“She Lost It”: Person Refuses To Give Up Their Days Off Just Because They Don’t Have Kids
The magic of the holiday season is particularly special for children, as their adorable awe and wonder surrounding Santa Claus can melt any Grinch’s heart. But being an adult doesn’t mean we have to abandon all of the fun of the holidays, and it certainly shouldn’t mean we’re obligated to work if we don’t have kids.
Below, you’ll find a story that was recently shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit, detailing how one employee started to wonder if they were in the wrong for defending their days off.
The holiday season is for all to enjoy, young and old
Image credits: Nicole Michalou (not the actual photo)
But according to this person’s colleague, parents are more entitled to days off than those without kids
Image credits: Yan Krukau (not the actual photo)
Image credits: FriendlyAd2809
Later, the employee replied to a few readers and provided more info on the situation
All employees should be treated equally when submitted time off requests
Image credits: Edmond Dantès (not the actual photo)
Juggling days off can always be a challenge for companies during busy times of the year. If it’s summer and children are out of school, every parent might try to plan a family trip at the same time. And during the holiday season, all employees would rather be spending time with their loved ones by the fireplace than typing away at a computer. But how can they decide who gets priority when approving time-off requests?
According to Bright HR, no employees should be favored when deciding who gets coveted days off. All team members should be treated equally to ensure that no one feels discriminated against. Many companies operate on a first-come, first-served basis for requesting days off, but this isn’t a perfect system either, as there will always be some days that everyone wants off.
Bright HR says it might be more fair to take turns with who has to work less popular days, to ensure everyone still has some days off around the holidays. Perhaps, managers can pull names from a hat or rotate who gets first pick on December days off. But they must be wise when accepting requests, as once you’ve said yes, it can be impossible to go back on your word.
But some parents admit that they’ve received preferential treatment in the workplace
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
While parents, in theory, should be treated the same in the workplace as everyone else, it seems like they often aren’t. The woman in this particular story clearly felt entitled to days off simply because she has kids, and there might be a system in place that has led her to believe she deserves days off more than anyone else.
According to a study from ResumeLab, where 80% of respondents were parents, 87% of those surveyed felt that parents receive more benefits at work. 86% also noted that parents tend to have preferential treatment when applying flexible work policies, and 85% believe moms and dads get priority when requesting paid time off.
Three quarters of those surveyed said that, overall, parents are treated better than those without kids in the workplace, and 70% of childfree workers report being given a greater workload at least once, simply because they don’t have kids. 63% of employees without children also said they’ve been denied time off before because they didn’t have little ones at home to take care of. And a whopping 81% of respondents believe that “child-related absences are more important for employers than the absences of the child-free.”
Time off is crucial for employees’ mental health
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Everyone deserves to take time off from work to rest and enjoy the holidays, regardless of whether or not they have children. Burnout is a serious issue in many workplaces, and it can leave employees feeling drained, unable to cope, unable to sleep, more irritable, prone to relying on alcohol or other substances, with an increased risk of heart disease and high blood pressure, and more prone to getting sick.
Meanwhile, taking time off can allow employees to rest, relax, enjoy their lives, decrease stress and remind themselves what’s really most important. It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of constantly working, but taking breaks from the grind is very important for our mental health. According to a study among women living in central Wisconsin, those who only went on vacation once every 2 years were 92% more likely to have depression than their colleagues who took one or more vacations per year. You don’t just deserve time off; you need it.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this employee was right to defend their days off, despite being pressured by their colleague? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another article discussing similar themes, look no further than right here.
Readers assured the employee they did nothing wrong and provided some suggestions for how to proceed
Ah yes… yet another entitled parent who thinks that childless adults do not have families.
Even if childless people don't have families or aren't spending time with their families, their time is still valuable. It doesn't matter if they are chilling at home reading a book or watching a film - that is their time and their decision. Not having kids doesn't equal always being available to work.
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I bet she's the same kind of person who won't let you speak on children's behavior because "Ur NoT a MoThEr" but then yah expects childless women to provide for them because they are not a mother.
