Mom Can’t Believe Her Husband Suggested Her Daughter Sleep On The Couch, While His Daughter Gets A Whole Room To Herself
Blending a family can be a real challenge. Especially when it comes to treating all children equally, regardless of whether it’s your own biological child or not. You’ve got to be on your A-game and resist giving preferential treatment to your own flesh and blood. However, it’s easy to let those subconscious biases creep in and start playing favorites.
Take this dad’s “Am I The [Jerk]?” story, for instance. He and his wife decided to enjoy their first blended family vacation together. And they thought the room arrangement for their kids was fine. Until one night, the author of the post decided to side with his daughter and make his stepdaughter sleep on the couch. Let’s just say the wife wasn’t very happy when she learned about this.
Bringing two families together can be a real struggle, especially when one of the parents starts to play favorites
Image credits: Dương Nhân (not the actual photo)
This parent decided to turn to the internet to ask whether it was wrong of him to compromise by siding with his daughter
Image credits: Cristian Tarzi (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
Image credits: couchpost
The OP answered people’s burning questions and gave more context to the story
Many step-parents struggle with being on the same page which can lead to a family crisis
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
Being a parent is one of the most difficult jobs in the world, as far as we know. And if you’re a step-parent, the challenge that comes with the territory only increases. For many, it involves navigating complex family dynamics and building relationships with children who may already have an established idea of what a parent is and who’s responsible for taking them out for ‘go-out-for-pizza’ nights.
According to the newest data by Pew Center, the number of stepparents in the United States is on the rise, with a staggering 13% of grown-ups (or around 29-30 million) now occupying this unique role. These numbers are not so surprising considering that 3-in-5 people coming out of their previous relationship have at least one child. The biggest hurdle, then, lies in the difficult transition that kids have to endure while the two families are blended into one, with some experiencing a “higher risk for internalizing, externalizing, and academic problems” in the long run.
However, the success of blending two families often depends on whether the kids get along. “The biggest danger” of this, Robert Taibbi, a practicing clinician and the author of “Brief Therapy with Couples & Families in Crisis”, told Bored Panda, is that “parents [can] split into camps — your children versus my children.” Something that we can see happening in this dad’s situation.
So what is there to do when your stepchild and your biological child butt heads? Robert says that family meetings might be the key. “Have weekly family meetings where the kids can bring up complaints, especially in the first few months of transition. Help the kids resolve their own issues — be a mediator rather than arbitrator,” he suggested. “Spend 1:1 time with your own kids so they don’t feel neglected or feel they’ve lost the connection that they used to have with you.” Of course, in the midst of that, don’t forget about developing a bond with your step children, too.
But the challenges of step-parenting don’t end there
Image credits: jm_video (not the actual photo)
One of the biggest challenges of stepparenting is managing discipline. When one of the parents is a bit laid back and the other is iron-fisted like a drill sergeant, things can get messy pretty fast. “Not being on the same page about parenting and falling into camps,” Taibbi argues, is one of the biggest causes of arguments between spouses. Think about it: a plane usually has two pilots. If you are not able to present a unified front about how you or your co-pilot handle things, chances are that the ride will be bumpy – both for you and all the kids. In fact, this might be a big factor why 72% of stepfamilies don’t survive the blend.
Another common hurdle that many step-parents face: the rejection of their authority by their stepchildren. For some, this can be compounded by a lack of reinforcement from the biological parents, which can leave stepparents with the responsibilities of parenting but without the necessary authority to carry them out effectively. “If you both are on the same page and you want to make changes in parenting, the natural parent needs to be the one to gradually make the changes rather than the stepparent,” he said.
Of course, if you move too fast, it can greatly backfire, as it turns out. “If the stepparent steps up too quickly, the kids see them as the bad outsider, rebel, and never connect,” said Taibbi. The children may feel like the stepparent is overstepping their boundaries, which can lead to feelings of resentment, even rejection. It’s a delicate dance, sure. But if you have enough patience and understanding, it’s possible to build a foundation of trust and respect that will ultimately result in a bond no different than the one between you and your biological child.
But despite all excuses, the internet decided that the only jerk here is the father
A few days later, the OP wrote a follow-up to this story
Wait, what? This was resolved by the husband getting the wife and sister in law to apologise to his kids/daughter for leaving the holiday. What in the academy awards of gaslighting happened here?
Which means they’re trapped in a financially abusive situation and don’t have the resources to leave. So, they decided to make nice. Still, the marriage and the relationship with the stepdaughter is officially garbage. A side note, what if stepdaughter was used to sleeping in a car or tent? Does that justify making her do it again because she’s “used to it”?
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This is so toxic and scary. I suspect wife and SIL is economically dependent and therefor forced to accept his s****y behaviour. If not he is a master at gaslighting. Hopefully they just pretend to play along until they can find a exit route.
According to an above comment, the wife is poor and dependent on his finances
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So basically after virtually EVERYBODY explainnig to the man that he did wrong, he STILL thinks he did the right thing. ::SIGH::
Yeah and instead of acknowledging that he messed up he snarked at people insulting a 10 year old... Them pointing out he is rewarding her bad behavior is not insulting her, he still doesn't get that they're pointing out he's parenting poorly. 🤔
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Wow, he has learned absolutely nothing from this event. First, why didn't he plan the sleeping arrangements ahead of time? Ask the kids "We have X rooms with Y beds and there are Z of you. How do you think we should share?" Then mediate the discussion with fairness. Second, I have a feeling that there are boatloads of issues at that household that have not been mentioned in the post. There is no way those two girls have been cohabitating and no one noticed the petty squabbles.
I'm a parent in a blended family. I get it takes time for the kids to feel like they're family, and maybe longer still to get along. I had a few nights I slept on the couch because the kids weren't getting along so I gave one my bed(and they all think a queen sized bed is a one person bed...) and slept on the couch. I think the parent should make the sacrifice in this kind of scenario
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I call BS on that update. I think he just made it up because wanted everyone to think his wife and SIL thought he was in the right. Otherwise, they're lying to him until they can get their ducks in a row and leave on their timeframe.
