Mom Thinks Her Daughter Should Support Her Financially As She Did For Her As A Child, The Internet Disagrees
Having a close and strong bond with your family is something that a person should cherish as sadly this is not given to everybody. Being loved and taken care of by parents during childhood and maintaining a healthy and affectionate relationship once grown-up is something that every person should be happy to have. By having such a relationship with their kids, very often parents feel safe knowing that they raised their children to be good people who will take care of them when needed later in life. While some parents would be thankful and happy for their kids’ input when days become tough, there are some parents who expect full care from their offspring, believing that this is the time when they pay back for being taken care of back in the day when they were still helpless little kids. For many, this has been a topic of heated discussion. The same discussion was started when Reddit user @u/Sea-Giraffe-8040 shared what her mom thinks about caregiving for elderly parents and what she expects from her daughter.
More Info: Reddit
It’s a great feeling knowing that your parents are always there for you no matter what even after you are a grown-up, perhaps with a family of your own
Image credits: Paul Wan (not the actual image)
The author of the post started her story by sharing that she had a talk with her mom, who revealed that kids should take all of the financial responsibility from their parents once they start making money. The woman believes that regardless of whether the parents have the resources to provide for themselves, their children should be the ones stepping up and paying for everything. However, her daughter didn’t agree with this, stating that parents shouldn’t look at kids as their “retirement plans,” expecting them to return everything that they spent on their offspring years later. OP agreed that kids should provide for their parents when they struggle, but being expected to be bound this way is not the correct way of thinking.
But can parents always count on the fact that when the time comes, their kids will take care of them?
Image credits: u/Sea-Giraffe-8040
What started as a discussion soon developed into an argument as the daughter told her mom that while it’s nice to help out your parents, it shouldn’t be something forced. This is when the mother got mad, stating that her daughter is spoiled and ungrateful, and even admitting that she “wasted” all this money while raising her. This conversation led the young woman to think about whether she really was selfish for not wanting to take all this responsibility and wanting to live her life focusing on herself.
This story encouraged others online to share their views on the matter. Some admitted that very often this point of view comes from culture and traditions. However, this starts to clash with the reality of simply not being able to afford to take care of yourself and your parents because of factors such as changing economy, pay, prices, and needs. Someone online was curious as to whether the woman’s mother provided the same kind of support to her own parents. From what OP, who lives in Bangladesh, shared, it seemed that the mother hasn’t had that kind of responsibility to carry because of certain circumstances. But the author of the post found herself lost between following the traditions of her culture and family and wanting a life of her own.
After this Reddit user got into an argument with her mom, disagreeing with her that kids should take full financial responsibility for their parents, she went to ask people online for their opinions
Image credits: daves_archive1 (not the actual image)
A lot of users online agreed with the woman, stating that it should be a son’s or daughter’s wish to take care of their parents and not something forced. Some even advised the daughter to cut ties with the mom, but she confessed not wanting to do so, just to receive some understanding from her mom. What is your take on this situation? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments down below!
The mom got offended by her daughter’s words and even admitted to “wasting” all this money on her for nothing
Image credits: u/Sea-Giraffe-8040
Image credits: zonacsreen (not the actual image)
According to an article by Stowell Associates, care management and caregiving services, it’s important to sit down and talk with your parents about the future for both reasons: to avoid an unpleasant argument and to prepare yourself for what is to come next. Talking about your finances might be uncomfortable, but it’s foolish to think that someone will take care of you without knowing the whole financial situation. So it’s recommended to talk with your parents about it and find out what are some of the obstacles such as loans and debts that can do some monetary harm in the future. It’s also important to assess the present living situation of your parents. Do they live alone in a big house that takes a lot of money and time to take care of and your parents can’t do these things by themselves? Maybe it’s time to sell the place and choose a smaller but more convenient replacement. It’s also crucial to not forget that you are not alone in this and think of other close family members, friends, or even professionals who could help you by sharing their knowledge and experience.