NTA. I have children and grandchildren and as one of the other posters wrote, I love seeing them but making sure I do is my problem and not that of my colleagues. What makes this situation worse is that the entitlement of the other woman for the OPs holiday implies that somehow she and her time is more important based purely on the fact she's a mother. I'm really glad the OP didn't cave in because that mindset is toxic and so incredibly wrong.
Lack of planning on woman with kid’s part does not constitute an emergency on OP’s part.
I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't lack of planning...she just figured, like many breeders, if anything comes up, she'll just guilt and bully others to get her way.
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One day someone might take the initiative and declare, "Of course you do realize that you should, in fact, be working much harder because you have children to provide for..." Instead of just accepting that some working parents expect special entitlements. Those who say this first will obviously face all manner of backlash but it might open up the discussion regarding working parents. Maybe even to the point where standard interview questions will regularly include, "What special privileges do you expect to receive over staff without children?" Please don't downvote this as I DO understand that not all working parents are unreasonable.
All of this and I only see one comment dealing with -- what about the ***management*** here? Your leave time is your leave time, not someone else's, not "if you can get someone to switch" -- none of that. Even suggesting that someone switch time off displays crappy management.
I wonder how people came to conclusion that childfree people don't have families. And even if OP did not celebrate Christmas, they're not obligated to change their plans for someone else.
I don't like how the OP tried to justify her declining the offer because she had to see her godkid, and niece or whatever. You do not need to justify s**t. Hell I would have told her "Sorry, but I am going to be gaming all weekend. F**k off"
I would have left the email on UNREAD. Let her say that garbage to my face.
Short answer: no. Long answer: no. Need to plan ahead better. My childfree colleague booked this week off which locked me out, he booked it first. Since I work from home it is no big deal for me. I booked the 27th off as it is my son’s birthday. Last week he told me he cancelled his leave as “staff may need help”. I made him rebook it. My manager and I can cover. Since our holiday calendar has opened for the next year. I have already booked my 2 weeks in August for summer holidays and again the 27 Dec which in 2024 happens to be a Friday.
As I’ve said previously, leave is an integral part of your renumeration package. It’s yours to ‘spend’ as you please, you don’t have to justify it or have to prove anything to use it, if you have leave approved then it is yours to do with as you see fit, you can sit in a chair grazing on M&Ms for days on end, never speaking to anyone and only moving to find the TV remote and when you need the loo, it’s your choice. No one gets to tell you how to use it or indeed if your use of it is appropriate. I don’t tell you how to spend your wages, I also don’t get to tell you how to spend your holidays. End of discussion.
This! Time off is part of your benefits package for your job and it doesn't matter what you use it for.
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When I worked in a hotel as a 20-something I was happy to volunteer to take holiday shifts so that my friends with kids didn't have to be there. The key word is VOLUNTEER. I didn't have to do that, but I didn't mind since there were no small kids in my family and we could be flexible with our celebration. The lady in this situation is 100% at fault for not submitting her request. That's no one's problem but her own. I would absolutely tell HR that I was being harassed by her.
Does she think OP just miraculously spawned? People with no kids still usually have families...
"Oh. Sorry, no." That would be my whole answer. Then, I'd move on and let them throw a fit or complain to others or whatever while I enjoyed my time off.
Single people weren't drop off by a stork, or came from the cabbage patch. We have families too, parents, siblings, neices/nephews...I feel my blood boil anytime someone with children think their lives are more important than mine. NTA no way, go live you best life all my fellow singles
NTA. HR Here. If your holidays are approved, then take them. Has nothing to do with who has kids, who doesn't, etc. we all need a break from work - you got your request in timely, your request was granted, enjoy your time off.