What a complete mòron, azzhoļe, jerķ. His daughter sounds like a spoiled braț, and he made it clear how little he thinks of or cares about his step-daughter. The mom, her sister, and the 12 yo girl would be much better off away from the toxic guy and his toxic kids. I would for for divorce asap if I was her. Apparently they apologized, which tells the 12 yeast old she is 2nd class in the family and always will be. If she has any stable relatives who care about her who would take her in, she she ask them to help her move out of that situation and in with someone who loves and value her
Based on ages, I’m guessing mom was a teenage mom and probably has been struggling ever since. Now she has to face that she’s picked poorly once again and now she has a daughter and younger sister to look after. Hopefully she’ll get that degree faster, save every dime she can and get the hell outta dodge!!
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My mom remarried when I was 12 and the favouritism towards his own (2) kids made life hell for myself/brother/sister (mid 70s). Mom was put in an awkward situation because of it. In adulthood, we put aside personal issues and get on ok now, as we needed to move on. As for the stepfather... What an ar%ehole! No lesson learnt. Poor kid having to put up with this. Did he guilt his wife and SiL into apologising? His last update shows he refused to accept he was in the wrong and slated the ones who called out YTA. Would love to see if anyone responded to his update. Jerk.
He deleted his post and account. 4.8k comments and I didn't see one NTA (I only scrolled through about 3k). Based on comments to his comments, he fought with everyone who said he was the AH.
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Looks like the wife figured out she couldn’t make it work financially so decided she had to put up with this guy. It’s too bad for the 12 year old.
This whole set up is just weird, his wife wouldn't marry him unless he agreed to her sister moving in. I wonder if there is some financial abuse going on here since until this row the wife was full time at school. The entire holiday was a disaster, they should sit down as a family, each one accept their role in it (if applicable) and work out a plan to communicate better to make family life more harmonious. Oh, and the 10 year old who started all of this needs to apologise to her stepsister and learn to share.
If the man was serious about actually forming a working family then he needs to stop letting the inmates run the asylum!! Stop giving 10yr olds power over the family!!
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Stop separating the kids into steps and not steps. You are causing the problems. My dad married my mom when I was five. She had three teenage daughters and he had a son and a daughter. She is not my stepmom. She is my mom. They are not my stepsisters. They are my sisters.
Same. My husband and I each had 3 kids. We moved in and let them handle it. They learned.to make it work. They understood that all the fun stuff we did for them wasn't happening if they weren't able to get along. Of course there was jealousy, arguments and everything else that goes on in every FAMILY...but that's the beauty of it, kids adapt if u don't have a jerk parent dividing them with favoritism...SMH this man is the A-Hole on soo many levels and sadly his kids are following his "lead".
Load More Replies... Wow, the delusion this guy puts himself under! He says the step daughter is coddled... Seems pretty obvious she's not, and the 10yo is the one who is being coddled and spoiled. She wouldn't have kicked step sister out of the room if she didn't know she would get away with it. She knows her Dad will back up any bad behavior. Pretty soon she will be the one running the house and it's going to be a nightmare as she gets older. I expect the wife and sister are apologizing to either (1 use him to have somewhere to live, it sounds like they were living in poverty or 2) buy time to continue these jobs and save up before they leave. Hope that karma comes back on this guy, he sounds like a real piece of work.
I wasn't sure but then I read his "response" and realised this is just a troll account designed specifically to wind people up and get a reaction. Well, it worked I guess.
Sometimes, whether it is fake or not, sometimes it hits too close to home. It is ok to feel empathy even in a hypothetical situation.
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He's the AH. Says stepdaughter is coddled. Yet, his own daughter is a spoiled brat and he basically enabled her behavior. What's the girl going to do if she goes to summer camp or she ends up in a shared college dorm. She's eventually probably going to have to share a sleeping space/room at some point. I was an only girl too. I don't know about my dad, but my mother wouldn't have tolerated me acting like that if we were in that situation. It's also not their home. She doesn't get to dictate the situation. Him and his wife should have both been able to sit down with the girls. I think they need family/couple counseling. Dad is not too bright. Sounds like daddy has been wrapped around daughters fingers.
Bruh. Dude is a whole mess. I feel like he is pathological liar. Nothing about any of his points make sense. There is something else going on here. I pray the wife gets out of this marriage and FAST. Bad vibes here.
I can see the logic in giving the girls their space, especially since it sounds like everyone is still adjusting, and it was likely late at night so the issue might be easier when everyone is rested. That said if you think the pull out couch was good enough for her, it's good enough for you. Give the kid the bed. Everything you said makes it sound like the trip was mostly your idea, to me. It's not the kids fault they weren't ready yet. You decided to make the trip, you take the sacrifices
Yup sleep in room with daughter and let "step' daughter sleep.w mom...but he paid for that Vacation! Why should he suffer? Especially when the lil 12 yr old is so used to it?
Load More Replies... Wife apply for divorce as soon as y get financially stable and get a good lawyer.Take half of his wealth and run.They are both his daughters the day they married.Your daughter should have adjusted and should have acted maturely if she was older.Well god sees everything be ready for the karma if when older your own daughter refuses to adjust with y too.
The reddit post was flagged as spam and removed, and OPs account is suspended. I get the feeling this was a troll. Imagine having nothing better to do other than make up a story about a manipulative husband using his wife's financial dependency to control her and her daughter 😬
Unfortunately I'm familiar enough with this kind of behavior and the wording to believe this.
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If the wife stays with that trash man, her daughter is going to be abused like this her entire youth. Of course, wife will ALSO be abused, by the narcissistic sociopath she married.
This story literally made me sick. The resolution was that his wife “finally” apologized for being treated like a sack of garbage? Couldn’t hate this abusive bully more.
I guess I'm in the minority here, but since SIL is not babysitting for them, but is only there because wife insisted that she be, or there was no marriage, why didn't SIL sleep in the damned couch? They only apologized because they didn't have anywhere to go, and they will suck up to him until they do. I would have kicked them all out, and let them go BACK to sleeping on the couch! As far as the girls go, we have no idea which girl was the snooty one, but it was a vacation, then everyone needed to share! Good riddance to that wife AND her freeloading sister!!
