Mom Thinks Her Daughter Should Support Her Financially As She Did For Her As A Child, The Internet Disagrees
Having a close and strong bond with your family is something that a person should cherish as sadly this is not given to everybody. Being loved and taken care of by parents during childhood and maintaining a healthy and affectionate relationship once grown-up is something that every person should be happy to have. By having such a relationship with their kids, very often parents feel safe knowing that they raised their children to be good people who will take care of them when needed later in life. While some parents would be thankful and happy for their kids’ input when days become tough, there are some parents who expect full care from their offspring, believing that this is the time when they pay back for being taken care of back in the day when they were still helpless little kids. For many, this has been a topic of heated discussion. The same discussion was started when Reddit user @u/Sea-Giraffe-8040 shared what her mom thinks about caregiving for elderly parents and what she expects from her daughter.
More Info: Reddit
It’s a great feeling knowing that your parents are always there for you no matter what even after you are a grown-up, perhaps with a family of your own
Image credits: Paul Wan (not the actual image)
The author of the post started her story by sharing that she had a talk with her mom, who revealed that kids should take all of the financial responsibility from their parents once they start making money. The woman believes that regardless of whether the parents have the resources to provide for themselves, their children should be the ones stepping up and paying for everything. However, her daughter didn’t agree with this, stating that parents shouldn’t look at kids as their “retirement plans,” expecting them to return everything that they spent on their offspring years later. OP agreed that kids should provide for their parents when they struggle, but being expected to be bound this way is not the correct way of thinking.
But can parents always count on the fact that when the time comes, their kids will take care of them?
Image credits: u/Sea-Giraffe-8040
What started as a discussion soon developed into an argument as the daughter told her mom that while it’s nice to help out your parents, it shouldn’t be something forced. This is when the mother got mad, stating that her daughter is spoiled and ungrateful, and even admitting that she “wasted” all this money while raising her. This conversation led the young woman to think about whether she really was selfish for not wanting to take all this responsibility and wanting to live her life focusing on herself.
This story encouraged others online to share their views on the matter. Some admitted that very often this point of view comes from culture and traditions. However, this starts to clash with the reality of simply not being able to afford to take care of yourself and your parents because of factors such as changing economy, pay, prices, and needs. Someone online was curious as to whether the woman’s mother provided the same kind of support to her own parents. From what OP, who lives in Bangladesh, shared, it seemed that the mother hasn’t had that kind of responsibility to carry because of certain circumstances. But the author of the post found herself lost between following the traditions of her culture and family and wanting a life of her own.
After this Reddit user got into an argument with her mom, disagreeing with her that kids should take full financial responsibility for their parents, she went to ask people online for their opinions
Image credits: daves_archive1 (not the actual image)
A lot of users online agreed with the woman, stating that it should be a son’s or daughter’s wish to take care of their parents and not something forced. Some even advised the daughter to cut ties with the mom, but she confessed not wanting to do so, just to receive some understanding from her mom. What is your take on this situation? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments down below!
The mom got offended by her daughter’s words and even admitted to “wasting” all this money on her for nothing
Image credits: u/Sea-Giraffe-8040
Image credits: zonacsreen (not the actual image)
According to an article by Stowell Associates, care management and caregiving services, it’s important to sit down and talk with your parents about the future for both reasons: to avoid an unpleasant argument and to prepare yourself for what is to come next. Talking about your finances might be uncomfortable, but it’s foolish to think that someone will take care of you without knowing the whole financial situation. So it’s recommended to talk with your parents about it and find out what are some of the obstacles such as loans and debts that can do some monetary harm in the future. It’s also important to assess the present living situation of your parents. Do they live alone in a big house that takes a lot of money and time to take care of and your parents can’t do these things by themselves? Maybe it’s time to sell the place and choose a smaller but more convenient replacement. It’s also crucial to not forget that you are not alone in this and think of other close family members, friends, or even professionals who could help you by sharing their knowledge and experience.
People online were quick to agree with the daughter and share their own opinion on the matter, also finding out some more information from the author of the post
I am Asian. This is a bane and a blessing of belonging to an Asian family. Yes, I do send money to my parents because we are raised as retirement funds as kids. As much as I have love for them, I do resent it because of the guilt trip and abuse of this cultural moral obligation. I vowed that with my kids I will break this cycle and I work hard not only to provide for them but also so I will have enough to support myself when I grow older and not to depend on them. I will appreciate their help but it does not always have to be monetary. Just because I have been through it does not mean they have to.
THANK YOU! i absolutely loathe the comments saying "well it's a cultural difference so they're not AHs." um, regardless of the reason, it's still not right to raise a child & guilt-trip them into taking care of you just because you took care of them, which is what parents are REQUIRED to do if they choose to have a kid! regardless of "cultural explainations" for the behavior, it still has negative impacts on the kid so there's no excuse for that part of the culture to continue. thank you for breaking the cycle of abuse disguised as cultural differences.
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"I wasted all the money spent on raising you" - no, peach, you had an obligation to put money to raise your kids, that's what comes from not using protection.
Well said. But I did like the "peach" part best.
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I am Asian. This is a bane and a blessing of belonging to an Asian family. Yes, I do send money to my parents because we are raised as retirement funds as kids. As much as I have love for them, I do resent it because of the guilt trip and abuse of this cultural moral obligation. I vowed that with my kids I will break this cycle and I work hard not only to provide for them but also so I will have enough to support myself when I grow older and not to depend on them. I will appreciate their help but it does not always have to be monetary. Just because I have been through it does not mean they have to.
THANK YOU! i absolutely loathe the comments saying "well it's a cultural difference so they're not AHs." um, regardless of the reason, it's still not right to raise a child & guilt-trip them into taking care of you just because you took care of them, which is what parents are REQUIRED to do if they choose to have a kid! regardless of "cultural explainations" for the behavior, it still has negative impacts on the kid so there's no excuse for that part of the culture to continue. thank you for breaking the cycle of abuse disguised as cultural differences.
Load More Replies... "I wasted all the money spent on raising you" - no, peach, you had an obligation to put money to raise your kids, that's what comes from not using protection.
Well said. But I did like the "peach" part best.
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