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When you think of cross stitch, you probably think of Bible quotes hanging off the walls at your grandma's house. And hey, there's nothing wrong with that, but for those of you who want a little more from your embroidery, check out these badass examples compiled by Bored Panda. From crude comedy and crappy puns to gangster-themed patterns and good old fashioned insults, this awesome collection of alternative cross stitch will make you smile, although your grandma might not appreciate it quite so much. Would you hang any of these on your wall? Let us know in the comments below! (Cover Image: stu_spivack)
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#1
Armileo De Mecano 8 years ago
It's okay if "life" shuts the door, as long as it's behind me! ;-)
Krish Malhotra 8 years ago
I'll have my gal opportunity knock on it. life always opens it for her.
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#3
Cip IESAN 8 years ago
I imagine an old granny trying to cross stich this in a rocking chair, surrounded by nephews and kittens...
Rin Rin 8 years ago
Aaaww c**p man, just got all teary eyed. I could totally picture this as my future. But with puppies, I'm allergic.
Load More Replies... Stephanie Rohr 8 years ago
The original is here... https://www.etsy.com/listing/190604620/pattern-mature-behold-the-field-in-which?ref=shop_home_feat_2
Agnes Jekyll 8 years ago
If you follow the link from Stephanie, you get to the pattern, but there is one ready-made left. With a very nice frame, I might add.
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#5
Cordélia Leite 7 years ago
As if every mother of teenagers was kind and easy to deal with...hypocrisy speaks volumes here.
Charmaine Collings 7 years ago
I remember this quote from a Roseanne show, not that it necessarily originated with her, but, just sayin'
#6
just a thought ! 8 years ago
Then pigeons surely love my aunt ... She had pigeon s**t all over her head once 😹😹
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Vlad Horobet 8 years ago
I did the math. Whoever "you" is , is gonna have a s****y day...
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#7
StinkyMonkey 8 years ago
Could also be a Scottish person or someone from the north-east of England.
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#8
Paula Marshall 5 years ago
It's not even on there. It just resembles the cold virus.
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#9
#10
Nancy Wagner Werling 8 years ago
And you would know this because........ If you ever DID any kind of cross stitch charting, you would recognize the precision of the letters..... It's not all X's, ya know. This is the DETAIL work, not pictures.
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#11
Adam Havlík 8 years ago
Cross-stitchers are so bad-a*s they do it on the hoods of police cars ;-)
Blue Hippo 8 years ago
I would like to sneak this in my momma's house...(they wouldn't even notice!)
#12
JillVille Child Care 8 years ago
The flowers are amazing on this one! More upvotes on the quality!
İdil 7 years ago
Oh thank you! We had tons of cross stitches in our home when I was growing up, my mum made them all when she was a teenager. I didn't know the name though. Thanks again. :)
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#13
Elaine Van Zon 8 years ago
we need this .I just read it to my husband and he said"oooh how much is that? We'll put it above his bowl " Maybe I should learn crossstitch
Erin Zelnio 8 years ago
It's insanely easy. Heck, I could do that without a pattern (implication being I bet you could, too).
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Meleia von Walsung 7 years ago
Yas, and don't let him pretend he will die without more treats!
Beth McFadden 7 years ago
We need that. One of our cats is constantly trying to scam a second dinner out of someone.
#14
Cip IESAN 8 years ago
Pffff! Whaaa! I'm comforted, now! It works also with cats? Rats? Mice? Lice?
Marilyn Slater 8 years ago
Certainly works with cats - the others only if they're pets!
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#15
Mallory Krieger 8 years ago
I love that the flowers are prickly thistle blossoms, a symbol of prickly feelings.
#16
Socially Awkward 8 years ago
The squirrels... it wouldn't be half as good without the squirrels!
