“[Am I The Jerk] For Calling Off My $40K Wedding Because My Fiancé Dropped My Cat Off Somewhere?”
Why do people end their relationships? In fact, there are many reasons: differences of opinion, betrayal or adultery, reluctance (or willingness) to have children, financial reasons, in the end. But often a person realizes that all this time there was someone inappropriate next to them, after some sad, eye-opening situation.
For example, something similar once happened to the user u/kinkynquirky, whose story we are going to tell you today. Unfortunately, the price for the author of realizing the toxicity of her relationship with her ex-boyfriend was her beloved cat… However, let’s talk about everything in order.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post had been dating her boyfriend for 7 years, and they finally decided to tie the knot
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Calling Off My $40K Wedding Because My Fiancé Dropped My Cat Off Somewhere?”](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/2-80.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Calling Off My $40K Wedding Because My Fiancé Dropped My Cat Off Somewhere?”")
Image credits: Sam Lion (not the actual photo)
However, one day the guy called the woman and confessed that he had dropped her cat off in some distant park
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Calling Off My $40K Wedding Because My Fiancé Dropped My Cat Off Somewhere?”](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/author_e9cc3b5bbc3981f4933590b60f988fe2__censored.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Calling Off My $40K Wedding Because My Fiancé Dropped My Cat Off Somewhere?”")
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Image credits: u/kinkynquirky
It turned out that since the cat was an inside-outside pet, he allegedly scratched the guy’s car and the owner got totally livid over this
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Calling Off My $40K Wedding Because My Fiancé Dropped My Cat Off Somewhere?”](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/3-64.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Calling Off My $40K Wedding Because My Fiancé Dropped My Cat Off Somewhere?”")
Image credits: Luis Moya (not the actual photo)
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Image credits: u/kinkynquirky
The woman had been searching for her pet for over a month, doing her best… but to no avail
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Calling Off My $40K Wedding Because My Fiancé Dropped My Cat Off Somewhere?”](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/4-67.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Calling Off My $40K Wedding Because My Fiancé Dropped My Cat Off Somewhere?”")
Image credits: Carlo Cabanilla (not the actual photo)
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Image credits: u/kinkynquirky
So the woman finally packed her things and simply left, calling off the $40K wedding
The original poster (OP) says that she is now 26 years old, and for the last 7 years she had been dating her now-ex named Tom, who is four years older than her. The couple had their ups and downs, but over time they came to the decision to tie the knot. The wedding was supposed to take place soon… but it never happened.
One fine day, when the author was not at home, Tom called her and said that he had dropped her cat off. At first the woman didn’t actually get what had happened, but then the guy explained that he was angry that the cat scratched his car, and in his anger, he took him somewhere to a distant park far away, and left him there.
I must say that this cat did sometimes scratch cars, but mostly it was the OP’s car. However, the man said that he had camera footage incriminating the animal – but for some reason he flatly refused to show it to her. Well, we all know very well these lines like: “Don’t you trust me?”
Tom’s assistant in this icky act was an old friend of his, whom the guy had been sheltering in the house “for a couple of months” since almost a year earlier until he found a job. By the way, it was because of this friend’s dog that the cat had to become an inside-outside cat…
To say that our heroine was devastated is to say nothing. She literally spent the next month in the vicinity of the place where her boyfriend left the animal, posting advertisements, asking random passersby and calling out the pet’s name in vain. Unfortunately, her search was unsuccessful…
She visited all the animal shelters in the area, gave dozens of online advertisements, shed a lot of bitter tears – all in vain. By the way, the culprit of this whole situation not only did not help the OP in her search, but was almost offended by her devoting so much time to the cat…
In general, the original poster’s patience had run out. She just packed her belongings, claimed that she was calling off their engagement and the upcoming 40K wedding – and left. It took time and many therapy sessions for the woman to finally realize how toxic of a relationship she was lucky enough to get out of, and how Tom had actually brainwashed her all this time. But, alas, this will not bring the cat back…
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Calling Off My $40K Wedding Because My Fiancé Dropped My Cat Off Somewhere?”](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/1-105.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Calling Off My $40K Wedding Because My Fiancé Dropped My Cat Off Somewhere?”")