Agreed everyone needed to share which is what made the dad the AH but definitely some freeloading going on here. He set himself up for failure when he agreed to the marriage based on the wife's terms. No way in hell!
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Have a happy divorce, there is no way anyone is going to stay one minute longer with and AH like you then they have to. I hope you live in a state that will make you pay through the nose for your mental abuse.
That marriage is doomed. That poor stepdaughter has no hope in that house with him and his daughter. Sad.
The marriage was doomed from the beginning when he agreed to allow the sister to be apart of their marriage. Now he has 4 entitled women to stress over. Dummy on him!
Load More Replies... It sounds like everyone is still adjusting as it's only been 6 months. I don't feel like anyone is the a*****e here. I know firsthand how hard blending is. I'm wondering how long y'all dated, were the kids involved in the wedding, and have you both sat down with the girls to talk. Communication truly is important... CONSTANT communication. Maybe family counseling? Nearly all teen and preteen girls are a******s. That's just natural. Give them time. Eventually, they will become friends. But you and your wife need to be on the same page all the time. And, before any sort of repercussions or consequences are implemented, the two of you need to discuss those actions in another room, away from kids. That's part of raising kids. The most important thing you both can do for all of the kids is to show love to them, and let them see the love you have for each other. Good luck from a mom AND stepmom.
I am a very non-violent person, but I would break him with the couch because of his attitude. His update is a joke and his "thank you" is outrageous. Favouritism at its finest, and I thought I had it bad in my family, jesus...
This is one of those "Wow, what a POS" posts. He MOCKED a 12 year old girl as "coddled" when her previous living situation was so bad she and her mom had to share a pull out for years. They didn't even have a real bed, let alone their own room. That's like "Hey, we didn't order enough food, you ok not getting any so my kid is full? You're used to going hungry, so it should be fine" The wife is absolutely biding her time. She'll get the degree and squirrel away savings and then she'll dump this dude like yesterday's garbage.
This is the clearest case of gaslighting I've ever seen made this wife and sil apologize when they were right and thanks everyone who supported his actions while saying he doesn't appreciate his brat of a daughter getting the reality check she deserves
Cool... So he shows favoritism, calls his Step Daughter a pushover who "should be used" to sleeping on a couch and then obviously proceeded to be a huge AH until his wife/ sister apologized?? And to top it off... YOUR kid is getting an apology!?! SOMEONE MAKE THIS MAKE SENSE!!! Ugh... This is rubbing me the wrong way big time
OP is TA. His daughter isn't any better than the other kid, and doesn't get priority. That's all.
Coward deleted and comments are locked. He is absolutely TA! 💯 what on earth would make these women apologize? Are they afraid of him. Ladies, if you see this and it's true, run. That man doesn't care about you all. Maybe this is why his first wife left. I'm so sorry for this little girl. She sounds sensitive and gentle and her step-dad is a selfish prick. As evidenced by the fact that he responded to one comment that HIS daughter couldn't possibly have done anything wrong, just thr step daughter is coddled too much. S**t head attitude.
It was resolved by THEM apologising to HIM AND HIS KIDS? IS this guy for real. I hope she divorces him. Tell your kid to get over it it's sharing a room
It's a room with two beds. Two daughters, two beds. Simple. One doesn't need to sleep on the couch just because they couldn't get along. It's typical sibling stuff. Of course they'll argue. But there was absolutely no need to instruct one to sleep on the couch, especially if she doesn't want to
I say he puts them both on the couch. Till they can at least be civil to each other. And both adults need to sit and have a chat about what to do not yell and blame and be childish. And sil needs to stay tf out their business.
Seriously? The wife wouldn't agree to marry him unless her sister could live with them, and he accepted that condition!!!
YTA! Your daughter did not pay for the vacation rental and was a guest just as the stepdaughter was so your daughter should have been the one to sleep on the couch if she had a problem sharing rooms. Did they not know in advance they had to share rooms? Regardless you are the adult in the situation but failed to control it and made your stepdaughter feel unwelcomed. And no way in heck should youbhave have married someone who would only marry you if the sister was able to move in. That sounds nuts but you took the bait, so once again you appear to be the AH.
I must've read that wrong...I know he didn't say the stepdaughter was the one being coddled😂 This guy is a royal d*ck and I hope the wife finds a job that allows her to leave bc that situation is never getting better.
Not only is the husband an a******e he is a first class idiot. I hope his wife kicks him and his spoiled brat little princess daughter out and finds someone who will appreciate her and be kind to her daughter.
Here's my thought, I've been here, and this all sounds so familiar to me, I agree with all the he's the AH posts. I also recognize that she's most likely stuck in an emotionally and financially abusive situation and therefore dependent on him. I'd bet the post happened, he left out the very nasty thing his kid did or said, left out how the step daughter sobbed herself to sleep waiting till her mom got back, and then he posted the most flattering version here, hoping to show his wife how she's in the wrong here. I bet the wife and SIL are definitely fixing to leave, and they should, that's why they're saving suddenly. But here's the kicker, I think he made up the updates. No WAY she's coming home to apologize. At least not of her own free will. She might have to, to prevent homelessness. But she's coming home to suck it up, avoid abuse, get her degreee, start a career and leave this AH ASAP. Men like this deserve to be left.
How much do you want to bet that wife is already gone and this was his attempt to make himself like he was right all along or they are planning on leaving and want to get it all in place quietly b4 they do so .
NTA you have a daughter and you just did the logical thing, yes you should have discussed it with your wife but it's still a overreaction from them. Plus from what you described you are being used as a piggy bank, as soon as they can they will leave and might take your stuff with them! Ignore all the angry woman on the thread.
I honestly believe that the wife only apologized because she had no choice and as soon as she graduates and secure a job she is out of there. They are working and taking extra shift to secure an escape egg! For him to be concerned that she is leaving he already know that he messed up
Looks like he only read comments that agreed with him. I fear for that 10 y/o. She's going to grow up to be a self-entitled *itch if daddy doesn't figure things out soon.
Hopefully they are peace keeping until they can get out of this situation it sounds financially and emotionally abusive.
YTA - Your wife should leave you!!! How can you have no idea how wrong you've been!?!?