People online were quick to agree with the daughter and share their own opinion on the matter, also finding out some more information from the author of the post
I am Asian. This is a bane and a blessing of belonging to an Asian family. Yes, I do send money to my parents because we are raised as retirement funds as kids. As much as I have love for them, I do resent it because of the guilt trip and abuse of this cultural moral obligation. I vowed that with my kids I will break this cycle and I work hard not only to provide for them but also so I will have enough to support myself when I grow older and not to depend on them. I will appreciate their help but it does not always have to be monetary. Just because I have been through it does not mean they have to.
THANK YOU! i absolutely loathe the comments saying "well it's a cultural difference so they're not AHs." um, regardless of the reason, it's still not right to raise a child & guilt-trip them into taking care of you just because you took care of them, which is what parents are REQUIRED to do if they choose to have a kid! regardless of "cultural explainations" for the behavior, it still has negative impacts on the kid so there's no excuse for that part of the culture to continue. thank you for breaking the cycle of abuse disguised as cultural differences.
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"I wasted all the money spent on raising you" - no, peach, you had an obligation to put money to raise your kids, that's what comes from not using protection.
Well said. But I did like the "peach" part best.
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Here i was thinking you had me because you wanted a child to love. You actually just wanted to retire sooner.
I planned out my retirement really well. The oldest two are mid-20s and the youngest are 11 & 12. I'm gonna coast from age 50 until death! /s
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The minute I read this, I called my own mother and she said that what this mother is suggesting is ridiculous. My parents are good people and help my siblings and I out with a lot, but they would never expect us to pay them back all of the money they have spent on us or have used on us. They know that we are their children and sometimes, even as adults, we need their help from time to time. Parenting isn't about having someone to take care of you, it's about having someone to love unconditionally because they come from you.
The mom chose to have kids. The kids didn't choose her as a mom. Supporting your kids is all part of the deal. I expect my kids to pay it forward by volunteering in the community or having kids of their own. Or both. But not by supporting me. Knowing me, I will likely expect visits and phone calls when I reach my dotage as part of the paying-it-forward, but I don't think that's too much to ask.
It would be funny to know how well the mom is looking after her parents.
NTA. Unless something happens (like illness, poverty) there should never be an expectation that kids should have to fully take care of their parents if they're doing well. My parents are working now to make sure that us kids don't even have to worry about things when they pass (funerals, expenses, graves, etc) because they DID have all of that dumped on them when their parents passed. They understand and won't let us have the same burden.
I do not want my son to have to "take care of us" when we're old. I have an excellent pension and building a very nice savings account for him when we are gone. That's what I want for him.
I see comments that this idea is cultural. Maybe, but I can give a real-word, born in the USA example. My husbands parents had a business built from the ground up. Never wealthy, but it supported them and 6 kids. Many of the kids worked in the business. Eventually, Dad wanted to be a "silent partner" in the business while stepson took over. Stepson (not my husband) took it global and was doing great, while Mom and Dad (divorced) continued to draw a salary and insurance but doing nothing. Hard economic times hit, Stepson is laying off workers, including Mom, but Dad has signature on accounts and continues to draw out money directly. Eventually the business is bankrupt, Mom and Dad angry that Stepson allowed the business they had expected to sustain them the rest of their lives go under. Over-simplification, but you get the idea.
Perhaps the parents should have contributed to an IRA during those years. Their nest egg in case the business went south. My partner owned a business that his parents started. He eventually sold that business and started another. He always calculated the sale of his business would be his retirement. And it was. But he was lucky. Things could have gone the other way and he could have have been left with nothing.
Load More Replies... When my wife became bedridden, friends disappeared and then family disappeared. My three sons and I with the occasional outside help took care of her for the next twenty years. I saw how much they give of themselves. I told them when my time came put me in a nursing home or, hospice care, because I couldn't fathom the thought of them going through what they went through with their mom
Honestly, I will never understand why some parents think their children should take care of them. That's not how it works. If a child helps their parents and takes care of them, that's their decision. If a child doesn't want to, that's fine. I mean, my birth father, who never raised me, said right to my face that he wished I was rich so he'd never have to work again. When I told him if I ever won the lottery, I'd give it to my grandmother (his mom) he wasn't happy. It's the child's decision to make.