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#18
June Pixeld 8 years ago
To be honest i think my gran would totally love to hang this in the guestroom .she loves to make people uncomfortable in her house
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İdil 8 years ago
It reminded me of Stephen King's Misery. He sure does love to write about crazy authors and their crazier fan bases.. wonder if this tells us something.. lol
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#22
Deborah Shea 8 years ago
I'm still laughing. I believe it is the truth of this statement that makes it so damn funny
Copper Vyxen 8 years ago
Are you nuts! They're vicious things! I've had many try to spit at me
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#24
J Perry 8 years ago
Don't think my husband would let me put this up in our home though. He's English, he doesn't like the "C-word". Prude.
Emma Sam 8 years ago
Nonsense, the English love the word c**t. So much so we don't even call it the c-word, we say c**t. :) Maybe your husband's secretly American? They're far more prudish about swears than the English/British are.
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#26
Erin Zelnio 8 years ago
The joke is that's what's called a "sampler." It's intended to show off stitching by displaying what the alphabet looks like in a particular stitch pattern.
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Desiré Yen 8 years ago
No definitely not all of u! U haven't met the right people. Like me u haven't met me 😁
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gay insomniac assassin panda 3 years ago
I thought you said "freak flag fly stitches" oooops. although I like mine better, no offense...
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adoracat 8 years ago
I'm a grandchild of dairy farmers. I agree with your sentiment. :D
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Word Weaver 8 years ago
"I got bronchitis! Ain't nobody got time for that!" I wonder how many people have seen that lol
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Paula Marshall 5 years ago
"I hate people, people hate me, I prefer my own best company! Single and secluded, on my own, I can have the best of times all alone, because I HATE PEOPLLLE"!
#47
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#49
June Pixeld 8 years ago
If someone ever makes a time machine, please stop that vid from ever being made.
#50
Beth Arriaga 8 years ago
Th Christmas trees and holiday colors... that added, extra touch. Perfection.
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#53
Kyla Jones 8 years ago
At 50, you should still be capable of reading cursive. the "s" in sucks is clearly not open on the right as it would be if it were a "c," the crossbar of the "t" in adulting touches, but does not cross, the "l," and the "f" in f*****g is not open at the top.
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#54
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#58
Bekah Jazmine 8 years ago
I made an account just so I could like your comment
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CultOfBambi 8 years ago
Not as funny as some of the others but the mix of colours and fonts is fantastic! 10/10 for style.
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Kevin Malstrom 8 years ago
They actually dont grow in poop, but where a lot of poop has been to make the ground really fertile, by the time the mushrooms grow the poop is long gone.
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#101
Abby Rexroth 8 years ago
Said every parent on a long drive to the monsters in the back seat! No, I"m not a parent...I was the monster in the back seat!
#102
Philippa Denney 8 years ago
It's tongue-in-cheek, so no. Not exactly 'seriously'. Why would you take it at face value?
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#105
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Add New Image
What do you think ?
Cătălina Ciobanu 8 years ago
Same here. Every time I see something cool like this I wanna start that hobby even though I know I will most likely f*** it up.
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Gigi Ahrens 8 years ago
I still like the one I made for my son when he first moved out and got all homesick. manthefuck...b9aa49.jpg 
Maja Szychowska 8 years ago
I made this one in illustrator, no cross stitching skills necessary. 20170307_1...d6cbeb.jpg 
Pat Cadigan 7 years ago
Does anyone know where I can get these patterns? I want to take up cross-stitching,.
Cătălina Ciobanu 8 years ago
Same here. Every time I see something cool like this I wanna start that hobby even though I know I will most likely f*** it up.
Load More Replies... Gigi Ahrens 8 years ago
I still like the one I made for my son when he first moved out and got all homesick. manthefuck...b9aa49.jpg
Maja Szychowska 8 years ago
I made this one in illustrator, no cross stitching skills necessary. 20170307_1...d6cbeb.jpg
Pat Cadigan 7 years ago
Does anyone know where I can get these patterns? I want to take up cross-stitching,.
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