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Dad Overhears A Conversation Between His New Wife And His Son, Cancels The Mother’s Day Celebration He’d Planned
Healthy boundaries are very important in romantic and family relationships if we want everyone to thrive. On the flip side, a lack of boundaries could lead to someone walking all over us and doing us harm (even if they don’t mean to). Now, setting these boundaries up means having some honest heart-to-heart communication when you see someone you love doing something that grates you. These conversations might be tough, but they’re absolutely vital.
Redditor u/FredWalker37 opened up about the intense situation that’s currently going on in his family. A father with a 13-year-old son, he turned to the AITA community for advice about what he should do after he confronted his new wife about how she spoke to his son, who is slightly more on the introverted side. It all culminated with the dad canceling the Mother’s Day celebration they’d all planned.
Scroll down for the full story in u/FredWalker37’s own words, and let us know in the comments what you think about what happened, dear Pandas. If you have any great insights or useful advice on how to proceed, we’re all ears.
RELATED:
A father with a slightly introverted son ended up taking a very firm stand after he overheard what his new wife told his boy
Image credits: Vlada Karpovich (not the actual photo)
The dad opened up about everything in a very candid post on the AITA subreddit. Here is his story in full
Image credits: Ibrahim Boran (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Anastasia Shuraeva (not the actual photo)
The crux of the issue was that the author of the post’s wife and stepdaughter were pressuring his son to stay at home during the Mother’s Day celebration. The stepmom felt that his “socially inept attitude” would make her own family “uncomfortable and will ruin the mood.”
After overhearing this, the dad asked the kids to let him speak to his wife alone. He took a firm stand and canceled the celebration. There was no changing his mind. However, his wife threw “tantrum after tantrum” and then went to stay at her folks’ place with her daughter. That’s where the situation leaves us. We can only hope that everything will turn out fine in the end for the redditor and his family.
Relationship coach Alex Scot explained to Bored Panda earlier that it’s necessary to have boundaries in any relationship, romantic, familial, or otherwise. However, the closer someone is to you, the more flexible you should make those boundaries: strict boundaries are unsustainable in close relationships where there’s a need for compromise.
“Without them [boundaries], we live our lives at the expense of ourselves. The mindset for many when it comes to setting boundaries is that they feel selfish, or that they aren’t being a good partner when they implement them, so they avoid doing it altogether,” Alex told us during an earlier interview.
“This only causes resentment to build and overwhelm to set in both within the individual and the relationship as a whole. Boundaries are there for us to be able to take care of and to protect ourselves so that we can show up and operate within our lives as successfully as possible.”
Meanwhile, very recently, Suzanne Degges-White, a Licensed Counselor, Professor, and Chair at the Department of Counseling and Higher Education at Northern Illinois University, explained to us that introversion isn’t the same as antisocial behavior which, in turn, differs from antisocial personality disorder.
“During the pandemic, people who tend towards introversion were able to grow more comfortable in this identity and were able to disconnect from life’s requirements for ‘extroverting behaviors.’ While many extroverts had to spend more time alone, they didn’t necessarily grow more introverted, but found more ways to connect to others,” Suzanne told Bored Panda about how the pandemic affected people.
“In fact, research indicates that while the isolation offered ‘comfort’ to introverts and may have stressed out the more extroverted, it was actually the extroverts who ended up coping more effectively with the emotional distress of the pandemic. They stayed in contact with their typically larger social networks so they still were engaging socially even though it was done virtually,” the counselor told us.
“Introverts, though, while enjoying the ‘lifestyle of their dreams,’ suffered from isolation more acutely because they had smaller social circles to begin with and fewer opportunities to connect with others as well as less skill in doing so due to their introverted patterns,” she said.
“Introverts have interest in connecting and engaging in social relationships whereas antisocial folks tend to just prefer to avoid people at all,” she explained the difference between introverts and antisocial people to us.
“Folks who prefer not to be around people are typically just ‘wired that way,’ and prefer the company of themselves, pets, or simply solitude. While these people are relatively rare in comparison to those who identify as introverts, the pandemic quarantines would have created no stressors whatsoever for those who would be labeled as antisocial,” the professor said.
“Some folks, for whatever reason, don’t want to invest the time or energy into forging a significant number of non-essential social relationships. They are truly okay being the ‘odd person out’ and prefer time alone than time to socialize. Introverts like to have friends, romantic relationships, happy collegial connections with folks on the job, etc. Antisocial folks, though, eschew relationships and engage only when circumstances require it,” she said.
A lot of redditor’s were horrified by what they read. Here’s how some of them reacted and the advice they gave the dad
What do you think ?
June 3 years ago
If you think being an extrovert gives you the right to bully introverts for being introverts, then you are not an extrovert, you are an ASSTROVERT.
