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“She’s Your Girlfriend, Not Your Mommy”: The Net Blasts Man For Demanding GF Cook For Him
Equally contributing to maintaining a household is widely considered to be the key to a healthy and lasting relationship. It boosts understanding and empathy and prevents resentment from building up.
Some researchers even believe that it’s not about dividing the tasks—as in, I do laundry and you cook dinner—but about sharing them. That is, both partners take on a similar load of different tasks. That might mean doing the cooking and cleaning interchangeably every other day or divvying up the tasks in any other way that seems fair and appropriate to each partner’s schedules.
In the light of these findings, the behavior of the author of the following story might come off as a little problematic. The whole “sharing the tasks” idea just seems silly to him. Scroll down to see why.
RELATED:
Sharing household chores is an important part of an equal and lasting relationship that allows both partners to feel respected and understood
Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)
But what if one partner is more competent at doing the chores? That is the dilemma that the author of the following story has
Image credits: Le Creuset (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anon
The author of the story seems to be weaponizing his incompetence
The phrase “weaponizing incompetence” has been growing in popularity online. It means that a person puts little to no effort into a task to avoid responsibility. This is especially common in relationships and, unfortunately, is often done by men.
Purposefully screwing a task up so that you won’t get asked to do it again is a prime example of weaponizing incompetence. So is the phrase “You’re so much better at this than I am, why don’t you just take it on?” The author of this story seems to be using both of these to get out of his cooking responsibility.
Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)
This behavior can be detrimental to a relationship
Avoiding responsibilities can erode even the most stable of partnerships because, ultimately, it is unfair. Frustration and resentment are bound to build up over time. Partners might also experience a lack of trust because they don’t feel supported in everyday tasks. All of that might lead to more conflict and a breakdown of communication.
So, the couple needs to remedy the situation. The first step to do so is to acknowledge the problematic behavior. Then, it’s all about communicating what both partners find fair.
When you think about it, cooking once a week is not that big of an ask. If working with fresh food is a bit too much, the boyfriend can use premade options to make cooking easier. Having take-out or going out to eat can also be an option here.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
The majority of people agreed that this type of behavior is unacceptable
What do you think ?
DrBronxx 2 years ago
When I started to read this, I thought that maybe his GF had too high standards, but then when he seemed to think serving undercooked chicken and giving her the shits was no big deal, I realised that he has no standards at all. Apparently food poisoning is just fine. I've never heard of "weaponised incompetence" before, but from context, this seems like a perfect example. Sure, it's difficult to become a *great* cook, but with all the resources we have at our disposal these days, it's downright EASY to become *competent*. He's lazy, and sad that he isn't being pampered anymore.
Deborah B 2 years ago
"let me weaponise my incompetance, and also be sad and act like she's the AH here." Dude. She's asking you to cook once a week. Google "recipes for beginners", and find something within your capabilities. If you can feed yourself, what's the problem with cooking for both of you one night a week? She's not expecting you to be as good a cook as her, only asking for eddible, safe-to-eat food. Show that you're willing to make a real effort to take on part of your share of the work. It's not her responsibility to feed the both of you. It's not her responsiblity to teach you while you whine on the internets about her being impatient and a bad teacher. When she was cooking you dinner 7 nights a week, and making you a lunchbox, what were you doing to nurture and support her? When she was cooking, were you cleaning house, doing laundry, and otherwise working for the two of you, or were you sitting chatting or playing video games? She's not your Mama.
Libstak 2 years ago
There are like a bagazillion 5 ingredient or less plus seasoning recipes a barely trained ape could do easily. Mushroom, cream tortellini...practically makes itself with frozen store bought tortellini base, in fact most pasta recipes are blatantly easy. Forget the chicken, how about medium rare steak and steamed veg with mash? slightly over or under cooking steak rarely matters to most. Any stir fry comes with pre prepared sauces and just needs rice. Honestly get real, I'm no gourmet but I know how to make basic tasty dinners in under 1/2 hour dozens of ways. Scalloped French potato's, easy peasy. Heck, a basic minestrone with a canned tomato soup base is better than a complete failure to try.
tori Ohno 2 years ago
200% weaponized incompetence. Not to mention the misogynistic air about him. He would rather poison her, and spend ridiculous amounts of money on eating out, rather than cooking her a nice meal and packing up a lunch for her. He's the only one allowed those small niceties. I would have dumped him by now.
