Best Man Breaks Down After He Can’t Attend His BFF’s Wedding Due To GF’s Ultimatum
Interview With Author
Being a good friend means being there for them, no matter what. It means showing up, not just when things get tough, but also to celebrate their biggest wins in life! However, you won’t really know what their actual priorities are until the friendship gets put to the test.
Redditor u/Disastrous-Day-3751 recently turned to the AITA online community for advice after dealing with a very delicate situation regarding her upcoming wedding. She shared how the best man broke down because his girlfriend gave him an ultimatum: he had to choose between going to the OP’s wedding or hypothetically getting a dog. You’ll find the full story below.
We reached out to the author of the viral post, u/Disastrous-Day-3751, and she was happy to answer our questions. Read on for Bored Panda’s interview with her!
Being asked to be the best man or maid of honor at your best friend’s wedding is a huge deal. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out
Image credits: Batuhan Kocabaş / pexels (not the actual photo)
A bride-to-be shared how the best man broke down after getting an ultimatum from his girlfriend
Image credits: Alexy Almond / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Ivan Babydov / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Disastrous-Day-3751
The author of the viral story shared some additional context in the comments
The entire drama made the couple happy that they’re having a smaller and more carefree wedding
According to the author of the post, at the end of the day, it was “relatively easy” to organize the wedding.
“It’s just 6 people now, and we don’t want anything extraordinary,” u/Disastrous-Day-3751 told Bored Panda. “It’s more like a little vacation, and that’s great for us because the drama between us and Mike/Courtney has been enough.”
The fact that the story went so viral on the internet came as a bit of a shock. “I did not expect the story to be this interesting to Reddit. I was just so shocked and hurt that I had to share it and hoped I could get an outside perspective,” she said.
“I‘m grateful for the reactions as it gave us a lot of insight about toxic relationships. A lot of people talked about how manipulative Courtney is, and that’s true, but we hadn’t seen that before.”
The OP also had some practical advice for anyone feeling overwhelmed and stressed out from organizing their own wedding.
“The smaller, the better!” she said.
“Some family members were very disappointed, but we said: ‘It’s our day, and it has to be perfect for us.’ Some family members were a bit grumpy after that, but after some weeks, it was okay.”
Image credits: Katerina Holmes / pexels (not the actual photo)
The entire situation raised a lot of questions about the dynamic between the best man and his girlfriend
We love our pets. They’re with us through thick and thin! But you may want to gently reconsider your priorities if your friends feel like you’re always putting your pets’ needs above theirs.
When you choose your dog over your pals’ wedding, well, that’s bound to lead to a lot of hurt feelings on both sides. Things can get even more intense if you’re talking about a hypothetical pet that you’ll only get in the future.
It makes little sense to prioritize the welfare of an animal that isn’t a part of your family yet at the cost of your beloved friends, who are already a major part of your life.
Now, don’t get us wrong: it’s vital that you plan and prepare to welcome a dog into your life. The more you sort out all the details, the easier the homecoming entire process will be.
However, if you’re constantly changing your dogsitting plans and forcing the marrying couple to adjust their wedding time and time again, something’s definitely off.
In our experience, ultimatums rarely—if ever work—in relationships. Nobody should feel like they’re pressured into doing anything they don’t want to do. However, that’s easier said than done. When you’re on the receiving end of an ultimatum, it’s hard to know what to do because it’s a high-stress situation.
Happy and healthy relationships are built on a foundation of mutual trust, respect, and communication. In this particular case, it is extremely unfair of ‘Courtney’ to demand that ‘Mike’ skip his BFF’s wedding because she wants both of them to dogsit their future pet in half a year’s time.
Image credits: Liza Summer / pexels (not the actual photo)
If your partner relies on ultimatums to control you, then something is fundamentally amiss in your relationship
Ultimatums are very different from boundaries. The former are all about force, warnings, and demands. The latter are about setting expectations and guidelines for (in)appropriate behavior.
Ultimatums are particularly harmful in relationships because they undermine the sense of security and respect. It can also lead to resentment, as well as insecurity.
According to relationship therapist Darcy Sterling, LCSW, “Setting an ultimatum is the relationship equivalent of nuclear warfare,” she points out.