How much do you want to be that the *princess* daughter threatened to have the step daughter and family kicked out if they don't do as she says. We will see a post later in that he is asking WHY his ex wife left him and why his step children hates his guts. I hope after the wife finishes school and gets stable, they run from there and be safe!
In some ways, his logic was understandable. That his SD has shared with mum before etc. flawed, but understandable. If the women are returning it’s temporary at best. Til she graduates.
How heartbreaking for the stepdaughter must it have been to be treated lowly by his new dad just because his real daughter needs adjustment. Base on his comment alone shows that he doesn't have any high opinion on his new daughter and just let her stay on the couch cause she was used to it and that apparently he view her as a pushover. He cant accept his 10 years old daughter being insulted but he can casually insult his new 12 years old daughter. Smh This guys is an a*****e through and through. Why even bother remarrying specially to another woman who has her own child if he can't be bother to treat the children equally. I mean let's be honest, there must be something wrong here if his previous wife divorced him after having three children with very young ages. Just saying...
Guy is a terrible stepfather. Why even bother remarrying specially to a woman who also have her own child if he cant even treat the children equally. Doesn't he realize how scarring his treatment to her would feel if her new dad is not treating her equally as a daughter and essentially feels the same as her old dad. Not helping that this guy really has low view of his new stepdaughter making her casually sleep on a couch cause for his real daughter cause she was used to it and because he view her as a pushover. Kinda feel heartbreaking for the kid tbh.
WTH?!? The wife and SIL apologized to the husband for leaving the vacation early. If anyone should've apologized it should've been the husband apologizing to his step-daughter! When he insisted that she sleep on the couch because "she's used to it" clearly showed the step-daughter that she doesn't matter. That his bio daughter is more important than his step-daughter! The wife and SIL don't need to apologize to him nor his kids. I truly hope the wife and SIL save enough money and she leaves his as*!! Because he's always going to treat his step-daughter as a second class citizen. Anyone that would support him and what he did needs to have their head checked.
That ending was disgusting and I hope Reddit users pointed that out as well. He should be apologizing as well.
This is not a happy ending. The problem(s) just got kicked down the road. I foresee bigger issues ahead. Dad is putting the dysfunctional in this dysfunctional family.
Notice how "they" decided what "her" job should be? I'm leery of him "allowing" her to go to school. I am no feminist. But this guy is scary! And I wouldn't put up with it for 5 minutes.
Wonder how long the parents were dating before they decided to just throw the kids together and get married? No. Kids don't have a vote on their parents' life decisions. But when you're parents you have to make sure ALL the kids are considered. What this sounded like to me is "She's been couch surfing so she's used to being trash until I flew in and rescued her." Maybe they should have moved to neutral ground instead of moving into "his" house. That NEVER works.
This reminds me of my a**hole step-father telling me there was "no room at the inn" when I flew home after my mother passed away..could not stay at her house, ended up at friends house for a few days, left and haven't been back, and he gets passed because I "never call"...gee wonder why
WtH!!! Him and his daughter needs to apologize. 5hem him and his wife need to figure out how to help the girls get adjusted. He is a b***h
OMG! He was insensitive thinking the step daughter was "used to" sharing a coach, he is a big as**** no wonder why his daughter is a total brat.
Omg!! I just read the update from him...the a**!!! If anyone deserves and apology it would be ur wife and her daughter!!! That's incredibly disturbing how u actually think that u and ur daughter r the victims here as well as expecting and wanting..most likely demanded too...an apology from the true victims here..I can just sense I can just feel the controlling and abusive tendencies you have got to have and use them very well..kudos to u for being able to manipulate and to unfairly influence that situation. Did u also attempt and succeed in making her think and believe she over reacted to the situation..there goes some good old reactive abuse right there..yeah u may love ur wife..truly love here, but goodness u should really do some inner self searching and also put that shoe on the other foot!!! Now doing that right there is a nice big good ol eye opener. Bless ur heart..I'm gonna pray for you!!
Wow!! Seems to me dad needs to start putting his foot down, stop catering to his daughter and STOP using stepdaughter as a scapegoat for his daughters rudness, bullying and spoiled behavior. Now the couch situation. Practically viewing them as "less thans' let me guess ur the type who throws past situations into a person's Face to hurt them as u want to be made or looked at like a hero cuz u swooped in and "saved" them from thar lifestyle. I'm sensing narcissistic, gaslighting and "I'm the alpha around here tendencies. Have a great time when ur daughter uses her learned/taught from U disrespectful, spoiled behaviors towards U!! U have absolutely 💯 have created a monster in the making or u will create if u don't stop ur actions/ways with her...her as in ur daughter!!!
TLDR; I blatantly favored my own daughter while she was being a bully and then blamed my stepdaughter for being a pushover. My wife won't let me be mean to her kid so she is obviously leaving me. Tell me I'm right and justify what I did please....
I have no words.... Behavior like what HIS bio daughter displayed is not nice. OP and his wife should have Sat BOTH girls down and teach them the importance of LOVE and SHARING is CARING. Absolutely breaks my heart 😭
This guy is a classic example of a narcissist. He is incapable of admitting him or his spoiled a*s progeny is in the wrong. I feel so bad for the wife and her 3 kids. Honestly. Hopefully he has a good life insurance policy and dies in a fire. Accidentally, of course. I think the whole family (and let's be honest, the world at large) would be better off of if this a*****e were dead.
So, let me get this right, because they didn't want to rock the boat any further wife and the sil apologized for a situation that they DID NOT create. Plus, if I'm not mistaken your phrasing in the final update kind of implys that your kids don't normally live with you during the week and are being taught what by this, that you definatly play sides? Sooo... 3 people who aren't your kids are hereafter to consider themselves 2nd class,or less, citizens in their own home and need to apologize and be subject to any whims of your kids ( yes your kids took full note) even though the kids should all be treated the same regardless. Way to build a solid single family unit of seven. Sounds like your house keepers, weekend baby sitters, and concubine received your message loud and clear, head down in obsequience from here forward
Yeah I think.there needs to be more than just one side of the family apologizing. This isnt gonna go well. I feel sorry for the kids. All of them.