Image credits: Дмитрий Рощупкин (not the actual photo)
Well, if you, for example, had a chance to read our selection of verbal and non-verbal signs of people who appear nice at first glance, but aren’t that good at heart, then poor treatment of animals is definitely among the top 10 among similar signs. So the original poster seems to have made a pretty good decision – especially taking into account all she said about her relationship with her ex…
By the way, animal abandonment is a crime according to the federal law, so our heroine could well sue her ex too. However, some of the people in the comments to the original post even went further in their assumptions, admitting that the guy could have even killed the ‘annoying’ pet, and just told the woman that he dropped it off.
“File a police report for animal abuse and theft,” some people advise in the comments. “See if the cops can find out where he actually dropped the cat off – he might be dumb enough to admit which shelter or location.”
Be that as it may, the overwhelming number of commenters do sincerely believe that the original poster really dodged a bullet here, and the only thing the woman is really wrong about is that she parted ways with this guy a whole month after the described incident. “I would have left his a*s the second he told me he abandoned my pet somewhere,” one of the commenters claimed. And what would you do if you were our heroine?
People in the comments unanimously sided with the woman, blaming her only for not leaving earlier
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Was the cat really "dropped off" or was that a cover because he or his friend did something to the cat for scratching the car? She spent a month looking for the cat and he just let her without a word or a regret?
That's what I thought too. Sounds like a cover story for something nastier.
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And again, as cruel as it was, this is not about the cat. This, again, is about blatant disrespect and dismissal of a partners feelings and the fact that his friend and his dog is more important to OP's fiance than his soon to be wife and their own pet. She'll always be last behind anyone else he decides is more important. Which will most likely be everyone.
And what would he do to her when he decides she did something wrong. I have cats and can’t believe they can scratch a cars paint no matter their claws. She dodged a huge bullet, because he would have no problem hurting her.
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What a 🤬monster! You can't just get rid of someone's cat without telling them, but if you're going to be an AH, at least drop the cat off at a shelter, not in the woods. If you're going to have a cat know that cats gonna cat and cats scratch! I really hope the cat is ok and living a good life hunting squirrels, or was found. This is awful! Also, please don't declaw a cat. I have a cat who was declawed by whoever had her before and I feel so bad for her. She still goes through the motions of scratching and it's so sad. She just wants to destroy everything I own and she can't! Not to mention she has trouble gripping and and playing and her paws are sensitive. And if she gets outside (she's an indoor cat) and lost, she can't defend herself. I get the appeal, and her paws are soft, but don't do it!
Our housemaid left my kitten in a field after my dad joked about it. Apparently it was lost in translation... Said tiny kitten found her way home and managed to sing the song of her people loud enough up a tree next door to get attention. Sadly that b***h then drowned her in a saucer of milk in my room. Sure, cats suddenly drown in a saucer of milk. That got her fired real quick. I still hate her. it was 1987.
Load More Replies... I swear if my other half did this to my cat I'd turn on him so fast. I hate people like that. Poor cat
This wouldn't be a wait around for a month and then end the engagement moment, this would be an immediate relationship ender. The callousness of his behavior is insane.
I’d be posting from jail if anyone in my house ever did this to my cats…
I'm surprised he told her instead of pretending the cat just ran away or something
He told her because he knew he could do anything to her. She stated without going into detail he had other abusive behaviour. I'm happy she left his sorry a*s, but sad for the cat.
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If someone is abusive towards animals, it is reasonable to believe that they might be abusive towards you as well. A person's true character is revealed in how they treat those without a voice.
No way was that scratch made by a cat. There was a dent there too. Either way. Utter bone head and she's well rid of him. Hope she gets another cat when she feels ready.
That's a stock image, not the actual car but I agree with your sentiment.
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I hope you got as much of your money refunded that you spent on that wedding as possible. I'm also so happy you got rid of that dead weight of a fiance'.
In the UK this guy could have been prosecuted for doing that. Should have been. And in all my years of cat and car ownership I've never once had any of them scratch a car. .. .. .. Quite bizarre the number of responses saying the cat shouldn't be let out - obviously there are some places/environments where it may not be safe to do so but the vast majority of cats globally have some level of freedom to come and go, inside and out. It's what pet doors were invented for and is perfectly normal (and safe).
I once saw my cat sliding backwards down the bonnet of my car, trying to hold on, scrabbling etc and it took a bit of work with some T-cut to sort it. She never tried it again.
