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Woman Grapples With Family Fallout After Exposing Brother’s Plan To Track Fiancée
Woman Grapples With Family Fallout After Exposing Brother’s Plan To Track Fiancée
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Woman Grapples With Family Fallout After Exposing Brother’s Plan To Track Fiancée

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The period between the proposal and the wedding, when you’re blissfully called “the fiancée,” is supposed to be full of surprises, heartfelt moments, and thoughtful gifts. But what if one of those gifts came with a hidden agenda?

Recently, a woman opened up online about her tough moral choice after discovering that her brother had secretly installed a tracking app on his fiancée’s phone—with a little help from her tech-savvy boyfriend. With emotions high and ethics at play, the author struggled to decide if she should stay quiet or expose the privacy breach. Read on to uncover the full story.

RELATED:

    Stalking your partner is far from a healthy relationship habit

    Man in a light blue shirt looking at his phone, appearing thoughtful.

    Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)

    A woman feels torn between loyalty to her brother and friendship with his fiancée after learning he secretly installed a tracking app on her phone

    Text discussing tracking app secretly installed in fiancée's phone.

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    Text discussing a conversation overheard about installing an app, leading to silence when discovered.

    Text about privacy concerns and a man's advice to girlfriend to mind her business regarding brother's fiancée.

    Man and woman in a heated discussion on a couch, both gesturing with their hands.

    Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)

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    Text image discussing a couple's argument over being nosy.

    Text image discussing a boyfriend telling his girlfriend to stay out of her brother’s relationship issues.

    Image credits: tellornottell3

    Our phones have become an extension of ourselves, and sharing the passcode feels like handing over the key to all our private thoughts

    In the digital age, our phones are so much more than just devices for texting or calling. They’re like little diaries, holding our most personal thoughts, from saved passwords to private photos. Whether we’re capturing memories, storing daily schedules, or keeping chats with friends, our phones become a reflection of who we are, and for many, sharing that personal space doesn’t come easy.

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    But in relationships, these lines can blur. Your partner might ask for your phone, sometimes just to look up directions or check something quickly. And at other times, it might be about trust and transparency.

    To get a clearer picture of this, SellCell, a tech-focused site that helps people find deals on gadgets, surveyed 2,000 Americans in relationships. They wanted to know how open people are with their phones. Turns out, 74% of those surveyed had shared their passcodes with their partners, with 49% saying their partner remembered the code, while 25% admitted their partner had forgotten it.

    Interestingly, around 9% said they hadn’t shared their passcode and believed their partner didn’t know it. But here’s the twist: 8% revealed they hadn’t given out their code, yet their partner had somehow managed to figure it out. This stat sheds light on the complexities of digital trust in relationships today, showing just how personal — or shared — our devices have become.

    Men are generally more likely to snoop through their partner’s phone

    Knowing a partner’s passcode is one thing; using it without their permission? That’s another story. When SellCell asked people if they’d ever checked their partner’s phone secretly, a surprising 71% admitted they had! That’s a whole lot of sneaky screen time.

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    Breaking it down, 21% of those surveyed confessed to checking often, 38% said they do it sometimes, and 12% rarely. Meanwhile, 22% of respondents said they never peek at their partner’s phone. So, despite privacy etiquette, it seems sneaking a look is quite common.

    Interestingly, men appear to be more tempted. About 31% of male respondents admitted to frequently checking their partner’s phone without permission, compared to 15% of women. Similarly, 40% of men sometimes peeked, while 37% of women admitted to the same. There’s clearly a bit of a “phone snooping” gender gap at play here.

    Over half (55%) ventured into checking emails, and 52% admitted they took a look at social media. It didn’t stop there; a bold 51% looked at their partner’s photos, and another 51% took it further—checking their texts. At that point, the line between curiosity and privacy invasion gets very blurry!

    Ultimately, checking a partner’s phone is a clear breach of privacy and can reveal a lot about the level of trust. In this case, where the author finds herself caught between loyalty and honesty, what would you do? Would you tell the fiancée about the tracking app or stay silent?

