Hey Pandas, He Manipulated Me With A Fake Tragedy, Should I Tell His Wife The Truth?

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We met in a nightclub. Nothing fancy — just a night out, a feeling, a spark. We danced, we laughed, we exchanged numbers. From there, things moved fast. We started seeing each other regularly, around twice a week. It felt intense. Real. But early on, there were cracks beneath the surface.

He was never really available on weekends. He had all sorts of explanations: “I have my kids 90% of the time.” “My daughter has anxiety.” “It’s complicated with my ex.” He painted a picture of a man carrying a lot — an exhausted father trying to manage life after a separation. He told me his ex-wife had breast cancer.

It hit me hard because, a few years ago, I went through breast cancer myself

Image credits: Angiola Harry (not the actual photo)

I know the pain, the fear, the appointments, the fatigue. I know how it changes you. And suddenly, I found myself listening to him tell me how she was going through it too; that his father was sick as well; that he was torn in all directions.

I believed him. I even felt guilty for expecting more of his time. How could I blame him for not being present when he was juggling sick loved ones and traumatized kids?

And sometimes, yes, we’d go on short weekend trips. Just enough to keep me hopeful

Image credits: Juliana Malta (not the actual photo)

But something didn’t feel right. Some details didn’t add up: a pair of women’s sunglasses in the background of a photo he sent me from his vacation with the kids in Greece. When I asked how advanced his wife’s cancer was, he didn’t know the stage. Just “bad,” he said vaguely. He also told me that her parents were too sick to help with the kids, which explained why he had them “90% of the time.” His parents were helping, though, so he could stay at my place twice a week.

Last month, I put a stop to it.

I told him that I couldn’t continue with someone who was emotionally unavailable, who couldn’t communicate clearly, and who constantly lived in the grey zone

Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez (not the actual photo)

He said he loved me. He wanted to stay in touch.

We saw each other a few more times — there was tension, yes, but also some warmth, some leftover intimacy.

At one point, he even asked about my availability for the upcoming weeks, as if we were planning something.

But then… silence.

The messages slowed, became vague. He started disappearing from the conversation altogether

Image credits: Farzane Mohammadi (not the actual photo)

That’s when I knew: I wasn’t just ignored — I was being phased out. Quietly. Cowardly. Predictably.

So I did what I never thought I would: I asked a friend to drive past his house. And there she was. His wife. Looking healthy. Happy. Not in treatment. No wig. No visible signs of illness. And there he was. At home. Living with her. With their children. As a family.

Everything he told me was a lie. The cancer. The separation. The weekends. The emotional guilt he placed on me… all lies. I feel sick. Violated. Angry. Humiliated.

How do you even begin to process something like that? I can’t believe someone would use cancer — my cancer—as a manipulation tool. He used it to gain sympathy. He had at least two other girlfriends before, so this isn’t the first time he’s cheated. He’s done this before. I don’t want him walking away from this without consequences. Not this time. I know his address — I found it through the pictures he sent me, and matched it on Google Maps.

I also found his wife’s social media and the place where she works. Should I expose him publicly? Confront him? Tell his wife? Or is it better to just walk away and protect myself? I don’t know what the right move is, and I’d really appreciate any advice.

Expert’s Advice

Trust your instincts and protect your boundaries. When someone repeatedly lies and manipulates, it’s not just about their actions — it’s about how they affect your well-being. You deserve honesty and respect. Focus on healing yourself first before deciding if or how to confront the situation. Reach out for support, and remember: you’re not responsible for someone else’s deceit, but you are responsible for your own peace.

Moderator’s note

Please note that the images included in this article are for illustrative purposes only and do not represent the actual individuals or items discussed in the story.

If you have a comparable experience or story you’d like to tell, we welcome your submissions. Click here to share your story with Bored Panda.

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