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That's so sad. Your ex's friend is to blame for a large part of it and your ex clearly put his friend's needs above yours. Your ex and his friend didn't have the right to manipulate you and treat you that way. I currently own my first cat as a pet and I could see how heartbreaking that situation would be. I would've probably moved out as well
She said that this was 1 of 100 reasons to leave him. Girl, your standards are so low, they are close to Earth's core. Please everyone, if someone shows you how they are, friggin believe them! If someone in a relationship with you has no respect for you or people with low wage jobs, fat people, queer people, people of different races, animals, etc - just dump them now, don't marry them and absolutely don't mix your genes together
I won't lie, if my fiance did that, it's unlikely it would have survived. I'd also stop calling it "She" or "He", because what does such atrocities isn't a person, but trash that needs to be seperated into its components to be recyclable. Also - cats scratching cars may be a thing, but cats leaving scratchmarks ... well, not so much. Nobody should believe that anyway - ever heard of clear coat being resistent to scratches? Well, it is harder than a cat's claw. There's a lot of work ahead of any cat planning to damage an intactly painted vehicle, like scratching the same spot for hours. And on top ... friend's dog? Relocate the dog? Or the friend? Them both? Your house was the cat's home. End of. How do people even end up dating such AHs?
If he did that to a cat, imagine what he would do to a colicky or teething infant.
I don't think he "dropped off" the cat in the park. I also have a feeling that he scratched the car himself.
YTA for staying with this person from so long. If this is truly 1 out of 100 things, then you let this AH abuse your animal while having plenty of reasons to bail before he committed even worse animal abuse by dumping the cat. And the cat's behaviors are stress related. You know where that stress came from? Your BF's abuse. Because I guarantee someone willing to dump a cat and force it to be outside because of a friend's dog was absolutely abusing it.
I would instantly discard an S.O. if I found out that they were the sort of person who could do such a thing and feel justified in it, much less actually did it. All respect and trust would be gone. I would feel like I was standing in the presence of something inhuman; twisted and evil.
The fiance is toast. He either killed the cat, had it thrown in a kill shelter, or something, but this guy? TOXIC. She's next. RUN.
Absolutely! She would be next. (Nice to see you again though)
Load More Replies... Being cruel or abusive towards animals is a major warning. The police here in the Netherlands will investigate for domestic abuse too if they get an animal cruelty situation. Why? Because it goes together so often.▪️▪️▪️ Abusers can only keep their mask on for so long. When the mask starts to drop it's animals first and humans next. I know, because I've been in a situation like that. I first noticed that the cat was afraid of my ex, and several weeks later he turned on me. I was lucky to get away quickly, and I got great support from the police and family.
Goddammitall, I'm pissed about this. This is ABUSE. This may have been a death sentence for the cat (if the guy didn't in fact just kill the pet and lie about it), and IMO, pets are family members. I would no sooner abandon a cat like that than a child. And of course there's the disrespect of doing this to something of OP's over her objections. Would he throw away possessions of hers if he didn't like them, without her permission? I'm glad they're no longer together, and I hope that OP may someday find her 4-footed family member.
YTA for not dumping his guy before it came to this or at least the moment you found out what he did to the cat. Btw, guys that mistreat animals will mistreat you. Eventually, he’d have throw you out of the house with nothing to to “teach you a lesson”.
Yeah, that POS would have had his manhood removed by scissors that same night. If he got medical attention fast enough, it wouldn't be fatal. Just swing by the store and buy a brand new sharp pair, and put them to good use.
Nobody touches my cat! As evil and as aloof as he is, I love my cat to death. I'm with the comment; I would have left the guy the moment he dropped my cat and not wait a month!
I would leave him if he did that to someone else's cat
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Lol at poll - is animal abuse a red flag? See just about any serial killer for answers there.
Thank heavens they never had children. I would be on edge constantly, afraid my child would displease ex and dropped off at firehouse or hospital. You may think this is BS but think about ex's solution to a scratch on car. Spilled drink, vomit, pee...
I'd be working on the sequel for a very famous movie, it'd be called "No Wedding and Two Funerals". Touch my pets and I'll unalive you with my bare hands!
I'da dropped his a*s off in the woods somewhere tied to a tree with honey poured all over him.
I think they got rid of the cat mafia-style... so she could never find him...
Anyone who gets to know me knows that I greatly prefer cats, any cats, to people. If by some fluke I did meet someone and they ever hurt my cat, I would go scorched earth on that entire relationship. Nothing would be off limits. Scorched. Fecking. Earth.