I worked in an office in the mid 80s, and had a colleague that wanted to go home an hour earlier every day, because 'she was married'. This meant, she said, that she was above us and should be allowed to go home early to tend to her husband.
you owe no one an explanation of what you are doing on your days off regardless of family status. i have ids and i would ever expect anyone to give up their time. it is MY responsibility to schedule time off for my kids. not any one else's. this year i used my regular days off to celebrate Christmas at home and was in the office working on Christmas eve and Christmas day (my company is open 24/7 all year round). i will be working new years eve and new years. if i had wanted those days off, it is my job to secure those days in advance. and if i do ask someone else to switch, i do not have the right to get salty bc they dont want to regardless if they have kids or even celebrate certain holidays to begin with. you want those days off, schedule it in advance
I wouldn't have said anything. Just made copies of the email and either sent em off to the appropriate people or hand delivered them. And if they'd raise a stink about it, that's what a tape recorder (yep, I said a tape recorder) is for. Hit the button and let em rant and rave to their hearts content. Make copies of that and also send it to the appropriate people. -- I've had to do this before. The person that raised a stink about it eventually got canned. I later found out he had issues of this sort at a previous job. Wouldn't surprise me if he got canned from there as well.
I agree with what kurokomainu said above. I will add that HR needs to know the boss that started this whole problem. That boss needs to keep his/her trap shut about switching with a co-worker. Mommy didn't plan properly.....it sucks to be her.
I don't know where you are from, but where I come from, children go back to school January 2nd or 3rd. Mama wants a 5 day vaycay from her own kids!
Hilarious, your decision to have kids not mine... toodle loo sucks to be you ...
If she had a really good excuse for not putting in her application on time, maybe I would consider it, but everyone needs time off to stay psychologically well. And even without children you surely are not without family, or are you also an orphan?
Their lack of planning and weak pull-out game do not constitute an emergency for you. NTA
A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine
I'm already supporting other people's kids schooling with almost 10k in annual property taxes, a lesser load on the climate, etc.... Don't be an entitled parent. Your kid, your joy, your responsibility.
I worked in that type of environment, and it sucked. I went to work at a public school and it got way better. Everyone got 2 weeks off during the Christmas Holiday.
Only one real reason to agree to her "request" - it will be a work day when she will not be there..
Ah yes… yet another entitled parent who thinks that childless adults do not have families.
Even if childless people don't have families or aren't spending time with their families, their time is still valuable. It doesn't matter if they are chilling at home reading a book or watching a film - that is their time and their decision. Not having kids doesn't equal always being available to work.
Load More Replies... I bet she's the same kind of person who won't let you speak on children's behavior because "Ur NoT a MoThEr" but then yah expects childless women to provide for them because they are not a mother.
NTA. I have children and grandchildren and as one of the other posters wrote, I love seeing them but making sure I do is my problem and not that of my colleagues. What makes this situation worse is that the entitlement of the other woman for the OPs holiday implies that somehow she and her time is more important based purely on the fact she's a mother. I'm really glad the OP didn't cave in because that mindset is toxic and so incredibly wrong.
Lack of planning on woman with kid’s part does not constitute an emergency on OP’s part.
I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't lack of planning...she just figured, like many breeders, if anything comes up, she'll just guilt and bully others to get her way.
Load More Replies... One day someone might take the initiative and declare, "Of course you do realize that you should, in fact, be working much harder because you have children to provide for..." Instead of just accepting that some working parents expect special entitlements. Those who say this first will obviously face all manner of backlash but it might open up the discussion regarding working parents. Maybe even to the point where standard interview questions will regularly include, "What special privileges do you expect to receive over staff without children?" Please don't downvote this as I DO understand that not all working parents are unreasonable.
All of this and I only see one comment dealing with -- what about the ***management*** here? Your leave time is your leave time, not someone else's, not "if you can get someone to switch" -- none of that. Even suggesting that someone switch time off displays crappy management.
I wonder how people came to conclusion that childfree people don't have families. And even if OP did not celebrate Christmas, they're not obligated to change their plans for someone else.
I don't like how the OP tried to justify her declining the offer because she had to see her godkid, and niece or whatever. You do not need to justify s**t. Hell I would have told her "Sorry, but I am going to be gaming all weekend. F**k off"
I would have left the email on UNREAD. Let her say that garbage to my face.
Short answer: no. Long answer: no. Need to plan ahead better. My childfree colleague booked this week off which locked me out, he booked it first. Since I work from home it is no big deal for me. I booked the 27th off as it is my son’s birthday. Last week he told me he cancelled his leave as “staff may need help”. I made him rebook it. My manager and I can cover. Since our holiday calendar has opened for the next year. I have already booked my 2 weeks in August for summer holidays and again the 27 Dec which in 2024 happens to be a Friday.