I'm reminded of the one from a while back where a woman managed to escape her emotionally abusive mother's household, and went on to have a happy, independent life. Mommie Dearest insisted that Daughter should look after her in her old age. Daughter said, "Sure, as long as you agree to live under all the strict, draconian rules you forced me to live under before I left home." Mommie Dearest insisted that she "had no idea what Daughter was talking about," but Daughter stuck to her guns, so Mommie Dearest decided that maybe she didn't want to live with her "ungrateful" daughter after all.
I find it peculiar people ask "what country are you in?", as if families just drop whatever cultural traditions and practices they've been accustomed to once they live in another country or because they happened to be born in a different country than their parents, or grandparents came from. It's actually quite rude. Lainey from The Social (a talk show kind of like The View) mentioned her mother expects money every weekly visit. She's openly stated she comes from a Chinese heritage. I think her mom is from China. When I told my own mom this fact my mom was like "That's a good idea." So... that was a regret. Good thing my mom didn't put that into action LOL. Nah, my mom knows I've been struggling enough.
sorry, i really hope this comment doesn't come across as rude or offensive, i know grammar nazis sometimes get downvoted like crazy here... but i really love words, so i thought i'd share for anyone interested, no disrespect to you strangeone! the word "factoid" doesn't actually mean "small fun fact/trivia," it's a word for a tidbit of misinformation that gets spread around so much that people start to believe it's true. for example, the factoid that you shouldn't touch baby birds because the parents will smell your scent on the babies & abandon them. it's a widespread belief that isn't actually true because most birds have little to no sense of smell. sorry if this is annoying, just thought i'd post for anyone who finds this sort of thing interesting...
Load More Replies... To put this type of pressure on your child especially in this economy is unrealistic and just wrong. I could never do this to my kids. I'm from an Italian/Spanish family and taking care of your parents is very common but never forced upon us. I view it as an honor to be able, God willing, to care for my parents when that time comes. I helped care for my grandparents as well but not as much as my Mom and Aunt did (I was 20yrs old and would do their grocery shopping, to and from Dr appts, clean for them, take them out to dinner or whatever they wanted). The current state of the U.S. economy its extremely difficult for a person to support themselves much less their own family plus parents and the in-laws. Its totally unreasonable and selfish.
When a religion says taka care of your parents that means take care of them within your means... Support them be there for them take care of them but not necessarily financially Also parents CHOOSE to have the child so they CHOOSE to spend money on them because of course they have look out for them A child doesn't chose to have parents lol you didn't get to choose this expense you didn't choose this responsibility
My parents used to tell me I was going to inherit so much money from them - if I treat them well. Recently they started asking me for money to pay for medical expenses, living expenses, et. After a few times, I suggested they just dip in to "all that money" I was going to inherit... crickets.
I don't think children should take up responsibility of their parents as soon as they start earning, but I absolutely believe that the care of an elderly parent rests with the children. NO ONE can work forever and taking care of ones elderly is a family matter. While parents should do everything possible to not be a burden, leaving a parent without care or support is morally wrong and indifferent.
I have a different experience. My mother and father should never have had children, yet they did and it was a childhood filled with poverty, abuse, and abandonment. When I won a scholarship when I graduated from high school, they took half. As I worked throughout my adult life, the only time I heard from them was when they wanted money. My father routinely misspelled my name, my mother would tell nasty lies about me no matter how much I tried to please her. They both are dead now, and all I feel is relief. Not all parents deserve to be cared for by their children, and I don't feel that's morally wrong at all.
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I have just one question: if children fully support their parents who will support the next generation? What the grandchildren supposed to eat?
