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Dad jokes are a touchy subject: some people adore them, while others think they’re the lowest form of humor.
Most of us are guilty of telling a dad joke or two every once in a while, but we’ve got nothing on the Dad Says Jokes Instagram account that is dedicated entirely to posting dad jokes.
With more than 1.9 million loyal followers on Instagram, you could even say it’s… the daddy of all dad joke social media accounts. [Accepts Nobel Peace Prize for the corniest joke of the year.]
We’ve collected some of the punniest Dad Jokes, so scroll down, enjoy, remember to tell us which ones were your faves, and share them with your friends if you know they’re feeling down.
The National Post claims that the very first recorded use of the term “dad joke” happened in 1987 when Jim Kalbaugh, a columnist with the Gettysburg Times, wrote: “As we approach Father’s Day, I would like to propose that ‘Dad’ Jokes not be banned. They should be revered, preserved.” Kalbaugh got his wish because the internet is keeping the dad joke genre alive and well.
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#1
Dad Jokes
backatya 5 years ago
It was loud that's why he said to change the batteries on her hearing aid because she thought it was silent but dealy
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Monika Soffronow 5 years ago
No, moms randomly hug their kids because no matter how old they are in years, we still get overwhelmed by motherhood and the purest love there is. *smiling as I write, even at the thought of it. Damned virus.*
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Comedian Paul Seven told the National Post that nowadays humor is all about instant gratification and avoiding insulting anybody. According to him, dad jokes have no social commentary, no agenda, no political material—they’re as neutral as can be.
That’s because they rely on puns. “It’s a genre most kids grow up with and can relate to, no matter where they are from. It requires no cultural know-how, no knowledge of social trends, or world updates,” Seven says.
#4
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Jonathan Scargill 5 years ago
Two fish in a tank. One says "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
#5
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Carrot dude 5 years ago
This comment is the single best thing on Bored Panda.
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Animal Lover 5 years ago
They all dig in the poem, so then the poem is really "deep" ( in the ground)
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Kaspar Kristiansen 5 years ago
But this joke is really old. Used as a blonde people joke here in Denmark....
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backatya 5 years ago
Didn't you get it? He was boasting he did it in a week and thought 2-4 yrs meant it would take that long. Instead it means for kids ages 2-4
Load More Replies...“Dad jokes take the audience away from everything awful to something so neutral and inoffensive, without even trying. You don’t have to think and no one gets hurt. I think we’re tired of turning on CNN and watching the absolute nightmare that is the reality around the world. And then you go on Twitter and you read about dad puns,” the comedian explained the beauty of dad jokes and how they help us unwind.
In his opinion, comedy and humor should be about “healing” and making people feel better about themselves, not putting someone else down for a quick laugh. And dad jokes are perfect for this role. After all, the worst they can do is make us cringe.
#7
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Monika Soffronow 5 years ago
Einstein would have recommended bending it first.
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Octavia Hansen 5 years ago
They tried making Texas toilet paper but it wasn't any good . . . it wouldn't take s**t off of anybody!
Octavia Hansen 5 years ago
They tried making Texas toilet paper, but it wasn't any good . . . it wouldn't take s**t off of anybody!
#8
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Sue Hazlewood 5 years ago
My door is always open is a welcome to people but the door always open lets the heat out hence the higher power bill.
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Caroline Driver 5 years ago
That's it. No Generation Whatever, they will have to be Quaranteens
#10
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Monika Soffronow 5 years ago
This has the definite ring of Groucho Marx. In the very sad case that you are not familiar with the Marx brothers, do look them up and you will spend some very happy hours with them.
Dora Bedpan 5 years ago
They say: You must start at bottom and climb the ladder. I say: NO. Everyone's gonna climb over you. You must found a Company that builds ladders. That way, every one who wants a ladder must buy it from you! $$$
#11
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Reinier Post 5 years ago
The standard reply is "Don't mention it", not "Please don't mention it", as far ad I know.
Angell Harding 5 years ago
To not mention "the elephant in the room" is to not acknowledge something that is very obvious to everyone present.
