Woman Shares A Controversial List Of Rules She Makes All Of Her Boyfriends Follow
Trust, respect, and open and honest communication form the bedrock of any happy and flourishing relationship. However, any romantic relationship also needs a good dose of healthy boundaries: partners shouldn’t aim to control each other and should respect each other’s privacy. They should want to be with each other without wanting to cheat and without one partner automatically distrusting the other. At the same time, it’s important to recognize that some people have genuine trust issues while others don’t plan on being faithful.
TikToker @thefreakshowcircus went viral after filming a couple of videos where she listed her 8 controversial rules that she makes all of her boyfriends follow when it comes to their behavior on Instagram. The initial video was viewed a whopping 3 million times, however, the responses weren’t all that supportive. A lot of people thought that the woman was being far too controlling and demanding in her relationships, leaving absolutely no room for trust. Meanwhile, others thought that her message was on-point and what she was asking for wasn’t unreasonable.
Scroll down to take a look at The Freak Circus’ rules and let us know what you think about them in the comments. Too controlling? Completely justified? You’ll be the judge of that, Pandas. Meanwhile, scroll down to find Bored Panda’s interview with dating expert Dan Bacon about the importance of mutual respect, healthy boundaries, and why one person shouldn’t have too much power in any relationship.
This TikToker went viral for sharing her 8 controversial rules that she makes all of her boyfriends follow
Image credits: thefreakshowcircus
Here’s what she expects from her partners
Image credits: thefreakshowcircus
The TikToker’s rules essentially boil down to her not wanting the person she’s dating to look at other women on social media. She also wants him to block any other person he’d been romantically involved with before (including anyone he’s so much as held hands with).
All of these rules suggest that the TikToker might have some trust issues. This can happen to anyone who’s had a partner they love cheat on them before. However, it might be unfair to label every guy ever as a potential cheater. And controlling someone’s interactions online seems like a very shaky foundation from which to start a relationship. It sets a precedent for one partner to have far too much power over the other. This leaves very little room for trust, only control.
However, at the same time, if one partner isn’t okay with what the other is doing or the rules they’re enforcing, they need to speak up. If they believe they’re not being respected, they can’t stay silent.
Here are the TikToker’s videos in full
@thefreakshowcircusIf you dated my man after me, YOURE WELCOME 🤗♬ original sound – The Freak Show 🎪 @thefreakshowcircus Reply to @yourhigherstate2 ♬ original sound – The Freak Show 🎪
Relationship expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man, explained to Bored Panda that boundaries are important in dating.
“In relationships and life in general, too much power can corrupt a person’s behavior,” he told us. “A man or a woman who is normally a very nice, caring, loving and understanding person, can sometimes become quite selfish, mean and unloving if given too much power in a romantic relationship.”
According to the expert, boundaries mean very little if they’re not enforced. For instance, if one of the partners doesn’t like that the other keeps snooping on them or doesn’t trust them even one bit, they have to communicate this clearly.
“Sometimes, a woman will be in a relationship with a man who says that he has boundaries, but then lets her defy those boundaries on a daily basis because he doesn’t know how to stand up to her in an assertive, loving and effective way,” Dan told Bored Panda that people are responsible for the boundaries they set.
“All he does is get upset, sulk and seek pity from her when she defies his boundaries, which she sees as weak, wimpy, and possibly even pathetic. This can then result in her losing respect for him, which can then make her feel as though his so-called ‘boundaries’ aren’t something that she needs to adhere to,” he explained what can happen if one of the partners doesn’t stand up for themselves.
“That kind of problematic outcome often happens when one person has way too much power in a relationship.”
In the dating expert’s opinion, if a guy wants to be respected by his girlfriend or wife, he should strive to ensure that the power dynamic isn’t skewed too far one way or the other. Meanwhile, demanding, pleading, or trying to reason with his partner won’t get her to respect his boundaries.
“Having boundaries respected is not about a man being overly domineering or bossy and making his girlfriend or wife feel like she has no power or say. That is not loving or effective and it will create many relationship problems and most likely cause the relationship to end in a breakup,” Dan said.
“A man needs to approach the relationship in a way where his girlfriend or wife feels respected, but also feels the need to respect him in return,” he explained to us. “If respect is only one way in the relationship, problematic behavior will naturally emerge and boundaries may be defied or disrespected by an otherwise nice, loving and caring person.”
Some people came out in total support of the woman’s 8 rules. Here’s what they had to say about them
Meanwhile, some time ago, relationship expert Alex Scot spoke to Bored Panda about the importance of transparency and how privacy is different from secrecy.
“If it can affect your partner or family, there absolutely should be transparency. Whenever in doubt, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself what you would like if you were in their situation,” the explained to us during an earlier interview that partners should aim to be very transparent with each other in matters that, well, matter.
“If it wouldn’t impact them, then you have the option of keeping it to yourself. The difference between privacy and secrecy is that secrecy has a sense of shame, guilt, or knowing that your partner or family member wouldn’t be ok with whatever took place,” she pointed out that privacy isn’t the same as secrecy.
Alex stressed that, once broken, rebuilding trust is “always a challenge.” It’s not impossible to fix it, but it will be challenging.
“For smaller offenses, it will take less time, but for larger offenses, be prepared to be overly transparent for a time and hire a therapist or coach to walk you through the process. Trust takes consistency to rebuild and consistency equals effort over time.”