Soon all of these kids will be at an age where they need the privacy of an own room, what they gonna do then
His update was awful. The wife Anna her family should leave. Oh so toxic and will continue to get worse. And yes people are insulting his daughter because she is spoiled and this is showing even in the end.
I think he is delusional and if he can't see it.. his girlfriend needs to take notice and move back out. All this is not ok.
Goodness - what a mess. The two girls can put a divider up in their shared room. But everyone is going to have to sit down and work out how this is going to work for everyone. Yes, adjusting is hard, but guess what? Life is harder for a lot more people in this world. Like people living in war zones, or people living on the streets - sometimes whole families. Maybe as a family, they should volunteer at a soup kitchen and see a little of how good they actually got it.
Honestly, based solely on the information provided, I would have made my daughter sleep on the couch. She needs to adjust to the new normal and if she is going to be difficult about it, she will be inconvenienced. Giving in to this petty squabble sends a bad precedent all the way around. Daughter sleeps on the couch and we discuss how to change the situation because this is life.
He is a total POS , the stepdaughter needs to be removed from that situation before she's scarred for life. I had a stepfather like that, every now and then I stop by the cemetery and p**s on his grave.
I think both parents acted completely stupid. Kids will fight - blood siblings definitely so I can’t even imagine how difficult it has to be for step siblings… the dad handled the whole room sharing situation really badly. The mother leaving was overly dramatic… how can the kids adjust and get used to an extremely difficult new situation when parents behave like this… Also it’s their first vacation together - the parents should not just leave the kids behind but instead spend time with them helping them adjust and get closer… it’s only been 6 months of marriage that’s nothing especially for two teen/pre teen girls. Parents need to get a grip and prioritise their kids and building their relationship with them and between them if they want this to work out. Also the sister in law thing is just odd and definitely breaks the family dynamics…
Enlighten me why downvotes? Ahh I know I didn’t just simply said only dad was at fault because mum was obviously Cristal clear by demanding her sister lives with them and dramatically leaving the difficult situation instead of confronting / fixing it…
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Wait, what? This was resolved by the husband getting the wife and sister in law to apologise to his kids/daughter for leaving the holiday. What in the academy awards of gaslighting happened here?
Which means they’re trapped in a financially abusive situation and don’t have the resources to leave. So, they decided to make nice. Still, the marriage and the relationship with the stepdaughter is officially garbage. A side note, what if stepdaughter was used to sleeping in a car or tent? Does that justify making her do it again because she’s “used to it”?
Load More Replies... This is so toxic and scary. I suspect wife and SIL is economically dependent and therefor forced to accept his s****y behaviour. If not he is a master at gaslighting. Hopefully they just pretend to play along until they can find a exit route.
According to an above comment, the wife is poor and dependent on his finances
Load More Replies... So basically after virtually EVERYBODY explainnig to the man that he did wrong, he STILL thinks he did the right thing. ::SIGH::
Yeah and instead of acknowledging that he messed up he snarked at people insulting a 10 year old... Them pointing out he is rewarding her bad behavior is not insulting her, he still doesn't get that they're pointing out he's parenting poorly. 🤔
Load More Replies... Wow, he has learned absolutely nothing from this event. First, why didn't he plan the sleeping arrangements ahead of time? Ask the kids "We have X rooms with Y beds and there are Z of you. How do you think we should share?" Then mediate the discussion with fairness. Second, I have a feeling that there are boatloads of issues at that household that have not been mentioned in the post. There is no way those two girls have been cohabitating and no one noticed the petty squabbles.
I'm a parent in a blended family. I get it takes time for the kids to feel like they're family, and maybe longer still to get along. I had a few nights I slept on the couch because the kids weren't getting along so I gave one my bed(and they all think a queen sized bed is a one person bed...) and slept on the couch. I think the parent should make the sacrifice in this kind of scenario
Load More Replies... I call BS on that update. I think he just made it up because wanted everyone to think his wife and SIL thought he was in the right. Otherwise, they're lying to him until they can get their ducks in a row and leave on their timeframe.
What a complete mòron, azzhoļe, jerķ. His daughter sounds like a spoiled braț, and he made it clear how little he thinks of or cares about his step-daughter. The mom, her sister, and the 12 yo girl would be much better off away from the toxic guy and his toxic kids. I would for for divorce asap if I was her. Apparently they apologized, which tells the 12 yeast old she is 2nd class in the family and always will be. If she has any stable relatives who care about her who would take her in, she she ask them to help her move out of that situation and in with someone who loves and value her
Based on ages, I’m guessing mom was a teenage mom and probably has been struggling ever since. Now she has to face that she’s picked poorly once again and now she has a daughter and younger sister to look after. Hopefully she’ll get that degree faster, save every dime she can and get the hell outta dodge!!
Load More Replies... My mom remarried when I was 12 and the favouritism towards his own (2) kids made life hell for myself/brother/sister (mid 70s). Mom was put in an awkward situation because of it. In adulthood, we put aside personal issues and get on ok now, as we needed to move on. As for the stepfather... What an ar%ehole! No lesson learnt. Poor kid having to put up with this. Did he guilt his wife and SiL into apologising? His last update shows he refused to accept he was in the wrong and slated the ones who called out YTA. Would love to see if anyone responded to his update. Jerk.
He deleted his post and account. 4.8k comments and I didn't see one NTA (I only scrolled through about 3k). Based on comments to his comments, he fought with everyone who said he was the AH.
Load More Replies... Looks like the wife figured out she couldn’t make it work financially so decided she had to put up with this guy. It’s too bad for the 12 year old.
This whole set up is just weird, his wife wouldn't marry him unless he agreed to her sister moving in. I wonder if there is some financial abuse going on here since until this row the wife was full time at school. The entire holiday was a disaster, they should sit down as a family, each one accept their role in it (if applicable) and work out a plan to communicate better to make family life more harmonious. Oh, and the 10 year old who started all of this needs to apologise to her stepsister and learn to share.
If the man was serious about actually forming a working family then he needs to stop letting the inmates run the asylum!! Stop giving 10yr olds power over the family!!