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#12
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Monika Soffronow 5 years ago
The Rnaught of this joke is well above 1, and I doubt anyone will develop immunity, save some poor, negative sods who have no humour at all.
Dutch VanZandt 5 years ago
But if no one retells the joke, it won't go viral... thus R0=0.
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#13
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Donna Kube 5 years ago
Ar first, I thought it was referring to the boys' soccer team in Thailand, but then I got it: hole full of water, well !
#14
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Colin L 5 years ago
An old joke I heard from the Fiinnish when they were being invaded by Russia: "There are so many of them and so few of us! Where are going to bury them all?"
Monika Soffronow 5 years ago
And that, my friend, is the spirit of SISU, which is Finnish and it cannot be translated into English. It is "stoic determination, tenacity of purpose, grit, bravery, resilience, and hardiness" and it "begins where perseverance and grit end". The national character of the Finns, in other words.
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#15
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Molly Cule 5 years ago
Women's faults are many but men have only two. Everything they say and everything they do. (Please don't think I'm ignorant enough to actually believe this. It's just a funny ditty.)
Peachikeen 5 years ago
This is so true. I remember when my partner was nothing but attentive when we were first dating, now I have full length conversations with myself whilst he thinks about racing simulations on youtube
Anna roberts 5 years ago
Made my hubby get hearing aids, they work fine when the kid is talking to him, but my voice pitch is still unhearable....
Meredith L Brown 5 years ago (edited)
And sometimes not even that! My husband is a very good man, and if I sit down with him and get him to look at me while I speak, he listens very well. But if I say something from across the room, he may hear it but doesn't acknowledge that he heard it, so I don't know whether he heard it, and have to say it again, and it drives me nuts! And no, Monika, I don't talk all the time. Kesam, I think it would have been better if Karen had not used such a definitive "never", but nonetheless her observation is borne out really often.
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Kris Sh 5 years ago
Lol, took me a minute. 'Cause people sneeze differently in different languages.
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#18
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Vanta Black 5 years ago
Guess who I bumped into on the way to get my car brakes fixed?
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#20
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ADHORTATOR 5 years ago
My granddad mixed up the names of his first son, in the register his names are Alfred Erich, but he is baptized Erich Alfred...
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Sharon Hyatt 5 years ago
My son often has to clarify that his name is with a 'V'.
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Cory Kent 5 years ago
Reminds me of the guy who said on the McDonald's drive thru his name was Stephen with a "ph." At the top of his order receipt, the person had written "Phteven." :-)
backatya 5 years ago
That's why people shouldn't try to change things especially when it sounds the same
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Pascale Pierloot 5 years ago
My uncle has never been able to pronounce the letter R so I have cousins named Qwiz and Hewey. But it was meant to be Kris and Youri. Being a shy young man my uncle didn't want to admit this for his first son and was to drunk to mention it with the second. My aunt has forgiven him after getting it right the third time...their daughter Pamela.
Sharon Hyatt 5 years ago
This is the first one I giggled at . . . . I suppose it could really happen
Marlene Ricker 5 years ago
My late father-in-law actually had a girls name for his middle time because his Dad was drunk when he registered the name.and misspelled it. All the children in my father's family spelled their last name differently. Grandpa was Ukrainian and didn't write or speak English. He just told the registration people what the name was and they spelled it how they thought it sounded.
backatya 5 years ago
the registration people don't know how to do the job properly. They should have had him spell it on paper.
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Asia 5 years ago
Oh gawd, I actually had a patient do that. He overfilled the container and then stuck the lid in it like a flag.
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ROBERT NELSON 5 years ago (edited)
imagine whyed you over fill the stool sample oh i allways give 110%
#22
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Dónal Ó Murchadha 5 years ago
Actually it's a spade...... "NERDBOY STRIKES AGAIN!"
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Monika Soffronow 5 years ago
Wouldn't it be better to use the word 'spade' instead of a shovel? Any opinions?
PotterHead 5 years ago
Well I think it depends on where you live. Spade might be the norm for where you are. But in america, (where I think this guy is) It´s normal to say shovel. Both are appropriate.
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#23
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Tiny Dynamine 5 years ago
Good point. It's spelled queue in this instance.
