What do you get by mixing Fluoride, Uranium, and Nihonium together? No, not a portal to another dimension; you get FUNh! Which is basically the same as your regular fun, but with a twist of alchemy. And, though one might argue, we think that anything with a twist of alchemy is, if not just a tiny bit more mysterious, then most likely double your regular funh. Thus, here we are, hoping to give you a couple of seam-splitting laughs with our compendium of chemistry jokes!
Scientifically speaking, these science jokes that you’re about to experiment with are very, very science-y. So science-y that you should go grab your periodic table of elements to get to the molecular level of these chemistry jokes. Although if your library is a real blunder on scientific literature, meaning missing Mister Mendeleev’s ingenious sheet, no worries - most of these jokes are graspable for those who only know NaCl and H2O, too! After all, we aren’t some monsters to put in our list jokes relatable only to professionals investigating the fields of quantum chemistry, organic chemistry, or, say, astrochemistry. Our only concern is to make you laugh at these hilarious jokes, not to get you all bewildered and befuddled!
But clever is as clever does, and we’re not here to slip onto the path of silly with our elongated talk - let’s skip straight to the hilarious jokes! You know where to find them; they are, as they will always be, just a neutron down below. While all of these smart jokes are positively charged, you are the one to decide which ones are the best by giving them your vote. Once you’ve satisfied your curious nature and all the jokes have been read, share this article with your colleagues, too!
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Why did the attacking army use acid? To neutralize the enemy's base!
How often should you tell a chemistry joke? Periodically.
A lawyer and scientist are having lunch together. The scientist orders H2O, so to look smart the lawyer says "I'll have H2O too." When the drinks came they both took a large gulp and the lawyer died.
A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender gives him a smile and says, "For you, no charge."
Old chemists never die. They just stop reacting!
Famous last words from chemists: "And now for the taste test...", "And now let's shake it a bit...", "Which glass was my mineral water?"
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty, but how does the chemist see it? Completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium? HeHe.
I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite… He said NaBrO.
The entire lab smelled like rotten eggs. Everyone was sulfering.
Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK!
Two atoms are walking down the street. One atom says to the other, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!" The other asks, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm positive!"
What do you do with a sick chemist? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium!
Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he left the singles bar? Because he got Avogadro's number!
Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walk into a bar."OH SNaP!" says the bartender.
Why do chemists like nitrates so much? They're cheaper than day rates!
I wish I was adenine. Then I could get paired with U.
How about the chemical workers… are they unionized?
What is the difference between a chemist and a plumber? They pronounce "unionized" differently.
What kind of weapon can you make out of Potassium, Nickel, and Iron? A KNiFe.
Your life ends when you get committed to a mixture of tungsten, iodine and iron 😏
I want to write some jokes about the periodic table… But I don't think I'll be in my element.
Want to hear a joke about nitrogen oxide? NO!
I saw a documentary about nitric oxide decades ago. My favourite bit was the researcher at the end wearing a T-shirt that said "what part of NO don't you understand?".
I think these jokes are sodium funny. In fact, I slapped my neon on that one!
What do you call two diamonds out on the town? Carbon dating.
Why does a hamburger have less energy than a steak? Because it's in the ground state!
Wait, are all these jokes too basic for you? Because I see no reaction.
What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
What do you do with a dead chemist? Barium.
How did the hipster chemist burn his hand on the beaker? He picked it up before it was cool.
The name's bond. Ionic bond. Taken, not shared.
What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder? "You may have graduated, but I've got many degrees."
What happens when you lower your body temperature to -273°C? Nothing, you're perfectly 0K!
What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car? He was booked for a salt and battery.
A cloud of radon floats into a cafe. The waiter says, "We don't serve inert gases here". There was no reaction from the radon.
A Highs boson walked into a church. The priest stops it. " You can't come in." "OK," says the boson, "but you won't have mass."
Methyl was playing outside so his mom called out the window for him to come home. She was quite surprised, however, when Dimethyl Ether, their neighbor, came instead. Why? Because she called "CH3 - O - CH3!".
What do the other elements say about hydrogen? He’s such a loner!
Two chemists walk into a bar. One tells the bartender, "I'll have an H2O." The other says, "I'll have an H2O too!" The second chemist dies.
What's a chemistry teacher's favorite thing to teach about? Ammonia, because it's pretty basic stuff.
Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium? How did it go? It went OK2!
Why did the chemistry teacher who specializes in organic chemistry lead a troublesome life? Because he often finds himself in alkynes of trouble!
Why was the alpha helix unable to completely recite the English alphabets? Because it got broken in the middle and then jumbled up to L amino P!
Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super-heavy element. The proposed name is Un-obtainium.
Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber? To reduce his carbon footprint.
Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more. What he thought was H2O was H2SO4.
2 chem nerds greet each other. One says "helium yttrium". The other says "hydrogen iodide"!
What did silver say to gold at the bar? "Au, get outta here!"
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says “We don’t serve noble gasses in here.” Helium doesn’t react.
As an ion chromatography chemist I made this one up: Anions aren’t negative, they’re just misunderstood.
A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. “Oh Bunsen, my flame,” the sodium pined. “I melt whenever I see you,” The Bunsen burner replied, “It’s just a phase you’re going through.”
If H20 is water, what is H204? Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
What happens when spectroscopists are idle? They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
On his wedding anniversary, what did the chemist gift his wife? A ring with a chunk of carbon. Because he thought with time and pressure, it would become a diamond!
Which element is treated as the god element in organic chemistry? Carbon. It is omnipresent in all organic compounds!
What is the chemical formula for diarrhea? (CO(NH2)2)2.
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, “Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it.” The neutron says “Are you sure?” The proton replies “I’m positive.”
Silver walks up to an element and says "A" "u" give me all your gold. The element looks back at silver and says "A" "g" you can have it.
What did the chief chemist tell his fellow interns on their first day at the lab? Listen carefully, if you are not a part of this solution, then you will be a part of the precipitate!
The question at the interview: What is nitrate (nite rate or night rate), Answer: double time.
What happened to the man stopped for having sodium chloride and a 9-volt in his car? He was booked for a salt and battery.
What do solids, liquids, and gases have in common? They all matter. I’d tell you another chemistry joke. Unfortunately, all the good ones argon.
The chem lab professor is just delivered a truckload of supplies. Frustrated, he says “What am I supposed to do with all this NaOH powder and water?” His lab assistant says, “Well sir it’s a basic solution you see.”
Would you like to be my lab partner? I can tell there will be a lot of chemistry between us.
An ice cube was having an identity crisis. When his friend asked what was the matter, he started to cry harder.
What’s Superman’s favorite element? Krypton.
In this cruel universe we call home there are many great evils looking to destroy are will, there are those who crush beauty, there are those who ruin all that we as a society will make. Yet when all hope seems lost real life heroes rise to triumph against the darkness. Even when tasks seem impossible to some they can be accomplished for all of humanity as one unified voice. I count myself as one of these immortals in time for having to read all of these.
Here's a riddle: A compound, whose parents are both twins, falls into the pool. Everyone swimming instantly gets hurt. What is that compound?
Here's a riddle: A compound, whose parents are both twins, falls into the pool. Everyone swimming instantly gets hurt. What is that compound?
