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Someone Asks People Online To Share Parenting Tips That Might Sound Smart, But Are Actually Toxic Parenting Advice, And 20 People Provide
Article created by: Robertas Lisickis
Have you ever noticed how absolutely everybody and their mothers become experts on parenting as soon as you become a parent?
Everyone from your parents to in-laws to friends to random people on the internet will have your back with parenting tips, tricks, hacks, general advice, stuff they read or heard on Facebook or any other piece of trivia from the entertainment section of your local newspaper.
But be mindful. The stuff they tell you might sound like something a good parent would do, but it's only deceptively good advice. Luckily, folks on Reddit have been pointing out bad parenting practices that, on paper, might sound quite nice to some, but really aren't, and more people should be aware of that.
The now-viral thread has nearly 14,000 upvotes with just one Reddit award, but it's the award that matters. Bored Panda has gathered the best of the best responses and laid them down in the curated list below. So, scroll, vote, comment, all that jazz, and share your "good" parenting advice that's actually not-so-good advice in the comment section below!
More Info: Reddit
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#1
Don't Let Your Kids Fail
Don't let your kids fail.
The worst thing we can do as parents is never allow our kids to fail. We only fail them, as parents, by never allowing them to face disappointment and are robbing them from the ability to learn some basic life skills. Let your kids fail, fall on their face, pick themselves up and rub the dirt off.
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#2
Always Tell Your Kids To Finish Their Food
Always tell your kids to finish their food. This honestly just promotes obesity and an unhealthy lifestyle, although I get the idea of telling them to finish what's on their plates.
#3
Have A Second Kid, So They Can Babysit Each Other
[deleted] said:
Have a second child so they can babysit each other
[deleted] replied:
Lol my brother is 9 years older than me. He was always supposed to be my babysitter.
When I was 6 (so Kiki, my bro, was 15), my parents went away on a trip and left him in charge with a list of chores.
Well, I ended up doing most of those and making dinner for us. And when I was done, I walked two blocks to my friend Anne Marie's to go play. Kiki was asleep, so I didn't tell him I was gone (it was like noon).
Kiki received a very angry phone call from Anne Marie's mother, who yelled at him that he needed to be actually watching his 6 year old sister. She also called Mom, who called Kiki to yell at him again. Poor boy cried!
14 years later and when it's just the two of us taking care of a task ... I'm still in charge. He may be my older brother, but sis is the one who gets things done. I love him to death though!
#4
Don't Defend Bullied Kids Because "Kids Are Being Kids"
watermelonpizzafries said:
Kid is obviously being bullied on a playground. Adults brush it off as "kids being kids".
Pokabrows replied:
Or if a boy is bullying a girl and they say 'oh he just likes you'. Don't teach kids that people show affection by bullying. That's setting them up for bad relationships.
#5
"Do As I Say, Not As I Do"
morph023 said:
"Do as I say, not as I do"
biddlyboing replied:
Ah, sounds like what I got told.
"A child is to be seen, not heard"
And by seen, they meant sit there listening in patiently as they talk for hours on end about the local gossip. And get told off for being anti social if I get a phone out or book, or God forbid "hide from them" when I went to the toilet.
#6
Make Your Kids Show Affection To Relatives, Friends, Etc.
geauxjolie said:
Make your kids give hugs and kisses to show affection to relatives, friends, etc.
BurdenofReflecting replied:
I've always let my son decide who he wants to hug/kiss. He can say no. It teaches him he's allowed to have boundaries.
Pitboyx replied:
Autonomy in general is very important in addition to supporting the decision as long as it's reasonable.
#7
Let Toddlers Play With The Phone To Calm Them Down
waldo06 said:
Let your toddler play with your phone to calm them down.
sfasancy replied:
My 2 yr old niece was playing with my brothers phone and ended up on Instagram liking dudes pics.
#8
Keep Your Kids Extra Clean And Away From Allergens
[deleted] said:
Keep your kids super clean and away from potential allergens.
StuntGunman replied:
If your children don't come in contact with germs they won't have any immunities to them! So many kids my daughter plays with are obsessed with hand sanitizer and so have to keep explaining to her that it's bad for her to use.
[deleted] replied:
We never use hand sanitizer at home so whenever we go to the hospital or doctors office my oldest hits up every single dispenser. Every. Single. One. Even if they are only 10 feet apart and we pass 20 of them on the way to wherever we are going.
It's the only time I don't mind him overdosing on sanitizer.
#9
All Of The Authoritarian Parenting Advice Out There
wepwepwepwe said:
All of the authoritarian parenting advice out there. Be strict, use time-outs or spanking or whatever at the slightest provocation, don't let your kids have any freedom or privacy, "my house my rules" and so on.
Mulanisabamf replied:
I heard "my house my rules" until I left the parental house at 20.
I still have trouble communicating and setting boundaries, especially with people I think are authority-like.
[deleted] replied:
I know exactly what you mean. My parents demanded instant, unquestioning obedience as long as I lived under their roof. Failing that, I was yelled at to go to my room, "stop talking foolish talk", or stand in the corner (this until I was 17 or 18) Today I can't approach my boss without thinking I'm saying something stupid, doing my job badly or worse, "being disrespectful".
I realize this is probably mild in comparison to some people's experience, but I just needed to get this off my chest.
#10
It's Ok To Lie To Your Kids
[deleted] said:
My mom always says this one: "When you have kids, lie to them. Lie through your teeth".
No Mom, no.
koolbloo replied:
When I was in elementary school I asked mom one day why she sometimes used pads and tampons. Without a second thought she told me that she used them because "she couldn't hold her pee sometimes."
Let me remind you that this happened wayyyy after my potty training.