    The majority of those who read the story believe its author should go ahead with her plan

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    Reddit comments discussing relationship advice and trust issues with a boyfriend.

    Text exchange about boyfriend's intrusiveness after tracking fiancée's phone.

    Reddit comment discussing controlling behavior and privacy concerns in relationships.

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    Comment discussing a girlfriend's actions and advice on a relationship conflict.

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    Reddit comment criticizing nosy behavior and secret tracking, with emphasis on boundaries.

    Reddit comment on relationship advice about helping brother spy on fiancée.

    Comment discussing privacy invasion and legality concerns in relationships.

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    Text conversation about a man telling his girlfriend to mind her business after spying on her brother's fiancée.

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    Reddit comment discussing privacy violation and spying, emphasizing ethical concerns.

    Comment discussing relationship advice and trust issues, with emphasis on communication and checking your phone.

    Comment questioning if boyfriend has installed spyware on device.

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    Online comment discussing privacy concerns related to tracking apps.

    Comment advising not to ignore involvement of boyfriend in spying incident.

    Reddit comment discussing relationship advice and boundaries between partners.

    Reddit comment discussing checking phones for secret software.

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    Shelly Fourer

    Shelly Fourer

    Author, Community member

    Read more »

    Hey there! I'm Shelly, a Visual Editor at Bored Panda

    Read less »
    Shelly Fourer

    Shelly Fourer

    Author, Community member

    Hey there! I'm Shelly, a Visual Editor at Bored Panda

    Nikita Manot

    Nikita Manot

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    Nikita's knack for storytelling and creativity has led her into the world of writing. With a robust foundation in business studies, she crafts compelling narratives by seamlessly blending analytical insight with imaginative expression. At Bored Panda, she embarks on an exhilarating quest to explore diverse topics, fueled by curiosity and passion. During her leisure time, she savors life's simple pleasures, such as gardening, cooking homemade meals and hosting gatherings for loved ones.

    Read less »

    Nikita Manot

    Nikita Manot

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Nikita's knack for storytelling and creativity has led her into the world of writing. With a robust foundation in business studies, she crafts compelling narratives by seamlessly blending analytical insight with imaginative expression. At Bored Panda, she embarks on an exhilarating quest to explore diverse topics, fueled by curiosity and passion. During her leisure time, she savors life's simple pleasures, such as gardening, cooking homemade meals and hosting gatherings for loved ones.

    What do you think ?
    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If your partner isn't horrified by the stalking/controlling behaviour, they are probably doing it. OP needs a new phone ASAP and hopefully to leave the relationship.

    Tabitha
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    New phone AND new boyfriend. Same for the future ex-almost SIL.

    Load More Replies...
    Susie Elle
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I need an update that says that OP left her boyfriend and SIL left her fiancee

    Ni Na
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It was over 2 years ago and she never posted on reddit again.

    Load More Replies...
    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You have an obligation to let the fiancée know. This isn't just data sold to a data farm, this is a precursor to coercive control and other abuse. Just because someone doesn't scream/hit/punish a partner when you're happy with their choices, doesn't mean it isn't abusive. If behaviour changes when they are unhappy, it's still busier all the time. To keep silent a out the surveillance makes you complicit in laying the groundwork for future abuse, BIL is pushing OPs boundaries like any abuser does. Push until you get someone to think it's normal.

    Alexandra
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That her boyfriend installs the tracking app and then tells his gf to 'stay out of it' is hypocritical. He should have refused because it's not his business. I wouldn't trust this bf farther than I could throw him.

    Thanos'Fingers
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The only person with a tracking app on any of your phones is Apple. Or Google. And your government. And China's government. And maybe some dude in a basement named Paul. But not your boyfriend, unless he is secretly writing NSA backdoors and traveling to hacking conventions on the weekend. Certainly not a 21yo kid having power fantasies without bothering to check if stalkerware is even a thing anymore (it's not, it's illegal).

