Definitions vary, but the “default parent” is usually a person within a two-partner household who, for whatever reason, has become the primary caregiver for the children.
The role comes with a lot of pressure and can be really exhausting. After all, you’re basically keeping track of all aspects of the kids’ lives—from school and social activities to their health and emotional well-being—and it can feel as if you’ve dropped the ball if you make a mistake along the way.
Recently, mom and content creator Cassey Ahlas has released an emotional video taken from her car in which she explains exactly what it feels like.
Image credits: casseysjourney
“Let me just say this.
If you can take any job that works any hours without having to worry about your children or childcare,
if you can get up in the morning and get ready for that job, drink your coffee, eat your breakfast in peace, not have to get any kids ready, not have to take any kids to daycare,
if you can make plans and not have to worry about childcare,
if you can plan a vacation and not have to worry about packing your kids, making sure your kids have everything or finding childcare while you take that vacation,
if you can do daily life things such as go to the grocery store, go to the gym, any of those things and not have to worry about childcare, you better thank the default parent.”
Image credits: casseysjourney
“Because let me tell you right now, I’m the default parent in my situation 24/7, 365 and this sh*t is stressful. It is the most selfless, thankless, loving job on the planet. So if you can do your daily life every day and not have to worry about your kids being taken care of, you better thank the default parent.”
Image credits: casseysjourney
@casseysjourney #mom #dad #momsoftiktok #momlife #momtok #moms #momsover30 #momsontiktok #momsover40 #dadsoftiktok #dadsontiktok #dadsoftiktok #daddy #parent #parents #parentsoftiktok #parenting #parenthood #mother #motherhood #father #fatherhood #default #defaultparent ♬ Somewhere Only We Know – Hilman Rospandi
Later, Cassey released another video, further explaining the concept
Image credits: casseysjourney
“And let me just say this.
If you do not have to call out of work or leave work early because your child is sick, on the flip side of that, when you are sick, if you get to lay in bed, rest and recharge and do not have to get up and take care of children while you are sick,
if your schedule does not have to revolve around doctor’s appointments, dentist appointments, extracurriculars,
if you do not have to provide the information or carry the insurance for doctors, dentists and extracurriculars,
if you do not have to know your child’s shoe size or clothing size because they always just have those things provided, they always have new shoes when their feet grow, they always have clothes when they grow out of them,
if these are things you do not have to worry about on a daily basis,
if you do not carry this mental load, you better thank the default parent. You better thank the default parent.”
Image credits: Keenan Constance (not the actual photo)
@casseysjourney Default Parent Pt 2! #mom #momsoftiktok #momsoftiktok #momlife #momtok #dad #dadsoftiktok #daddy #dadlife #parent #parentsoftiktok #parents #parenting #parentingtips #coparenting #default #defaultparent ♬ Somewhere Only We Know – Hilman Rospandi
Image credits: Tatiana Syrikova (not the actual photo)
The honest videos have struck a chord with the internet and ignited a discussion on parenting responsibilities
Chances are if your partner doesn't share chores equally before children they are not going to just start after..
I think if she is sharing this ‘let me get a load of my chest’ video, a lot of resentment has grown already, she needs to be having conversations with her partner and potentially couples therapy, I doubt he’ll be thanking her for airing the dirty laundry
The "my husband and I don't communicate" subtext is louder than the "thank the default parent" she just broadcasted
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All these comments about communicating. You think that wives don't tell their husbands repeatedly to help with this stuff, remind them of all these things? It's just parenting a bigger child. To think she never said anything to her husband and then just unloaded online is a falsehood. And the comments saying we choose the Father of our kids, sure, you're married to someone and then you have kids. There is no good way to predict how someone will be once kids arrive. I've known guys that were fantastic with their nieces and nephews and took care of them at family events, and were totally useless at the actual care and workload of being a parent
Exactly this. The same happens after couples marry, usually the housework magically shifts to the woman (there a lots for studies, look them up if you don't believe it). That shift worsens - if that's possible- when kids arrive
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Chances are if your partner doesn't share chores equally before children they are not going to just start after..
I think if she is sharing this ‘let me get a load of my chest’ video, a lot of resentment has grown already, she needs to be having conversations with her partner and potentially couples therapy, I doubt he’ll be thanking her for airing the dirty laundry
The "my husband and I don't communicate" subtext is louder than the "thank the default parent" she just broadcasted
Load More Replies... All these comments about communicating. You think that wives don't tell their husbands repeatedly to help with this stuff, remind them of all these things? It's just parenting a bigger child. To think she never said anything to her husband and then just unloaded online is a falsehood. And the comments saying we choose the Father of our kids, sure, you're married to someone and then you have kids. There is no good way to predict how someone will be once kids arrive. I've known guys that were fantastic with their nieces and nephews and took care of them at family events, and were totally useless at the actual care and workload of being a parent
Exactly this. The same happens after couples marry, usually the housework magically shifts to the woman (there a lots for studies, look them up if you don't believe it). That shift worsens - if that's possible- when kids arrive
Load More Replies...
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