Sugar Shack 2 years ago
Whenever I hear people say "I can't cook" that is just laziness. "You haven't bothered to learn how to cook" is the truth. There is also usually a pattern of behavior that follows, particularly with couples. I know one couple and the wife is a very entitled and spoiled woman who "can't cook". Had a nanny. "He" does all of the cooking. She is insufferable.
Sonja 2 years ago
I find it laughable when people try to tell me they 'honestly, truly can't cook'. As if it's some sort of super special skill that has no comparison to anything else and you can't do it if you're not talented. If you truly can't follow a simple recipe, then you're skipping steps internationally. There's absolutely no fricking reason why someone wouldn't be able to cook at least a soup or a casserole. There are more than enough one pot recipes for the crook pot or simple pan recipes. As long as you can move your hands, eat with a knife and fork and do basic stuff to get through your day, you definitely can cook.
Load More Replies...
SheamusFanFrom1987 2 years ago
I'm nowhere near a cook or cook's assistant's level but even I can tell if something is at least cooked enough or just plain raw. OP is just b*tching and doesn't want to try. What more is there to say but he's being THE a*****e... -_-"
Spittnimage 2 years ago
How come only the gf got diarrhea? Did the OP not eat it because he knew it wasn't done?
dremetrius 2 years ago
Eating something undercooked doesn't affect everyone the same way. My gut can take a lot before it rebels, my mom's is terribly sensitive so she is way more cautious than me with food risks. Having said that, I do know how to cook a piece of chicken, unlike that undercooked nugget.
Load More Replies...
Ginger ninja 1 year ago
So its not that “she’s a bad teacher” he just doesn't want to cook and wants her to do it all. I hope she dumped his lazy a*s. How much longer until he wants her to do all the cleaning, if they have kids together will he want her to do all the childcare too and then complain because she isnt cooking like she used to?
Jenn Green 1 year ago
What would you do if you lived alone? I'm sure you wouldn't give yourself food poisoning. You are an adult, you should have learned to cook by now. If not, starve.
JayWantsACat 2 years ago
So, it's more likely that she's "not a good teacher" rather than you being a bad student, whether willfully or not? OP admits to thinking that were a good cook, so there is willingness to actually cook. It doesn't take much effort to look at cooking vids and/or recipes to learn a few simple meals.
rosalia gurkenstein 2 years ago
I'm always on the fence with weaponized incompetency, like he's absolutly TA for his lack of common sense and care for his partner. But it's not always intentional, my roommate has extremly high expectations about literally anything in the appartement and I try hard (I'm not dirty at all, not even really lazy either), every task I do with extrem stress thinking about everything she has yelled at me for. But every month at least once I get yelled at again for not completing a task to her standard, that I do it on purpose and consider her my maid and take her for granted. So while it looks like weaponized incompotence to her, it really isn't as I just am incapable to adhere to her standard but it not for lack of trying. So not all cases that look like intentional f-ups are in fact.
CrunChewy McSandybutt 2 years ago
My husband won't cook for the same "reason." I don't mind too much since he's right; I am way better at it, and he always cleans the whole house. So it's not so bad. It's hilarious when he grills meat and acts like he cooked dinner. I have to do all the prep work.
Say What 2 years ago
Nothing in the post indicates she is a controlling woman. I hope you like being single; you're not cut out for a relationship.
Load More Replies...
DrBronxx 2 years ago
When I started to read this, I thought that maybe his GF had too high standards, but then when he seemed to think serving undercooked chicken and giving her the shits was no big deal, I realised that he has no standards at all. Apparently food poisoning is just fine. I've never heard of "weaponised incompetence" before, but from context, this seems like a perfect example. Sure, it's difficult to become a *great* cook, but with all the resources we have at our disposal these days, it's downright EASY to become *competent*. He's lazy, and sad that he isn't being pampered anymore.
Deborah B 2 years ago
"let me weaponise my incompetance, and also be sad and act like she's the AH here." Dude. She's asking you to cook once a week. Google "recipes for beginners", and find something within your capabilities. If you can feed yourself, what's the problem with cooking for both of you one night a week? She's not expecting you to be as good a cook as her, only asking for eddible, safe-to-eat food. Show that you're willing to make a real effort to take on part of your share of the work. It's not her responsibility to feed the both of you. It's not her responsiblity to teach you while you whine on the internets about her being impatient and a bad teacher. When she was cooking you dinner 7 nights a week, and making you a lunchbox, what were you doing to nurture and support her? When she was cooking, were you cleaning house, doing laundry, and otherwise working for the two of you, or were you sitting chatting or playing video games? She's not your Mama.