In my culture and my religion,we have to look after out parents.I really don't mind,they did,after all look after us from infancy and I wouldn't be here without them.I don't mind. Its nice for me to be able to give back. We get huge rewards in the next life for doing this too.Win win.You should go with your heart on this one. Not your head. Think as a mother of all the sacrifices u do.Its not that she expects u to give up ur life and look after her.She expects you to have mercy towards her,as she disd when you couldn't even talk to say what you needed.Stop looking to the Internet for answers that's in your heart.
Reading your comments, I wonder if you even read what the OP wrote. The words the mother used don't really seem very merciful to me. In your religion parents don't have unconditional love for their kids? In mine they do. And anyway to me it seems that in this case the mother isn't asking help/money out of need or desperate situation but asking it out of GREED and some sort of unloving belief that her daughter owes her. I think if a mother does her best to love and to raise her daughter and if she later needs help, her child would try to help, not out of responsibility or because the mother is asking for her to pay back, but out of love and caring. Thinking with your head, as you said, to me sounds like "you should now pay me back, you owe. I could've easily just left you for dead as a helpless baby but I didn't". If your heart talks like that than I'm really sorry for you...
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Should? I dont no. Could? OK. My brother & I did. Not sure why. He didn't deserve it. Big problem now will B thar kids are going to B responsible for deceased parents debt. Are kids going to have to save for that? Where will the $$ come from. Sorry. I've digressed. Best wishes.Happiest of Holidays to ail.
In some cultures, one hundred or more years ago, it was the responsibility of the children to take care of their parents when they were to old to work. The more children you had, the more people to care for you when you got old. But those were the days before social security and pensions. That was then, now is now. A child has a right to make his own way in the world, without parents demanding their support. Many children help their elderly parents in many ways, other than supporting them financially. I considered myself a big help to my mother when she was too old to do a lot of things for herself. But she was thrifty, living on social security and didn't need my financial help. She expected assistance from her kids as she got old, but never financially.
You didn't ask to be born your mother chose to have you and her taking care of you was what she was supposed to do because you were her child! Why should you financially support her when you grow up? You have to learn how to support yourself and if you choose to help her then help her but to financially support her not your responsibility period. Different cultures do it but it's their way. Now if you choose to then do it but you're not obligated to
The new breed of human traffickers---parents using the adult sons/daughters for life-time financial support and guilt tripping them into emotional subservience.
https://sso.agc.gov.sg/Act/MPA1995 In Singapore, it is the law. One has to provide support for their parents.
Your parents take care of you in your helpless years and many beyond that BC they are your parents. A child's role is to respect those parents and to care for them in the event they too become helpless (financial, health). If they did a good job with you you should have the stability or else hopefully the money that they put aside for retirement
It depends on the culture. Like for me I would NEVER let my parents alone because they took care of me and my brothers when we were young (till now actually) and they did a lot of sacrifices to raise us well. For me, whoever abandons good parents are AH. Ofc they shouldn't expect to be obligated to pay EVERYTHING for their parents and get poor cuz of it. No, but you should take care of your parents because it's not their fault they got old and the goverment don't do s**t for them (at least where I live). I've seen lot of ungreatful children who would steal from their parent's retirement money and gave them the barely minimum to live I agree it's NTA but this "but we don't owe anything to our parents" it's a horrible excuse. Some parents didn't choose to have children, but they decided to not abort and give you a nice life because they love you. People uses this excuse to abandon your parents like it's is not your responsability. No it is, we should be grateful to have parents that loved us (when this is the case ofc).
I always find this hypocritical. Whenever we have the case of Bad parenting the internet goes send them to nursing home but when its the case of good parenting go and also send them to nursing home. If I have a kid at least I know what to do if abuse or love results to the same thing anyway when I grow old.
Lol, in my culture if I ever try to pay something for my mom or grandparents they will be really mad 😂
My dad passed years ago. Both believed that it's the parents responsibility to raise children to be independent and help them, even when they're grown, if they can. My mother got sick. I told her that she was going to live with my family. It's been 11 years. She's better but still I'll buy even so is an amazing help in this family. Maybe because they always helped me expecting nothing in return that I jumped at the chance to help her.
