Guy Blames His Ex For Not Taking Care Of Their Child, Gets Destroyed With Words
Giedrė BoredPanda staff
Parenting can definitely be a challenge, but some people find it more difficult than the other, especially when the child is still just a mere baby. From changing diapers to many sleepless nights, the trials and tribulations of being a parent can truly take a toll on any person. And that becomes even harder when you’re a single parent. Tired of raising his 18-month-old son, one single dad decided to share his troubles with Reddit, seeking legal advice on making the mother of his son take care of the child. He explained the situation, focusing on his ex-girlfriend and the choices they both made, passing judgment and calling the woman a “deadbeat mom”. Although he asked for legal advice, the man got more than he bargained for. Scroll down below to read the full story and don’t forget to tell us what you think! (Facebook cover image: julie corsi)
Parenting can definitely be a challenge, but some people find it more difficult than the other
Image credits: tmldahl (not the actual photo)
One guy posted on Reddit, seeking legal advice for his parenting situation
People responded, although not as the original poster expected and they had a short back-and-forth
However, one person had the best reply to the poster’s message
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What do you think ?
I'm a bloke, so saying this hopefully demonstrates I'm not a misogynistic sod. But isn't this the dire situation men have been leaving women in for centuries, as they walk away and quite literally leave her holding the baby, preferring to absolve themselves of any responsibility? Sounds like she had the brains to think this one through... while he did not. My only sympathy lies with the kid.
And she pays 125% of court ordered child support, much more than she needs to. There are many absent fathers doing their best to avoid paying any child support to single mothers, sometimes even despite court orders. Honestly, if the roles were reversed, I'm not sure the court would have ordered him to pay any child support at all or at least not as much because they weren't even engaged and she (if the roles were reversed he) doesn't have visitation or any other rights concerning the child. He seems very immature; he needs to learn he can't force her (or anyone) to care and change her life according to his wishes. He should be happy she didn't sue him for coerced birth, manipulation and harassment and that she agreed to pay any child support at all and very grateful she gave him the child he allegedly so much wanted and didn't get an abortion despite his wishes or give it up to someone else for adoption.
He CHOSE to bully her into having his baby and he CHOSE to make a legal agreement to raise the son he CHOSE to make.
Probably it's what this guy was planning to do. It just backfired, and he's lucky she didn't sue him for abusive behavior.
Absolutely. The difference is that she sacrificed more than the men who walk away. She actually carried a child she did not want to term. There has to be emotional suffering involved, on top of what her body had to endure. She opened herself up to emotional and physical trauma to give him what he said he wanted – a child – and then she even paid more child support than she was ordered to by the court. This guy should be thanking her. If he really wanted to be a dad, he would. But for him this kid was just a means to an end, a tool to manipulate her. I feel bad for the child.
He complained that she had surgery to remove her stretch marks--this guy has to be some kind of narcissist.
In the US the number one way women get into poverty is through dissolution of marriage and trying to raise kids. The numbers will show you that men, by far and away, drop the ball and walk away from kids and run from responsibility. If women were as deadbeat as men in this arena, our mostly male congress and senate would clamp down on the issue. Right now it ends up being the state that helps support families because women sacrifice for kids and marriage and when it ends, they aren't on a career track. This guy is just a whiner. I do, too, pity the child. Sounds like he wants out. Poor kid.
Mostly no but somewhat. Most of the time when men abandon their families, it’s under the dishonest pretense that he was going to be there. Then he changes his mind on a whim and bam, she’s a single mom. Then he doesn’t pay child support later. In this case the woman never agreed to be there and yet she still pays support. So nah. Not the same thing. And it does make you sound like a sod for not having sympathy for the woman in this situation as she continues to be harassed by her ex even though she did nothing wrong.
Well, yes, Mark. Exactly. I don't know why your comment would make you a misogynist... you hit the nail on the head, 100 percent.
thank you--it is so nice (& refreshing) to see a man that sees it from that point of view. not saying there aren't more like you, but it would be great if there were a LOT more like you!