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elfin 5 years ago
A realistic comment: always put down the seat and lid before flushing. Flushing creates a fine mist from the toilet contents that can filter out through the air for several feet. Most bathrooms are small and people's toothbrushes, sponges, towels, etc. are likely within that zone.
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#27
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Carrie de Luka 5 years ago
I sent a friend 'okay donkey' instead of 'okay dokey'. She thought I was being rude about her weight.
Load More Replies... Fred and George Weasley 5 years ago
once i said memes and it changed it to mermen. my friend was very confused
Jette Wang Wahnon 5 years ago
My daughter-in-law wanted to send a Happy Holidays to her boss ..autocorrect changed it to Happy Holocaust...He is Jewish...
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#29
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Kesam 5 years ago (edited)
I, for one, don't like to cut corners, so I will apply to be a surgeon. But, come to think of it, I'm a little sad by nature and would like to do something uplifting, so I might also apply to be an elevator conductor. But then again, I hate it when people go off the rails, so I think will just go back to my old job as a train conductor.
#30
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Peachikeen 5 years ago
I'm. Concerned because my dad told me this joke a few weeks ago. I laughed more reading it here lmao
Marie-Louise Gojani 5 years ago
Ammonia cleaner if you say it in a funny accent it comes out with “I’m only a cleaner”
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Josiane Roy 5 years ago
It is the proper tense in this case. As in I've seen this. Should be written I've just seen.
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*sigh*, The Yellow Teletubby 5 years ago
Wow, I bet that hertz a lot. I wonder, watt was he thinking, and how he currently feels? I hope he's doing well and resting at ohm. If he's not, I might just reVolt against his wishes and bring him back to his house. And if he tries to stop me by knocking the light outta me, I'll have to flip the switch, turn out the lights for him, and bring him back to rest. Then, if he shows more violent resistance, I'll charge him with assault and battery.
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Monika Soffronow 5 years ago
Before lockdown, when everybody went shopping and the supermarkets were full of people if one coughed all the rest s**t themselves!
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#44
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#45
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Dutch VanZandt 5 years ago (edited)
"Iceberg" is a type of lettuce... English saying "...tip of the ice berg", meaning you have only seen a small part of a bigger problem, e.g "The news is shocking, but we may find out that the stories we've heard so far are just the tip of the iceberg."
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#50
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Monika Soffronow 5 years ago
This low! "Reaching New Lows With the Queen of Limbo" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyHSJj_DluI
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#53
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Jef Bateman 5 years ago
When I worked for an airline, it was common for agents to misspell the name "Brian" as "Brain." One day I asked a guy if I should change his name in his reservation, but he said that his legal name was "Brain" because his mother couldn't spell.
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#64
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Jef Bateman 5 years ago
Zoom definitely came out of nowhere to dominate our lives. I hadn't even heard of it until March.
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#82
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Jasmine Lansdale-Alexander 5 years ago
If you're the type of person who says 'ugh' to puns, why haven't you commented 'ugh' under every single one of these?
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What do you think ?
juice 5 years ago
i think they're called dad jokes because dads like telling them over and over again. the humor is usually really cheesy and focuses on wordplay (and they're mostly family-friendly). i guess dad jokes kind of epitomize lameness but they're so dumb it's funny.
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Jason Doakes 5 years ago
This is great light comedy, no demeaning, no racism, no sexism, nobody gets put down except, maybe a little self-deprecation/self-irony, but no bad feelings. You must like puns though...
Naomi Wayker 5 years ago
This cracked me up the whole way I want more it reminds me of my childhood
juice 5 years ago
i think they're called dad jokes because dads like telling them over and over again. the humor is usually really cheesy and focuses on wordplay (and they're mostly family-friendly). i guess dad jokes kind of epitomize lameness but they're so dumb it's funny.
Load More Replies... Jason Doakes 5 years ago
This is great light comedy, no demeaning, no racism, no sexism, nobody gets put down except, maybe a little self-deprecation/self-irony, but no bad feelings. You must like puns though...
Naomi Wayker 5 years ago
This cracked me up the whole way I want more it reminds me of my childhood
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