Load More Replies... Stop separating the kids into steps and not steps. You are causing the problems. My dad married my mom when I was five. She had three teenage daughters and he had a son and a daughter. She is not my stepmom. She is my mom. They are not my stepsisters. They are my sisters.
Same. My husband and I each had 3 kids. We moved in and let them handle it. They learned.to make it work. They understood that all the fun stuff we did for them wasn't happening if they weren't able to get along. Of course there was jealousy, arguments and everything else that goes on in every FAMILY...but that's the beauty of it, kids adapt if u don't have a jerk parent dividing them with favoritism...SMH this man is the A-Hole on soo many levels and sadly his kids are following his "lead".
Load More Replies... Wow, the delusion this guy puts himself under! He says the step daughter is coddled... Seems pretty obvious she's not, and the 10yo is the one who is being coddled and spoiled. She wouldn't have kicked step sister out of the room if she didn't know she would get away with it. She knows her Dad will back up any bad behavior. Pretty soon she will be the one running the house and it's going to be a nightmare as she gets older. I expect the wife and sister are apologizing to either (1 use him to have somewhere to live, it sounds like they were living in poverty or 2) buy time to continue these jobs and save up before they leave. Hope that karma comes back on this guy, he sounds like a real piece of work.
I wasn't sure but then I read his "response" and realised this is just a troll account designed specifically to wind people up and get a reaction. Well, it worked I guess.
Sometimes, whether it is fake or not, sometimes it hits too close to home. It is ok to feel empathy even in a hypothetical situation.
Load More Replies... He's the AH. Says stepdaughter is coddled. Yet, his own daughter is a spoiled brat and he basically enabled her behavior. What's the girl going to do if she goes to summer camp or she ends up in a shared college dorm. She's eventually probably going to have to share a sleeping space/room at some point. I was an only girl too. I don't know about my dad, but my mother wouldn't have tolerated me acting like that if we were in that situation. It's also not their home. She doesn't get to dictate the situation. Him and his wife should have both been able to sit down with the girls. I think they need family/couple counseling. Dad is not too bright. Sounds like daddy has been wrapped around daughters fingers.
Bruh. Dude is a whole mess. I feel like he is pathological liar. Nothing about any of his points make sense. There is something else going on here. I pray the wife gets out of this marriage and FAST. Bad vibes here.
I can see the logic in giving the girls their space, especially since it sounds like everyone is still adjusting, and it was likely late at night so the issue might be easier when everyone is rested. That said if you think the pull out couch was good enough for her, it's good enough for you. Give the kid the bed. Everything you said makes it sound like the trip was mostly your idea, to me. It's not the kids fault they weren't ready yet. You decided to make the trip, you take the sacrifices
Yup sleep in room with daughter and let "step' daughter sleep.w mom...but he paid for that Vacation! Why should he suffer? Especially when the lil 12 yr old is so used to it?
Load More Replies... Wife apply for divorce as soon as y get financially stable and get a good lawyer.Take half of his wealth and run.They are both his daughters the day they married.Your daughter should have adjusted and should have acted maturely if she was older.Well god sees everything be ready for the karma if when older your own daughter refuses to adjust with y too.
The reddit post was flagged as spam and removed, and OPs account is suspended. I get the feeling this was a troll. Imagine having nothing better to do other than make up a story about a manipulative husband using his wife's financial dependency to control her and her daughter 😬
Unfortunately I'm familiar enough with this kind of behavior and the wording to believe this.
Load More Replies... If the wife stays with that trash man, her daughter is going to be abused like this her entire youth. Of course, wife will ALSO be abused, by the narcissistic sociopath she married.
This story literally made me sick. The resolution was that his wife “finally” apologized for being treated like a sack of garbage? Couldn’t hate this abusive bully more.
I guess I'm in the minority here, but since SIL is not babysitting for them, but is only there because wife insisted that she be, or there was no marriage, why didn't SIL sleep in the damned couch? They only apologized because they didn't have anywhere to go, and they will suck up to him until they do. I would have kicked them all out, and let them go BACK to sleeping on the couch! As far as the girls go, we have no idea which girl was the snooty one, but it was a vacation, then everyone needed to share! Good riddance to that wife AND her freeloading sister!!
Agreed everyone needed to share which is what made the dad the AH but definitely some freeloading going on here. He set himself up for failure when he agreed to the marriage based on the wife's terms. No way in hell!
Load More Replies... Have a happy divorce, there is no way anyone is going to stay one minute longer with and AH like you then they have to. I hope you live in a state that will make you pay through the nose for your mental abuse.
That marriage is doomed. That poor stepdaughter has no hope in that house with him and his daughter. Sad.
The marriage was doomed from the beginning when he agreed to allow the sister to be apart of their marriage. Now he has 4 entitled women to stress over. Dummy on him!
Load More Replies... It sounds like everyone is still adjusting as it's only been 6 months. I don't feel like anyone is the a*****e here. I know firsthand how hard blending is. I'm wondering how long y'all dated, were the kids involved in the wedding, and have you both sat down with the girls to talk. Communication truly is important... CONSTANT communication. Maybe family counseling? Nearly all teen and preteen girls are a******s. That's just natural. Give them time. Eventually, they will become friends. But you and your wife need to be on the same page all the time. And, before any sort of repercussions or consequences are implemented, the two of you need to discuss those actions in another room, away from kids. That's part of raising kids. The most important thing you both can do for all of the kids is to show love to them, and let them see the love you have for each other. Good luck from a mom AND stepmom.
I am a very non-violent person, but I would break him with the couch because of his attitude. His update is a joke and his "thank you" is outrageous. Favouritism at its finest, and I thought I had it bad in my family, jesus...
This is one of those "Wow, what a POS" posts. He MOCKED a 12 year old girl as "coddled" when her previous living situation was so bad she and her mom had to share a pull out for years. They didn't even have a real bed, let alone their own room. That's like "Hey, we didn't order enough food, you ok not getting any so my kid is full? You're used to going hungry, so it should be fine" The wife is absolutely biding her time. She'll get the degree and squirrel away savings and then she'll dump this dude like yesterday's garbage.