Agree almost totally. Also feel sorry for the woman, as she was forced to go through with the gestation, almost as if a surrogate (might be getting wrong English terms) and not only pays child support (even more than the court demanded) but has to fend off the scumbag... if he had adopted a kid or hired a surrogate none of his complaints would be paid attention to. He made the woman's life hell and continues to try doing it
1/3 of dads don't pay child support, so yeah. Next time, maybe he should wear a rubber. Freaking A stupid people procreating all the time and adding to the problem. Dunning Kruger in full effect.
Mark Fuller and Night Owl said exactly what I thought!
tu quoque is not your friend.......it is the refuge of the emotional person, not a rational person
The poor kid, yes. But for the sake of the little one people should actually try to help this guy.
He says his family helps, but it's scary. This guy clearly had no idea what parenting would entail. He says he resents his child, but would never hurt him. I'm sure the kid feels it. I was very afraid when he said he thought the mother would change her mind. And all the people out there who desperately want a child and can't have one.
How? By harassing the poor woman even further? Maybe someone could give him the number of a good Nanny but other than that... I see no help for him.
Have you ever heard a man say he has to "babysit" his own kids? I have. Many, many times. I've NEVER heard a woman say it. This is the mentality we're dealing with.
Yes! Soooo many times and it makes me furious every time
Mom does everything for the kid and people says she is only doing her job. Dad wipes the baby drool once and he is the father of the year.
My ex either outright refused or gave in grudgingly to "babysit" (his word) our 2 kids so I could get out of the house to go grocery shopping. NOT going out partying, hanging with the girls, etc.---grocery shopping without a baby and toddler. He wouldn't "babysit" when I tried to get a (minimum wage) job. Unknown to me, he'd hand them off to his sister who then handed them off to a person I didn't know (and never found out this was going on until over a decade later). The only mistake I made was in staying with him after the first time he acted like our kids were none of his responsibility. I could go on, but I'm sure you get the picture.
I should note that the hand off to a different sitter didn't go on for a decade--because of my ex's behavior in total (wouldn't take frozen meat out of the freezer when he was home because he said it was my job--while I was at work); I just didn't find out about it until then, and only because I met the person who had sat for kids at the request of my ex in-law. The sitter thought I'd known. It was a cluster. But I was only able to work a few months.
/rant
Barb, what a horrible man. Glad you're free
I heard a guy say it one day at work. As a father I set him straight; it's called parenting.
My husband has said that from time to time as a JOKE, but never seriously. He knows he is a dad and it is part of the job
As a stay-at-home mother for the past six years who gave up a career to raise my son (totally my choice), sometimes I do say that because sometimes that's sometimes what it feels like. It's okay to express how we're feeling, man or woman, dad or mom.
So true. SO true. Women seem to fall into taking on so many responsibilities.
god, yes, that drives me nuts. it's not "babysitting" if it's your damn kid.
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Bullcrap. 90% of the mothers I know call the kids time with the father "babysitting". My husbands "babysitting" The closest thing to respecting that fathering is parenting is "the kids are with their father". WOMEN made Daddy time a lesser thing.
Her half of the seed is developed and stays in her body. It does not matter what she let you do it was your responsibility to add or not add your half to what was already there. You are directly responsible for bringing that child to life. If you don't want to be a daddy do not ejaculate in women.
I want to up vote this a few hundred times Bud.
Me too!!
Here, I'll help upvote this!
BP had something not to long ago that explained this point exactly! Woman can only make a baby roughly 2 days of the month but men can all day, everyday. It sounds to me he wanted to be a Daddy but underestimated the work it took. Hopefully the child grows to be a well adjusted adult. Honestly, the kids is the one that's going to be hurt the most by his father's actions.
I'd argue that the kid has already experience some level of his frustration. He already said he resents the poor kid. I'd like to give him the benefit of doubt, but I'm a little inclined to the notion that some of his frustration probably has already bleed into his emotions and care for the child.
https://www.boredpanda.com/woman-anti-abortion-explains-unwanted-pregnancies-mens-fault-gabrielle-blair/
if he didn't want to be a father he should have at least worn a rubber
He did want to be a father but he wan't the mother to do all the work
No. That is false and it isn’t even relevant to the story. People can have sex with ejaculate and not want to be parents. I do it all the time. Consent to sex or ejaculate is not consent to pregnancy or parenthood. The issue isn’t about who brought the child to life. The issue is that he stopped her from having an abortion.
