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“It’s Absurd”: Dad Refuses To Ask Son To Fund Stepdaughter’s Wedding, Family Drama Ensues
Sibling rivalry is real and Reeditor u/Arctic-Bear11345 recently made a post on the popular subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?’ that illustrates how it can stress a family.
He shared a dilemma regarding his children’s upcoming weddings. With Tom, his 26-year-old son, and Judy, his 22-year-old stepdaughter, planning to tie the knot during the same summer, tensions have arisen over the differences in plans and especially expenses.
You see, his wife demands the man ask his son to cover her daughter’s expenses, and he thinks this idea is so absurd, he doesn’t even want to discuss it.
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Image credits: Zinkevych_D (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Amar Preciado (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Arctic-Bear11345
The woman expects her stepson to pay quite the price
The average cost of a wedding in 2022 was $30,000 (including the ceremony and reception), according to The Knot’s 2022 Real Weddings Study.
The price is high. But experts highlight that averages don’t always tell the whole story.
“One $1 million wedding can bring up the average of thousands of $10,000 weddings,” said Jessica Bishop, wedding expert and founder of the Budget Savvy Bride. So we should treat this data as a benchmark, not an expectation.
Of course, people can tailor their wedding to fit a smaller budget and might decide to skip some things, but when the woman wants people to think that her daughter’s ceremony isn’t cheap, something tells me she wouldn’t be ok with hooking her smartphone up to a speaker system instead of hiring a band or a DJ.
Image credits: Duané Viljoen (not the actual photo)
In blended families, sibling rivalries can cause a lot of problems
There are a number of potential factors that can lead to sibling rivalry between people who are new to being in the same family. Some of the most common ones include:
- the stress of blending two families with their varying personalities;
- unresolved feelings of hurt from the breakup of their other family unit;
- jealousy when their parent treats their stepsibling with love or care;
- jealousy when one child feels slighted;
- insecurity about their own role in this newly blended family.
A blended family may go through some or even all of these issues. Establishing good relationships can take time, as everyone needs to get used to their new roles, and dividing into camps will only make things worse.
Image credits: Duané Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
People unanimously backed up the man, saying that he hasn’t done anything wrong
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What do you think ?
Sonja 2 years ago
I would get the wife's perspective if both children were at the same age and the parents paid the bill. But the son is four years older than the daughter and both are using their own money. The son has waited longer and saved more money. The daughter can just do the same. It's absolutely not fair to penalize the son for the decision of the daughter to marry while still in school. That's on her! She can just do what her brother did, wait four more years and save some money. Maybe try to get a job before they marry to pay for it. Expecting her brother to foot her bill just so she can marry four years earlier than him is entitled and ridiculous. And yes, I know they're marrying in the same year, but since she's younger it's four years earlier in her life than for him. And that's what makes this unfair. Their situations are not the same, and her brother is not responsible for that difference. Her hurry is the reason why she can't afford a similar wedding.
Brocken Blue 2 years ago
Yup, if it’s not a gift from the parents, the parents are not obligated to try to make it even. And big brother sure as heck isn’t obligated to do so. I’m normally a big proponent of family helping family, but not in this case
Load More Replies...
My “in my head” Voice 2 years ago
Where is her father in all this? What about the fiancés family? Why is Tom suddenly on the hook? He's funding his own wedding, so he's likely to be strapped himself.
UpupaEpops 2 years ago
It's amazing how many people don't understand the difference between 'emergency' and 'entitlement'. I once helped out a friend with her groceries. She was on a tight budget and an emergency expenditure meant she had no money for food. She didn't buy champagne and caviar mind you, it really was just some basic items to get her through. Then another "friend" threw a major tantrum because I wasn't willing to help her out with a three-figure amount she wanted to spend on a luxury item. I don't know what is it with people and money, but you get the weirdest behaviour when the subject comes up.
Bahama Mama 2 years ago
Wow sounds like you need to cut the one friend out of your life. Don't sound like a friend at all.
Load More Replies...
Id row 2 years ago
Then later when kids come along. "Tom's kids are in private school and now Judy and her kids are upset that they aren't. Tell Tom to pay for their school. They're also going to need someone to pay for their college, and it better be a school at least as good as your kids are going to." F off, moochers. Get a job.
Karen 2 years ago
What about family vacations? If Tom takes his family for pizza and pasta in Italy but Judy's family has to settle for Papa John's, Domino's and Panera? I have What if Tom's kids are equally academically inclined and athletically gifted but Judy's kids just get by? That's a lifetime of unnecessary competition and petty jealousy.