This is the clearest case of gaslighting I've ever seen made this wife and sil apologize when they were right and thanks everyone who supported his actions while saying he doesn't appreciate his brat of a daughter getting the reality check she deserves
Cool... So he shows favoritism, calls his Step Daughter a pushover who "should be used" to sleeping on a couch and then obviously proceeded to be a huge AH until his wife/ sister apologized?? And to top it off... YOUR kid is getting an apology!?! SOMEONE MAKE THIS MAKE SENSE!!! Ugh... This is rubbing me the wrong way big time
OP is TA. His daughter isn't any better than the other kid, and doesn't get priority. That's all.
Coward deleted and comments are locked. He is absolutely TA! 💯 what on earth would make these women apologize? Are they afraid of him. Ladies, if you see this and it's true, run. That man doesn't care about you all. Maybe this is why his first wife left. I'm so sorry for this little girl. She sounds sensitive and gentle and her step-dad is a selfish prick. As evidenced by the fact that he responded to one comment that HIS daughter couldn't possibly have done anything wrong, just thr step daughter is coddled too much. S**t head attitude.
It was resolved by THEM apologising to HIM AND HIS KIDS? IS this guy for real. I hope she divorces him. Tell your kid to get over it it's sharing a room
It's a room with two beds. Two daughters, two beds. Simple. One doesn't need to sleep on the couch just because they couldn't get along. It's typical sibling stuff. Of course they'll argue. But there was absolutely no need to instruct one to sleep on the couch, especially if she doesn't want to
I say he puts them both on the couch. Till they can at least be civil to each other. And both adults need to sit and have a chat about what to do not yell and blame and be childish. And sil needs to stay tf out their business.
Seriously? The wife wouldn't agree to marry him unless her sister could live with them, and he accepted that condition!!!
YTA! Your daughter did not pay for the vacation rental and was a guest just as the stepdaughter was so your daughter should have been the one to sleep on the couch if she had a problem sharing rooms. Did they not know in advance they had to share rooms? Regardless you are the adult in the situation but failed to control it and made your stepdaughter feel unwelcomed. And no way in heck should youbhave have married someone who would only marry you if the sister was able to move in. That sounds nuts but you took the bait, so once again you appear to be the AH.
I must've read that wrong...I know he didn't say the stepdaughter was the one being coddled😂 This guy is a royal d*ck and I hope the wife finds a job that allows her to leave bc that situation is never getting better.
Not only is the husband an a******e he is a first class idiot. I hope his wife kicks him and his spoiled brat little princess daughter out and finds someone who will appreciate her and be kind to her daughter.
Here's my thought, I've been here, and this all sounds so familiar to me, I agree with all the he's the AH posts. I also recognize that she's most likely stuck in an emotionally and financially abusive situation and therefore dependent on him. I'd bet the post happened, he left out the very nasty thing his kid did or said, left out how the step daughter sobbed herself to sleep waiting till her mom got back, and then he posted the most flattering version here, hoping to show his wife how she's in the wrong here. I bet the wife and SIL are definitely fixing to leave, and they should, that's why they're saving suddenly. But here's the kicker, I think he made up the updates. No WAY she's coming home to apologize. At least not of her own free will. She might have to, to prevent homelessness. But she's coming home to suck it up, avoid abuse, get her degreee, start a career and leave this AH ASAP. Men like this deserve to be left.
How much do you want to bet that wife is already gone and this was his attempt to make himself like he was right all along or they are planning on leaving and want to get it all in place quietly b4 they do so .
NTA you have a daughter and you just did the logical thing, yes you should have discussed it with your wife but it's still a overreaction from them. Plus from what you described you are being used as a piggy bank, as soon as they can they will leave and might take your stuff with them! Ignore all the angry woman on the thread.
I honestly believe that the wife only apologized because she had no choice and as soon as she graduates and secure a job she is out of there. They are working and taking extra shift to secure an escape egg! For him to be concerned that she is leaving he already know that he messed up
Looks like he only read comments that agreed with him. I fear for that 10 y/o. She's going to grow up to be a self-entitled *itch if daddy doesn't figure things out soon.
Hopefully they are peace keeping until they can get out of this situation it sounds financially and emotionally abusive.
YTA - Your wife should leave you!!! How can you have no idea how wrong you've been!?!?
How much do you want to be that the *princess* daughter threatened to have the step daughter and family kicked out if they don't do as she says. We will see a post later in that he is asking WHY his ex wife left him and why his step children hates his guts. I hope after the wife finishes school and gets stable, they run from there and be safe!
In some ways, his logic was understandable. That his SD has shared with mum before etc. flawed, but understandable. If the women are returning it’s temporary at best. Til she graduates.
How heartbreaking for the stepdaughter must it have been to be treated lowly by his new dad just because his real daughter needs adjustment. Base on his comment alone shows that he doesn't have any high opinion on his new daughter and just let her stay on the couch cause she was used to it and that apparently he view her as a pushover. He cant accept his 10 years old daughter being insulted but he can casually insult his new 12 years old daughter. Smh This guys is an a*****e through and through. Why even bother remarrying specially to another woman who has her own child if he can't be bother to treat the children equally. I mean let's be honest, there must be something wrong here if his previous wife divorced him after having three children with very young ages. Just saying...
Guy is a terrible stepfather. Why even bother remarrying specially to a woman who also have her own child if he cant even treat the children equally. Doesn't he realize how scarring his treatment to her would feel if her new dad is not treating her equally as a daughter and essentially feels the same as her old dad. Not helping that this guy really has low view of his new stepdaughter making her casually sleep on a couch cause for his real daughter cause she was used to it and because he view her as a pushover. Kinda feel heartbreaking for the kid tbh.
WTH?!? The wife and SIL apologized to the husband for leaving the vacation early. If anyone should've apologized it should've been the husband apologizing to his step-daughter! When he insisted that she sleep on the couch because "she's used to it" clearly showed the step-daughter that she doesn't matter. That his bio daughter is more important than his step-daughter! The wife and SIL don't need to apologize to him nor his kids. I truly hope the wife and SIL save enough money and she leaves his as*!! Because he's always going to treat his step-daughter as a second class citizen. Anyone that would support him and what he did needs to have their head checked.
That ending was disgusting and I hope Reddit users pointed that out as well. He should be apologizing as well.