    Load More Replies...
    Verena
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The most unsettling part is that OP seeks reassuring of her perfectly fine sense of moral in an online forum. One chat, if ever, with a good friend with the same respect for others is more than enough. What is it with (mainly) people under 30 that they need strangers from all over the world, from different cultures and social environments, commenting on decisions made within their own environment?

    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm turning 43 next month and I have one real-life friend. One. Not all of us have large families, friend groups, or even co-workers or acquaintances to ask/get advice from. And, in all honesty, the world is online now, and we can communicate instantaneously with people across the globe. Talking with people online is just how it is now. I have a group of friends on Discord who are scattered around the globe - some don't even speak English as their first language - and they are the only support group I really have. I would not have escaped my own abusive 23-year relationship if I hadn't been able to talk to them, ask them questions, and get their advice.

    Load More Replies...
    DC
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nosy? YOU are NOSY? You need a better boyfriend and a better brother. Sadly, you cannot return them to the factory for an intact one, so either gotta deal with the broken and braking-of-trust, defective models - or you gotta do without either. I'd advise the latter.

    Scott Rackley
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    News flash: you're being tracked as well.

    Ace
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Quite disappointed that there are no ridiculous YTAs to laugh at on this one, everybody agrees with her 100% And rightly so; both of the brothers need to learn that this is not acceptable, and hopefully this learning process will start by them both becoming single ASAP.

    Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She and the fiancée need to DTMFA ASAP. Your pos brother probably got the idea from your pos boyfriend. You really need to have higher standards, girl! Right now the bar is in the cellar.

    Doodles1983
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bf initially denies and lies to OP. Red Flag 1. Then admits it. Red Flag 2. Then tells her is not her business. Yet it's apparently his? Red Flag 3. I'd be telling her. And dumping him.

    Nina
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wish BP only posted stories with the updates. OP has to tell her and dump her bf. Wonder if she does.

    Thanos'Fingers
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wish BP only posted stories, rather than plagiarized anecdotes that are moderately to majorly untrue. Such as this one.

    Load More Replies...
    Joe Bloe
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Funny how his boyfriend seems entitled to intrude in their relationship, but his girlfriend can't do anything in her brother relationship when he obviously do something really bad... Such hypocrisy!

    Monica G
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    3 yr old post with no updates. I hope she got rid of her dodgy bf and douchebag brother.

    Kenny Chesney
    Community Member
    11 months ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    Kate Johnson
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So the brother is a hobosexual bum that is obviously worried that his gravy train might actually find a worthwhile man while she's out in the world and leave the station? In this situation, I'd consider it a boon to come to the understanding of what an underhanded POS my bf was and dump that chump, and then immediately give bro's fiancé the heads up so she could do the same to worthless bum brother.

    Thanos'Fingers
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Gross. So you compare people you dislike with gay men? Do you think it's funny, or are you actively trying to be a bigot? How's about hobo? You think any homeless person wants to be called a hobo? You suck. And the story is fake, stalkerware apps are illegal and impossible to download on modern phones closed interfaces. Find me one single hidden tracking app on the app store.

    Load More Replies...
    Apatheist Account2
    Community Member
    11 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    This is 2 years old. Don't bother replying.

    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If your partner isn't horrified by the stalking/controlling behaviour, they are probably doing it. OP needs a new phone ASAP and hopefully to leave the relationship.

    Tabitha
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    New phone AND new boyfriend. Same for the future ex-almost SIL.

    Load More Replies...
    Susie Elle
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I need an update that says that OP left her boyfriend and SIL left her fiancee

    Ni Na
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It was over 2 years ago and she never posted on reddit again.

    Load More Replies...
    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You have an obligation to let the fiancée know. This isn't just data sold to a data farm, this is a precursor to coercive control and other abuse. Just because someone doesn't scream/hit/punish a partner when you're happy with their choices, doesn't mean it isn't abusive. If behaviour changes when they are unhappy, it's still busier all the time. To keep silent a out the surveillance makes you complicit in laying the groundwork for future abuse, BIL is pushing OPs boundaries like any abuser does. Push until you get someone to think it's normal.