Meanwhile, marriage and family therapist Andrea Dindinger, LMFT, has a similar view. “People make ultimatums when they feel powerless to change the other person.” In the meantime, overusing ultimatums can be likened to emotional abuse.
Boundaries are a far better alternative to ultimatums because they are firm but flexible. That’s the perspective of licensed counselor Elizabeth Fedrick.
She told Business Insider that most people don’t respond well to ultimatums. “Whereas healthy boundaries are about keeping yourself safe by staying in control of yourself, an ultimatum is about trying to keep yourself safe by staying in control of someone else. Because ultimatums are by nature demanding, they can backfire and create more harm than good in a relationship.”
Therapist Daryl Appleton notes, however, that ultimatums do have a time and a place. They can be useful in situations where someone’s behavior is harmful to them or the relationship itself. It’s when ultimatums are used for control—instead of clarity—that they can have a negative effect.
The vast majority of readers stood in solidarity with the bride-to-be
The author later gave an all-important update to the story
Image credits: Alena Darmel / pexels (not the actual photo)
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
You May Also Like
Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk
Do you think childless individuals should be expected to chip in for group babysitting costs during friend gatherings?
17 Y.O. Is Done Sharing Her Birthday With Her Late Twin, Parents Are Not Having It
Do you think the girl should be allowed to celebrate her birthday without the remembrance of her deceased twin?
Committing to a hypothetical puppy to prove that he's devoted and father material? What other tests will he have to pass?? The house they built together isn't worth the emotional abuse (trying to control him and then lying about it, trying to isolate him from other people, over-reacting and then blaming him for it). I hope he cuts his losses and leaves.
I really doubt that's the reason, it sounds like something she made up to pull on his heart strings. Not only that but she had the cajones to ask the bride to move her wedding for a dog that doesn't exist?! Delusional. This lady has some major problems and is completely manipulative to her poor bf, I really hope he doesn't have kids with her because he'll regret it.
Load More Replies...
Separating people from their friends and family, and this controlling behavior is abuse- Mike is the victim of abuse!
Yep, that's exactly where my mind went. Controlling and isolating. Either she gains controls over his friends group (by getting the wedding moved) or he's isolated from them (not able to go to the wedding). It sucks because she's currently winning.
Load More Replies... The commenter who said Courtney was trying to "trap" him with the puppy rings true. My dad had a psycho girlfriend who tried to do the same thing. Made him drive from Orange County, California to a breeder in Utah to pick it up. Then she broke his wrist a few weeks later and long story short I got my dad back. Poor Sasha (dog), and f**k you, Axel.
OP said that this girl constantly talks about having kids in one of the comment replies. Hell, I hope that best man realizes what's going on and opts out of this before he gets baby trapped too.
Load More Replies...
Committing to a hypothetical puppy to prove that he's devoted and father material? What other tests will he have to pass?? The house they built together isn't worth the emotional abuse (trying to control him and then lying about it, trying to isolate him from other people, over-reacting and then blaming him for it). I hope he cuts his losses and leaves.
I really doubt that's the reason, it sounds like something she made up to pull on his heart strings. Not only that but she had the cajones to ask the bride to move her wedding for a dog that doesn't exist?! Delusional. This lady has some major problems and is completely manipulative to her poor bf, I really hope he doesn't have kids with her because he'll regret it.
Load More Replies... Separating people from their friends and family, and this controlling behavior is abuse- Mike is the victim of abuse!
Yep, that's exactly where my mind went. Controlling and isolating. Either she gains controls over his friends group (by getting the wedding moved) or he's isolated from them (not able to go to the wedding). It sucks because she's currently winning.
Load More Replies... The commenter who said Courtney was trying to "trap" him with the puppy rings true. My dad had a psycho girlfriend who tried to do the same thing. Made him drive from Orange County, California to a breeder in Utah to pick it up. Then she broke his wrist a few weeks later and long story short I got my dad back. Poor Sasha (dog), and f**k you, Axel.
OP said that this girl constantly talks about having kids in one of the comment replies. Hell, I hope that best man realizes what's going on and opts out of this before he gets baby trapped too.
Load More Replies...
54
50