TonyTee 3 years ago (edited)
I'm an extrovert. Yet I'm mostly drawn to the introvert crowd, as from experience, they can be much more pleasant than extroverts; and they're more genuine. I myself was an introvert from around 12-18, I'm still amazed that now I'm an extrovert, it's like "how tf did that happen??" xD People are people nevertheless, I'm kind of puzzled as to how many labels there are now in regards to the human race when at the end of the day, we're all the same kind. We're skin flesh and bones. We're "people", and nothing else.
Load More Replies...
June 3 years ago
I've had a evil stepmom when I was 15 to 18. As soon as my dad was not around she was so nasty to me. Long story short, my grandma died and my dad and I were devastated. She demanded that my dad kick me out, so he did. It was the middle of the winter, graduation year, and I was homeless. My relationship with my father is permanently damaged. I am damaged. You don't recover from such things. Stand for your kids, people.
JillyMack 3 years ago
I'm so sorry you've been through that trauma. It's so awful. I hope you're doing ok now xx
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CLG 3 years ago
You know what truly does NOT help an introvert come out of his shell -- being singled out for his introverted and socially inept attitude.
Bunzilla 3 years ago
Introverts do NOT need to be "helped" to "come out of their shell". We're introverts, we are not extroverts, there is nothing wrong with us. Extroverts love being around other people, and that's fine. But for goodness sake, stop forcing introverts to act like extroverts. Extroverts, remember how miserable you all felt during quarantine when you couldn't go out and be around other people? That's a bit like how an introvert feels when you force them to act like an extrovert. Don't do it.
Load More Replies...
Alma Muminovic 3 years ago
Wow what an incredibly shitty thing to say to a kid. You married someone knowing that they have a kid as do you, why would you agree to marry them thinking it’s ok to treat your step son like he cab be erased from your life? What if your husband said that to your daughter? Im sure it would be a deal breaker. Why not just accept the people in your life for who they are and stop being a mega B.
Carrie Laughs 3 years ago
Plus, how would she like it if he decided to leave her daughter out of any family celebration centred around Father's day, eh? Unbelievable. This is a child and he sounds like he spends most of his time out of their way anyway. HE had to reassure them that he'd behave well and interact??? Good grief! I'd not be able to stay married to someone who felt it was okay to talk to my child like that behind my back. Hideous attitude.
Load More Replies...
S 3 years ago
I would leave my spouse if they every spoke to my child that way. Period. In fact, I'd make them* leave.
TonyTee 3 years ago
That boy needs more love and support, and he's not getting much of either one from that so called "step mother" or "step sister", the moment they started talking down on my son and tried making him feel beneath who he really is, I'd pack up their s**t myself, throw it out in the street, and tell them "go fetch" like the dogs they are. That'd definitely be the end of a toxic relationship.
Load More Replies...
ZombieGirl 3 years ago
"technically I'm not your mom".....well, technically since the wife isn't a mother to the father's kid, then why should either of them celebrate Mother's Day for that mother. That was on her
Phyzzi 3 years ago
Came here to say this. "Why did you cancel?" "Because you apparently aren't a real mother to anyone I am related to, so it seemed pointless to celebrate mother's day with you." If he really wanted to turn the knife "given that, we thought maybe we would go celebrate with a memorial for his real mother and our real family".
Load More Replies...
bored hamster 3 years ago
I was a single mum when I met my ex husband. I didn't like the way he spoke to my daughter, so I divorced him. Your children should always come 1st with something like this. They will always be your children, a partner may not.
Phyzzi 3 years ago
Good. Sorry you had to go through the trouble, but thank you for doing the right thing.
Load More Replies...
Paul Davis 3 years ago
I've run into many extroverts, including my own dad, who would heap scorn at me for not being just like them. He would even tell me that introversion was a kind of mental illness, and try to do things to "cure" me. Then years later he was complaining that people were calling him too introverted and not healthy. Cue the tiny violins.
Phyzzi 3 years ago
It sucks that someone criticized you for being introverted (which is fine) but if someone who is used to having a robust network of friends suddenly doesn't it could be a bad sign. Make sure to check in with your father about his situation and how he feels about it: he may have been a jerk but he's still family, don't ignore a big change.
Load More Replies...
Anjelika 3 years ago
Sorry but the mother can f#ck off, the daughter is most probably copying the mother, that was cruel of them, makes you wonder how they treat him when the dad is not around, passive aggressive, jabs etc I just don't understand how would he make her family uncomfortable?
Phyzzi 3 years ago (edited)
What, you mean the daughter that ruined the surprise part of the surprise party that her stepdad planned for HER mother for mother's day and was right there with mom criticizing the son? Yeah, yeah probably.
Load More Replies...
June 3 years ago
If you think being an extrovert gives you the right to bully introverts for being introverts, then you are not an extrovert, you are an ASSTROVERT.