When a religion says taka care of your parents that means take care of them within your means... Support them be there for them take care of them but not necessarily financially Also parents CHOOSE to have the child so they CHOOSE to spend money on them because of course they have look out for them A child doesn't chose to have parents lol you didn't get to choose this expense
I didn't ask to be brought in to this crazy world, my parents made that decision. Its their duty and responsibility to provide whats needed for me to survive and thrive. Did i mention i did not consent to be brought unto this crazy world??? I did not consent to be fiscally responsible for those who brought me here without my consent
While I think this is a ridiculous tradition, OP lives in Bangladesh where it seems like a very strong tradition. Despite most people believing OP doesn't have to support their parent, it's likely going to be the opinion of the community they live in that will prevail. If that community punishes children who don't support their parents (shunning, nasty comments, etc), can OP tolerate that without too much emotional damage? Are there enough adult children around her that have decided not to support their parents? If so, OP would at least not be the outlier. Is this mother a relic of the past and one of the few parents left in this community expecting their children to support them? If mom is a dinosaur, then OP can go about her life knowing that others will simply ignore her mother's complaints about them. Same if a good-sized percentage no longer follows this tradition. Otherwise OP needs to ignore comments, cave & pay, or move.
Although this mother put it it down explicitly in words, many parents do this. They have rages all the time and go back ti the "I cleaned you as a baby and housed you" you housed a baby and a 10 year old? Yoyt own child? How noble of you. There is a differences between sending remittances and being indebted until you die, and many times they're not even grateful for that remittance, especially if it comes from a daughter rather than a son. For financially secure older parents with bad relationships with their children, they find they can't get the emotional and logistical support from their kids and then they fall back on this threat. All that tough talk intimidates your child when they're small and drives them away when they're adults. Life's a b*tch now huh?
I am Asian. This is a bane and a blessing of belonging to an Asian family. Yes, I do send money to my parents because we are raised as retirement funds as kids. As much as I have love for them, I do resent it because of the guilt trip and abuse of this cultural moral obligation. I vowed that with my kids I will break this cycle and I work hard not only to provide for them but also so I will have enough to support myself when I grow older and not to depend on them. I will appreciate their help but it does not always have to be monetary. Just because I have been through it does not mean they have to.
THANK YOU! i absolutely loathe the comments saying "well it's a cultural difference so they're not AHs." um, regardless of the reason, it's still not right to raise a child & guilt-trip them into taking care of you just because you took care of them, which is what parents are REQUIRED to do if they choose to have a kid! regardless of "cultural explainations" for the behavior, it still has negative impacts on the kid so there's no excuse for that part of the culture to continue. thank you for breaking the cycle of abuse disguised as cultural differences.
Load More Replies... "I wasted all the money spent on raising you" - no, peach, you had an obligation to put money to raise your kids, that's what comes from not using protection.
Well said. But I did like the "peach" part best.
Load More Replies... Here i was thinking you had me because you wanted a child to love. You actually just wanted to retire sooner.
I planned out my retirement really well. The oldest two are mid-20s and the youngest are 11 & 12. I'm gonna coast from age 50 until death! /s
Load More Replies... The minute I read this, I called my own mother and she said that what this mother is suggesting is ridiculous. My parents are good people and help my siblings and I out with a lot, but they would never expect us to pay them back all of the money they have spent on us or have used on us. They know that we are their children and sometimes, even as adults, we need their help from time to time. Parenting isn't about having someone to take care of you, it's about having someone to love unconditionally because they come from you.
The mom chose to have kids. The kids didn't choose her as a mom. Supporting your kids is all part of the deal. I expect my kids to pay it forward by volunteering in the community or having kids of their own. Or both. But not by supporting me. Knowing me, I will likely expect visits and phone calls when I reach my dotage as part of the paying-it-forward, but I don't think that's too much to ask.