She realized that she really shouldn't have lied to me when she found out that I was using her pads in order not to pee on myself (I think I thought "if mommy couldn't hold it as a grown up how the hell am I supposed to hold it as a child?"). Also because she purchased perfumed pads, I put some of them in my drawers because come on, they smelled nice. So before mom ran out of her pad stock, she decided to talk to me about why she really used them.
#11
If You Ignore Them They Will Leave You Alone
If you ignore them they will leave you alone. Whoever made up this advice originally is stupid. This hardly works on adults let alone children who still don't understand the 'too far' line when joking/teasing.
#12
Lie To Your Kids To Explain Difficult Things
Lying to your kids to explain difficult things.
I get that in some situations, like if someone [chooses to end their lives], telling an alternative story may be a good idea. But for 99% of situations or questions a kid asks, a parent should respond factually.
Edit: By alternative story I don't mean lying. I'm talking about simplifying words and concepts to explain the idea, not outright fabricating or denying events.
#13
Your Child Can Never Do Wrong
EnchantedOcelot said:
Your child can never do wrong. Something else must be the problem.
MegasusPegasus replied:
This is very true, but so is it's inversion.
Some parents never trust their kid telling them something is wrong. From something as minor as an unfair teacher to as severe as being uncomfortable with someone who turns out to be a molester, a lot of parents just don't trust their kids at all.
Cosmic_Cowboy2 replied:
I feel like this was me, and I honestly have no idea how much of it was just default mistrust and how much of it I actually earned.
Either way, when I was 16 I was fired from my awesome summer job over a complete misunderstanding (manager offered me my job back later, bunch of people quit over it anyway). I cried after it happened, and luckily a bunch of my coworkers sat me down to talk it out. My dad, on the other hand, didn't so much as let me speak up in my own defense when he came to pick me up. He just assumed I was a horrible employee, and we drove home in one of the most tensely silent car rides of my life.
I have some self-esteem problems, as you might guess.
#14
If The Baby Is Sleeping, Cue Absolute Silence
"Keep the household quiet when baby is sleeping."
We are a busy household 4 dogs 2 cats a 2 year old and a 2 month old. If I want to blend a smoothie, listen to music or vacuum the house I do it. We do not tiptoe, my kids sleep through noise.
#15
"I Got Coddled My Whole Life"
This post made me realise my parents didn't raise me so well.
They're pretty old, so they had old fashioned parenting methods. I got spanked until I was 7 or 8 until they decided kids were not for spanking anymore, which isn't that bad. But I also got coddled my whole life. Everything was made easy for me, and I was always told I was the smartest and prettiest and most capable. Left me with high self esteem and virtually no majorly bad experiences aside from an abusive sister, but now at 17 I'm still not allowed to do ANYTHING for myself. I'm not trusted with any tasks at all, nor am I given any freedom. Worst of all, I'm given no chances to fail because I have no choices. My mom makes all my choices forcibly so that I never suffer any consequences ever.
As for the high self esteem, I had to do a lot of therapy to recover from (among other things) the crippling realization that I am not, in fact, the smartest and prettiest. Hit me like a train, basically lost all sense of self worth for a while
#16
If You Have More Than One Kid, Buy All Of Them Presents, Even If Just One Deserves It
My sister has the habit of buying both of my nephews presents, but she does it in a way that she thinks is fair. I mean, say it's my oldest nephews birthday. Well she buys them both toys so that they don't feel left out. Same for the younger one. If say, one of them gets good grades or has done something good, they both get presents.
I mean, that's awesome, but I feel that that might be a bad parenting habit since she's spoiling them both at the same time. And most of the time, the oldest fights over the younger one's toys because he choose something that interested him later on. So I don't think it's working.
#17
You Have The Right To Invade Your Child's Privacy Because It's For Their Own Good
You have the right to invade your child's privacy because it's for their own good.
There are specific situations where I think doing this can be condoned. But I'm talking about those parents who go through the kid's diary, social platforms, closets, everything - just because their kid is acting secretive or because the parents "have a hunch." Children of parents like that will grow up to be mistrusting of others, among other issues. I would know, thanks mom.
Your kid probably won't act so sketchy around you if you taught them early about good communication and trust. Snooping around their stuff and not giving them their own space isnot good for either of you. Trust is not a one-way deal.
#18
Teach A Kid That The Sun Goes Down Because It's Mad At Them
extracrispyoriginal said:
Teach your child that the sun goes down every day because it's mad at them.
PM-YOUR-CUTE-SMILE replied:
Holy [smokes] imagine them freaking out during a solar eclipse.
"TIMMY WHAT DID YOU DO?!"
superjerkingoff187 replied:
Ah, this reminds me of the time where my dog [peed] on my grill and we were cooking burgers and there was flames, we in humor mode made him think that his [pee] set it on fire. He doesn't [pee] on things anymore.
#19
Give Treats To Kids Every Time They Finish A Chore
haroldburgess said:
Give them treats and rewards EVERY time they do a chore or something around the house.
Philip_De_Bowl replied:
"Your reward is getting to live here, the clothes on your back, and the toys you play with!" ~ My Dad
iSmellMusic replied:
That's what my dad says too, but in his defense I'm now 20 and I want to move out.
Sweetune replied:
My dad told me that anyone living in his house will have to do chores.
dabisnit replied:
After the age of 18, you're no longer a resident but a guest. That's what my dad explained to me.
#20
Surround The Baby With Pillows For Comfort And Safety
Pocario said: Surround your baby with lots of pillows so that he's comfortable and won't roll over. themadhattergirl replied: Also, put lots of stuffed animals in the crib with your baby! Seriously, don't do this. Chavezz13 replied: How come? epipremnumaureum replied: Basically a risk of suffocating. You need to make sure a baby is warm and comfortable but consider that a baby can't move stuff that gets in the way.
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