I don't trust that he just dumped the cat. And I have to wonder why you stayed. Too many women raised to be so passive.
Why do people write stuff like this online and add unnecessary details. Who cares why she needed a new garbage can or that she spent time looking for it. It's not important to the story. If you want to embellish, at least do it in an entertaining way. I didn't get past the first two paragraphs.
That Tom is not a person. He's an abomination to humankind. Let's hope he never even has the chance to do something that horrible again.
Was the cat really "dropped off" or was that a cover because he or his friend did something to the cat for scratching the car? She spent a month looking for the cat and he just let her without a word or a regret?
That's what I thought too. Sounds like a cover story for something nastier.
Load More Replies... And again, as cruel as it was, this is not about the cat. This, again, is about blatant disrespect and dismissal of a partners feelings and the fact that his friend and his dog is more important to OP's fiance than his soon to be wife and their own pet. She'll always be last behind anyone else he decides is more important. Which will most likely be everyone.
And what would he do to her when he decides she did something wrong. I have cats and can’t believe they can scratch a cars paint no matter their claws. She dodged a huge bullet, because he would have no problem hurting her.
Load More Replies... What a 🤬monster! You can't just get rid of someone's cat without telling them, but if you're going to be an AH, at least drop the cat off at a shelter, not in the woods. If you're going to have a cat know that cats gonna cat and cats scratch! I really hope the cat is ok and living a good life hunting squirrels, or was found. This is awful! Also, please don't declaw a cat. I have a cat who was declawed by whoever had her before and I feel so bad for her. She still goes through the motions of scratching and it's so sad. She just wants to destroy everything I own and she can't! Not to mention she has trouble gripping and and playing and her paws are sensitive. And if she gets outside (she's an indoor cat) and lost, she can't defend herself. I get the appeal, and her paws are soft, but don't do it!
Our housemaid left my kitten in a field after my dad joked about it. Apparently it was lost in translation... Said tiny kitten found her way home and managed to sing the song of her people loud enough up a tree next door to get attention. Sadly that b***h then drowned her in a saucer of milk in my room. Sure, cats suddenly drown in a saucer of milk. That got her fired real quick. I still hate her. it was 1987.
Load More Replies... I swear if my other half did this to my cat I'd turn on him so fast. I hate people like that. Poor cat
This wouldn't be a wait around for a month and then end the engagement moment, this would be an immediate relationship ender. The callousness of his behavior is insane.
I’d be posting from jail if anyone in my house ever did this to my cats…
I'm surprised he told her instead of pretending the cat just ran away or something
He told her because he knew he could do anything to her. She stated without going into detail he had other abusive behaviour. I'm happy she left his sorry a*s, but sad for the cat.
Load More Replies... If someone is abusive towards animals, it is reasonable to believe that they might be abusive towards you as well. A person's true character is revealed in how they treat those without a voice.
No way was that scratch made by a cat. There was a dent there too. Either way. Utter bone head and she's well rid of him. Hope she gets another cat when she feels ready.
That's a stock image, not the actual car but I agree with your sentiment.
Load More Replies... I hope you got as much of your money refunded that you spent on that wedding as possible. I'm also so happy you got rid of that dead weight of a fiance'.
In the UK this guy could have been prosecuted for doing that. Should have been. And in all my years of cat and car ownership I've never once had any of them scratch a car. .. .. .. Quite bizarre the number of responses saying the cat shouldn't be let out - obviously there are some places/environments where it may not be safe to do so but the vast majority of cats globally have some level of freedom to come and go, inside and out. It's what pet doors were invented for and is perfectly normal (and safe).
I once saw my cat sliding backwards down the bonnet of my car, trying to hold on, scrabbling etc and it took a bit of work with some T-cut to sort it. She never tried it again.