It would be funny to know how well the mom is looking after her parents.
NTA. Unless something happens (like illness, poverty) there should never be an expectation that kids should have to fully take care of their parents if they're doing well. My parents are working now to make sure that us kids don't even have to worry about things when they pass (funerals, expenses, graves, etc) because they DID have all of that dumped on them when their parents passed. They understand and won't let us have the same burden.
I do not want my son to have to "take care of us" when we're old. I have an excellent pension and building a very nice savings account for him when we are gone. That's what I want for him.
I see comments that this idea is cultural. Maybe, but I can give a real-word, born in the USA example. My husbands parents had a business built from the ground up. Never wealthy, but it supported them and 6 kids. Many of the kids worked in the business. Eventually, Dad wanted to be a "silent partner" in the business while stepson took over. Stepson (not my husband) took it global and was doing great, while Mom and Dad (divorced) continued to draw a salary and insurance but doing nothing. Hard economic times hit, Stepson is laying off workers, including Mom, but Dad has signature on accounts and continues to draw out money directly. Eventually the business is bankrupt, Mom and Dad angry that Stepson allowed the business they had expected to sustain them the rest of their lives go under. Over-simplification, but you get the idea.
Perhaps the parents should have contributed to an IRA during those years. Their nest egg in case the business went south. My partner owned a business that his parents started. He eventually sold that business and started another. He always calculated the sale of his business would be his retirement. And it was. But he was lucky. Things could have gone the other way and he could have have been left with nothing.
Load More Replies... When my wife became bedridden, friends disappeared and then family disappeared. My three sons and I with the occasional outside help took care of her for the next twenty years. I saw how much they give of themselves. I told them when my time came put me in a nursing home or, hospice care, because I couldn't fathom the thought of them going through what they went through with their mom
Honestly, I will never understand why some parents think their children should take care of them. That's not how it works. If a child helps their parents and takes care of them, that's their decision. If a child doesn't want to, that's fine. I mean, my birth father, who never raised me, said right to my face that he wished I was rich so he'd never have to work again. When I told him if I ever won the lottery, I'd give it to my grandmother (his mom) he wasn't happy. It's the child's decision to make.
I'm reminded of the one from a while back where a woman managed to escape her emotionally abusive mother's household, and went on to have a happy, independent life. Mommie Dearest insisted that Daughter should look after her in her old age. Daughter said, "Sure, as long as you agree to live under all the strict, draconian rules you forced me to live under before I left home." Mommie Dearest insisted that she "had no idea what Daughter was talking about," but Daughter stuck to her guns, so Mommie Dearest decided that maybe she didn't want to live with her "ungrateful" daughter after all.
I find it peculiar people ask "what country are you in?", as if families just drop whatever cultural traditions and practices they've been accustomed to once they live in another country or because they happened to be born in a different country than their parents, or grandparents came from. It's actually quite rude. Lainey from The Social (a talk show kind of like The View) mentioned her mother expects money every weekly visit. She's openly stated she comes from a Chinese heritage. I think her mom is from China. When I told my own mom this fact my mom was like "That's a good idea." So... that was a regret. Good thing my mom didn't put that into action LOL. Nah, my mom knows I've been struggling enough.
sorry, i really hope this comment doesn't come across as rude or offensive, i know grammar nazis sometimes get downvoted like crazy here... but i really love words, so i thought i'd share for anyone interested, no disrespect to you strangeone! the word "factoid" doesn't actually mean "small fun fact/trivia," it's a word for a tidbit of misinformation that gets spread around so much that people start to believe it's true. for example, the factoid that you shouldn't touch baby birds because the parents will smell your scent on the babies & abandon them. it's a widespread belief that isn't actually true because most birds have little to no sense of smell. sorry if this is annoying, just thought i'd post for anyone who finds this sort of thing interesting...
