Mom RSVPs ‘No’ To Childfree Wedding A 12-Hour Flight Away, Bride Takes It Personally

Nowadays, child-free weddings are more common than they were 10 or so years ago. In fact, according to a 2024 survey, 79.5% of American adults think of them favorably. Everyone has it easier that way: parents can relax and have a fun night out, the kids don’t have to stay up late, and the guests can enjoy a party without annoyances.

However, that wasn’t the case 12 years ago, and the story we’re bringing you today dates back to then. It’s about how a new mom declined a friend’s wedding invitation because it was a child-free wedding. In turn, the friend froze her out. Thus, what seemed like a simple RSVP situation became a turning point in the friendship.

A bride-to-be ghosted her friend after she declined an invitation to her child-free wedding

Image credits: Vitaly Gariev (not the actual photo)

The friend claimed that attending would be too inconvenient for her without her child

After receiving backlash from commenters, she drafted an apologetic email to the bride-to-be

Image credits: Daniel Martinez (not the actual photo)

Image source: weddingc**pthrowaway

Some people skip friends’ weddings because their children are not invited, but the most common reason is finances

Image credits: A. C. (not the actual photo)

At first glance, it seems like the child-free rule was the biggest issue for this mom. However, as you get deeper into the story, you start noticing that the two women may not be the best of friends and that the friend is making excuses so she doesn’t have to attend the wedding.

The important thing to remember is that it’s okay to say “no.” People may have different reasons for declining a wedding invitation: they have something planned on that exact date, they don’t have the funds for a gift, outfit, and the trip, or they simply don’t like the bride and groom enough to attend.

These are all valid reasons to skip somebody’s wedding. In fact, according to a recent survey by the Bank of America, 56% of Americans would skip a close friend’s wedding if they couldn’t afford it. The cost really adds up: some sources estimate that wedding guests have to shell out an average of $1,050 for a domestic wedding.

However, the most popular reason to skip a friend’s wedding is distance. When, in 2018, WeddingWire asked 1,000 wedding guests why they said “no” to a wedding invitation, 38% of the respondents said it was too time-consuming to travel. 32% skipped a wedding because it was too expensive, and 31% didn’t go because they just didn’t know the couple well.

Other reasons include not giving guests a plus one, not knowing anyone else at the wedding, or scheduling the wedding on a holiday weekend. Some parents also RSVP “no”; in fact, 11% of the respondents didn’t attend a friend’s wedding because their child wasn’t invited.

Here are five tips on how to say ‘no’ to a friend’s wedding invitation

Image credits: Lisandro Garcia (not the actual photo)

RSVPing ‘no’ to a friend’s wedding can be a daunting task. A poorly worded rejection can result in years of resentment or, like in this story, even a dissolution of friendship. And even when you have a good reason not to attend, you might feel guilty. After all, isn’t this supposed to be one of the happiest days of your friend’s life?

When the person getting married is a close friend, it’s common courtesy to give them a little bit more than just a simple “no.” The commenters under the OP’s first post might have been right when they called her out for leading her friend on by helping her pick the venue, the photographer, or the color scheme without telling her that she wouldn’t be attending the wedding.

Personal finance expert Misty Lynch has five tips for someone who doesn’t know how to say “no” to a close friend’s wedding.

• Say “no” quickly. It’s best to tell a friend that you won’t be attending their wedding as soon as possible. That way, no wedding planning details like seating or meals will be derailed.
• Be truthful. You might make up false excuses that you’re busy or have something else going on that weekend. In the end, it’s not what friendships are about: if you don’t want to or can’t come to a friend’s wedding, just be honest and talk it out.
• Include “because” in your decline. That little word adds an element that helps people understand and agree with you, leaving them less room to question your decision. A polite decline like “I wish I could come, but I can’t because I’m not comfortable leaving my daughter for that long” might work in this scenario.
• Stick with your decision. Once you’ve told the bride and groom you’re not coming, don’t change your mind. Keep in mind that planning a wedding is hard and stressful as it is.
• Send a gift. Let your friend know that they’re still important to you and that you’re thinking about them on this day. Even if you can’t be there with them on that special day, the time and money spent to get them a gift will be valuable.

Although people questioned her excuses, she maintained that she couldn’t leave her daughter for a week

Commenters sided with the bride, calling out the friend for her flimsy excuses for not attending the wedding

Then a shocking update came: this friend wasn’t the only one boycotting the wedding, and the child-free rule likely wasn’t the reason

Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Shardayyy Photography (not the actual photo)

Image source: weddingcrapthrowaway

“She must really be a horrible person,” the commenters weighed in

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