Load More Replies... That's so sad. Your ex's friend is to blame for a large part of it and your ex clearly put his friend's needs above yours. Your ex and his friend didn't have the right to manipulate you and treat you that way. I currently own my first cat as a pet and I could see how heartbreaking that situation would be. I would've probably moved out as well
She said that this was 1 of 100 reasons to leave him. Girl, your standards are so low, they are close to Earth's core. Please everyone, if someone shows you how they are, friggin believe them! If someone in a relationship with you has no respect for you or people with low wage jobs, fat people, queer people, people of different races, animals, etc - just dump them now, don't marry them and absolutely don't mix your genes together
I won't lie, if my fiance did that, it's unlikely it would have survived. I'd also stop calling it "She" or "He", because what does such atrocities isn't a person, but trash that needs to be seperated into its components to be recyclable. Also - cats scratching cars may be a thing, but cats leaving scratchmarks ... well, not so much. Nobody should believe that anyway - ever heard of clear coat being resistent to scratches? Well, it is harder than a cat's claw. There's a lot of work ahead of any cat planning to damage an intactly painted vehicle, like scratching the same spot for hours. And on top ... friend's dog? Relocate the dog? Or the friend? Them both? Your house was the cat's home. End of. How do people even end up dating such AHs?
If he did that to a cat, imagine what he would do to a colicky or teething infant.
I don't think he "dropped off" the cat in the park. I also have a feeling that he scratched the car himself.
YTA for staying with this person from so long. If this is truly 1 out of 100 things, then you let this AH abuse your animal while having plenty of reasons to bail before he committed even worse animal abuse by dumping the cat. And the cat's behaviors are stress related. You know where that stress came from? Your BF's abuse. Because I guarantee someone willing to dump a cat and force it to be outside because of a friend's dog was absolutely abusing it.
I would instantly discard an S.O. if I found out that they were the sort of person who could do such a thing and feel justified in it, much less actually did it. All respect and trust would be gone. I would feel like I was standing in the presence of something inhuman; twisted and evil.
The fiance is toast. He either killed the cat, had it thrown in a kill shelter, or something, but this guy? TOXIC. She's next. RUN.
Absolutely! She would be next. (Nice to see you again though)
Load More Replies... Being cruel or abusive towards animals is a major warning. The police here in the Netherlands will investigate for domestic abuse too if they get an animal cruelty situation. Why? Because it goes together so often.▪️▪️▪️ Abusers can only keep their mask on for so long. When the mask starts to drop it's animals first and humans next. I know, because I've been in a situation like that. I first noticed that the cat was afraid of my ex, and several weeks later he turned on me. I was lucky to get away quickly, and I got great support from the police and family.
Goddammitall, I'm pissed about this. This is ABUSE. This may have been a death sentence for the cat (if the guy didn't in fact just kill the pet and lie about it), and IMO, pets are family members. I would no sooner abandon a cat like that than a child. And of course there's the disrespect of doing this to something of OP's over her objections. Would he throw away possessions of hers if he didn't like them, without her permission? I'm glad they're no longer together, and I hope that OP may someday find her 4-footed family member.
YTA for not dumping his guy before it came to this or at least the moment you found out what he did to the cat. Btw, guys that mistreat animals will mistreat you. Eventually, he’d have throw you out of the house with nothing to to “teach you a lesson”.
Yeah, that POS would have had his manhood removed by scissors that same night. If he got medical attention fast enough, it wouldn't be fatal. Just swing by the store and buy a brand new sharp pair, and put them to good use.
Nobody touches my cat! As evil and as aloof as he is, I love my cat to death. I'm with the comment; I would have left the guy the moment he dropped my cat and not wait a month!
I would leave him if he did that to someone else's cat
Load More Replies... Lol at poll - is animal abuse a red flag? See just about any serial killer for answers there.
Thank heavens they never had children. I would be on edge constantly, afraid my child would displease ex and dropped off at firehouse or hospital. You may think this is BS but think about ex's solution to a scratch on car. Spilled drink, vomit, pee...
I'd be working on the sequel for a very famous movie, it'd be called "No Wedding and Two Funerals". Touch my pets and I'll unalive you with my bare hands!
I'da dropped his a*s off in the woods somewhere tied to a tree with honey poured all over him.
I think they got rid of the cat mafia-style... so she could never find him...
Anyone who gets to know me knows that I greatly prefer cats, any cats, to people. If by some fluke I did meet someone and they ever hurt my cat, I would go scorched earth on that entire relationship. Nothing would be off limits. Scorched. Fecking. Earth.
I don't trust that he just dumped the cat. And I have to wonder why you stayed. Too many women raised to be so passive.
Why do people write stuff like this online and add unnecessary details. Who cares why she needed a new garbage can or that she spent time looking for it. It's not important to the story. If you want to embellish, at least do it in an entertaining way. I didn't get past the first two paragraphs.
That Tom is not a person. He's an abomination to humankind. Let's hope he never even has the chance to do something that horrible again.
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