Load More Replies... To put this type of pressure on your child especially in this economy is unrealistic and just wrong. I could never do this to my kids. I'm from an Italian/Spanish family and taking care of your parents is very common but never forced upon us. I view it as an honor to be able, God willing, to care for my parents when that time comes. I helped care for my grandparents as well but not as much as my Mom and Aunt did (I was 20yrs old and would do their grocery shopping, to and from Dr appts, clean for them, take them out to dinner or whatever they wanted). The current state of the U.S. economy its extremely difficult for a person to support themselves much less their own family plus parents and the in-laws. Its totally unreasonable and selfish.
When a religion says taka care of your parents that means take care of them within your means... Support them be there for them take care of them but not necessarily financially Also parents CHOOSE to have the child so they CHOOSE to spend money on them because of course they have look out for them A child doesn't chose to have parents lol you didn't get to choose this expense you didn't choose this responsibility
My parents used to tell me I was going to inherit so much money from them - if I treat them well. Recently they started asking me for money to pay for medical expenses, living expenses, et. After a few times, I suggested they just dip in to "all that money" I was going to inherit... crickets.
I don't think children should take up responsibility of their parents as soon as they start earning, but I absolutely believe that the care of an elderly parent rests with the children. NO ONE can work forever and taking care of ones elderly is a family matter. While parents should do everything possible to not be a burden, leaving a parent without care or support is morally wrong and indifferent.
I have a different experience. My mother and father should never have had children, yet they did and it was a childhood filled with poverty, abuse, and abandonment. When I won a scholarship when I graduated from high school, they took half. As I worked throughout my adult life, the only time I heard from them was when they wanted money. My father routinely misspelled my name, my mother would tell nasty lies about me no matter how much I tried to please her. They both are dead now, and all I feel is relief. Not all parents deserve to be cared for by their children, and I don't feel that's morally wrong at all.
Load More Replies... I have just one question: if children fully support their parents who will support the next generation? What the grandchildren supposed to eat?
In my culture and my religion,we have to look after out parents.I really don't mind,they did,after all look after us from infancy and I wouldn't be here without them.I don't mind. Its nice for me to be able to give back. We get huge rewards in the next life for doing this too.Win win.You should go with your heart on this one. Not your head. Think as a mother of all the sacrifices u do.Its not that she expects u to give up ur life and look after her.She expects you to have mercy towards her,as she disd when you couldn't even talk to say what you needed.Stop looking to the Internet for answers that's in your heart.
Reading your comments, I wonder if you even read what the OP wrote. The words the mother used don't really seem very merciful to me. In your religion parents don't have unconditional love for their kids? In mine they do. And anyway to me it seems that in this case the mother isn't asking help/money out of need or desperate situation but asking it out of GREED and some sort of unloving belief that her daughter owes her. I think if a mother does her best to love and to raise her daughter and if she later needs help, her child would try to help, not out of responsibility or because the mother is asking for her to pay back, but out of love and caring. Thinking with your head, as you said, to me sounds like "you should now pay me back, you owe. I could've easily just left you for dead as a helpless baby but I didn't". If your heart talks like that than I'm really sorry for you...
Load More Replies... Should? I dont no. Could? OK. My brother & I did. Not sure why. He didn't deserve it. Big problem now will B thar kids are going to B responsible for deceased parents debt. Are kids going to have to save for that? Where will the $$ come from. Sorry. I've digressed. Best wishes.Happiest of Holidays to ail.
In some cultures, one hundred or more years ago, it was the responsibility of the children to take care of their parents when they were to old to work. The more children you had, the more people to care for you when you got old. But those were the days before social security and pensions. That was then, now is now. A child has a right to make his own way in the world, without parents demanding their support. Many children help their elderly parents in many ways, other than supporting them financially. I considered myself a big help to my mother when she was too old to do a lot of things for herself. But she was thrifty, living on social security and didn't need my financial help. She expected assistance from her kids as she got old, but never financially.