Libstak 2 years ago
There are like a bagazillion 5 ingredient or less plus seasoning recipes a barely trained ape could do easily. Mushroom, cream tortellini...practically makes itself with frozen store bought tortellini base, in fact most pasta recipes are blatantly easy. Forget the chicken, how about medium rare steak and steamed veg with mash? slightly over or under cooking steak rarely matters to most. Any stir fry comes with pre prepared sauces and just needs rice. Honestly get real, I'm no gourmet but I know how to make basic tasty dinners in under 1/2 hour dozens of ways. Scalloped French potato's, easy peasy. Heck, a basic minestrone with a canned tomato soup base is better than a complete failure to try.
tori Ohno 2 years ago
200% weaponized incompetence. Not to mention the misogynistic air about him. He would rather poison her, and spend ridiculous amounts of money on eating out, rather than cooking her a nice meal and packing up a lunch for her. He's the only one allowed those small niceties. I would have dumped him by now.
Sugar Shack 2 years ago
Whenever I hear people say "I can't cook" that is just laziness. "You haven't bothered to learn how to cook" is the truth. There is also usually a pattern of behavior that follows, particularly with couples. I know one couple and the wife is a very entitled and spoiled woman who "can't cook". Had a nanny. "He" does all of the cooking. She is insufferable.
Sonja 2 years ago
I find it laughable when people try to tell me they 'honestly, truly can't cook'. As if it's some sort of super special skill that has no comparison to anything else and you can't do it if you're not talented. If you truly can't follow a simple recipe, then you're skipping steps internationally. There's absolutely no fricking reason why someone wouldn't be able to cook at least a soup or a casserole. There are more than enough one pot recipes for the crook pot or simple pan recipes. As long as you can move your hands, eat with a knife and fork and do basic stuff to get through your day, you definitely can cook.
Load More Replies... SheamusFanFrom1987 2 years ago
I'm nowhere near a cook or cook's assistant's level but even I can tell if something is at least cooked enough or just plain raw. OP is just b*tching and doesn't want to try. What more is there to say but he's being THE a*****e... -_-"
Spittnimage 2 years ago
How come only the gf got diarrhea? Did the OP not eat it because he knew it wasn't done?
dremetrius 2 years ago
Eating something undercooked doesn't affect everyone the same way. My gut can take a lot before it rebels, my mom's is terribly sensitive so she is way more cautious than me with food risks. Having said that, I do know how to cook a piece of chicken, unlike that undercooked nugget.
Load More Replies... Ginger ninja 1 year ago
So its not that “she’s a bad teacher” he just doesn't want to cook and wants her to do it all. I hope she dumped his lazy a*s. How much longer until he wants her to do all the cleaning, if they have kids together will he want her to do all the childcare too and then complain because she isnt cooking like she used to?
Jenn Green 1 year ago
What would you do if you lived alone? I'm sure you wouldn't give yourself food poisoning. You are an adult, you should have learned to cook by now. If not, starve.
JayWantsACat 2 years ago
So, it's more likely that she's "not a good teacher" rather than you being a bad student, whether willfully or not? OP admits to thinking that were a good cook, so there is willingness to actually cook. It doesn't take much effort to look at cooking vids and/or recipes to learn a few simple meals.
rosalia gurkenstein 2 years ago
I'm always on the fence with weaponized incompetency, like he's absolutly TA for his lack of common sense and care for his partner. But it's not always intentional, my roommate has extremly high expectations about literally anything in the appartement and I try hard (I'm not dirty at all, not even really lazy either), every task I do with extrem stress thinking about everything she has yelled at me for. But every month at least once I get yelled at again for not completing a task to her standard, that I do it on purpose and consider her my maid and take her for granted. So while it looks like weaponized incompotence to her, it really isn't as I just am incapable to adhere to her standard but it not for lack of trying. So not all cases that look like intentional f-ups are in fact.
CrunChewy McSandybutt 2 years ago
My husband won't cook for the same "reason." I don't mind too much since he's right; I am way better at it, and he always cleans the whole house. So it's not so bad. It's hilarious when he grills meat and acts like he cooked dinner. I have to do all the prep work.
Say What 2 years ago
Nothing in the post indicates she is a controlling woman. I hope you like being single; you're not cut out for a relationship.
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