As I’ve said previously, leave is an integral part of your renumeration package. It’s yours to ‘spend’ as you please, you don’t have to justify it or have to prove anything to use it, if you have leave approved then it is yours to do with as you see fit, you can sit in a chair grazing on M&Ms for days on end, never speaking to anyone and only moving to find the TV remote and when you need the loo, it’s your choice. No one gets to tell you how to use it or indeed if your use of it is appropriate. I don’t tell you how to spend your wages, I also don’t get to tell you how to spend your holidays. End of discussion.
This! Time off is part of your benefits package for your job and it doesn't matter what you use it for.
Load More Replies... When I worked in a hotel as a 20-something I was happy to volunteer to take holiday shifts so that my friends with kids didn't have to be there. The key word is VOLUNTEER. I didn't have to do that, but I didn't mind since there were no small kids in my family and we could be flexible with our celebration. The lady in this situation is 100% at fault for not submitting her request. That's no one's problem but her own. I would absolutely tell HR that I was being harassed by her.
Does she think OP just miraculously spawned? People with no kids still usually have families...
"Oh. Sorry, no." That would be my whole answer. Then, I'd move on and let them throw a fit or complain to others or whatever while I enjoyed my time off.
Single people weren't drop off by a stork, or came from the cabbage patch. We have families too, parents, siblings, neices/nephews...I feel my blood boil anytime someone with children think their lives are more important than mine. NTA no way, go live you best life all my fellow singles
NTA. HR Here. If your holidays are approved, then take them. Has nothing to do with who has kids, who doesn't, etc. we all need a break from work - you got your request in timely, your request was granted, enjoy your time off.
I worked in an office in the mid 80s, and had a colleague that wanted to go home an hour earlier every day, because 'she was married'. This meant, she said, that she was above us and should be allowed to go home early to tend to her husband.
you owe no one an explanation of what you are doing on your days off regardless of family status. i have ids and i would ever expect anyone to give up their time. it is MY responsibility to schedule time off for my kids. not any one else's. this year i used my regular days off to celebrate Christmas at home and was in the office working on Christmas eve and Christmas day (my company is open 24/7 all year round). i will be working new years eve and new years. if i had wanted those days off, it is my job to secure those days in advance. and if i do ask someone else to switch, i do not have the right to get salty bc they dont want to regardless if they have kids or even celebrate certain holidays to begin with. you want those days off, schedule it in advance
I wouldn't have said anything. Just made copies of the email and either sent em off to the appropriate people or hand delivered them. And if they'd raise a stink about it, that's what a tape recorder (yep, I said a tape recorder) is for. Hit the button and let em rant and rave to their hearts content. Make copies of that and also send it to the appropriate people. -- I've had to do this before. The person that raised a stink about it eventually got canned. I later found out he had issues of this sort at a previous job. Wouldn't surprise me if he got canned from there as well.
I agree with what kurokomainu said above. I will add that HR needs to know the boss that started this whole problem. That boss needs to keep his/her trap shut about switching with a co-worker. Mommy didn't plan properly.....it sucks to be her.
I don't know where you are from, but where I come from, children go back to school January 2nd or 3rd. Mama wants a 5 day vaycay from her own kids!
Hilarious, your decision to have kids not mine... toodle loo sucks to be you ...
If she had a really good excuse for not putting in her application on time, maybe I would consider it, but everyone needs time off to stay psychologically well. And even without children you surely are not without family, or are you also an orphan?
Their lack of planning and weak pull-out game do not constitute an emergency for you. NTA
A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine
I'm already supporting other people's kids schooling with almost 10k in annual property taxes, a lesser load on the climate, etc.... Don't be an entitled parent. Your kid, your joy, your responsibility.
I worked in that type of environment, and it sucked. I went to work at a public school and it got way better. Everyone got 2 weeks off during the Christmas Holiday.
Only one real reason to agree to her "request" - it will be a work day when she will not be there..
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