You didn't ask to be born your mother chose to have you and her taking care of you was what she was supposed to do because you were her child! Why should you financially support her when you grow up? You have to learn how to support yourself and if you choose to help her then help her but to financially support her not your responsibility period. Different cultures do it but it's their way. Now if you choose to then do it but you're not obligated to
The new breed of human traffickers---parents using the adult sons/daughters for life-time financial support and guilt tripping them into emotional subservience.
https://sso.agc.gov.sg/Act/MPA1995 In Singapore, it is the law. One has to provide support for their parents.
Your parents take care of you in your helpless years and many beyond that BC they are your parents. A child's role is to respect those parents and to care for them in the event they too become helpless (financial, health). If they did a good job with you you should have the stability or else hopefully the money that they put aside for retirement
It depends on the culture. Like for me I would NEVER let my parents alone because they took care of me and my brothers when we were young (till now actually) and they did a lot of sacrifices to raise us well. For me, whoever abandons good parents are AH. Ofc they shouldn't expect to be obligated to pay EVERYTHING for their parents and get poor cuz of it. No, but you should take care of your parents because it's not their fault they got old and the goverment don't do s**t for them (at least where I live). I've seen lot of ungreatful children who would steal from their parent's retirement money and gave them the barely minimum to live I agree it's NTA but this "but we don't owe anything to our parents" it's a horrible excuse. Some parents didn't choose to have children, but they decided to not abort and give you a nice life because they love you. People uses this excuse to abandon your parents like it's is not your responsability. No it is, we should be grateful to have parents that loved us (when this is the case ofc).
I always find this hypocritical. Whenever we have the case of Bad parenting the internet goes send them to nursing home but when its the case of good parenting go and also send them to nursing home. If I have a kid at least I know what to do if abuse or love results to the same thing anyway when I grow old.
Lol, in my culture if I ever try to pay something for my mom or grandparents they will be really mad 😂
My dad passed years ago. Both believed that it's the parents responsibility to raise children to be independent and help them, even when they're grown, if they can. My mother got sick. I told her that she was going to live with my family. It's been 11 years. She's better but still I'll buy even so is an amazing help in this family. Maybe because they always helped me expecting nothing in return that I jumped at the chance to help her.
When a religion says taka care of your parents that means take care of them within your means... Support them be there for them take care of them but not necessarily financially Also parents CHOOSE to have the child so they CHOOSE to spend money on them because of course they have look out for them A child doesn't chose to have parents lol you didn't get to choose this expense
I didn't ask to be brought in to this crazy world, my parents made that decision. Its their duty and responsibility to provide whats needed for me to survive and thrive. Did i mention i did not consent to be brought unto this crazy world??? I did not consent to be fiscally responsible for those who brought me here without my consent
While I think this is a ridiculous tradition, OP lives in Bangladesh where it seems like a very strong tradition. Despite most people believing OP doesn't have to support their parent, it's likely going to be the opinion of the community they live in that will prevail. If that community punishes children who don't support their parents (shunning, nasty comments, etc), can OP tolerate that without too much emotional damage? Are there enough adult children around her that have decided not to support their parents? If so, OP would at least not be the outlier. Is this mother a relic of the past and one of the few parents left in this community expecting their children to support them? If mom is a dinosaur, then OP can go about her life knowing that others will simply ignore her mother's complaints about them. Same if a good-sized percentage no longer follows this tradition. Otherwise OP needs to ignore comments, cave & pay, or move.
Although this mother put it it down explicitly in words, many parents do this. They have rages all the time and go back ti the "I cleaned you as a baby and housed you" you housed a baby and a 10 year old? Yoyt own child? How noble of you. There is a differences between sending remittances and being indebted until you die, and many times they're not even grateful for that remittance, especially if it comes from a daughter rather than a son. For financially secure older parents with bad relationships with their children, they find they can't get the emotional and logistical support from their kids and then they fall back on this threat. All that tough talk intimidates your child when they're small and drives them away when they're adults. Life's a b*tch now huh?
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