Dad Is Crushed After Daughter Calls Him Out For Abandoning Her In Favor Of His New Marriage
Making stepfamilies work is not an easy task. While parents might be excited to approach remarriage and the new family, the children often face challenges. Failing to address these difficulties can lead to long-term issues like feelings of resentment and disappointment towards the parents.
Redditor Square-Cloud4942 has even withdrawn from her father over the years because she felt like he prioritized his new family and happiness over her. The stepsiblings and stepmom weren’t exactly accommodating either, leaving her to adjust to the changes on her own. Only after 12 years did her father notice this and offer to go to a therapist, but the truth that came out was too much for the family to handle.
Children in stepfamilies have a hard time adjusting to new changes
Image credits: Ron Lach / pexels (not the actual photo)
This daughter didn’t receive any support from her biological father in such a situation and started to blame him for letting her down
Image credits: olia danilevich / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Square-Cloud4942
40% of households in the US are blended, and 75% of them aren’t prepared
Surprisingly, stepfamilies make up a large portion of households in the US, as 40% of them are blended, with 1,300 new ones formed every day. And it takes the average family five to seven years to fully blend.
During this process, a whopping 75% say they don’t have the resources to navigate their new domestic situation. Without the proper knowledge, it can be difficult to successfully combine two families.
Before the couple commits, they should know that stepfamily challenges are unique and more complex than those faced by first-time families. In fact, psychologist William Merkel describes them as “the most complex, unnatural, and difficult set of relationships known to humankind.”
Something that many children and adults struggle with is establishing a good relationship with new family members. Bonding with stepchildren can be difficult, as the kids may feel reluctant to trust them.
Younger ones might be quicker at relying on them and loving them as a parent, but teenagers feel that you have to earn their trust and respect. In addition, an adult entering a household without children of their own can feel even more stressed while bonding and learning a new role.
Siblings can also start butting heads from time to time. They may feel additional stress that comes with trying to blend in with people who have varying personalities. Perhaps there are some unresolved hurtful feelings from the previous marriage or a lost parent too. Jealousy for attention or seeing other stepsiblings being treated affectionately can lead to some outbursts as well.
Image credits: Oleksandr P / pexels (not the actual photo)
Growing up in a stepfamily can greatly affect children
Growing up in such an environment can greatly affect children. The aftermath of divorce may leave them feeling abandoned by their biological parents. When the children gradually start caring for the new family, they might struggle with confusing emotions. They may worry that loving the new family means betraying the biological one, which can cause them to act out.
Research on family structure also found that children in one-parent, blended, and stepfamilies are more likely to suffer from mental disorders than those in nuclear ones. Some of them include separation anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, and conduct disorder. It also revealed that children from stepfamilies left their homes, entered romantic relationships, and identified themselves as adults earlier on.
In order to have a smoother and more successful process of blending two families, experts advise against rushing into it. By taking their time, couples can give everyone a chance to get used to the idea of remarriage and a new family. Too many changes at once can make children feel uneasy. Such households have the highest success rate when they wait for two or more years after a divorce instead of overwhelming their kids with one change after the other.
Another factor contributing to a thriving stepfamily is clear, open, and frequent communication. When members talk things through, there are fewer opportunities for misunderstandings to arise. It’s also advised to not keep emotions bottled up or hold grudges by trying to address conflict right away. Listening respectfully to one another is also important and creates a judgment-free environment. Games, sports, and shared activities can be a great opportunity for communication when done together as a family.
Image credits: Ivan Samkov / pexels (not the actual photo)
Commenters titled the daughter as not wrong
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The Truth hurts. Reading through this, every step pissed me off more and more. This man 100% prioritized his wife and new family over his existing daughter. They're both absolutely terrible parents on every level. Who GAF what the step mom thinks. She's literally the problem. Her terrible parenting lead to OP's severe abuse and neglect. You don't owe either of them anything.
Change the kind of therapy you have. No repairing the relationship with your dad, but focus on you only how to work through all your experiences. There is nothing to salvage, if I'm brutally honest. You will always be the bad guy in this. Use therapy to build yourself up so you can find your way in life with confidence in yourself and knowing your worth.
Agreed 100%. What child would go repeatedly to a parent with a repeated complaint and have that same parent be totally dismissive? Time to ditch the father and the rest of that warped family.
Load More Replies...
Ahhh, the old victim-blaming. Yes I see how he failed you, but how dare you hurt his feelings by telling him that? Let bygones be bygones, don't you see he's sorry? What do you mean, it's still going on? Your father doesn't bully you, does he? What do you expect him to do now? Just accept the past and forgive. What do you mean by amends? Are you so fixated on this that you can let it go? We'll never have peace if you don't stop nagging already. Sheesh, you've always been so negative. No wonder my kids never liked you. I think this is all your fault. You shouldn't be here anyway. The problem is Stepmom. She didn't want OP from the start, that's why she let this happen and most likely told OP's dad it's all just sibling rivalry and so he didn't see the problem as it was. Still he should have looked closer. But now OP would be better off to just focus on themselve. This cannot be repaired.
The Truth hurts. Reading through this, every step pissed me off more and more. This man 100% prioritized his wife and new family over his existing daughter. They're both absolutely terrible parents on every level. Who GAF what the step mom thinks. She's literally the problem. Her terrible parenting lead to OP's severe abuse and neglect. You don't owe either of them anything.
Change the kind of therapy you have. No repairing the relationship with your dad, but focus on you only how to work through all your experiences. There is nothing to salvage, if I'm brutally honest. You will always be the bad guy in this. Use therapy to build yourself up so you can find your way in life with confidence in yourself and knowing your worth.
Agreed 100%. What child would go repeatedly to a parent with a repeated complaint and have that same parent be totally dismissive? Time to ditch the father and the rest of that warped family.
Load More Replies... Ahhh, the old victim-blaming. Yes I see how he failed you, but how dare you hurt his feelings by telling him that? Let bygones be bygones, don't you see he's sorry? What do you mean, it's still going on? Your father doesn't bully you, does he? What do you expect him to do now? Just accept the past and forgive. What do you mean by amends? Are you so fixated on this that you can let it go? We'll never have peace if you don't stop nagging already. Sheesh, you've always been so negative. No wonder my kids never liked you. I think this is all your fault. You shouldn't be here anyway. The problem is Stepmom. She didn't want OP from the start, that's why she let this happen and most likely told OP's dad it's all just sibling rivalry and so he didn't see the problem as it was. Still he should have looked closer. But now OP would be better off to just focus on themselve. This cannot be repaired.
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