There is a vast valley with steep slopes and a raging river winding its way through the bottom that separates the people who are genuinely nice and those who only proclaim themselves to be ‘nice.’ Most of us know from experience that guys who are actually nice act very differently than those who are ‘nice guys.’
However, this post isn’t about nice guys. No, this one is about nice girls. Or rather—‘nice girls’ who believe they’re entitled to ‘perfect’ partners while dripping with hatred for the world and showing their true colors when things don’t go their way. In fact, there’s a place where they get called out: the r/Nicegirls subreddit that proves that fake ‘niceness’ knows no gender boundaries. See for your yourselves, dear Pandas. Be sure to read on for Bored Panda's interview with one of the moderators of the subreddit, user CTFOE_is_Free.
Selfishness and altruism aren't as black and white as you might think. According to research, human history has shown that some forms of selfishness can be considered to be "healthy" while some altruism can be "pathological." Healthy selfishness led to higher levels of psychological well-being and a "genuine prosocial orientation." Meanwhile, pathological altruism was associated with vulnerable narcissism and selfish motivations for helping others. If that sounds familiar, it's the scientific basis for the difference between nice and 'nice.'
Moderator CTFOE_is_Fee told Bored Panda that the reason why some women are 'nice girls' is a combination of a few factors. "Some of them are too immature to realize what they're doing. Others are that manipulative on purpose. Lastly, some do not even realize what they're doing," they explained.
We were curious to find out where the line between genuine niceness and fake 'niceness' was for the moderator. Here's what they had to say: "Personally, for me, the line is drawn when you can tell that someone is being passive-aggressive; when you can sense the subdued maliciousness in their words and actions. If your gut is telling you that something is not genuine about the person then they probably are not genuine. I think we've all experienced a few relationships like that in our lives. I do not see there being a large grey area between the two. You know when someone is being kind or not."
According to CTFOE_is_free, one of the things that new members need to keep in mind if they decide to join up is to read and follow the subreddit rules. "We have a strict No doxxing policy, as we work to respect and protect the privacy of the subjects of the content as well as that of the posters."
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According to the creators of the subreddit, the 'Nice Girls' community is like the ‘Nice Guys’ online group, but different in that they focus on women instead. Bored Panda has even written about them before. You can check out that post right over here once you’re done enjoying this list. Spoiler alert: proclaiming that you’re nice doesn’t make it so. The proof is in how you act, not the mild-mannered facade you show the world.
“For all the self-proclaimed ‘nice girls.’ For the women who complain ‘guys are only interested in [promiscuous women].’ For women who complain that men are shallow for not dating overweight women, while also demanding that their man have washboard abs. For the women who hold others to the highest possible standard, but have no standards for themselves,” the r/Nicegirls creators explain what their group is all about.
The main focus of the subreddit is to shame these ‘nice girls’ in all their glory through images, articles, videos, and everything else. “This sub is not for female incels. This place is not for crazy girls. If you swap the genders and it doesn't belong on r/niceguys, then don't post it,” they explain.
What’s more, the moderators point out that their community is “not a women hating subreddit.” They encourage members to be polite and “refrain from making sexist comments or being a bigot.” They have a zero-tolerance policy regarding things like that, so mind your manners. Yes, there’s a certain unsurprising irony there that a group about shaming people who are supposedly ‘nice’ actually requires folks to be nice.
However, just because r/Nicegirls deems these women worthy of being shamed doesn’t mean that they’re having an all-out war with them. Members of the group can’t post any identifying information about people: this way, they’re protected from internet users who might want to criticize them or insult them. After all, just because someone’s ‘nice’ now doesn’t mean that they’re not learning to be actually, genuinely nice. I’m a big believer that people can change if they set their minds to it.
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Urban Dictionary defines 'nice girls' as women who believe they're the best choice to be someone's girlfriend. They're deemed by the internet to be manipulative, have self-esteem issues, and can be passive-aggressive. They also have problems with jealousy and being self-centered. Especially if rejected.
Usually, 'nice girls' are women who get others to pity her into dating her. In short, they're the female version of 'nice guys,' with all the drama and seething hatred you'd expect to see from them. Both 'nice girls' and 'nice guys' feel like they deserve to be in a relationship with anyone that they want or anyone that so much as smiles at them.
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They also believe that the world owes them what they want just because they're 'well-mannered.' The moment things go south and they don't get what they want, they rage at the world and proclaim that it's not fair that things are this way. Whereas a genuinely nice person is kind to others without expecting a reward, a self-proclaimed 'nice girl' or 'nice guy' hides the fact that they're really just after the reward. Usually, the reward they have in mind is romantic or [ahem] something more.
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The Gentleman’s Journal suggests that the difference between nice and ‘nice’ depends on how honest we are with ourselves about our intentions. For instance, they explain that you should be generous, but that you shouldn’t use your generosity as a bargaining chip for other things. That means that why you’re doing something is just as important as the fact that you’re doing it.
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One thought in particular raised by the Gentleman’s Journal stuck in my mind: “Do be kind. But don’t do it just because you think you ought to.” The implication here is simple: being kind is vital. However, making the decision to be kind because you believe it’s the right thing to do is the key here.
Being nice, polite, and kind just because you feel pressured to doesn’t make you nice. It makes you ‘nice.’ After all, kindness under duress isn’t really kindness, is it? But what do you think, dear Pandas? Why do you think ‘nice girls’ and ‘nice guys’ act the way that they do? Where do you think the line between actual kindness and fake kindness lies? Can we tell which is which from a distance? Share your thoughts with everyone else in the comments below.