I don't know why your comment got downvoted and hidden. It's relevant and makes a point.
I feel so sorry for that child. Too young now, but when he is older and wants to meet to meet his mum, to be told she wants nothing to do with him. Or worse, to attempt contact and be further rejected.
This comment has been deleted.
AMEN!
Can I just get an Amen for this guy?
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
WHAT AN IDIOTIC RESPONSE...HOW ABOUT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO ejaculate in women than don't spread your legs.
I'm a bloke, so saying this hopefully demonstrates I'm not a misogynistic sod. But isn't this the dire situation men have been leaving women in for centuries, as they walk away and quite literally leave her holding the baby, preferring to absolve themselves of any responsibility? Sounds like she had the brains to think this one through... while he did not. My only sympathy lies with the kid.
And she pays 125% of court ordered child support, much more than she needs to. There are many absent fathers doing their best to avoid paying any child support to single mothers, sometimes even despite court orders. Honestly, if the roles were reversed, I'm not sure the court would have ordered him to pay any child support at all or at least not as much because they weren't even engaged and she (if the roles were reversed he) doesn't have visitation or any other rights concerning the child. He seems very immature; he needs to learn he can't force her (or anyone) to care and change her life according to his wishes. He should be happy she didn't sue him for coerced birth, manipulation and harassment and that she agreed to pay any child support at all and very grateful she gave him the child he allegedly so much wanted and didn't get an abortion despite his wishes or give it up to someone else for adoption.
He CHOSE to bully her into having his baby and he CHOSE to make a legal agreement to raise the son he CHOSE to make.
Probably it's what this guy was planning to do. It just backfired, and he's lucky she didn't sue him for abusive behavior.
Absolutely. The difference is that she sacrificed more than the men who walk away. She actually carried a child she did not want to term. There has to be emotional suffering involved, on top of what her body had to endure. She opened herself up to emotional and physical trauma to give him what he said he wanted – a child – and then she even paid more child support than she was ordered to by the court. This guy should be thanking her. If he really wanted to be a dad, he would. But for him this kid was just a means to an end, a tool to manipulate her. I feel bad for the child.
He complained that she had surgery to remove her stretch marks--this guy has to be some kind of narcissist.
In the US the number one way women get into poverty is through dissolution of marriage and trying to raise kids. The numbers will show you that men, by far and away, drop the ball and walk away from kids and run from responsibility. If women were as deadbeat as men in this arena, our mostly male congress and senate would clamp down on the issue. Right now it ends up being the state that helps support families because women sacrifice for kids and marriage and when it ends, they aren't on a career track. This guy is just a whiner. I do, too, pity the child. Sounds like he wants out. Poor kid.
Mostly no but somewhat. Most of the time when men abandon their families, it’s under the dishonest pretense that he was going to be there. Then he changes his mind on a whim and bam, she’s a single mom. Then he doesn’t pay child support later. In this case the woman never agreed to be there and yet she still pays support. So nah. Not the same thing. And it does make you sound like a sod for not having sympathy for the woman in this situation as she continues to be harassed by her ex even though she did nothing wrong.
Well, yes, Mark. Exactly. I don't know why your comment would make you a misogynist... you hit the nail on the head, 100 percent.
thank you--it is so nice (& refreshing) to see a man that sees it from that point of view. not saying there aren't more like you, but it would be great if there were a LOT more like you!
Agree almost totally. Also feel sorry for the woman, as she was forced to go through with the gestation, almost as if a surrogate (might be getting wrong English terms) and not only pays child support (even more than the court demanded) but has to fend off the scumbag... if he had adopted a kid or hired a surrogate none of his complaints would be paid attention to. He made the woman's life hell and continues to try doing it
1/3 of dads don't pay child support, so yeah. Next time, maybe he should wear a rubber. Freaking A stupid people procreating all the time and adding to the problem. Dunning Kruger in full effect.
Mark Fuller and Night Owl said exactly what I thought!
tu quoque is not your friend.......it is the refuge of the emotional person, not a rational person
The poor kid, yes. But for the sake of the little one people should actually try to help this guy.
