the experience.
NTA, but back off. Cool your jets, explain calmly, and APOLOGIZE for your anger. Get counseling WITH THE TEEN involved to understand how abusers and narcissists lure in people to be their flying monkeys. The teen is as much a victim of the abusers, and she needs to understand this.
I completely agree. She messed up royally. However the punishment feels like overkill. Especially since she's now a pariah in her own home
Load More Replies... This is so terribly sad and infuriating at the same time. I would so like to blame the daughter and in a sense I do, but the sad thing is, the daughter, as most of us I'm sure, cannot imagine that there are people who are downright evil. And I mean evil in an almost biblical sense. This girl has opened up Pandora's box, because her father will have to explain to her that her grandparents are evil people and he will have to tell her how evil people operate in order not to appear evil so that they can manipulate others the way they manipulated daughter. This means the daughter, at age 16, will find the world she lives in is also peopled by predators. I think every parent will want to delay that moment as long as possible, but she opened Pandora's Box.
Cripes. The kid engineered a really s****y surprise of springing those monsters on her unsuspecting mother and aunt with absolutely no notice. The damage done to those two women will take so long to come back from. She did the worst thing she could ever have done to her mother and aunt by allowing those two monsters to breach the safety of her home. Having been raised by two similar people myself, I can tell you with authority that, even if the kid had never brought the grandparents to the house, but talked to and visited them on her own, it would not have been long before their abusive attentions would have shifted to her, and she would have gotten firsthand experience with what her mother’s and aunt’s lives were like before they got old enough to leave home and never look back (which is what I did right after turning 18). I’d don’t know if the kid was extremely naive, or she inherited the monster gene from her grandparents. What I DO know, however, is that if I was the father, I would be keeping a VERY close eye on my children to see if any of them ever appear to be turning into their grandparents. I would ask the counselors to educate me on what to look for, what kinds of behaviors are telltale signs of the apple skipping a generation and falling too close to the grandparents’ tree. I know that sounds like the plot of The Bad Seed, but hell, you can’t be too careful when there are monsters in the family. My brothers and I have been on the lookout for signs any of our kids were turning into our parents. We’ll do the same with the grandkids too.
Imagine punishing your children and grandchildren with constant suspicion over something their grandparents did. If you’re that concerned just don’t reproduce, you’re not doing anyone a favor with this way of raising kids.
Load More Replies... I couldn't care less about reacting to the 16-year-old daughter's actions. I am too busy being heartbroken for the OP's wife who put so much effort into ensuring both she and her family were safe. This happened *in the very home* she built with her loving husband as refuge and safety from the violence of her past, and now every day she will have to look at the wall she was shoved into, see the place where she bled heavily enough to require stitches. This isn't a situation to weigh in on a teenager's actions. It's one to mourn the immense harm done in allowing those people into her life and into the woman's only home and place of safety she had built against that violence. What an unbelievable setback. Beyond tragic.
Y'all left a HUGE third option out. Teenage brain, that lack of consideration for anything other than short term consequences. I doubt the girl meant harm. She probably watched too many hallmark movies and thought it would be some huge hugfest. she screwed the pooch though. Mom is going to take a while to come back from that. poor woman.
Obviously the daughter made a really bad choice, but please remember that the kid is only 16. She probably genuinely thought it would be a good idea. It's natural for children to want to get to meet their grandparents. And there are so many movies around about people who are estranged but accidentally walk into each other or someone else inviting both of them over, and then they realize they need to make up and deal with the past so that they can heal their pain and become happy and whole again. So if she's seen some movies that portray it like that, and she hasn't heard any of the many stories of the disaster that happens after trying to reconnect, it's not that strange for a naive teenager to think this will end out wonderfully and that she's giving her mom a great present. The parents both need to put a lot of effort into undoing the potential damage that this situation will have caused the kid too.
