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Golden Child Wants Mom To Help With New Baby Despite His Sis Being Pregnant With Twins, Drama Ensues
Interview With AuthorIt really does take a village, and never more so than in those first foggy weeks after a baby arrives. The problem is that when the village starts bickering about whose village it is, nobody wins and everybody suffers. When you add twins, a birth abroad, and an entitled daughter-in-law into the mix, things get pushed to the brink.
One mother made a commitment to her daughter, who would be recovering from a twin birth abroad with no family nearby. When her son told her to come home early for his wife, who had her own mother and multiple family members around her, she said no. The conversation that followed did not go particularly well for anyone involved.
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Bringing twins into the world is no small feat, and having your mom around to help is all a girl could ask for
This mother was more than happy to fly abroad to be present for the delivery of her daughter’s twins, but her son didn’t see it that way
Her son announced his wife would be giving birth a month after his sister, and they expected the mother to fly back and also be present for that
The mother calmly explained she would stay with her daughter for two to three months after the birth of her twins, the son lost it
They demanded the woman show the same amount of effort to her daughter-in-law than she would her own daughter
People in the comments were overwhelmingly on the mother’s side, saying a daughter abroad, with twins, should come first
A few days later, the mother came back with an update, telling people how she brought up the matter again
Her son and daughter-in-law took their entitlement further, but in a strange twist, her daughter-in-law’s mom was on her side
A majority of women say they lacked the sort of “village mentality” they hoped for during their pregnancy
Research by AXA International Health Insurance found that 40% of expats cite the lack of a local family support network as one of the hardest parts of living abroad. The daughter in this story is about to give birth to twins in another country, with her boyfriend and no family nearby. That is a very vulnerable position that most people who have never experienced it tend to underestimate significantly.
The physical reality of bringing home twins is even more daunting. A single newborn wakes every two to three hours, but twins are rarely on the same schedule initially, meaning one wakes up just as you finish feeding the other and your potential sleep drops to near zero, according to Medicine Net. That’s not even plausible for a normal person on any given day.
Add a C-section recovery, which takes six to eight weeks for initial healing and up to three months for full internal recovery, and the idea of managing two babies while healing from major abdominal surgery with no support becomes a little more alarming. Today’s Parent notes that tandem feeding while recovering from a C-section, which is more common with multiples, makes lifting two babies and all their gear physically agonising.
Between 49% and 62% of new mothers report lacking the village-style generational support that previous generations relied on, frequently noting they do not have the direct help from their own mothers that they expected or needed.
The mother in this story is in the privileged position of being able to offer exactly that to her daughter, and she made a commitment to do so. The DIL, by contrast, has her own mother present, multiple family members nearby, and a mother-in-law who will be there shortly after the birth. The maths of who needs more support is not particularly complicated, and the DIL’s own mother, to her credit, seemed to understand that when she arrived at the meeting.
The original poster spoke to Bored Panda exclusively and told us that people in her own family have told her her son keeps changing the story and telling it a completely different way. The ever-present risk of them cutting contact with her is worrying, though. “I especially don’t want to risk not getting to have a relationship with my grandchild, but I don’t know if I’m willing to be “forced” to do something that wasn’t in the original plans to please them,” she says.
When asked if this painted her daughter-in-law in a new light, she agreed that this whole scenario was new territory. “I’ve known her for over ten years, so obviously we have had our disagreements, but it was never this serious, like ever. But I was a bit hurt to see that she doesn’t really care about our family as an ensemble and doesn’t care for everyone to be happy with each other, as she was speaking badly about my daughter.”
“Hopefully it’s just the stress and hormones, because she’s usually a great girl, and I’m not really happy about not having a relationship with her.” She also admits that she has always forgiven her son for any wrongdoing, but that she is “also not a doormat who will act like [she’s] the only one who did something wrong.”
What next steps do you think this desperate grandmother-to-be needs to take? Share some advice in the comments!
People in the comments kept reassuring her that she was making the sensible choice in staying longer with her own daughter
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What do you think ?
Mike F 1 week ago
This is a really bizarre, entitled bunch. Think of all of the women who gave birth to their kids away from their mother and got along just fine. My mom had 4 and her mother was 700 miles away. OP is going to be run absolutely ragged by son and dil because it seems like they don't intend to do anything on their own.
K Barnes 1 week ago
Not only that, women who give birth on their own without the support of a partner, nor family members. And this couple is complaining that the support of three parents isn't enough, they need a fourth.
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GatorGran 1 week ago (edited)
It's hard for me to imagine people being so entitled. I thought my family growing up was quirky, but this one's wins by a mile. Why do the son and DIL need all those people around? Are they having quintuplets or what? With my first baby my MIL asked if we wanted help and stayed for a week. She was a lifesaver. My mom wasn't able to travel but we talked on the phone everyday. With my second baby, my ex's GRANDmother came and stayed for two weeks which was a disaster. She had really bad OCD and would do very little with the baby. No one ever thought to mention it. I think it all depends on how much help is needed, not what people think they are owed.
Kate Johnson 1 week ago
I think I'd keep my distance from people this grotesquely entitled. They can never be satisfied, so there's no point in starting down that road.
Mike F 1 week ago
This is a really bizarre, entitled bunch. Think of all of the women who gave birth to their kids away from their mother and got along just fine. My mom had 4 and her mother was 700 miles away. OP is going to be run absolutely ragged by son and dil because it seems like they don't intend to do anything on their own.
K Barnes 1 week ago
Not only that, women who give birth on their own without the support of a partner, nor family members. And this couple is complaining that the support of three parents isn't enough, they need a fourth.
Load More Replies... GatorGran 1 week ago (edited)
It's hard for me to imagine people being so entitled. I thought my family growing up was quirky, but this one's wins by a mile. Why do the son and DIL need all those people around? Are they having quintuplets or what? With my first baby my MIL asked if we wanted help and stayed for a week. She was a lifesaver. My mom wasn't able to travel but we talked on the phone everyday. With my second baby, my ex's GRANDmother came and stayed for two weeks which was a disaster. She had really bad OCD and would do very little with the baby. No one ever thought to mention it. I think it all depends on how much help is needed, not what people think they are owed.
Kate Johnson 1 week ago
I think I'd keep my distance from people this grotesquely entitled. They can never be satisfied, so there's no point in starting down that road.
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