“We’ve Spent Close To $2,000 On All The Materials”: Relatives Invoice Bride After Finding Out They Weren’t Invited To The Wedding
It’s no secret that having a wedding is expensive. In the United States, the average cost of tying the knot in 2021 was $28,000, plus an additional $6,000 if you include the engagement ring. Of course, there is no real need to spend exorbitant amounts of money on your special day, but the charges can add up quickly, especially if you’re inviting many guests.
If a couple is strategic, they might be able to receive free or discounted services from some of their friends, in lieu of traditional wedding gifts. But the assumption is that if someone is providing a service or bending over backwards for your wedding, the least they can get in return is an invitation.
One frustrated business owner recently shared on Reddit that him and his wife’s generosity came back to bite them after they didn’t receive an invitation to a family member’s wedding. Below, you can read the full story of how the couple spent thousands of dollars on materials for the occasion, as well as an interview we were lucky enough to receive from Jessica Bishop, founder of The Budget Savvy Bride. Let us know in the comments if you’ve ever found yourself in a similar situation or how you would react if a relative used you in this way. Then, if you’re looking for another Bored Panda article featuring family drama after someone was not invited to a wedding, look no further than right here!
After being shocked to find out they weren’t invited, this couple decided to invoice the bride for all of the money they spent on materials for her wedding
Image credits: Antoni Shkraba (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Leeloo Thefirst (not the actual photo)
Image credits: BallsackJuicer
Later, the business owner filled in additional details and responded to several readers
It’s completely understandable for a couple to try to spend as little as possible on their wedding ceremony and reception. Very few of us can spend without a care in the world, and if you have friends or family members who can be resources, why not ask them if they’d be willing to help out? But planning a wedding does not mean you can throw social etiquette out the window or have the right to treat your friends and family members poorly.
To gain some insight on this topic, we reached out to Jessica Bishop, founder of The Budget Savvy Bride. “If you’re asking someone you know and care about to give their time, effort, and energy to you for free or at a discounted rate for your wedding, it would be considered rude not to invite them to the celebration,” Jessica told Bored Panda. “Just imagine how you’d feel if you were on the receiving end of that type of exchange. It doesn’t feel good. Put yourself in their shoes before you ask for a favor.”
We were also curious what Jessica’s thoughts were on what exactly is appropriate to ask for from a friend or family member for your wedding. “When it comes to asking for favors for your wedding, the line of how much is too much is nuanced and likely dependent upon your relationship with the person you’re asking for help,” she explained.
“Consider the value of the time and effort required, as well as the hard costs of whatever service or product they are providing. If the value of that item is higher than you’d feel comfortable receiving from them as a gift in cash, it might be too much.” That’s a great rule of thumb. And considering that guests spend about $150 on wedding gifts on average, this couple went way above and beyond with their generosity.
Jessica also believes that, in this case, the couple is justified for billing the bride and groom. “The [soon to be married] couple left them under the assumption that they were invited, which isn’t very courteous or respectful,” she explained. “Since they didn’t proactively communicate the changes to their guest list, it’s understandable that the printers may feel hurt and taken advantage of. I think it’s totally fair to at least charge the hard costs of the work under the circumstances, as the work was done under the assumption that they would be joining in on the celebration.”
Finally, when it comes to wedding etiquette, Jessica says, “Don’t be a jerk! If you are asking for certain items from family or friends in lieu of a gift for the wedding, it can be assumed that the individual has skill in that area, whether as a professional or a hobbyist. Value their time and effort as such!” If you’d like to hear more insight from Jessica or learn some money-saving tips for weddings, be sure to visit The Budget Savvy Bride right here.
We would love to hear your thoughts down below, too, pandas. Have you ever provided a free service as a wedding gift? And how would you respond in this couple’s situation? Let us know what you think, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article following family drama around wedding invitations, look no further than right here!
Readers have unanimously agreed that the couple was justified in charging the bride and groom
Jeezus how can you not invite your own cousin who has done all that for you for free? And then act all surprised and nasty when their feelings are hurt and they then charge you? What do people like this expect? The only people who have ruined the wedding is the greedy a*s bride and groom.
They expect the world to bend over backwards to accommodate them - they are the centre of the universe because it's their special day (for extra fun, watch what happens to one of these couples when they discover that other people *dare* to have a birthday or (even worse) their own anniversary on THEIR SPECIAL DAY). it's never clear if these people are selfish AHs in other parts of their lives, but for some reason weddings bring out the worst in them.
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We had a friend make our wedding cake, and we still paid him something like $100 or $200 to cover materials and stuff (it wasn't a huge cake, but it was tiered, and nicely decorated.) He wasn't a professional baker or anything, but we insisted on paying him something!
SIL made our cake and it was going to be a gift, when she realized the cost she asked my mom to pay for a portion of it
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NTA though I would suggest setting boundaries earlier about costs. They said when they usually do this it's $2-300 worth of materials. As soon as they reached that cost, there should have been a discussion about paying for more changes. When your friend or family owns a business, paying them for their services is a great way to show support. Going to them for a handout is selfish.
Yeah, a lot of people don't realize how much small changes can cost. The bride and groom may not have realized how much they were costing them. Which doesn't excuse them not inviting them to wedding, either. ...Actually, come to think of it, the bride has a wedding planner. So the wedding planner DEFINITELY would or at least should know how much that kind of thing costs! So nvm yeah bride's def the one in the wrong here. (I would love to know the wedding planner's view of events...)
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Jeezus how can you not invite your own cousin who has done all that for you for free? And then act all surprised and nasty when their feelings are hurt and they then charge you? What do people like this expect? The only people who have ruined the wedding is the greedy a*s bride and groom.
They expect the world to bend over backwards to accommodate them - they are the centre of the universe because it's their special day (for extra fun, watch what happens to one of these couples when they discover that other people *dare* to have a birthday or (even worse) their own anniversary on THEIR SPECIAL DAY). it's never clear if these people are selfish AHs in other parts of their lives, but for some reason weddings bring out the worst in them.
Load More Replies... We had a friend make our wedding cake, and we still paid him something like $100 or $200 to cover materials and stuff (it wasn't a huge cake, but it was tiered, and nicely decorated.) He wasn't a professional baker or anything, but we insisted on paying him something!
SIL made our cake and it was going to be a gift, when she realized the cost she asked my mom to pay for a portion of it
Load More Replies... NTA though I would suggest setting boundaries earlier about costs. They said when they usually do this it's $2-300 worth of materials. As soon as they reached that cost, there should have been a discussion about paying for more changes. When your friend or family owns a business, paying them for their services is a great way to show support. Going to them for a handout is selfish.
Yeah, a lot of people don't realize how much small changes can cost. The bride and groom may not have realized how much they were costing them. Which doesn't excuse them not inviting them to wedding, either. ...Actually, come to think of it, the bride has a wedding planner. So the wedding planner DEFINITELY would or at least should know how much that kind of thing costs! So nvm yeah bride's def the one in the wrong here. (I would love to know the wedding planner's view of events...)
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