TonyTee 3 years ago (edited)
I'm an extrovert. Yet I'm mostly drawn to the introvert crowd, as from experience, they can be much more pleasant than extroverts; and they're more genuine. I myself was an introvert from around 12-18, I'm still amazed that now I'm an extrovert, it's like "how tf did that happen??" xD People are people nevertheless, I'm kind of puzzled as to how many labels there are now in regards to the human race when at the end of the day, we're all the same kind. We're skin flesh and bones. We're "people", and nothing else.
Load More Replies... June 3 years ago
I've had a evil stepmom when I was 15 to 18. As soon as my dad was not around she was so nasty to me. Long story short, my grandma died and my dad and I were devastated. She demanded that my dad kick me out, so he did. It was the middle of the winter, graduation year, and I was homeless. My relationship with my father is permanently damaged. I am damaged. You don't recover from such things. Stand for your kids, people.
JillyMack 3 years ago
I'm so sorry you've been through that trauma. It's so awful. I hope you're doing ok now xx
Load More Replies... CLG 3 years ago
You know what truly does NOT help an introvert come out of his shell -- being singled out for his introverted and socially inept attitude.
Bunzilla 3 years ago
Introverts do NOT need to be "helped" to "come out of their shell". We're introverts, we are not extroverts, there is nothing wrong with us. Extroverts love being around other people, and that's fine. But for goodness sake, stop forcing introverts to act like extroverts. Extroverts, remember how miserable you all felt during quarantine when you couldn't go out and be around other people? That's a bit like how an introvert feels when you force them to act like an extrovert. Don't do it.
Load More Replies... Alma Muminovic 3 years ago
Wow what an incredibly shitty thing to say to a kid. You married someone knowing that they have a kid as do you, why would you agree to marry them thinking it’s ok to treat your step son like he cab be erased from your life? What if your husband said that to your daughter? Im sure it would be a deal breaker. Why not just accept the people in your life for who they are and stop being a mega B.
Carrie Laughs 3 years ago
Plus, how would she like it if he decided to leave her daughter out of any family celebration centred around Father's day, eh? Unbelievable. This is a child and he sounds like he spends most of his time out of their way anyway. HE had to reassure them that he'd behave well and interact??? Good grief! I'd not be able to stay married to someone who felt it was okay to talk to my child like that behind my back. Hideous attitude.
Load More Replies... S 3 years ago
I would leave my spouse if they every spoke to my child that way. Period. In fact, I'd make them* leave.
TonyTee 3 years ago
That boy needs more love and support, and he's not getting much of either one from that so called "step mother" or "step sister", the moment they started talking down on my son and tried making him feel beneath who he really is, I'd pack up their s**t myself, throw it out in the street, and tell them "go fetch" like the dogs they are. That'd definitely be the end of a toxic relationship.
Load More Replies... ZombieGirl 3 years ago
"technically I'm not your mom".....well, technically since the wife isn't a mother to the father's kid, then why should either of them celebrate Mother's Day for that mother. That was on her
Phyzzi 3 years ago
Came here to say this. "Why did you cancel?" "Because you apparently aren't a real mother to anyone I am related to, so it seemed pointless to celebrate mother's day with you." If he really wanted to turn the knife "given that, we thought maybe we would go celebrate with a memorial for his real mother and our real family".
Load More Replies... bored hamster 3 years ago
I was a single mum when I met my ex husband. I didn't like the way he spoke to my daughter, so I divorced him. Your children should always come 1st with something like this. They will always be your children, a partner may not.
Phyzzi 3 years ago
Good. Sorry you had to go through the trouble, but thank you for doing the right thing.
Load More Replies... Paul Davis 3 years ago
I've run into many extroverts, including my own dad, who would heap scorn at me for not being just like them. He would even tell me that introversion was a kind of mental illness, and try to do things to "cure" me. Then years later he was complaining that people were calling him too introverted and not healthy. Cue the tiny violins.
Phyzzi 3 years ago
It sucks that someone criticized you for being introverted (which is fine) but if someone who is used to having a robust network of friends suddenly doesn't it could be a bad sign. Make sure to check in with your father about his situation and how he feels about it: he may have been a jerk but he's still family, don't ignore a big change.
Load More Replies... Anjelika 3 years ago
Sorry but the mother can f#ck off, the daughter is most probably copying the mother, that was cruel of them, makes you wonder how they treat him when the dad is not around, passive aggressive, jabs etc I just don't understand how would he make her family uncomfortable?
Phyzzi 3 years ago (edited)
What, you mean the daughter that ruined the surprise part of the surprise party that her stepdad planned for HER mother for mother's day and was right there with mom criticizing the son? Yeah, yeah probably.
Load More Replies...
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