This is not a happy ending. The problem(s) just got kicked down the road. I foresee bigger issues ahead. Dad is putting the dysfunctional in this dysfunctional family.
Notice how "they" decided what "her" job should be? I'm leery of him "allowing" her to go to school. I am no feminist. But this guy is scary! And I wouldn't put up with it for 5 minutes.
Wonder how long the parents were dating before they decided to just throw the kids together and get married? No. Kids don't have a vote on their parents' life decisions. But when you're parents you have to make sure ALL the kids are considered. What this sounded like to me is "She's been couch surfing so she's used to being trash until I flew in and rescued her." Maybe they should have moved to neutral ground instead of moving into "his" house. That NEVER works.
This reminds me of my a**hole step-father telling me there was "no room at the inn" when I flew home after my mother passed away..could not stay at her house, ended up at friends house for a few days, left and haven't been back, and he gets passed because I "never call"...gee wonder why
WtH!!! Him and his daughter needs to apologize. 5hem him and his wife need to figure out how to help the girls get adjusted. He is a b***h
OMG! He was insensitive thinking the step daughter was "used to" sharing a coach, he is a big as**** no wonder why his daughter is a total brat.
Omg!! I just read the update from him...the a**!!! If anyone deserves and apology it would be ur wife and her daughter!!! That's incredibly disturbing how u actually think that u and ur daughter r the victims here as well as expecting and wanting..most likely demanded too...an apology from the true victims here..I can just sense I can just feel the controlling and abusive tendencies you have got to have and use them very well..kudos to u for being able to manipulate and to unfairly influence that situation. Did u also attempt and succeed in making her think and believe she over reacted to the situation..there goes some good old reactive abuse right there..yeah u may love ur wife..truly love here, but goodness u should really do some inner self searching and also put that shoe on the other foot!!! Now doing that right there is a nice big good ol eye opener. Bless ur heart..I'm gonna pray for you!!
Wow!! Seems to me dad needs to start putting his foot down, stop catering to his daughter and STOP using stepdaughter as a scapegoat for his daughters rudness, bullying and spoiled behavior. Now the couch situation. Practically viewing them as "less thans' let me guess ur the type who throws past situations into a person's Face to hurt them as u want to be made or looked at like a hero cuz u swooped in and "saved" them from thar lifestyle. I'm sensing narcissistic, gaslighting and "I'm the alpha around here tendencies. Have a great time when ur daughter uses her learned/taught from U disrespectful, spoiled behaviors towards U!! U have absolutely 💯 have created a monster in the making or u will create if u don't stop ur actions/ways with her...her as in ur daughter!!!
TLDR; I blatantly favored my own daughter while she was being a bully and then blamed my stepdaughter for being a pushover. My wife won't let me be mean to her kid so she is obviously leaving me. Tell me I'm right and justify what I did please....
I have no words.... Behavior like what HIS bio daughter displayed is not nice. OP and his wife should have Sat BOTH girls down and teach them the importance of LOVE and SHARING is CARING. Absolutely breaks my heart 😭
This guy is a classic example of a narcissist. He is incapable of admitting him or his spoiled a*s progeny is in the wrong. I feel so bad for the wife and her 3 kids. Honestly. Hopefully he has a good life insurance policy and dies in a fire. Accidentally, of course. I think the whole family (and let's be honest, the world at large) would be better off of if this a*****e were dead.
So, let me get this right, because they didn't want to rock the boat any further wife and the sil apologized for a situation that they DID NOT create. Plus, if I'm not mistaken your phrasing in the final update kind of implys that your kids don't normally live with you during the week and are being taught what by this, that you definatly play sides? Sooo... 3 people who aren't your kids are hereafter to consider themselves 2nd class,or less, citizens in their own home and need to apologize and be subject to any whims of your kids ( yes your kids took full note) even though the kids should all be treated the same regardless. Way to build a solid single family unit of seven. Sounds like your house keepers, weekend baby sitters, and concubine received your message loud and clear, head down in obsequience from here forward
Yeah I think.there needs to be more than just one side of the family apologizing. This isnt gonna go well. I feel sorry for the kids. All of them.
Soon all of these kids will be at an age where they need the privacy of an own room, what they gonna do then
His update was awful. The wife Anna her family should leave. Oh so toxic and will continue to get worse. And yes people are insulting his daughter because she is spoiled and this is showing even in the end.
I think he is delusional and if he can't see it.. his girlfriend needs to take notice and move back out. All this is not ok.
Goodness - what a mess. The two girls can put a divider up in their shared room. But everyone is going to have to sit down and work out how this is going to work for everyone. Yes, adjusting is hard, but guess what? Life is harder for a lot more people in this world. Like people living in war zones, or people living on the streets - sometimes whole families. Maybe as a family, they should volunteer at a soup kitchen and see a little of how good they actually got it.
Honestly, based solely on the information provided, I would have made my daughter sleep on the couch. She needs to adjust to the new normal and if she is going to be difficult about it, she will be inconvenienced. Giving in to this petty squabble sends a bad precedent all the way around. Daughter sleeps on the couch and we discuss how to change the situation because this is life.
He is a total POS , the stepdaughter needs to be removed from that situation before she's scarred for life. I had a stepfather like that, every now and then I stop by the cemetery and p**s on his grave.
I think both parents acted completely stupid. Kids will fight - blood siblings definitely so I can’t even imagine how difficult it has to be for step siblings… the dad handled the whole room sharing situation really badly. The mother leaving was overly dramatic… how can the kids adjust and get used to an extremely difficult new situation when parents behave like this… Also it’s their first vacation together - the parents should not just leave the kids behind but instead spend time with them helping them adjust and get closer… it’s only been 6 months of marriage that’s nothing especially for two teen/pre teen girls. Parents need to get a grip and prioritise their kids and building their relationship with them and between them if they want this to work out. Also the sister in law thing is just odd and definitely breaks the family dynamics…
Enlighten me why downvotes? Ahh I know I didn’t just simply said only dad was at fault because mum was obviously Cristal clear by demanding her sister lives with them and dramatically leaving the difficult situation instead of confronting / fixing it…
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