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There are two types of people in this world, those who drive and those who exploit those who do. We are joking, obviously. But on a serious note, don't be a douche, chip in on that petrol, the liquid gold is expensive these days. Nonetheless, considering you ended up clicking on this article, we assume you are either of the two (or both): someone with a driving license or a big gearhead. So, if you are into the roaring, rumbling, scraping, or screeching, someone who can't pipe down when it comes to autos, or just someone who doesn't mind a funny joke about cars, you are in for a greasy treat.

But who needs car jokes when having a car that eats like a horse (yet has less than 200 horsepower) is a joke in itself? Definitely not me expressing my frustration about fuel prices through an article at work. Anyhows, it doesn't matter if you are driving a Model S, a 1990 Dodge Charger, or your partner mad, funny car jokes will surely tickle one's pickle, whichever the case is.

After all, there's one thing we all have in common - we all believe we are excellent drivers. Remember that curb you hit when parking? Exactly, it wasn't supposed to be there anyway. Don't worry; the funny jokes about cars won't be targeting you or your driving skills *wink wink*. So buckle up because below, we've gathered some of the wittiest car puns and funny jokes to tell to someone who knows a thing or two about cars. Do you have a favorite car joke? Let us know! Psst, also check out our list of the best car movies!

#1

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day When you can’t find a parking spot, you turn down the volume to see better.

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#2

The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.

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#3

My 35-year boycott of Ferrari and Lamborghini is still going strong!

And will continue until they lower the price.

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#4

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk.

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#5

If a car’s chasing you, you’ll definitely get tired.

But if you chase cars, you’ll get exhausted.

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#7

I just got nine out of 10 on my driver’s test.

The last guy was able to get out of the way.

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#8

What’s the difference between a Fiat and a golf ball?

You can drive a golf ball more than 200 yards.

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#9

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day The biggest irony is being hit by a Dodge.

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#11

Did you know that Ford is making a new heated tailgate?

It’s so your hands stay warm when you are pushing it back home in the winter.

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#12

Who can drive all their customers away and still make money?

Taxi drivers.

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#13

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day When I wrecked my last car, I solved the mystery of whether or not a Mercedes bends.

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#14

What’s the best part of Audi’s customer service?

They answer within four rings.

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#16

Why are racecar drivers the best people to go to for dating advice?

They’re trained to look for red flags.

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#17

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day Why couldn’t the frog find where he parked his car?

He’d been toad.

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#19

What do you call a VW bus at the top of a hill?

A miracle.

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#20

Why don’t cars work after you change their wheels?

Because they are retired.

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#21

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day Kids, I bought the cat a new car.

It’s a Cat-illac.

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#22

If you ever feel like your job has no purpose, always remember that there is someone who is installing a turn signal in a BMW.

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#23

Did you hear about the Yoga class for electric cars? No, that’s a thing?

I guess. They just park in circle and say “ohm” the whole time.

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#24

What is a car’s preferred mobile phone brand?

No-Kia.

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#25

Just reversed into a Bugatti.

But I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling me.

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#26

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?

A Holly Davidson!

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#27

What did the traffic light say to the car?

Don’t look, I am about to change.

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#28

Why did the washing machine schedule a test drive?

Because he wanted to go for a spin.

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#29

How does a German cowboy say hello?

Audi.

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#30

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day What’s a car’s favorite meal?

Brake-fast.

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#31

Porsche will sell electric sports car specifically for environmentally conscious owners experiencing a midlife crisis.

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#32

What should you double check when buying an electric car?

That your driving license is current.

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#33

How can you tell if a car is from Switzerland?

It remains in neutral.

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#34

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day Someone complimented me on my driving the other day.

They left a note on the windscreen - Parking Fine!

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#35

My Subaru accidentally skidded over the bridge.

I guess it’s now a Scuba-ru.

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#36

What’s Vin Diesel's favorite car?

Mazda Familia.

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#37

Guy walks into an auto parts store and says to the counterman “I’d like new air freshener for my Yugo.” The guy behind the counter shakes his hand and says “OK, that sounds like a pretty decent trade.”

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#38

I got gas for $1.99 at lunch.

Unfortunately, it was from Taco Bell.

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#39

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day What kind of car does Jesus drive?

A Christler.

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st_lenny18 avatar
Saint Lynnie
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wrong. He drove a Honda, but he didn't say much about it. It even says in the bible. Christ said "I do not speak of my own Accord"

#40

What do you call a guy who always loses his car?

Carlos.

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#41

What did the computer say to the other person after a 16 hour car ride?

Damn, that was a hard drive.

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#42

What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

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#43

I couldn’t work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.

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#44

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day What kind of cars do cooks drive?

Chef-rolets.

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#45

Why can’t motorcycles do push-ups?

Because they’re always two-tired.

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#46

What do you call a German electric car?

A Voltswagen.

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#47

Why did the electric car go to court?

It was charged with battery.

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#48

98% of all Jeeps ever made are still on the road today.

The other 2% made it home.

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#49

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day I use BMW to go to work.

Bus, Metro, Walk.

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#50

What type of snakes are found on cars?

Windshield Vipers!

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#51

How do you know a car is a good price?

If it is a-Ford-able.

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#52

Wanted: A man who has been stealing wheels from police cars.

Police are working tirelessly to catch him.

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#53

As I put my car in reverse, I thought to myself...