Load More Replies... Tyke 2 years ago
So basically her side of the family are all judgemental gossips and she wants to play into that? Perhaps she can give her daughter more money then.
GoGoPDX 2 years ago
I feel like the mom is way too concerned with other people's opinions, and has passed that along to her daughter. You can have an amazing wedding for cheap. Tom's may be bigger and more expensive, but with a little creativity, Judy can make hers way more memorable by making it reflect herself and fiance, making it intimate, and the most important, fun! All the weddings I have found memories of, and still talk about, were the fun ones
Load More Replies...
Disinforminationalisticalities 2 years ago
OP's wife sounds very materialistic. It also sounds like she has taught her daughter to be the same way. Apparently, Judy's wedding is all about what friends and family will think instead of proclaiming the couples love. Judy may never be happy with the expectations her mother has instilled in her.
Matthew Daubenmire 2 years ago
Possibly the most idiotic thing ever. If she can't afford a a wedding, go to the courthouse. Grow up.
Sonja 2 years ago
I would get the wife's perspective if both children were at the same age and the parents paid the bill. But the son is four years older than the daughter and both are using their own money. The son has waited longer and saved more money. The daughter can just do the same. It's absolutely not fair to penalize the son for the decision of the daughter to marry while still in school. That's on her! She can just do what her brother did, wait four more years and save some money. Maybe try to get a job before they marry to pay for it. Expecting her brother to foot her bill just so she can marry four years earlier than him is entitled and ridiculous. And yes, I know they're marrying in the same year, but since she's younger it's four years earlier in her life than for him. And that's what makes this unfair. Their situations are not the same, and her brother is not responsible for that difference. Her hurry is the reason why she can't afford a similar wedding.
Brocken Blue 2 years ago
Yup, if it’s not a gift from the parents, the parents are not obligated to try to make it even. And big brother sure as heck isn’t obligated to do so. I’m normally a big proponent of family helping family, but not in this case
Load More Replies... My “in my head” Voice 2 years ago
Where is her father in all this? What about the fiancés family? Why is Tom suddenly on the hook? He's funding his own wedding, so he's likely to be strapped himself.
UpupaEpops 2 years ago
It's amazing how many people don't understand the difference between 'emergency' and 'entitlement'. I once helped out a friend with her groceries. She was on a tight budget and an emergency expenditure meant she had no money for food. She didn't buy champagne and caviar mind you, it really was just some basic items to get her through. Then another "friend" threw a major tantrum because I wasn't willing to help her out with a three-figure amount she wanted to spend on a luxury item. I don't know what is it with people and money, but you get the weirdest behaviour when the subject comes up.
Bahama Mama 2 years ago
Wow sounds like you need to cut the one friend out of your life. Don't sound like a friend at all.
Load More Replies... Id row 2 years ago
Then later when kids come along. "Tom's kids are in private school and now Judy and her kids are upset that they aren't. Tell Tom to pay for their school. They're also going to need someone to pay for their college, and it better be a school at least as good as your kids are going to." F off, moochers. Get a job.
Karen 2 years ago
What about family vacations? If Tom takes his family for pizza and pasta in Italy but Judy's family has to settle for Papa John's, Domino's and Panera? I have What if Tom's kids are equally academically inclined and athletically gifted but Judy's kids just get by? That's a lifetime of unnecessary competition and petty jealousy.
Load More Replies... Tyke 2 years ago
So basically her side of the family are all judgemental gossips and she wants to play into that? Perhaps she can give her daughter more money then.
GoGoPDX 2 years ago
I feel like the mom is way too concerned with other people's opinions, and has passed that along to her daughter. You can have an amazing wedding for cheap. Tom's may be bigger and more expensive, but with a little creativity, Judy can make hers way more memorable by making it reflect herself and fiance, making it intimate, and the most important, fun! All the weddings I have found memories of, and still talk about, were the fun ones
Load More Replies... Disinforminationalisticalities 2 years ago
OP's wife sounds very materialistic. It also sounds like she has taught her daughter to be the same way. Apparently, Judy's wedding is all about what friends and family will think instead of proclaiming the couples love. Judy may never be happy with the expectations her mother has instilled in her.
Matthew Daubenmire 2 years ago
Possibly the most idiotic thing ever. If she can't afford a a wedding, go to the courthouse. Grow up.
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