I really hate that this story ended up in my feed. I have complex PTSD from my abusive father who repeatedly humiliated and tormented me. Honestly, I don’t know how the dad and mom in the story kept their cool especially after the mom was left with stitches on her birthday. The mom wasn’t the only one traumatized. The aunt was retraumatised too by that whole situation. If that were to happen to me, the daughter would’ve heard all accounts of my abuse in graphic detail and will be asked each time, how would she feel if she were in my shoes. She would also be punished for volunteering at a shelter for abused women since she didn't believe me or her dad when she was told about the abuse.
I hope you know that if you read this story you’ll just get more similar stories on your feed. You could click the ‘not for me’ button or whatever it’s called on English Pinterest.
Load More Replies... This is why I despise reconciliation stories in TV shows and movies. It's always written by people who have no understanding of why people would go NC with their family and the toxicity of it all. And gives "well-meaning" people a belief they can fix other people's relationships. Or worse put pressure on the victim/survivor that they are in the wrong.
Exactly my thoughts when I see or hear those kinds of things on media. No one understands the pain of having to deal with an abuser unless they are in the same position. Only then would they understand.
Load More Replies... Teenagers can be INCREDIBLY self centered. This is a good example of one just not listening. Hopefully she'll have learnt by now.
There's something else going on here. The daughter just assumes mom is exaggerating about the abuse? Why? She had to send multiple messages to get the grandparents to respond. Why try so hard? Sorry but it seems like the daughter was deliberately trying to upset the mother.
Because it’s natural to want to know your family (ever see any of the series where people set out to find their lost relatives?). She assumed the parents were exaggerating because she has never dealt with a situation like abuse and can’t grasp what it’s truly like and that people can be that evil. This is all actually a sign that the kid is (or was) mentally healthy.
Load More Replies... I am 16 years old and personally, i have never met someone so naive. even as a ten year old, i didn't know anybody my age who was that naive. i do think naivety had a part in that decision, but it was not the driving force.
No, the driving force was a desire to reconnect with her grandparents because she saw what a normal family looked like. With all the movies about estranged families coming together when they accidentally see each other it’s not surprising at all that she thought this was a good idea.
Load More Replies... I remember for the longest time there were television and movie tropes that really pushed a "family is family and you should resolve things even if they were abusive as hell to you" theme and the young main character finds a way to bring everyone together and oh how happy they are and everyone clapped at the end! Unfortunately, this is not how real life works and abusers don't deserve a second chance if the abused is done with them. This girl has no idea what abuse is and acted out of horrible naivety but I feel like most teenagers are very deluded about how life is until something like this happens. I get the OP being upset but I don't believe this girl did all of this with any malicious intent. She definitely will need to find ways to heal the trust between her and her mother.
This isn't really driven purely by naivety, though it was most certainly a factor. The daughter basically said her parents lied about serious stuff like this, then decided she knew better and re-traumatised her own mother. Both she and her grandparents suck in this situation. I just hope she's learnt something from this situation.
Load More Replies... Girlfriend has watched too many hallmark movies. Time to cut back.
... and this is an example of why teenagers are teenagers - and that 'developing' is a real thing.. and that, no, at 16, a person's brain has NOT fully developed yet. This teenager honest-to-god thought/thinks "well, of course what **I** believe is going to be correct and if **I** want it to be this way, it will be" - so she questions the veracity of her own parents (who, from what it seems like, don't have a 'habit' of lying to her or hyperbole)... but FULLY believes these grandparents she barely knows... because .. y'know... 'acting' is not a thing... and... someone she doesn't know 'faking it' couldn't possibly be a thing. Why? Because she doesn't want it that way, so it MUST be that these near-strangers are telling the truth!
That’s not how this works at all. She saw what a normal family looks like with her friends, probably watched a lot of movies about happy family reunions, got inspired and (because she has never dealt with anything similar to abuse) thought that would happen if she invited her grandparents. This entire situation was just based on naivety and a natural desire to know your family.
