Woman Asks Folks Online If She’s A Jerk For Taking The Cake She Baked For Her Fiance And Leaving His B-Day Party After His Mom Stole Her Thunder
It’s weird to think that birthdays are a celebration focused on the fact that you’re getting older. For those avoiding the term “old”, you’re level-upping or whatever.
So, to offset the disappointment of growing gradually more ache-y and frail, we distract ourselves with birthday presents and cake!
But, even that can sometimes turn into a disappointment depending on the people you surround yourself with.
One Redditor explains just how disappointing cake can be. But not because the cake was at fault here. Nope, it was all the mother-in-law and her fiance who rejected her surprise cake. OP was having none of it, though.
More Info: Reddit
You can’t have a birthday party without gifts and without cake, right? But then someone has to go and ruin the fun by adding some disrespect to it
Image source: apium (not the actual photo)
So, Reddit user u/EmilyPaterson099 visited the Am I The A-Hole community with a conflict she recently had.
The story goes that she, the 25-year-old fiance of 31-year-old “Ben”, doesn’t get along all that much with her mother-in-law, Ben’s mom. She does make the effort to be polite, but her high standards and expectations are doing her head in. You see, she’s a mother of 3 sons, so of course, she has high expectations for the women they date.
A woman recently turned to Reddit to ask if she was wrong to turn around and leave a birthday party—with her baked cake—after she got some mad disrespect
Image source: EmilyPaterson099
This manifests in the form of comments about her body—so much, in fact, that she had been suggested cosmetic surgeries and the like. Ben, however, told her she needs to grow a thicker skin. Because, of course, the mom won’t stop with the social commentary, but “she means well”.
So, Ben’s birthday is fast approaching, and OP is known for being a cake and sweets goddess. Ben likes it, but his family is suspiciously avoidant of her confectionery. Over time, she learned not to pry.
But, as we’ve already said, Ben’s birthday is approaching, so OP wanted to bake him a cake the way he likes. She went through a lot of effort doing it too—took a day off, went grocery shopping for this and whatnot. Needless to say, he was thrilled.
Image source: EmilyPaterson099
This time around, though, the mother-in-law was hosting the party. Not a problem, a cake isn’t a mountain. You can transport it. Well, that she does, only to find out upon arrival that the mother-in-law went ahead and got a cake from a bakery. Supposedly, a very expensive one, given its size and 3-character anonymous price tag.
OK, question: what about the cake she made? Brace yourself for the worst thing you can ever respond with. The mother-in-law responds, “Oh, you can place it on the counter over there and we’ll let the kids have it.”
OP’s heart sank. She looks at her fiance, who casually goes with the flow and nods in a “just do it” kind of way. But OP was having none of it. Cake in hand, she turns around and simply leaves.
Image source: Pete Jelliffe (not the actual photo)
The mother stays inside, but Ben follows her, asking where she is going. Home. He obviously didn’t need her cake, and by proxy, her, judging by how easily her efforts were brushed off. He claimed she was overreacting, urging her to just “go with the flow” and asking her to stay.
She left.
That didn’t stop him from seemingly enjoying himself because he didn’t come back home until 11 PM that night. And he came back with some commentary, saying she had behaved childishly, ruining his party and disrespecting his mother like that.
And so, this story found its way to the AITA community, who saw zero fault in OP and all the fault in the guy and his mom. For the most part, people sent pleas to not marry him. If that’s how he approaches the issue of cake, you can imagine how fast it’ll go south with other topics.
Folks online were having none of it, though, and they, for the most part, agreed that OP was not wrong
Some pointed out just how special her gift was because of all the effort she put into it, as opposed to MIL’s, which she threw cash at and that’s it. And this is what her fiance preferred?
There were some devil’s advocates, though. She could have coordinated with the mother-in-law about who’s gonna make the cake, right? Besides, she knew very well that her baking was unpopular in that house—she shouldn’t have felt surprised it went the way it did.
Most actually suggested she dump her fiance because this kind of attitude will not change
But, all in all, the flair on the post said that OP is not, in fact, the a-hole. And the post got over 20,000 bits of approval in the form of upvotes (and a handful of Reddit awards for good measure). You can see it all here.
Or you can check out any of these fine Am I The A-Hole articles we have: the one where the wife “ruined” her husband’s b-day by bolting mid-way, or the one where a guy almost became a dad but after finding out the truth had to distance himself, causing a feud in the family, or the one where a woman got kicked out of a resort by the family that bought her a vacation.
But, hey, we value your opinion. Why not voice it in the comment section below! Tell everyone about your birthday party fails. Or cake fails. Or maybe the best cake you ever had? We’ll be waiting.
F his mum, and him. You are the biggest a-hole if you continue this relationship. Dating children even if older than you should be illegal. A man who doesn't stand up to his immediate family to protect his partner is not mature enough to understand when you grow up mommy and daddy are important but your partner and child will take priority just after yourself. Then rest of family. Girl RUN! Love is not worth this drama
I'm in a simiar situation with my MIL with boundaries and such, but my husband has ALWAYS taken my side.
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I'm with ESH. Mom and bf are the worst problems. OP picked the wrong time to take a stand. Usually the host is going to arrange for the birthday cake. If the host didn't ask you to bring a birthday cake, don't bring a birthday cake! OP did start the drama at the party and I get why he was upset. However, his family treats her poorly and he doesn't stick up for her, not a good person to tie yourself to
leaving when you're insulted is causing drama? the bf knew ahead of time that there would be a cake there, and also knew that his gf was making one ahead of time, this was intentional and designed to gaslight this poor woman into thinking she's overreacting so she doesn't cause a fuss when she's repeatedly treated like garbage.
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OP an make me a cake for my birthday I will eat every bite and smile while I do it.
F his mum, and him. You are the biggest a-hole if you continue this relationship. Dating children even if older than you should be illegal. A man who doesn't stand up to his immediate family to protect his partner is not mature enough to understand when you grow up mommy and daddy are important but your partner and child will take priority just after yourself. Then rest of family. Girl RUN! Love is not worth this drama
I'm in a simiar situation with my MIL with boundaries and such, but my husband has ALWAYS taken my side.
Load More Replies... I'm with ESH. Mom and bf are the worst problems. OP picked the wrong time to take a stand. Usually the host is going to arrange for the birthday cake. If the host didn't ask you to bring a birthday cake, don't bring a birthday cake! OP did start the drama at the party and I get why he was upset. However, his family treats her poorly and he doesn't stick up for her, not a good person to tie yourself to
leaving when you're insulted is causing drama? the bf knew ahead of time that there would be a cake there, and also knew that his gf was making one ahead of time, this was intentional and designed to gaslight this poor woman into thinking she's overreacting so she doesn't cause a fuss when she's repeatedly treated like garbage.
Load More Replies... OP an make me a cake for my birthday I will eat every bite and smile while I do it.
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