“Ah, this takes me back.”

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#54

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day I stopped to pick up a hitchhiker.

Turns out he was just telling me he approved of my driving.

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#55

My sweetheart is always taking health food crazes too far.

Now, it’s even affecting my driving. She took the carb-orator off my car!

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#56

That car salesman is a real car-deal-ologist.

It’s been a long time since someone gave me such a stress test!

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#57

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and six trash bags full of recyclable cans?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

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#58

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day Want to hear a car joke?

Ford Fiesta.

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#59

What cars do snakes drive?

An ana-honda.

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#60

Why is Miss Piggy such a bad driver?

Because all she does is hog the road.

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#61

I really need to get my car fixed.

What body shop do you wreck-amend?

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#62

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day Working at a Land Rover factory is so interesting.

I make a new Discovery every day.

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#63

With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too.

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#64

What do you get when you put a car and a pet together?

Carpet.

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#65

What does a Volkswagen run on?

Beetle juice.

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#66

What do all French cars come with as standard?

A spare wheel of cheese.

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#67

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day Have I given you the tour of my estate yet?

It is a Vauxhall.

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#68

What should you do if a car is annoying you.

Give the car a head rest.

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#69

What is the car dealership in Star Wars called?

The Mazda-lorian.

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#70

What does the car brand FIAT stand for?

Fix-It Again Tomorrow.

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#71

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day Why would the penguins make good F1 drivers?

Because they’re always in the pole position!

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#72

A truck carrying blackberries spilled on the highway. It was quite a traffic jam.

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#73

Why did Elon Musk go broke?

Because his car insurance rates were astronomical.

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#74

Which Johnny doesn’t need a car?

A Johnny Walker.

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#75

Lamborghini once decided to ditch the ICE entirely and focus on electric cars for foreseeable future

That time period was known as Silence of the Lambs.

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#76

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?

If they had four they'd be chicken sedans.

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#77

If somebody sees me singing in my car, my reaction is to stare at them until it’s awkward for both of us.

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#78

What did the little Nissan truck say to the big Nissan truck?

"Oh Nissan!"

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#79

Two Cadillac drivers got in a fender-bender, got out of their cars, and then started yelling at each other.

Within a few seconds, they were in a fistfight. I guess you could say things Escaladed quickly.

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#80

Bad news: Your car is totaled.

Good news: After the wreck, your Audi is finally an innie.

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#81

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day When you get hit by a guitar truck, is it a fender-bender?

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#82

My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.

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#83

If I owned a DeLorean, I would probably only drive it from time to time.

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#84

Why can’t cars play football?

Because they have only one boot.

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#85

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day What has 10 letters and starts with G-A-S?

Automobile.

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#86

What’s the best pickup line?

Probably Chevy’s.

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#87

You should get a job at a transmission repair shop.

I’m sure you’ll get used to the early-morning shifts.

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#88

Why did the cop pull over the U-Haul truck?

He wanted to bust a move.

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#89

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day When a BMW owner learns to drive...

What kind of car do they switch to?

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#90

If Dodge made an electric car...

Would it be called a Dodge Chargeable?

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#91

What is a lacrosse players favorite type of car?

A dodge!

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#92

I'm on the highway to hell, but ran over the pothole to hell and need the roadside assistance to hell.

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#93

What did the tornado say to the car?

Want to go for a spin?

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#94

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day What kind of car do frogs like best?

A Beetle!

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#95

What is a Tesla Model 3’s favorite dance?

The Electric Slide.

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#96

What does the GT stand for on a Ford?

Glued together.

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#97

What do cars play at the weekend?

Golf.

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#98

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day Honda is the oldest car made in the world. It was mentioned in the bible!

The apostles were all in Accord.

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#99

Why didn't the two Alfa Romeo owners say hi to each other when they met at the bar?

Because they saw each other at the mechanic's earlier that day.

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#100

A guy changes his Fiat 500 for a bigger car and complains about increased road noise. The salesman comes around and says: "Can't understand how it could possibly be the case, the new sedan is so much quieter". The buyer responds: "When I sat in Fiat 500, my knees covered my ears."

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#101

What do you call the world's most badass sedan?

A Liam Nissan.

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#102

How do Prius owners drive?

One hand on the wheel, the other patting themselves on the back.

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#103

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day What do you do with old German cars?

You take ‘em to the old Volk’s home.

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#104

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxis!

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#105

What is the main difference between BMWs and Porcupines?

Porcupines carry their pricks on the outside.

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#106

What kind of vehicle does a chicken drive?

A coop.

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#107

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day You know what really grinds my gears?

Clutch failure.

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#108

I wanted to buy a new electric car. Their prices are just too shocking.

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#109

What type of car do sheep like to drive?

A Lamborghini!

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#110

A Ford Focus Electric and a Kia Soul went on a date. At first, the Focus wanted to Bolt, but after a while a Spark formed. Things ended up getting X rated, so I thought it better to just LEAF them alone.

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#111

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day If a piano player is called a pianist, wouldn’t a racecar driver be called a racist?

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#112

How do you watch NASCAR without a TV?

You flush a bag of M&M's down the toilet.

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#113

If you wanna go offroading, take a Land Rover.

If you wanna get back, take a Land Cruiser.

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#114

114 Funny Car Jokes To Accelerate Your Day Never get into a lane-­merging game of chicken with a person who has a garbage bag for a car-door window.

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