    Alexandra
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That her boyfriend installs the tracking app and then tells his gf to 'stay out of it' is hypocritical. He should have refused because it's not his business. I wouldn't trust this bf farther than I could throw him.

    Thanos'Fingers
    Community Member
    11 months ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The only person with a tracking app on any of your phones is Apple. Or Google. And your government. And China's government. And maybe some dude in a basement named Paul. But not your boyfriend, unless he is secretly writing NSA backdoors and traveling to hacking conventions on the weekend. Certainly not a 21yo kid having power fantasies without bothering to check if stalkerware is even a thing anymore (it's not, it's illegal).

    Load More Replies...
    Verena
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The most unsettling part is that OP seeks reassuring of her perfectly fine sense of moral in an online forum. One chat, if ever, with a good friend with the same respect for others is more than enough. What is it with (mainly) people under 30 that they need strangers from all over the world, from different cultures and social environments, commenting on decisions made within their own environment?

    LakotaWolf (she/her)
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm turning 43 next month and I have one real-life friend. One. Not all of us have large families, friend groups, or even co-workers or acquaintances to ask/get advice from. And, in all honesty, the world is online now, and we can communicate instantaneously with people across the globe. Talking with people online is just how it is now. I have a group of friends on Discord who are scattered around the globe - some don't even speak English as their first language - and they are the only support group I really have. I would not have escaped my own abusive 23-year relationship if I hadn't been able to talk to them, ask them questions, and get their advice.

    Load More Replies...
    DC
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nosy? YOU are NOSY? You need a better boyfriend and a better brother. Sadly, you cannot return them to the factory for an intact one, so either gotta deal with the broken and braking-of-trust, defective models - or you gotta do without either. I'd advise the latter.

    Scott Rackley
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    News flash: you're being tracked as well.

    Ace
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Quite disappointed that there are no ridiculous YTAs to laugh at on this one, everybody agrees with her 100% And rightly so; both of the brothers need to learn that this is not acceptable, and hopefully this learning process will start by them both becoming single ASAP.

    Yvonne Dauwalder Balsiger
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She and the fiancée need to DTMFA ASAP. Your pos brother probably got the idea from your pos boyfriend. You really need to have higher standards, girl! Right now the bar is in the cellar.

    Doodles1983
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bf initially denies and lies to OP. Red Flag 1. Then admits it. Red Flag 2. Then tells her is not her business. Yet it's apparently his? Red Flag 3. I'd be telling her. And dumping him.

    Nina
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wish BP only posted stories with the updates. OP has to tell her and dump her bf. Wonder if she does.

    Thanos'Fingers
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wish BP only posted stories, rather than plagiarized anecdotes that are moderately to majorly untrue. Such as this one.

    Load More Replies...
    Joe Bloe
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Funny how his boyfriend seems entitled to intrude in their relationship, but his girlfriend can't do anything in her brother relationship when he obviously do something really bad... Such hypocrisy!

    Monica G
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    3 yr old post with no updates. I hope she got rid of her dodgy bf and douchebag brother.

    Kenny Chesney
    Community Member
    11 months ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    Kate Johnson
    Community Member
    Premium
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So the brother is a hobosexual bum that is obviously worried that his gravy train might actually find a worthwhile man while she's out in the world and leave the station? In this situation, I'd consider it a boon to come to the understanding of what an underhanded POS my bf was and dump that chump, and then immediately give bro's fiancé the heads up so she could do the same to worthless bum brother.

    Thanos'Fingers
    Community Member
    11 months ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Gross. So you compare people you dislike with gay men? Do you think it's funny, or are you actively trying to be a bigot? How's about hobo? You think any homeless person wants to be called a hobo? You suck. And the story is fake, stalkerware apps are illegal and impossible to download on modern phones closed interfaces. Find me one single hidden tracking app on the app store.

    Load More Replies...
    Apatheist Account2
    Community Member
    11 months ago

    This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

    This is 2 years old. Don't bother replying.

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