Load More Replies... 16 year old had visions of herself reuniting family. Now she has to live with the firsthand experience with true evil, seriously damaging her relationship with Aunt, Mother, Father and siblings. No one will ever forget, they might say I forgive you but that nagging doubt will remain
I am not so forgiving of the 16 year old who went against her parents wishes and contacted her grandparents. Sorry, but I don't care HOW sheltered you are, if you are told to not contact people because they abused others in the family and then pointedly, SNEAKILY invite the abusers to a family get together is not only defiant, it is MALICIOUS. She didn't need specific details to be aware - she was told of how her mother and aunt feel - she put her wants above their needs.
It’s a natural and very strong desire to know your family and be ‘normal’. She thought she would be the one to organize the happy family get together that’s so popular in movies, she couldn’t grasp that people can really be that evil and how bad abuse is. This is all typical teenage naivety that ended up having really bad consequences in this case.
Load More Replies... I knew what my grandma did to my Mom before I was 13. And my Mom amazingly didn't cut contact with her, but I knew. I also knew what her 1st husband did to her and my sisters. I also know that despite being 6'4" and 250 lbs, a cast iron skillet is a wonderful motivator to get someone out of a house. Especially when wielded by an extremely pi**ed off woman screaming "Come back here you MF!"
Some people just don't get that there are really bad parents out there. My ex bf tried the well she is your mother bs. I'm like dude if you had the mother I did you wouldn't talk to her either.
I’m the adult daughter of a rageaholic, monstrously abusive mother, so I totally get where the OP‘s wife is coming from, PTSD and all. When I was 35 and the mother of three, I decided enough was enough, and I finally got the strength to terminate our relationship. We were estranged for over 26 years and I’m terribly sorry I didn’t do it years sooner. She met my children once at their first birthday party, and as usual, she found a way to make it all about her. I’m just grateful my children have no memory of her whatsoever. I hope that in the future, the 16-year-old in this story starts to trust that what her parents tell her is the truth and not some wild exaggeration; she has a lot to learn about life.
My 5 year old daughter is wiser than this girl. But then she is very protective of me.
I’m kind of wondering why a child that young is protective of you. Kinda sounds like parentification.
Load More Replies... OP is right, his daughter is a spoiled brat. She would lose her phone, her computer and holy moly she would be doing scut work for years!! How dare she do what she did!! She basically called her parents liars and that she knew better.
Part of the "parents are idiots, kids know everything" mindset. I'm sure she enjoyed the drama she created.
Nowhere does it mention the girl enjoyed any of it. He specifically says she felt bad about it.
Load More Replies... Innocent, niave, and arrogant like most other teenagers her age who think they know everything.
Load More Replies... That daughter is a straight up bratty a$$hole! She deserves all the punishment and then some. There are some things that are forgivable when you're a teen - like getting in a car accident or being caught drinking. What this girl did was spiteful and stupid. WTF is wrong with her??
I grew up hearing stories of abuse from my Dad, dished out by his parents. I learned later that I hadn't heard the worst parts. I met my Dad's mother once. She was mean spirited and nasty. I didn't have to speak with her or stay for the entire visit. Someone slipped us kids a $20 and told us to go buy ourselves lunch. I will never forget how I felt standing on the threshold of her home..
Honestly, half and half. The father is the ah for not explaining the severity sooner and so she eventually just got tired of it and went against them, she probably thought it was a lie because of all the vague responses she got. But the teen is also the ah because of how she stood up for her grandparents even after seeing her mother's fear. Although I will admit: her parents are total a$$holes for doing that much punishing to that poor girl, she didn't understand. And the father is just making her social life completely gone and now destroying her life. So mostly hate the father.
You sound tragically naive and full of yourself. You, like the 16, don't know what you don't know. You also have very poor reading comprehension. I hope you get over yourself sooner rather than later.
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