He says his family helps, but it's scary. This guy clearly had no idea what parenting would entail. He says he resents his child, but would never hurt him. I'm sure the kid feels it. I was very afraid when he said he thought the mother would change her mind. And all the people out there who desperately want a child and can't have one.
How? By harassing the poor woman even further? Maybe someone could give him the number of a good Nanny but other than that... I see no help for him.
Have you ever heard a man say he has to "babysit" his own kids? I have. Many, many times. I've NEVER heard a woman say it. This is the mentality we're dealing with.
Yes! Soooo many times and it makes me furious every time
Mom does everything for the kid and people says she is only doing her job. Dad wipes the baby drool once and he is the father of the year.
My ex either outright refused or gave in grudgingly to "babysit" (his word) our 2 kids so I could get out of the house to go grocery shopping. NOT going out partying, hanging with the girls, etc.---grocery shopping without a baby and toddler. He wouldn't "babysit" when I tried to get a (minimum wage) job. Unknown to me, he'd hand them off to his sister who then handed them off to a person I didn't know (and never found out this was going on until over a decade later). The only mistake I made was in staying with him after the first time he acted like our kids were none of his responsibility. I could go on, but I'm sure you get the picture.
I should note that the hand off to a different sitter didn't go on for a decade--because of my ex's behavior in total (wouldn't take frozen meat out of the freezer when he was home because he said it was my job--while I was at work); I just didn't find out about it until then, and only because I met the person who had sat for kids at the request of my ex in-law. The sitter thought I'd known. It was a cluster. But I was only able to work a few months.
/rant
Barb, what a horrible man. Glad you're free
I heard a guy say it one day at work. As a father I set him straight; it's called parenting.
My husband has said that from time to time as a JOKE, but never seriously. He knows he is a dad and it is part of the job
As a stay-at-home mother for the past six years who gave up a career to raise my son (totally my choice), sometimes I do say that because sometimes that's sometimes what it feels like. It's okay to express how we're feeling, man or woman, dad or mom.
So true. SO true. Women seem to fall into taking on so many responsibilities.
god, yes, that drives me nuts. it's not "babysitting" if it's your damn kid.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Bullcrap. 90% of the mothers I know call the kids time with the father "babysitting". My husbands "babysitting" The closest thing to respecting that fathering is parenting is "the kids are with their father". WOMEN made Daddy time a lesser thing.
Her half of the seed is developed and stays in her body. It does not matter what she let you do it was your responsibility to add or not add your half to what was already there. You are directly responsible for bringing that child to life. If you don't want to be a daddy do not ejaculate in women.
I want to up vote this a few hundred times Bud.
Me too!!
Here, I'll help upvote this!
BP had something not to long ago that explained this point exactly! Woman can only make a baby roughly 2 days of the month but men can all day, everyday. It sounds to me he wanted to be a Daddy but underestimated the work it took. Hopefully the child grows to be a well adjusted adult. Honestly, the kids is the one that's going to be hurt the most by his father's actions.
I'd argue that the kid has already experience some level of his frustration. He already said he resents the poor kid. I'd like to give him the benefit of doubt, but I'm a little inclined to the notion that some of his frustration probably has already bleed into his emotions and care for the child.
https://www.boredpanda.com/woman-anti-abortion-explains-unwanted-pregnancies-mens-fault-gabrielle-blair/
if he didn't want to be a father he should have at least worn a rubber
He did want to be a father but he wan't the mother to do all the work
No. That is false and it isn’t even relevant to the story. People can have sex with ejaculate and not want to be parents. I do it all the time. Consent to sex or ejaculate is not consent to pregnancy or parenthood. The issue isn’t about who brought the child to life. The issue is that he stopped her from having an abortion.
I don't know why your comment got downvoted and hidden. It's relevant and makes a point.
I feel so sorry for that child. Too young now, but when he is older and wants to meet to meet his mum, to be told she wants nothing to do with him. Or worse, to attempt contact and be further rejected.
This comment has been deleted.
AMEN!
Can I just get an Amen for this guy?
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
WHAT AN IDIOTIC RESPONSE...HOW ABOUT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO ejaculate in women than don't spread your legs.